#4195

You slip the HALLWAY CERA a furtive wink for good luck.

Michael Cera's a strange choice for one of these portraits. He's neither a harlequin, nor a gentleman, and thus doesn't really fit Dad's normal aesthetic.

...well, he's neither of those things in our timeline, anyway. Perhaps the post-Scratch Cera is a male fashion icon, a legendary clown, or something else that Dad would appreciate.

Just one of your dad's bland HALLWAY DOUCHEBAGS. Another example of his cornball dad tastes, which make you roll your eyes and shrug. Still, it's preferable to how it used to be. Years ago he would work really hard to mimic your interests throughout the household. Gaudy paintings of sitcom legends covering the walls, hideous detective figurines littered everywhere. You think it's better that he embrace his own interests rather than try to pander to yours. It felt a bit forced, and your early teen years were filled with daily rounds of familial STRIFE. Not so much anymore.

As always, these kids' Strife sequences serve as a metaphor for the various familial problems they encounter in adolescence. John’s fight demonstrated that he was sick of his Dad’s doting, Rose’s fight was about how she didn’t trust her mother’s feelings, and Dave’s fight... well, Dave's fight was a brutal duel on a rooftop, without pretense.

Anyway, Jane has matured past these childish games of adolescent angst, and has presumably graduated to the much more mature playing field of teenage angst. It's basically the same, but you have to pretend you don't like kid shows anymore.

Old poppop Crocker, smiling from beyond. Your dad sure misses him. He doesn't like to talk about the day he died. Some incident involving a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a mysterious young woman in a suspicious looking hat.

A convoluted series of events, instigated by a woman in a funny hat? I'm pretty sure I've hard this one before.