#luzial

This is putting into words something I've been struggling with over the last few days. I've played VG twice now and have a third save going, though I've mostly been spending my time back in DA:I as I feel more at home there. But my feelings on VG have begun to move from "it's fine" to "I'm indifferent" to "I can't really interact with this in a way that's satisfying to me." And I think maybe a lot of that is about the lack of gravitas with which the story is told.

If we don't truly know the stakes of our actions (whether that's what it means if the Veil is gone, or whether magic is in any way as dangerous as the South has always made us believe), we cannot make informed choices. Uninformed choices are fun too, and they have their place - not knowing what drinking the Well of Sorrows would do to my Inquisitor is still the most frightening choice I've made perhaps in any game.

But I never get the sense with VG that the writing is intentionally leaving a choice ambiguous to scare us or to leave us with mystery - or even to remind us of a parallel between Rook and Solas, who are each trying to make impossible choices without fully knowing the consequences of their actions. Instead, it just feels like we are handed a choice without context and are expected to trust that what appears to be the correct answer actually is the correct answer.

That's not very Dragon Age (and not very BioWare) to me. Rather, it's a much less robust and mature vision of Thedas - a setting that has always taught us there is much more lurking below the surface. Long-held beliefs are to be examined, challenged, traced back to their beginnings. VG, unfortunately, is not particularly interested in these things.

Yes, I totally agree, and I do feel that Veilguard is a somewhat unserious game. I understand why it really embitters a lot of people. Part of my complaint about Rook's obstinate, almost unshakable air is that I don't have the opportunity to really get into her emotional state of mind. She's REALLY quippy, and that's fun, but idk. I enjoyed playing as a kind of passionate, brave Lavellan, who did not always know what she was doing, but who did everything because she believed that to win was not only possible but necessary, and that she was, in some ways, chosen for a reason. I liked playing a true hero, who was exceedingly valorous and beloved despite having little experience in the fray. With my Rook, I do really love her, in my way, but I want to throw her into a blender lol. I want her to feel things! To express fear, genuine confusion, heart, love, regret, anything. She is too in control at the risk of seeming noncommittal. Even while in the regrets prison, I do not recall feeling as if she actually lost something. Now, that may change in my second playthrough. I am only about halfway there.

BUT, perhaps the game takes on this same noncommittal state of mind, for me at least. It wants to be light on its feet in some ways, which, I think, is honestly fine for a video game, BUT, Dragon Age has crafted for itself a long tradition of heavy and beautiful games, though they are always flawed. While I think that Veilguard is visibly beautiful, and I think the Solavellan ending does live up to the sort of gravitas established by Bioware games in the past, I do mean it when I say that the rest of the game is just little bit preposterous lol.

The reason I brought up Silence of the Lambs when talking about Veilguard in that other post was really to show that I think it has a lot of potential, and that it could have fit neatly into a very interesting canon of texts that hardly exists anymore. Everybody is so into antiheroes that we have sort of forgotten about heroes altogether, that sometimes, heroes only feel like antiheroes, or villains, or they are struggling, not because they are morally compromised, or weak, but because they are shamefully misunderstood, and much of that is due to their own personal failures. That is how I view Solas. The entire thing with Solas as this inconceivable master, exceedingly dangerous to his enemies, but locked away into a prison of his own making, constructed by his regrets of loss and love is enormously interesting.

I also think he is massively heroic. He is brave, unshakable. He makes countless difficult decisions, and while I know we all love to joke about his failures, I found that Morrigan's defense of his decision with the Veil was really inspiring. It is, perhaps, now this sort of "wound" or mistake, but at the time, it was the only choice. It's interesting to me that Veilguard utilizes this trope that we see in Silence of the Lambs, but the man behind the bulletproof glass is not a villain at all. He COULD be the hero of the story, if the writers would let him.

Someone wanted a Bethistair baby, so here is Hawke meeting a royal Bethistair baby. The timing doesn’t actually work out right for TEOS so maybe it’s a TCOYS baby idk it’s fine @dadrunkwriting

~

“He’s a bit small for royalty,” Hawke said, eyeing the little princeling. He fidgeted in the bassinet, and a tiny sock went flying. Bethany moved to fetch it.

“You can hold him, if you want,” she called.

Hawke considered this. “I’m not sure I’ve touched a baby since you were a baby, actually,” she said. She’d waved at many, always returned a smile or a funny face when offered, but nobody ever seemed that keen to hand a baby to the woman sporting a dozen visible blades.

No blades today, though. Fenris had insisted.  

Duncan kicked off his other sock while Hawke considered her approach. Wielding a baby bore no resemblance to wielding a dagger. A book hold perhaps? Or more like a bottle? People did speak of nursing tankards, and Hawke had some experience with that. “Do you want me to pick you up?” she asked him, to which he responded, “A-ba-ba-ba-ba.”

She glanced at Fenris, and he helpfully provided, “In Qunlat, ‘ba’ means ‘no.’”

Better not, then.

She admired him instead, happy little thing that he was, fist in his mouth. He gave her a confused glare identical to the one his father usually trained on her. He followed it up with a smile, and that was like him, too.

“Am I alone in wanting to eat his little feet?” she asked after a time, “Fenris, tell me, do you want to eat his little feet?”

Fenris gave her a slow look, then with a sigh turned to the baby. After a moment, he tilted his head. “I cannot believe I am saying this, but I think I see the appeal. They do look… chubby.”

“Why does that make me want to put them in my mouth?” Hawke asked.

“I don’t know.”

Hawke stared at his little, round tummy. She knew what she had to do. She leaned in, lips first, as both Fenris and Bethany cried, “No!” and she blew a raspberry on his royal highness.

Duncan giggled, his little feet kicking and clocking Hawke right on the chin.

“Oh,” Bethany sighed with no small amount of relief, and Hawke almost felt offended as Bethany scooped him back into her arms.

“Did you really think I was going to bite him?” Hawke asked, sticking out her finger for Duncan to grab it, “A baby? A baby as cute as that one with chubby little cheeks and perfect little fists and fat little arms that I just want to put right in my… Right, yeah,” she said, turning back to Bethany with chagrin, “No, I hear it, I understand the concern.”  

But Duncan wasn’t concerned, holding her finger and waving it around. And after a moment under his firm and bubbly peer pressure, Bethany relented in her protectiveness of him and allowed Hawke to hold her nephew.

“We are going to be such good friends,” she whispered.

I didn’t realize how long this post was going to be until I was about halfway through. And it still is not even close to exhaustive. 

Soo, while 2020 has been such a tumultuous year one great thing about this time in my life is that I’ve had more time than ever to read. I am always so blown away by how much talent there is in fanfiction, so big, big thank you to all the writers that share their work and for whisking me away from real life into something far more pleasurable. It definitely makes my whole day when a fic I love has been updated, and I enjoy catching glimpses of rough drafts and the writing process via tumblr (I’m still trying to understand how their galaxy brains even work lolol). 

It’s long, but I am not putting it under a cut! They’re too good!

Long Fics (>= 50k words)

Roses From Where Thorns Grow by @bdafic​ [incomplete]- I started this a while ago, must have lost track of it, and then found it again this summer. Feels weird to type because this is not really me irl lol but accidental pregnancy fics are one of my favorites kinds of fics. Papa Solas is amazing. Somewhere, I once tagged something with ‘solas dad best dad’ and I think that probably sums up my feelings on the matter. The last chapter I read has left me anxious for more, so I’m eagerly awaiting what will likely be the first chapter posted in 2021. 

Ruins by @luzial [incomplete] - A real story of a couple who broke up, fought each other for twenty years, got sent back in time, and are now trying to make things work again ;) Lavellan here is older and wiser in all the ways that matter, and Solas is... well Solas in many ways is everything we wish he would (and could) be now. Had the most wonderful realization that I somehow missed the last chapter that apparently came out on my birthday, so I know what I’ll be doing later.

Fen’Harel’s Teeth by @5lazarus​  [incomplete] - the conversations in this fic are one of my favorite parts. They’re in character, but they’re also just interesting to read. The words just fly across the page -- it’s smooth, seamless, pithy. I love politics and I love a main character who has her wits about her -- both are in this fic. Also features fatherly!Solas, which I just adore.

By the Still Waters by [orphan account]. This is older, but I knew it was popular so I gave it a shot and... yes, I understand now. I loved reading something from Fenris’ perspective. I loved how he’s a foil for Solas. I love seeing Lavellan as this near mythical person because we see everything through Fenris’ eyes. I love Hawke and Fenris together. Merrill also featured more heavily than I anticipated and she had some of the best lines I’ve ever read.

Pressure Point by 17734 [incomplete] - this fic leaves me constantly unsettled (in the best, most addictive, under-your-skin kind of way). I’ve read the first 18 or so chapters twice, and it’s one of those stories that’s slightly different the second time you read it. I really like the author’s take on immortal beings, some of it is very reminiscent of some of the Greek mythology I read in school - characters are at turns both magnificent and terrifying. The language is also very beautiful, and I’m a sucker for anything close to prosaic. 

Out of Time by destinies - so, I don’t know how I found this beyond just “Twitter.” This isn’t Dragon Age related -- it’s from The Greisha Trilogy, which I had never heard of before -- something just told me I would really like this story. Forced/political marriages’, memory loss, enemies to lovers, the dichotomy between light and dark embodied by a single couple... yes, thank you. I had to kind of piece the world together as I read, which was admittedly a lot of fun, and um... wow, I really loved this! Another one of my ‘binged in a single night’ fics.  

Message Sent by @aicosu [incomplete]- this is coincidentally how I got my former partner into Dragon Age lol. I had originally read it the first time as it was coming out. The second time I read it aloud to them over the course of a few days, feeling very much like Cassandra trying to do certain character’s voices. It reminded me of how much I loved it, and so I feel like it deserves a mention here. Definitely an unorthodox but memorable way of cursing someone with being emotionally invested in the Solavellan romance 

Short Fics (< 50k words)

nothing on my tongue by @ellstersmash - the chapters here are short, and I loved seeing the fic updated put of order. This was my first time experiencing that, and I loved guessing where we were in the in-game timeline, and also, as more chapters were posted, which chapter numbers were still missing and therefore what the missing chapters might be about. I associate this fic with feeling kind of melancholy a lot. I think the word constraints really lent itself well to the Solavallen romance -- beautiful and poignant, but always leaving me wanting more.

In and Out of Time Again by @luzial - hoo boy did I have a fun time reading this one. I actually rarely go for AU’s this “AU”, but I trusted this author, and it paid off. In fact, I think I subconsciously had more doubts than I thought because what started a curious perusal ended in one of those “up until 3 am reading” kind of nights. It was such a fast-paced, interesting read, I couldn’t wait to see what happened next. Ink is one of my favorite Lavellans; she’s just too cool.

The Fourth Day by sass_bot (@knightava) [incomplete] - this was just such a perfect example of how to build tension and dread for the reader, that I still think about it frequently. Also, who wouldn’t love a Skyhold murder mystery?

Beyond the Veil by Pyreite [incomplete] - A 200 years post-Veil fic. Abelas is in it, which is how I knew it was gonna be good hehe. I really like the world-building, and I like explorations of the romance with a more hardened Lavellan. 

I Come to You With Nothing by CommonEvilMasterMind. I’ll preface this by writing that this made me cry with a mixture of sorrow and happiness. The premise is an undercover mission in an alienage which involves Solas and Ellana masquerading as a married couple. It’s beautifully written, and just honestly kind of bittersweet. The writing is itself very touching but I also think it’s almost difficult to read because the Solavellan romance has an arc that looks like it’s just exponentially deviating from anything remotely happy lolol 

That Girl Is Like A Sunburn by @yourstrulycommandershepard - I just discovered this person’s writing this year and I’m kind of obsessed? I went on a whole binge this past summer and *fans self*. I picked this one for my list because I haven’t read that many Solas/Trevelyan fics, and hers are by far some of my favorites. I also love that the titles of some of her fics are Taylor Swift lyrics. I get Solavellan vibes from so many of Taylor’s songs - glad it’s not just me!

Aravel by @playwithdinos - More Papa Solas. I can’t say anything more than it hit me right in the vhenan. 

Thanks for tagging me, @nug-juggler and @luzial.

Challenge: Post the last 7 sentences I wrote and tag 7 people.

I haven’t been writing a whole lot lately, as I’m trying to figure out my newly rearranged work schedule. But here’s the last coherent thing I wrote. No title for this yet, and it might not go very far. But it might turn into a Solrian modern AU. In a world where D&D and MTG exist in Thedas.

The Witch of the Wilds gaming shop was several blocks from the university, and Solas always enjoyed the quiet walk. The only issue was the risk of being recognized by someone who knew him. But he had been going there for almost two years and no one had noticed his habit yet.

Friday Night Magic was always a good time. While Solas had his own private reasons for disliking D&D, Magic was just the type of game that appealed to him. There were so many ways to strategize, to build a deck, to lure your opponent into a carefully constructed trap.

It was Solas’s great passion and his greatest secret.

Hey, sorry it took me so long to answer! ❤

Not so much a headcanon, but the general idea of 'everything ends with us stopping/killing Solas'. When there are so many things going on in Thedas at the moment we are left off in the story! To name just a few: two more Blights coming, Titans reawakening, red lyrium in general, whatever the feck happened in The Horror of Hormak, the Veil possibly coming down on it's own, the return of 7 very powerful, pissed off and maybe corrupted Evanuris. Hell, we don't even know what Solas' plan actually is! Just that the end goal of it is to lower the Veil, which will result in mass chaos and destruction. Beyond this everything else is yet to be revealed.

Oooh thanks for the ask!! 

15. Who’s prone to wearing socks indoor (or to sleep)?

Hawke has terrible circulation, and when she can’t find a clean or intact pair of socks, she amuses herself by trying to press her frigid feet against Fenris’ torso while he tries to read on the sofa. The shriek he produces upon this act has her giggling until her feet warm up anyway.

24. Who’s the better cook?

Fenris - he’s patient and has more self-control than Hawke, who tends to over-season and add incompatible ingredients because she gets bored. Orana teaches them a few dishes while they’re still in Kirkwall, and Hawke jokingly laments at her lack of potential as a housewife when Fenris’ omelette turns out fantastically because he followed the instructions, and hers is inedible because she turned up the heat because the eggs were taking too long. He just gives her a sidelong glance and remarks that housewives typically haven’t killed as many people as she has.

43. What is the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Fenris starts being more protective of her in battle - he knows she can handle herself, he knows that the dancing around the enemies, the taunting, the jumping away at the last moment is just part of her very specific set of skills, but he still tries (just as much as he does for any of their other companions, he lies to himself) to keep the enemies away from her, because he couldn’t stand if she got hurt.

Haha, thanks! Same to you :D

Juniper Hawke/Anders, “Hide and Seek, Kiss and Tell” (AO3)