#:bless queue

COVAIRECITYRP TASK 002: ❝  PLUTCHIK MOODBOARD ❞

@xavier-danvers liked your photo

"That’s a face I haven’t seen in a while... guess business have been... or did Melanie cuffed you to the bed...?”

: : : September 11th 2018 : : :

Ben sat by a bed that had lost its comforting scent. He couldn’t decide if he was being pathetic, desperate, hopeless or romantic... probably all of them combined. The last time they had been together was in this house on October 3rd 2017... almost a year ago. The pain to be apart from the wolf had been subdued over time, but it was still there. A year apart...

It felt like he’d never moved. He could change city, change pack or change house, but everything was still there, weighting on his shoulders. It’d taken him this long to realize that he didn’t really know how to move on. He was just that damn good at looking away. He was scared to be happy again, what if he lost Rhett... scared that if he let go of his rage for Lazarus, he’d let his guard down... scared that if he forgave all those who had betrayed him, he’d become weak... scared that if let himself be vulnerable in front of everyone, he'd get his heart constantly broken... scared that if he accepted that those who left him could still care for him, that maybe, he’d start to believe that he wasn't so bad after all and was worth the love people gave him.

How many slaves had lived and died at his side? He’d stop counting after a hundred. He’d sworn to himself that he’d let another of his boy remain in the city if they weren’t with him after the debacle with Lexington. Who could he really explain that pain to? He’d almost welcomed his death because at least, he was familiar with that kind of pain. But then, the city had fucked him over and there was Bryce, walking away from him. And now, he saw things from a different light... he’d just been another Master on the boy’s list. His worst fear when it came to his wolves had become a reality... he was just like the others... nothing special... nothing worth fighting for... nothing worth remembering...

“Get a grip Freeman...” he muttered to himself... this was all too familiar and for a second, he swore he’d heard:

“This is eatin’ you alive, Benedict,” said softly, as his face was drawn back with just a touch so that he’d look into those soft two-toned eyes.

Things didn’t get dealt with, they just kept being added to the rest. He was suffocation in his own memories while seeing everyone around him actually doing what he’d been pretending to do for over 400 years... moving on...

And then, their faces stayed in his head... Those three wolves he’d love deeply and with all his heart. Men that had been much better than he would ever be. He would never be a tenth of the men they were.

Aristaios parting ways with him and leaving him with hopeful words that had ripped his heart apart. That calmness that he could never find in himself and that light that even without memories still blinded him.

Jonathan’s teary smile when he’d thanked him for freeing him. He didn’t he would ever be able to be so opened about his feeling and so grateful to someone who loved him enough to let him go.

And Rhett... that last time together... making love, but still unable to say the words because he was a coward. All he could hold on to was those gentle and accepting two-toned eyes and how he had known what it finally felt like to feel safe once in his life.

And then... there was Kadyn... Attila... Leopold... Xavier... people he could still protect, but wasn’t sure how anymore. Could he take his boy with him and leave everything behind? No obligations and just them... leaving all the pain behind...

“I don’t know what to do...”

@southernbellefelicity liked your photo

@mirxyamxndxz liked your photo

"Ladies?!”

@quint-deross liked your photo

Ben wasn’t the type to fuck with hurt people. So even if some time had passed since Quint had been attacked, he kept his hands to himself (most of the time). Though that didn’t mean he wouldn’t sleep in the same bed as him. He wasn’t really sleeping... he rarely did... and he felt the boy’s gaze on him. “Admiring?” he husked without opening his eyes.

@brokenxwolf