thinking about how dean is plagued and taunted and diminished by the fact that, in hell, he broke in 30 years, while j*hn never broke. and about how it was j*hn's fault that dean broke. he broke because his whole life j*hn had been putting him down, lowering his self worth to below zero levels, making him think the only value he had was in the kill, in the hunt, in honing his lethal skills and causing maximum damage, in not being soft. so, even in hell, where j*hn did not break - j*hn who thought his father left him but never knew him long enough to have his entire concept of self be destroyed by him - in this hell where j*hn did not break, dean is once again convinced by his superior, by the one holding his mind captive, that his only worth is as a tool, that the only path is to become an object of death and pain. so dean who has been taught this about himself his whole life, falls to the same psychological destruction once more, and is broken by the traps j*hn set all over his mind while he was raising him, while he was shaping him to be an unbreakable ruthless soldier, and all the while he was breaking dean into a million pieces to do so.
