#50q

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else? Not really

2: What is your full name? Let's X this one out fn

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for? I'm 22 and I've been mistaken for 12 so...

4: Have you ever dyed your hair? Nope.

5: What’s your eye color? Blue but for some reason people don't accept that it's just "blue" and call it a more blue-grey so I just say "the Eye of Ender!"

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it? Eh, I got some issues, suppose it could be worse.

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings? Heck nah.

8: What would you say is your best quality? Please no more job interviews, I'm just vibin.

9: What are you really bad at? Initiating conversations.

10: What talent do you wish you had? Is this correlated to the question above? If so then kinda that, yeah.

11: Are you nice to everyone? Try to be but those that I'm not, I usually just avoid unless they seek me directly, so 🤷

12: What do you think about the most? Writing ideas.

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself? I was getting pretty confident a few years ago (then a storm hit and here we all are) but I guess it's more just my position in life rn versus any one quality.

14: What is your least favorite word? I have a thing against words sometimes so I try not to keep a list but one that comes to mind is "Flocked".

15: What is your favorite word? Smushed. I like those words that sound made-up but you know exactly what they mean.

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad? Mom, spent more time around her, so I guess it makes sense.

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger? A. If they were cute or B. If I'm thinking of a stupid meme.

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone? I try not to lie so I can't really think of much but one that sticks out is when I was a kid and my mom went into the basement. I told her I was scared because there were monsters upstairs and she said something along the lines of "You don't believe that, you're lying." so I stopped and thought about it and was like "Yeah, I guess I don't. Why did I say that?" I really just wanted her to come back upstairs rather than leave me alone.

19: Are you lying about anything right now? Not on this quiz and I can't think of anything irl.

20: Have you kissed someone older than you? No, unless you count my mom or dad when I was a kid or something.

21: Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really but I wouldn't call you wrong if you believed it, maybe I just haven't experienced it.

22: Do you believe in soulmates? No, when I was a kid I think I did though. Still I think part of me likes the idea that someone is out there waiting for me to just appear but that's a total fantasy.

23: Are looks important? Depends, for first impressions maybe but overall, not really.

24: Opinion on relationship age differences? What are you trying to get at? Anything ethically and legally done ig.

25: Would you date someone off the Internet? I have previously, not looking for long distance rn though.

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl? Hell yeah, who hasn't?

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yeah, people have rejected me and I still fawned over them only for it to go nowhere. Can't say they didn't warn me. Then there are the people that I felt like I only liked for looks, not that they were a bad person but I just didn't see us dating to marriage or anything and I had to separate that.

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now? Other than in my head, no. (like I mean if Daisy Ridley or Isabela Merced or someone suddenly appeared...I might not say no.)

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Yeah, but it usually evened out, it never really became an issue.

30: Have you ever liked your best friend? Nah, don't think so.

31: How does someone win your heart? Accepting what I like and what bothers me.

32: What turns you on? Socks and wet hair.

33: What turns you off? Overtly dressed. I don't really care for when people wear expensive clothes and do their hair a certain way and this that and the other thing.

34: Do you get jealous easily? That's how my first relationship ended so I put that under control right then and there.

35: What is your definition of cheating? Dating two people at once.

36: Do you forgive betrayal? I might forgive but that doesn't mean we get back together again.

37: Have you ever been cheated on? Thankfully, no.

38: Have you ever cheated on someone? No!

39: How often do you listen to music? Doesn't everybody every day to some capacity? I'm listening to this right now as I'm doing this.

40: First concert you attended? Ugh. It was for my dad at a Robin Trower concert ("who?") exactly.

41: Last movie you watched? Gone Girl.

42: Favorite type of movie? Action but if it's animated then something like a slice of life is good.

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yeah

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings? Sometimes, either that or people are oblivious.

45: Do you fall in love easily? No but I get flustered easily.

46: Do you think people say I love you too much? I don't think there's such a thing as 'too much' when it comes to that but I think you also need to understand that it takes time for some people to say it. My dad used to say "I miss you." but then not seem to do much about it so that term and those feelings are hard for me to disassociate with that and hearing them from someone else can scare me and seem disingenuous when they're really not.

47: What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas but recently I think Easter is rising in the ranks because lately Christmas just seems like another day.

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way? Yeah and yeah, it's better not to fret over stuff out of your control. Even if it steers me the wrong way, I don't regret it. You can still forgive and not forget, you can still forgive and avoid being burned again 🙌

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth? I'd love to answer this but I just haven't been to enough places to tell.

Thanks for asking darls <3

1: What would you name your future daughter? Artemis or Ariadne 

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Yes, my boyfriend <3

40: What is on your wrists right now? My infinity tattoo on the left and nothing on my right.

47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? Not really...

Q26! would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

A26! i’d rather lose all of my old memories. i would hope that those close to me would be patient and understanding about it (* nods lightly, tongue sweeping over her lower lip ) i could learn about my past through the eyes of others — it sounds really interesting and i don’t know; i just have faith that my memories would be gone but what i felt would still be there somewhere. like i can look at someone and know, i’ll just know, they meant something to me. it’s like . . . how the mind can lie but the heart can’t? and i really don’t . . . i don’t want to live in the past anymore. i can’t imagine not being able to make new memories. i want to be able to see emily grow up

Q27! is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

A27! depends on who or what you’re dealing with. if it’s someone you’re honest with and you’re honest with them, you can know the truth without challenging it (* she nods, someone in mind as she speaks ) but if you’re both honest, you wouldn’t have to challenge the truth either so a lot of it depends on you too. how honest you are and all 

Q28! has your greatest fear ever come true?

A28! (* if she had spoken right then and there, her voice would’ve cracked. she might’ve stuttered because yes, the answer is definitely yes. someone she loves has died. she lost someone. she hurt someone she loves just the same and the result leaves her feeling more empty than she had wanted ) yes, it has (* a simple answer for what is so complicated for her ) but i think i want to be brave now

Q29! do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  does it really matter now?

A29! (* the words hit too close to home. five years ago she was still upset over her mother. it’s been five years and it still hurts. still upsets her. so of course it matters but she wishes it didn’t, wishes she could move on but she doesn't think it’s possible. it’s not something you fully get over but you live with it ) it does. but i don’t want it to stop me anymore 

Q30! what is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?

A30! i was bullied when i was little — girls can be so mean. and i was really young like there shouldn’t be bullies at that age, like how do you even know how to bully when you’re that young. i mean, there shouldn’t be bullies at any age but anyway, i was teased a lot (* she scoffs in disbelief because it’s exactly why she has more guy friends now and back then ) but i didn’t tell anyone. i didn’t tell anyone but somehow my mom knew and she got me ready for school like it was any other day but she turned away from the school, drove off and told me we were taking a day off. i don’t remember everything but we spent the day together and i felt so special that i forgot about those girls. i think that’s why my mom did it and if it wasn’t, it was still the best day 

Q31! at what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

A31! uh— no comment. 

Q32! if not now, then when?

A32! when i’m ready?

Q33! if you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

A33! i’ve already lost a lot but ah— my contract. i . . . someone recently argued with me a lot on that, because of how protective i am of it, of keeping a clean image. i’m female. guys can possibly recover but girls can’t. it’s such bullshit but i can’t change that

Q34! have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

A34! i have. not everything needs words.

Q35! why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

A35! because religions have opposing beliefs or make opposing decisions in how to support love 

Q36! is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

A36! no. there’s always more than one side to everything. even moral and immoral isn’t set in stone 

Q37! if you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

A37! no. money isn’t why i love singing (* laughs, as if the notion is ridiculous and, to her, it mostly is ) i’d be able to do more though. i’d probably help my sister pay off her house. send my dad on vacation for once . . . travel myself, maybe? i don’t know but i wouldn’t quit 

Q38! would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

A38! more work. if i truly enjoy it, it doesn’t really feel like work. right? (* frowns slightly ) having less work to do isn’t enjoyable unless it’s something you really dislike but even then . . . i like being busy sometimes as much as i enjoy relaxing 

Q39! do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

A39! sometimes i do, sometimes i feel like every day is different and i feel so alive. 

Q40! when was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

A40! when i confessed of everything i’ve done? when you finally tell someone the truth . . . it definitely feels like walking into the dark 

Q41! if you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

A41! my family. i— i don’t really want to answer this. am i supposed to be alive while they die the next day? 

Q42! would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

A42! no, never (* crinkles her nose in distaste. she already doesn’t have that much hope for her life expectancy ) how can either of those give you a rich life? i’d rather have more time 

Q43! what is the difference between being alive and truly living?

A43! (* lips part to answer but she has nothing. not a singular syllable to offer and she sighs, brows furrowing as she considers it ) being happy, feeling pain. not feeling numb 

Q44! when is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

A44! when you stop feeling like you’re alive? 

Q45! if we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

A45! because even if we learn from it, it doesn’t alter the fact that it changed things. (* sighs, brows furrowing and a slight wrinkle of her forehead ) we’re afraid of change more than the mistake 

Q46! what would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

A46! i guess i’d go out more and that’s just a guess, really. i’d be more open. more honest. i wouldn’t have to hide anything but that kind of notion is just a fantasy. everything and everybody is judged

Q47! when was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

A47! a-ha, um, every time i sing and can’t reach a note? other than that, no comment. 

Q48! what do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

A48! singing. emily. the rest of my family, maybe. (* she laughs, only having added the ‘maybe’ in jest ) my friends. i love a lot of things and never say it. i only have actions and even those aren’t always right (* she nods, smile barely slight compared to when she had been laughing moments before ) but i think some of my recent actions show my love for singing, for emily. even if it’s just a little bit 

Q49! in 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? what about the day before that or the day before that?

A49! not on a daily basis? (* she laughs, shakes her head because wow what a way to think about it. it’s a good point. in five years, so much won’t matter and it reminds her that some things are just a matter of time ) but i only really want to remember the important things. little things. big things. how i felt. how remembering those makes me feel in five years 

Q50! decisions are being made right now. the question is: are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

How many Unnamed dragons are currently in your lair? How do you think they refer to each other for day-to-day interactions?

More than I like to admit to Nine. Which is way better than I’m doing on dragcave for names.

Being Unnamed isn’t a huge deal since greetings are quiet affairs which aren’t usually done by name anyway. It’s recognition that’s most important--- remembering how a clan member moves, the way they smell, their coloration, how you interact with them. Names are usually pulled out for important matters which require quick action, or for greeting someone of high rank. The unnamed just don’t merit that importance yet.

Q1! how old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 

A1! physically . . . i would think i’m still young but i know i’m not as energetic as i used to be. (* she crinkles her nose, aware that it’s a lackluster diet and sleep she’ll never catch up on with a trainee schedule that keeps her from feeling so but signing with kt was a choice she’d make every day despite knowing now what it’s done, what it does, what she hopes to do ) yet i’m still immature, still learning so much. so, i mean logically, i would still think i’m under 25 because my frontal lobe is obviously still not fully developed (* it’s her roundabout way of saying she’s still making idiotic or crazy decisions but at least they’re hers, at least she’s still young enough to make more of herself ) a lot of it depends on who i’m with too . . . with some people, i’m still a kid. on my own, i like to think i’m a little older because i need to be. aren’t things naturally like that?

Q2! which is worse, failing or never trying?

A2! never trying. (* there’s not a second of hesitation, she knows the answer before the question is complete, an adamant, sure nod of her head accompanying a confident tone ) if i fail, i can keep trying. never trying is full of what-if’s and, ugh, that feeling is so much worse than failing. i want to do things prepared to fail and stand up again so when i succeed — because i believe i will god do i want to believe i will — it’s all that more amazing (* and her eyes light up, a glimmer in them as if she’s in awe because she imagines the moment she speaks of, tries to hold it capture, releasing it with a curl of her lips ) if you never try, how can you ever feel proud of yourself? i want that. i want to be proud of myself. i think everybody needs it

Q3! if life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

A3! (* prods her inner cheek with her tongue, a brow arching slightly as she wonders where to start first with this question. there’s so many possible answers but one sticks out most to her so the words filter out softly, genuinely, fingers combing through dark tresses as she nods ) we do things we don’t like out of fear of losing what matters . . . and like so many things we don’t do because it’s different, like we like the things we don’t do maybe because we can’t. like admiration? i don’t even know if that makes sense but i know that if we did everything we like . . . it wouldn’t be as special

Q4! when it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

A4! (* crinkles her nose, not entirely content with her answer ) it’s likely. i used to be more like, i think. i don’t want to continue to be. but i talk so much, i think i’m kinda stuck this way. (* laughs, ivory sinking into the plushness of her lower tip, head tilting as she nods ) i’ll always have said more than i’ve done. i don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. i want what i say sometimes to matter as much as what i do. yes, actions speak louder than words but sometimes there are some words people want — or have — to hear

Q5! what is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

A5! womens’ clothing sizes from hell. why do men have a more basic standard but womens’ clothing is all over the place? (* she sighs, head shaking as she crosses her arms, the distraught hue in her eyes dulling as she grows serious ) hate? judgment? i’d say i would rid the world of such useless emotions but it’s not possible. if anything, i’d want to lessen the severity people feel it with but (* continues to shake her head, brows furrowing as lips begin to curl downwards ) it wouldn’t change a damn thing and that just makes me feel more sad. what could i actually change without fucking up the world more than it already is? i wouldn’t change anything because . . . it wouldn’t change in the end. i don’t want to be naive to think i can change the whole world but i can at least change mine. maybe i can help others but that’s about it 

Q6! if happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

A6! singing. (* an answer she doesn’t have to consider in order to give ) i’d want to sing. (* it says so much when she can’t speak, when she doesn’t have the words, even when she does but doesn’t have the strength or courage to say them ) any of my hobbies, too like baking. i mean, talking could even be work for me because talking to certain people makes me so happy. can you still call anything work at that point?

Q7! are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

A7! i think i’m doing what i believe in because where i am is working towards what i want to do as a career. i don’t think it’s settling to be a trainee right now (* shrugs lightly with one shoulder, gaze dropping as she debates the question. what exactly would be settling anyway — ) i don’t think i’m the type to settle. if i’m no longer happy, i try to take myself out of a situation. it might take some time . . . but i’m sure of that. i don’t settle. i want what i want

Q8! if the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

A8! i wouldn’t. i still want to be where i am (* she’s quite sure of herself, resolve unwavering as she answers though she supposes it’s not fair given that she doesn’t feel certain she would make it past 40 anyway. there’s always that chance that she wishes she could ignore, but it looms over her from time to time ) i’m happy where i am right now. i’m content with my life. there’s ups and downs because it’s natural no matter what but i wouldn’t live any part of it differently (* the only exception she can think of is wanting to be able to express her feelings more easily but it wouldn’t change even if she wanted to; it’s how she is ) 

Q9! to what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

A9! a lot? hm . . . to as much as i can control? (* ivory drags across a plush tier, eyes clouded over as she contemplates the decisions that brought her to where she is ) i made the decisions i could make. i don’t know what degree that would mean for a specific answer but i take responsibility for the choices i’ve made

Q10! are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

A10! can i say both? (* the perfectionist side of her wants to say ‘doing things right’ and even her wavering morals are steady enough to tempt her to say ‘doing the right things’ ) don’t you sometimes need one for the other— if you’re moral, then if you do the right things, then you’re doing them right by your own standards. if you’re doing things right by your own standards, to you that’s doing the right thing. everything is just . . . blurred lines but (* shrugs, shaking her head with a light sigh ) i think what matters is which one makes you happy. i don’t think i always doing things right or do the right things but, at the very least, i’m happy right now 

Q11! you’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. they all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. the criticism is distasteful and unjustified. what do you do?

A11! if it’s unjustified, i’d tell them to stop— (* frowns rather visibly, the expression settling upwards, even up to the furrow of her brows as she shakes her head ) i don’t know . . . if they’re friends i respect and admire, i just can’t see them criticizing someone distastefully and to do so when it’s unjustified. then they wouldn’t be the friends i respect and admire, right? but if i had to choose for some reason (* and she says it that way with such emphasis because the whole concept baffles her ) i’d tell them to change the topic or i’d leave. i don’t have time to waste during lunch on a regular day anyway

Q12! if you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

A12! smile. smile. smile until you physically can’t. be so happy you can’t handle it. (* pauses, amusement flickering in warm hues as she crinkles her nose ) what counts as 'only one’ piece of advice? there’s so much to say . . . i always say too much or say nothing at all and it’s normally the wrong thing no matter which way i go but i mean, one thing i want emily to grow up knowing is ‘know you are loved and that you deserve happiness.’ i want that for her so much

Q13! would you break the law to save a loved one?

A13! yes, that’s not even a question to me. no, really, that’s all i have to say. i’d do anything if someone i love was in danger — oh, and i don’t need recognition for it. i don’t want recognition for anything like that, to be honest (* the wistfulness in her eyes obviously reveals that she has more to say. she was wrong — it’s a bad habit of hers. to claim to have nothing to say only to recall something at the last moment ) i just like seeing someone i love happy. i always . . . (* she trails off, a question she asked someone recently coming to mind ) feeling as if you hurt someone is so exhausting. there’s someone i love that even if he wasn’t in danger, if i had to break the law to make him happy, i would. i’d do it in the heartbeat i never told him belonged to him before. but i think we’re both happy now in our own ways and god that’s been a long time coming. oh— and yay, no law breaking necessary for it!

Q14! have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

A14! yes, always. everywhere like, um, one of those jackson pollock paintings. a messy kitchen. entertainment variety shows — any tv show these days to be honest. a little insanity is what makes things beautiful (* she laughs, shaking her head ) sanity is not what makes people happy. you want that delirious sort of joy, right?

Q15! what’s something you know you do differently than most people?

A15! i don’t know. nothing, to be honest? i feel like this question is more so . . . asking if i think i’m that different from most people and the truth is i’m not. (* taking a deep breath, inhale, exhale, she tucks loose strands behind her ear, the light shake of her head almost undoing the result of one of her most common gestures ) it’s kind of a wonderful but horrible truth at the same time, isn’t it? we’re all not so different so we can fiind common ground, find understanding in some other human being when we spend so much time wanting not to be truly alone in the world but deep down, it means we’re not all that special. ah . . . i guess that’s why it matters so much to find someone you’re special to, right? i want to be special to myself. 

Q16! how come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

A16! because i push everyone away. because i don’t allow myself to be happy most of the time. because i fell apart five years ago and god i’m barely picking up the pieces properly now. aw, where to start . . . (* laughs, shaking her head ) because i’m me. because i’m stubborn as fuck. because what’s right for me isn’t right for someone else. (* her laugh is more incredulous now ) but you know what? (* incredulous but accepting ) i finally accept that. i can want what i want. 

Q17! what one thing have you not done that you really want to do? what’s holding you back?

A17! GETTING. A. TATTOO. (* groans softly, burying her face in her hands, dark tresses falling forward with the exaggeration motion ) ah — well, for one i can’t decide exactly what i want and i’m also afraid of irritating it because of where i want it to be. i think taking care of it afterwards scares me a little and it’s still considered . . . uh, not so much taboo but controversial? 

Q18! are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

A18! whoever isn’t should teach me how — but yes, i’m holding onto something i need to let go of. (* crinkles her nose lightly, her hair gently flipped back and gaze lacking focus before she finds a center in the words she has next ) i’m working on it. i go to therapy sometimes

Q19! if you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

A19! i would move back to california. i already considered it when i last went home. i would go for my niece, for my sister, for my father. for family. i was going to say leo too but he travels so much that he’s mostly closer to korea than he is to california when i get the chance to talk to him. i don’t know what i’d really do. i mean — i would still sing but i don’t think i could be a youtube artist like kina grannis. i absolutely adore her. maybe i’d travel for a bit. live in san francisco for a while . . . live in la . . . visit the east coast? it’d be really nice to relax and sing whenever i want — though i still love it now. the pressure is obviously different

Q20! do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

A20! i — (* coughs awkwardly ) um . . . is it weird if it depends on my mood? i don’t think it makes anything faster but it helps me feel better? isn’t that why most people do anything? if i’m impatient, the elevator won’t go faster but at least i can try to relieve how anxious i feel 

Q21! would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

A21! a joyful simpleton — worrying makes you age, you know, and life is so short. why worry so much?

Q22! why are you, you?

A22! i don’t want to be anyone else. 

Q23! have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

A23! no — well, it depends on who. i mean, for some of my friends, i think i’ve been good to them . . . (* trails off, can barely manage a smile because of the truth on the tip of her tongue ) to some, i could be so much better. they deserve much better. but i’m getting tried of . . . living in the past and could’ve or should’ve. i did so much of it for the past few years 

Q24! which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

A24! when . . . you lose touch with a good friend who lives right near you. (* her voice falters, is weak, ivory tugging at a rosy petal and she exhales heavily, shakes her head ) at least you can try and fault the other on distance. but when they’re close to you . . . a lot of responsibility falls on you. i’ve lost touch with a lot of friends, i don’t claim to be innocent when it comes to that (* crinkles her nose ) i’m slowly getting better. improvement and forgiveness is all i can really ask for

Q25! what are you most grateful for?

In your lair, click the first dragon facing the right and find their long lost twin relative.

CranberryColada is my first one facing right. He wandered out of Light at a young age, and hasn’t been back since. Cranberry was the middle of three brothers, probably hatched mere seconds after the first, and moments before the last, but it doesn’t matter because he became the middle and it was used as leverage by his brothers ever since. You know how being a middle child can be.

The brother he most resembles is the eldest. Ozymandias remained in Light, though if this is his birth flight or not, I do not know, they don’t talk, and if he’s anything like his namesake, I’ve no interest in meeting the coatl.

Tell us which couple in your lair has the most “problems in the nest” (aka. what do you mean one egg!?).

One eggers don’t stay long in the clan. We need to have constant larger nests because life in Nature is hard, and mortality rates are high. Only the strong make it to adulthood, and less make it to breeding age.

Why do Coatls stick their tongue out?

Two reasons. Reason one: coatls are akin to monitors, in that they use their tongues to scent the air and find things. Lost some treasure? Get a coatl to find it for you.

The second reason for their constant tongue to the air is that they don’t sweat like some species, so their only way to cool off is to pant. Stage one of panting is to try and find a cool spot so they can chill faster and get back to what they want to do sooner. Out goes the tongue for a guide, and off goes the coatl after it.