#5lazarus

Hi @5lazarus! I present to you a FenHawke prompt. I wrote it so Hawke could be whichever Hawke you choose. Hope you enjoy!! <3 

This…wasn’t the way home? Fenris peered down the shadowy alley, trepidation setting in. He’d followed the directions Hawke had given him—they were right there, in the Notes of his phone. Left out the door, pass three intersections, a left, and then a right. He used those directions every day, and had memorized them. Fenris knew what was he was doing, why did the street look so different tonight? He stuffed the panic down.

“Alright,” he said, looking down the street, “let’s be rational. Retrace your steps.” He turned around and headed back the way he came. “If I turned right, then I should turn left, and then—” He stopped on some street, eyes wide. Despite his best efforts, everything got jumbled; even after looking at the directions in his Notes app, he was confused. Venhedis, he did this every day, why was this so hard?

‘You’re going mad,’ the voice in his head hissed, ‘the lyrium’s leaching; won’t be long until you forget everything, and Hawke will leave you—’ the brands flickered through his leather jacket, blue light weak against the brickwork.

“Stop,” he said, breath shallowing. “S-Stop it, I’m not listening.” 

I didn’t realize how long this post was going to be until I was about halfway through. And it still is not even close to exhaustive. 

Soo, while 2020 has been such a tumultuous year one great thing about this time in my life is that I’ve had more time than ever to read. I am always so blown away by how much talent there is in fanfiction, so big, big thank you to all the writers that share their work and for whisking me away from real life into something far more pleasurable. It definitely makes my whole day when a fic I love has been updated, and I enjoy catching glimpses of rough drafts and the writing process via tumblr (I’m still trying to understand how their galaxy brains even work lolol). 

It’s long, but I am not putting it under a cut! They’re too good!

Long Fics (>= 50k words)

Roses From Where Thorns Grow by @bdafic​ [incomplete]- I started this a while ago, must have lost track of it, and then found it again this summer. Feels weird to type because this is not really me irl lol but accidental pregnancy fics are one of my favorites kinds of fics. Papa Solas is amazing. Somewhere, I once tagged something with ‘solas dad best dad’ and I think that probably sums up my feelings on the matter. The last chapter I read has left me anxious for more, so I’m eagerly awaiting what will likely be the first chapter posted in 2021. 

Ruins by @luzial [incomplete] - A real story of a couple who broke up, fought each other for twenty years, got sent back in time, and are now trying to make things work again ;) Lavellan here is older and wiser in all the ways that matter, and Solas is... well Solas in many ways is everything we wish he would (and could) be now. Had the most wonderful realization that I somehow missed the last chapter that apparently came out on my birthday, so I know what I’ll be doing later.

Fen’Harel’s Teeth by @5lazarus​  [incomplete] - the conversations in this fic are one of my favorite parts. They’re in character, but they’re also just interesting to read. The words just fly across the page -- it’s smooth, seamless, pithy. I love politics and I love a main character who has her wits about her -- both are in this fic. Also features fatherly!Solas, which I just adore.

By the Still Waters by [orphan account]. This is older, but I knew it was popular so I gave it a shot and... yes, I understand now. I loved reading something from Fenris’ perspective. I loved how he’s a foil for Solas. I love seeing Lavellan as this near mythical person because we see everything through Fenris’ eyes. I love Hawke and Fenris together. Merrill also featured more heavily than I anticipated and she had some of the best lines I’ve ever read.

Pressure Point by 17734 [incomplete] - this fic leaves me constantly unsettled (in the best, most addictive, under-your-skin kind of way). I’ve read the first 18 or so chapters twice, and it’s one of those stories that’s slightly different the second time you read it. I really like the author’s take on immortal beings, some of it is very reminiscent of some of the Greek mythology I read in school - characters are at turns both magnificent and terrifying. The language is also very beautiful, and I’m a sucker for anything close to prosaic. 

Out of Time by destinies - so, I don’t know how I found this beyond just “Twitter.” This isn’t Dragon Age related -- it’s from The Greisha Trilogy, which I had never heard of before -- something just told me I would really like this story. Forced/political marriages’, memory loss, enemies to lovers, the dichotomy between light and dark embodied by a single couple... yes, thank you. I had to kind of piece the world together as I read, which was admittedly a lot of fun, and um... wow, I really loved this! Another one of my ‘binged in a single night’ fics.  

Message Sent by @aicosu [incomplete]- this is coincidentally how I got my former partner into Dragon Age lol. I had originally read it the first time as it was coming out. The second time I read it aloud to them over the course of a few days, feeling very much like Cassandra trying to do certain character’s voices. It reminded me of how much I loved it, and so I feel like it deserves a mention here. Definitely an unorthodox but memorable way of cursing someone with being emotionally invested in the Solavellan romance 

Short Fics (< 50k words)

nothing on my tongue by @ellstersmash - the chapters here are short, and I loved seeing the fic updated put of order. This was my first time experiencing that, and I loved guessing where we were in the in-game timeline, and also, as more chapters were posted, which chapter numbers were still missing and therefore what the missing chapters might be about. I associate this fic with feeling kind of melancholy a lot. I think the word constraints really lent itself well to the Solavallen romance -- beautiful and poignant, but always leaving me wanting more.

In and Out of Time Again by @luzial - hoo boy did I have a fun time reading this one. I actually rarely go for AU’s this “AU”, but I trusted this author, and it paid off. In fact, I think I subconsciously had more doubts than I thought because what started a curious perusal ended in one of those “up until 3 am reading” kind of nights. It was such a fast-paced, interesting read, I couldn’t wait to see what happened next. Ink is one of my favorite Lavellans; she’s just too cool.

The Fourth Day by sass_bot (@knightava) [incomplete] - this was just such a perfect example of how to build tension and dread for the reader, that I still think about it frequently. Also, who wouldn’t love a Skyhold murder mystery?

Beyond the Veil by Pyreite [incomplete] - A 200 years post-Veil fic. Abelas is in it, which is how I knew it was gonna be good hehe. I really like the world-building, and I like explorations of the romance with a more hardened Lavellan. 

I Come to You With Nothing by CommonEvilMasterMind. I’ll preface this by writing that this made me cry with a mixture of sorrow and happiness. The premise is an undercover mission in an alienage which involves Solas and Ellana masquerading as a married couple. It’s beautifully written, and just honestly kind of bittersweet. The writing is itself very touching but I also think it’s almost difficult to read because the Solavellan romance has an arc that looks like it’s just exponentially deviating from anything remotely happy lolol 

That Girl Is Like A Sunburn by @yourstrulycommandershepard - I just discovered this person’s writing this year and I’m kind of obsessed? I went on a whole binge this past summer and *fans self*. I picked this one for my list because I haven’t read that many Solas/Trevelyan fics, and hers are by far some of my favorites. I also love that the titles of some of her fics are Taylor Swift lyrics. I get Solavellan vibes from so many of Taylor’s songs - glad it’s not just me!

Aravel by @playwithdinos - More Papa Solas. I can’t say anything more than it hit me right in the vhenan. 

Hey there 5lazarus! Thanks so much for sending in this ask ❤️  Man, I’ve had several people say this to me today -- that they came into Dragon Age fandom expecting more Anders content and wondering where it is, or why so many Anders post links were broken or blogs deleted or abandoned. 

It’s so weird to think that when I was lurking in Dragon Age 2 fandom in 2011 and 2012 (I joined Tumblr DA fandom in early 2014, before Dragon Age: Inquisition came out), I think Hawke/Anders was pretty much the biggest ship. (If it wasn’t, then it was definitely *one* of the biggest ships.) Nowadays hardly anyone writes for it. Perhaps, in time, new creators coming in all the time will ensure the Anders side of fandom grows again, and encourages new and more varied content. We’ll see! ❤️ 

I’m really sorry you got a trio of nasty anons threatening you, that’s really horrible ❤️ I don’t know what to advise as I’ve had anon asks turned off since 2016, but please don’t let them get to you. Arseholes exist everywhere, and it’s important not to let them win, and don’t let them demoralise you. Thanks for your kind words -- I don’t know that what I’m doing makes fandom a more transparent and healthier/safer space (I just lost my temper and got ranty LMAO), but if it DOES help people feel safer and better-armed with knowledge that might help them, I’m glad to have helped ❤️

Also, nothing wrong with shipping Fenris/Anders -- ship what makes you happy! I don’t ship it myself (it’s not a NOTP, just a “I don’t ship it”) but I WILL say that the Fenders side of fandom are one of the nicest, most supportive sides of DA2 fandom I’ve ever experienced. Many of my closest friends in this fandom are Fenders shippers. Despite how tough DA fandom can be, I promise you there ARE nice, decent, supportive people in this fandom, and I hope it doesn’t put you off writing and creating for your ship. ❤️

I’m going to answer these for my very wacky SerSolAdaar baby being raised by the entire Inquisition (it’s complicated, and I will never publish any of it to AO3 in any logical format, but you can read something I threw away on a Thursday once for this completely cracked out world state in which my Sera-mancing Adaar ends up accidentally conceiving a baby in the Fade with Solas). This scenario was actually my first foray into writing fan fiction (or at least knowingly doing so), which was always meant to just be a thing I did by myself and never told anyone about, but like, then stuff happened and now I actually share my writing with people...weird.

11. Who has a harder time getting the baby to eat their food?

Solas is the worst at it. He doesn’t understand why the baby won’t just eat. He wonders if maybe the child has lost their will to live, being born separate from the Fade where it was conceived. And he worries it might be his fault, but he would never say so. Sera mostly just gives it cookies, so of course the baby noms those down. And Adaar has no problem giving the boob whenever her baby is hungry. During War Table meetings, while addressing the troops, during diplomatic visits...Josephine, Cullen, and Leliana all dare anyone to raise an eyebrow or say anything about it.

12. Who ends up having to hold whatever half-eaten snack the baby didn’t want anymore?

Dorian. If he’s around. He falls for it every time. Baby hands him something, and he just takes it. “Ew! What even is this?! And why is it so sticky?!” Cole will sometimes nibble a little bite off and tell him.

13. Who checks under the bed for monsters?

Thanks for the ask!  ❤

the “you got kudos“ e-mail is usually much appreciated, but is there a fic you wish you didn’t get these e-mails for? if so, which one and why?

There’s one really old fic I have on AO3. It was one of the first things I ever wrote and I didn’t actually post it until I started putting up some of my later work. I cleaned it up a bunch but, even so, it still doesn’t feel quite up to my standards now. Like, I read it and almost can’t recognize my own voice in it - maybe because I hadn’t quite found my voice yet? I wouldn’t go so far as to say I don’t want the kudos emails for it - I do. It just feels so strange to think of it in comparison to everything else I’ve written since.

what word do you keep using like it’s going out of style?

In addition to my previous answer, “eyes.” I feel like I obsess over the exact position of every character’s gaze (also, “gaze”) in any given scene.

2. What’s your least favourite thing you wrote this year?

Hehe good one! My least favorite thing I wrote was probably a grant application 😂But in all seriousness, since this is fanfic-related... Hmm. I am stupidly attached to all my WIPs, but you know, maybe the hardest one to write this year was Apocrypha, a horror-themed DA2 story. It’s just... It’s written in first person epistolary, and it’s just wall-to-wall dark, and that was just too much labor this year. I love writing the story, but this year, it was too much. Normally, I love writing horror, but both structure wise and like content wise, way way too much heavy lifting. It also deals with the Blight and disease and... I had to park it for now.

9. If you could go back and change something about one of the fics you wrote this year, what would it be?

(For the fanfic writer weekend)

Oh, good one!

I write exclusively for video game fandoms, so I think the most driving force behind it is, that I am given this sorta blank slate as the player character and I need more than the very basic game interactions to flesh the character out.

Or there are non-romanceable NPCs and I need to tell that particular story. Or the romance in-game is lacking what I feel it needs.