#aava

My first playthrough of the game, I chose the summit. I chose it because it's what Aava would have chosen, and because I wanted to see the game through to the end (I made another post about this, I am truly obsessed with this design decision from the devs. Not to sound like someone who studied games and game design in college, but look up ludonarrative harmony, this game is FULL of it and I've been in awe of it since my first playthrough.)

Aava might not have let herself contemplate any other possibility other than achieving her goal, but she also, undeniably, came to Kami to die. It's obvious in the way she slowly sheds her earthly ties. Obvious in the way she talks about other fallen climbers. Obvious in the way she talks about death and dying on the mountain. When I reached the end, I cried all through the credits, because it was a tragedy and I was complicit. Even though I held out hope until the very last moment, in my heart I knew Aava would never go back down the mountain. Aava was always going to be the person who chose the summit at the cost of her own life, it's the definition of a tragic flaw. (Even as the game put me in the position to embody her tragic flaw, and I apologized to her over and over again and came to terms with the fact that, mechanically, there was no going back and I had killed her.)

I also cried because it was a victory. Aava got the ending she wanted. She touched eternity. No one would ever know, but that didn't matter to her. It NEVER mattered to her. It was bittersweet. It was beautiful. That ending also contained my single favorite moment from the entire game. When she parted with Marco, and he said to her, "You know how they say 'never meet your heroes'? It's nonsense, you're extraordinary!"

After I recovered from that, I decided to start another playthrough with the intention of choosing the other ending. And that was fascinating too. What does it mean to start something knowing that you plan to bail before the climax? How does this mirror all the lessons Aava tried to give to Marco, where success is only possible if you don't let yourself contemplate any other option? The first time through, I went in expecting to beat the game. The second time, I went in expecting to fail. Again, very interesting to meditate on as I played, and in line with the themes of the game in a different way.

I tried to let myself see the parts of the story that would lead to Aava making that choice. To think about the kind of strength it would require to accept that kind of failure, to return to life on the ground, to repair the relationship with her wife, to find a way to be something other than who she is.

Still, at the moment of choice, I was tempted to choose the summit. It just felt right. But I went into this playthrough with a goal, and I was going to see it through. I was going to see what it meant to give Aava a 'happy' ending. And then… the cutscene with Marco was so short. The end title came on screen so abruptly. It was, fittingly, a huge letdown. I watched the credits, and the slideshow of the two of them returning down the mountain together. And it was cute! I genuinely enjoy the relationship the two of them built together. It was fun to see Aava join him in the van, and I might have even been satisfied (in an open-ended sort of way) if we had ended on the final image of her standing outside of her home.

And then. That final. damn. cutscene.

She's home. Naomi is calling to her. Her friends are coming. Marco is part of her life now. Aava is home, she is loved, she is celebrated. Everything should be happy.

But.

Aava is dissociating. Her climbing gear is in the bedroom with her, in arms reach of the bed itself. The mountain hasn't left her.

How much time has passed? A day? A week? A year? Are they celebrating her return? Her birthday? Based on Naomi's tone and her familiarity with Marco, I'd bet that it's been more than a day or a week. One year later feels right from what details we see (and it has a certain narrative symmetry to it). And if it has been a year, how much longer will it take for the mountain to lose its grip? For Aava to find peace?

It this the happiness she would have chosen for herself?

Aava may have died in the summit ending, may have regretted, in the end, everything she had to give up to reach that goal, but it was an ending, the ONLY ending, she wanted for herself. Haven't I still robbed her of something, by making this choice for her? The one she wouldn't have made for herself?

Doesn't something about this 'happy ending' ring hollow? Doesn't something about the flat, disinterested way she walks into the light to participate in her own life suggest that she'll return to the mountain in the end?

i loved cairn for its poetry and aesthetics, and it was impossible for me to ignore how gorgeous the landscapes were during my climb (as bumpy as it was gkehkge but i DID IT)

Now you can change Aava’s outfit, add fun logos, and more!

At least in photomode, you can finally have climbing shoes ;)

What game has the best art style?

Feed your dashboard by answering my question, blogger.

I’ve still got a massive case of Cairn!brain everyone please look at it: