#abuse ts

My mother full on attacked me this morning, she is pretty much holding my father and I hostage emotionally as she is mentally unwell with Parkisons and what I suspect to be BPD - not depression. My mother has masked her illnesses for years but since 2020, she has physically attacked me, verbally abused me, tried to smear campaign me, accused me of theft, elder abuse, and defamation of character. Typing this all out is making me sick because I never once spoke of my plights and I hope in all my heart none of you go through what I have. My brother cut contact with my mother in June and it has sent her into a downward spiral. I'm assuming this is a scam as she is trying to say the kindle I pay for is taking money from her account and took 300 dollars, I showed her the order list and she proceeded to call me a liar, disown me, withdraw helping me in further my education, and wants me to leave with my father as she has always revered me, her only daughter, as other to her. I have taken care of my mother for over 10+ years, I have never had helped from my sibling, I have made her appointments, cared for her post surgery, and assured she was always safe. On fourth of July, my mother in her fit of rage didn't notice the top stair and nearly fell off the stairs, I caught her while snapping off several of my acrylics. I nearly went over the rail guard trying to protect her. The fight has been caused because I went to a concert on Saturday and now, she has a problem with me going out alone and not including her, but I do and she will say I don't making me out to be the villain. To not sound dramatic; my soul is broken and my heart is destroyed. This is the most honest and raw I have ever been in my life. I am scared of her hatred for me but I want to live and sit in the sunlight, laugh, and smile again without thinking I will be punished. I want to have a relationship with my father without her being jealous and assuming I have stolen what is hers. I don't know what tomorrow will be or how I move on from today, but I can't stay in my home, and I cannot take care of someone that wants my soul dead as hers. I know I can be a bitch, but I have burned myself multiple times to assure her warmth, I have always given 100x of myself and I cannot sit with someone who says I love you and then, go fucking die, the next moment. All I can say from the bottom of my heart is I'm sorry if I ever hurt anyone in the rpc and I'm so sorry to place this all upon you guys. This is place meant for fun and laughter but I have nowhere else to turn to and vanishing seems wrong. I feel as if a dark secret is coming out and in a metaphorical sense; I feel very dirty. I cannot say more than urge anyone who is contemplating leaving a situation like mine or cutting off a parent to know; I'm with you, I love you, you deserve all that is good too. It is so hard for me to say I want my mom when I come to realize; I have no mom. There is a part of me that says, my mom loves me, but there is a part of me that says, your mom will be your grave. I choose life. and maybe my mother will scream she hates me, wants me dead, and maybe in my heart I'll never ever understand not even with the universe showing me all it's secrets but I want to live like everyone else.

(2/2) in terms of whether or not you think what I pointed out holds ground as signs of abuse. I know it’s a bit of a sensitive topic but it’s something that struck me very strongly. Also, slightly less curious as to whether or not you saw my post because for some reason when I search the Ailuronymy book club tag, my own post doesn’t show up for me.

Hello there! Thank you for writing in. First off, there’s something important I need to clarify: I’m a teacher, but from my experience and that of my friends and colleagues, the kind of training you’re talking about is not really a thing for most teachers. There’s very little official training in regard to how to recognise signs and support students who are experiencing abuse or other kinds of harm, and that’s because of a combination of factors, but primarily because as a teacher you aren’t qualified to engage with that and it’s not your job to be a social worker/crisis personnel. 

A lot of the training and procedure in place actually requires you to alert your superiors or on-site support staff when concerning situations occur, and--aside from being a compassionate first-contact response for the student in their moment of crisis--you should try as much as possible keep yourself distanced from it and maintain boundaries for the sake of your own mental health and well-being. You can’t be a therapist and you can’t provide the care a person in crisis needs, because you’re a teacher and teachers just don’t get the training needed for that--at least, not usually. 

Personally, I think it would be great if there was actually more support for teachers in regard to their mental health, because--again, speaking anecdotally from my experiences and that of people I know--even though it’s not your job to deal with it, and it’s not something you’re usually prepared for or have warning about, it’s something that does happen and at some point in your career (often many times) a student will be in front of you saying, “I’ve got an abusive home life, can I please have an assignment extension,” or similar and you have got to go with it as best as you can. Because of that, I’ve put my personal time outside of work into developing skills in managing unexpected situations, because that’s what’s best for me and for the students. 

But basically all this is to say: I’m not an expert on recognising signs of abuse. I’m not confident giving my thoughts on that in any kind of authoritative or professional way, because I’m not a professional. I can only talk about it as a fairly educated reader and speak from my own observations and experience. 

I find a lot of Sandgorse’s behaviour concerning and personally I hate him. I find so much of how he interacts with his son to be emotionally abusive and I have very little forgiveness for it; as a character, he’s a one-note bully, much like Shrewpaw. Kit and I discussed our different interpretations of his character in our first overview post, and for me, Sandgorse is an actively oppressive and abusive parent, whereas Palebird is a neglectful one.