#500am

Holy Encounters

Lying awake at weird hours of the night seems to be my reality the last 2 months. This time however allows time for me to think, process, pray and work through whatever is currently keeping my mind awake in the first place.

Last night was no different and found me awake around 5:00am for almost two hours. Pondering on variety of recent events, some as recent as the last couple of months, some as “recent” as the last couple years, I began seeing God’s beautifully woven design. Even though at the time it seemed more like a tangled mess.

I was thinking that if I had met my husband of seven months, seven years ago when he started his job just down the road from where I worked, how life would have been so different. I am not doubting it would have been good. It would have been. Great even.

But I also realized that if God had granted that gift coming seven years ago, how much I would have missed. In doing some quick math I am pretty sure that at least 20 relationships I currently have with certain people would NOT be anywhere special in their closeness as they are now.

When you are single you tend to form close relationships with a variety of people to fill a variety of needs, but also to fill the gaps in your loneliness. My life is so much richer because I had the time to pursue these relationships which now have a better potential of surviving once married.

But I also realized that certain things I met in life or on the job I would have not encountered, good and bad, thus pushing me to grow in faith. For example, my husband and I both would have been seven years younger and would have probably started a family fairly quickly, thus meaning I would have probably quit my daytime job to be a stay at home mom.

Now I realize that being a parent can grow you in enormous ways and not being one I haven’t encountered those growth opportunities. But I also believe that in His wisdom, God needed me to grow in other ways that could ONLY have come from my job, my relationships, my singleness, my good times and my bad.

And while I am never one to say, “Whoo-hoo! Bad times ahead! Rock on!” I am also not one to dismiss the great refinement or teaching moments they hold. We can, none of us, ever be refined enough.

This then means that by 6:00 this morning I had concluded that even though I would loved to have been married earlier, I’m thrilled I am not the one in control of my story. The way our story was woven together, the way my story was woven before I met my husband, the way his story was woven, it had to be done the way it was to encounter God in the ways we do now.

Is it all

Doomed?

Am I a child?

It was late when she decided to leave the comfort of her bed and sneak out of the house. Did she want to party without her parent's permission? No. Was she running away? No. All Ami wanted was to wander the empty streets of her small town all the way to the coast, she wanted to explore the world as the darkness engulfed the ocean and the skies sparkled with stars.

She tried her best to block the squeaking of the front door of her house as she closed it. She breathed in the fresh air of the night, taking careful counted step to the outside world as she slowly left the front yard. Looking around, the streets were empty. She glanced at the sky with a smile on her face, and the sky did not disappoint her happiness, it was filled with an infinite number of stars. For some reason, she felt the butterflies in her stomach flutter, just like when a boy kisses her, or when her crush glances at her. But this time, it was neither of those reasons, she didn't know why. Perhaps it was because the universe was smiling upon her as she smiled back. Ami walked towards the ocean with a determination to arrive their before the sun starts rising. She walked and walked, then started running when she noticed a glimpse of light shining through the horizon. It felt like forever when she finally arrived. Her eyes were lost between the beauty of the ocean as it reflected the sky and the sky itself. Her feet could feel the soft sand under them even through her sandals, but she took them off anyway. The smile couldn't leave her face as she ran closer to the ocean, her eyes shined with life like never before, her mind was at ease, peaceful, and relaxed.

Ami did not know that someone was there, looking at her as she admired life. In his eyes, she looked like a moron running around for absolutely no reason. But then again, was he any better? He wasn't running at least. It was only when he was tired of looking at her that she noticed his presence. A thin arrow of light crossed it's way from behind the horizon and lit his face. A boy with honey brown eyes and golden blonde hair, he looked somewhat between 16 and 17 of age, but the bags under his eyes showed otherwise. His tired features were not smiling like Ami was, his mind was far from ease or ever being at peace. Ami knew him, she knew those brown eyes, those tired features that made his lack of sleep so obvious to anyone to see. She walked towards him with no hesitation.

"Why are you here?" she asked, taking a seat beside him on the soft sand.

"I always come here" he coldly replied, avoiding her eyes as he stared at the distance.

"You always kiss the universe?" she asked, smiling brightly at him. She was beyond happy and she wasn't going to hide it.

"Ki-kiss the universe?" he asked seeming to finally gain interest in what she was saying.

"Yes-" she paused for a moment, hesitating on whether to ask or not, she did anyway "-why do you always come here?"

"I run" he simply said. "How do you kiss the universe?"

sarah!! i love your blog and u + you have good eyebrows its a win win