4-20-15
i miss you a little more than usual. as you close your eyes tonight hope you think of me in the slightest way, for you are in my dreams. i miss your touch, your smell, taste. every kiss, grip, & fuck. why did i have to fall inlove? i thought you'd never give up? should've known she was the only one in your mind all along. i hurt myself more than i hurt you (if i even did). nights i couldn't sleep for the memory of you was everywhere and in every thought. days i'd cry from sunshine of 6 am mornings til the moonlight of 3 am. my love, we will meet again til then i hope you truly love someone with your soul just like i love you for whenever you learn to love you'll return back as i'll receive you with open arms and say "welcome home". there might be a day we'll see each other. matter of fact there will be. the day you see me wrist cut wide open, blood on the floor like an art canvas. in the casket or in a vase, however they break the news to you. slowly all of our memories will come back to you & you'll question yourself, "where did i go wrong!?" "she truly loved me" "i can't believe this". well it's not where you went wrong jonathan, it's where i went wrong. thinking YOU would change & be the man you said you would be for ME. i loved you too hard is where it really kicked off. no one should've deserved the all of me like i gave you but you know what i have no remorse or regret giving it my all to you. why? cause i love you. so when you realize it's too late because i'm pronounced dead know that ill always be your angel, your guardian. i'm still loving you even when i'm dead, alive. cause you are my soulmate. you are my reason of living but you were one of my reasons of leaving this earth. you gave me life & had the ability to DESTROY me and suck every bit of life love and kindness i had. oh the things love makes you do. some it makes you happy. sad. angry. some makes you crazy. but my kind of love made me insane. psychotic. oops did i use that word? yes i did. you made me lose my fucking mind. maybe my next lover will be the devil. maybe my next one will be my actual "knight in shining armor" bullshit. anyways, no beating around the bush. i'll never find someone like you. not now, not never. not here IN BUM FUCKING DeNISon TExaS not in this universe. NO WHERE. so as i die and take my life i'll let my voices in my head and my fucked off hallucinations be filled with nothing but you, and i'll painfully but loving engrave JONATHAN. oh my precious baby, i love you so much. sincerely the girl you never really loved, -chelsea sanchez
