#6102016

Ok, so I’m finally getting around to my thoughts on this card and how it came up for me in a big way…

Basically, what happened was the day before and the day of my spectacular crash, this card came up. I’d sorta glossed over it, all like “oh, that’s a cute take on Judgement. I do like that more than the creepy angel version…” It didn’t really occur to me that, you know, Life Renewed could actually be forewarning a near-death experience!

And all that aside, Judgement is actually a very important card for me to begin with. See, most people know of 2 of their Birth Card set - the Personality and Soul Cards. There is a third, your Shadow Card, but it’s not such an easy one to swallow, like most Shadow Work. For me, my Personality Card is Justice, my Soul Card is The High Priestess and the Shadow Card is Judgement. The Personality Card is the card that this lifetime shapes you into being, the Soul Card is what your Soul is like deep down under the social programming, and then the Shadow Card is the repressed aspects of yourself, the lessons that you need to learn in your life. These lessons tend to come about in your Saturn Return years - when Saturn finally swings back around into the zodiac sign it was in when you were born, which takes about 28-30 years usually.

Yep, guess who’s in their Saturn Return right now? That’s right, it’s Libra. Saturn moved back into Saggitarius, and will be there until 2017, just like it was when I was born. So, it figures that my big Judgement lesson swung around here at this time! Except, I’d always taken Judgement to mean that I needed to cut down on being such a judgemental asshole. It never really occured to me that my big Judgement lesson would be the rebirth and renew side of the card!

For me, this “Life Renewed” thing isn’t some big spiritual switch or anything like that. To explain it, I need to go back to my mindset from a few years back. See, it always seemed to me that I wasn’t really meant to be in this world for very long. For most of my life, this wasn’t a depressing thought, it was just a fact of who I was. Then I got to the age where people wanted to know what I wanted to be when I grew up, and it was kinda like … seeing me as a grown-up was just a fog. I could answer the question, but I couldn’t see it. Once I got to the age of being in relationships, I kinda just let whoever I was with have their dreams and fit me into them, I didn’t have any drive of my own. Why bother? I wouldn’t be around to allow my dreams come to fruition. Someone important to me once introduced me to the concept of the “27 Club” - an unusual number of celebraties who died at the age of 27. I’m not cocky enough to think I fit into the ranks of them, but something really felt right about death at that age. I still do think that there is a universal synchronicity happening there that has been noticed through celebrity death, and that many unnamed others have fallen into that field.

One thing about me, is I’m a phenomenal manifestor. If I want something, I make it happen. Things constantly seem to be falling into place for me. But, that also means, if I spend my life with this idea that I’m going to die before my 28th birthday … well, less than a week before my 28th, my car goes under a semi, gets tossed into the barriers on the side of the freeway and ping-pongs off of them a couple of times.

It’s absolutely fucking insane that I walked out of that accident. The car was crumpled into a crescent moon. The woman who helped me climb over the remains of the door that flew off had been expecting to pull out a body. Life fucking Renewed. People I tell about the accident take it as such a minor thing until they see the photos. I’m laughing it off because after an experience like that, everything is a joke, in the cosmic giggles sort of way, not in the defeatist manner. It’s like … I survived the curse I set on myself. Shittonnes of inner hurts and garbage I’ve been carrying for years are healing themselves through my dreams. I’m actually able to look at my future and see something there.