#441

shes a wunny babit?

i think the most sucky part other than the extreme guilt, being unable to look at myself, feeling as if i cant say anything at all on my own acc, and the fear of surveillance is that she sat there, saw my issues, my eating problems, my urge to self harm, my destructive thinking my depression, she saw the most raw unfiltered version of me crying into the void to be heard and seen, and didnt message me, didnt see my pain, she told my friend i was bad mouthing her and saying horrible things about her. if it werent for my friend adamantly denying wanting my blog name, id probably be on the streets as i was and still am living with her and her family. i feel so small, so inconsiquecial. like im not sick enough for that to even register. apart of not being active on this acc is cause ever since then i feel the need to preform my sickness, or that im not sick enough to have this blog in the first place. i feel passed over and disregarded.

at the time i was working on a persona, a character i can use to more healthily funnel my worst thoughts and feelings into. she was inpired by this blog and i feel sick everytime i look at her. My friend said its okay, but i can not shake the horror of her connecting that oc to this blog and telling me that she knew about it.