Each day at work feels like an inch of my happiness is being shredded apart. I'm tired of this job. As stupid as it sounds. Never had I ever took energy from work and mixed it with my home life. Who am I kidding. Although I'm frustrated with my job... I can save that for another day. Right now... I just can't help it. I hate when I start feeling jealous. Jealousy is like poison. Slowly seeping through every vein of my body. I hate it. And you know what? There's two deals to this... Either my love is clueless and doesn't realize that I'm jealous. Or he's taking it for granted and ignoring it. Why can't I just shake this feeling off. Why can't I just stop holding on to these feelings. I trust my other half, but I still feel jealous. It's just when someone gets chummy with him and that chumminess is reciprocated... What if I started getting chummy with someone else in front of him, started calling someone by a nickname that I made for them. And I WORK with them. And they tell my love, that they will give me their number so they can reach me. Maybe these feelings of jealousy are amplified because of my frustration. God... How fucking frustrated I am. I should have been so far ahead in life. But each choice I'm making is preventing me from proceeding with my goals........ I don't even KNOW what my goals are anymore. Every choice.... GOD.Every turn I make, I put myself in these situations that eat away at my soul. And I honestly feel like I have no one to turn to. It's not like I don't want to turn to my boyfriend, but he seems so care-free... nd happy... and it kind of feels like he dismisses my negativity. I don't blame him though. He's in goodstanding with his life.... He doesn't need my bad energy. It's not that I have bad energy... I'm just.... drained... And I'm afraid no one sees that. Or no one cares enough because I'm still functioning at a sufficient level. Oh well...... I'll just wait till this feeling burns away.
