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I've been AWOL for a little while. My sweet little boy is now 10 months old and wild as ever. His father and I are still apart and its been much more difficult than I would have ever anticipated. I'm seeing someone new and while its nice, it's so hard to be with someone other than CK. Lincoln is walking, talking (Dada, Momma, Baba which is bottle and Duck which is every animal thanks to my dad), dancing, clapping, waving, climbing on things and basically just causing havoc wherever he goes. He may look like his dad, but he's definitely a little wild child like momma.

8-9-17 (Wednesday)

All I want right now is one goddamn day with zero fucking drama! Why is that so much to fucking ask????? I'm so tired of all the whining and complaining, the whispers and rumors, the back scratching and dick sucking, the fucking childish drama that surrounds that fucking black hole!!!!! ONE. FUCKING. DAY. JUST. ONE!!!!

Oh dan, Why? Just why. I speak these words calmly in my mind after reading your text in the morning and your email at night. To you I ignored both and didn't respond. But in my mind I responded a million times. So many scenarios filled my mind. But the logic. I deserve better treatment, In that even as a friend, you weren't there at the times I wish you were, and you would apologize and would be there later but, you took me for granted. And I always leave my lines open and to you also, but even in your message you stated it wasn't an emergency, you just miss me as a person. And I miss you too. And reading your email made me laugh so much. But I can't give in. I can't do that to you or myself. This years for me. And blocked you'll stay until after thanksgiving like I said. The tables have turned but, oh dan, Oh man, why now? Did fulana AB or C not respond fast enough? Are you so lonely and bored you c ame back to convenient old me? Yeah, no thanks. I want someone who doesn't want to live without me, that they can, but choose not to. I want to be chosen to enhance ones life. Not to be settled for. I refuse .