Yoshi- It's all because of you. You destroyed me but built me into a person I'm glad to be. You did it without even knowing, you didn't even know the vast amount of change you caused. I'm different because of you. He's a Gemini. With the attention span of-something short....? A kid at heart and constantly on his phone he was like 35 years old. He alternated between having a fantastic beard and not. He was tall and the colour of coffee with too much creamer in it. His was always warm and his hands were calloused. I met him only about 5 times. But wow, the impact they had on me. My first date with him was to this weird tiny sushi place near by that made me try on a kimono. The kimono was pretty but at that time I was incredibly concerned about my weight and the pictures-too me- show my discomfort. I wanted to /die/ and none of the pictures turned out well. I was grimey in them all. It was a time, I guess. He was generally nice, we didn't really hit it off but it could have been much worse. He spoke both English and Japanese to me. We went to a coffee shop afterwards and chatted, and we started getting along pretty well. It was the beginning of something different. He was the kind of person that unknowingly, just changed my life every time I saw him. Like a prophet. He would spout incredible words of wisdom and encouragement. He is the reason I tried for my job at 711 He is the reason I continued Japanese and even the base reason I started Chinese. This boy, just goes. He has an idea, a dream, and he just GOES. He asks, he tries, he studies, he connects, even if he doesn't feel like it, even if he's scared! He just DOES. And that was /life changing/ to me. That was like Shila LeBeouf (I spelled that wrong) just yelling at me to JUST DO IT. Don't let things hold you back. Don't let your dreams fall. Pursue! Do! Get up! Say! He also taught me what I wanted in a partner. And he was the reason I finally broke up with Neal. He took me to movies, bought me small gifts from places he went, we walked through toys r us and played with nerf guns together. We held hands, kissed sometimes, went to the arcade, always ate dessert, was just fine with each others company-not always having to talk. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas together. I slept with him only once on that Christmas Eve. The day we went to a manga cafe and read manga for like 4 hours. He would help me with words I could not read. He was always willing to help. The dates tapered to sleeping together and then away from. He still changed me everytime we met. The time I thought was the last one, we just ate breakfast in a coffee shop. And he talked the whole time, and I listened intently. I went home and he didn't kiss me or even touch me. E wished me well and that was that. After everything. I /lost/ it. Bc he was the first like "boyfriend" I've ever had in my adult life. And it made me think about Neal and what I actually wanted from life. And so I sliced half my hair off, and started smoking. (Overly dramatic as I was) and I broke up with Neal for good. I cried a lot, went to work, and slept for a good 3 weeks and that's it. Then I got over it, and began taking what I had learned and improving myself further. Nothing is as bad or as "end" as it seems. Turns out I hung out with him like 3 more times. I met up with him in Tokyo too (he lives in Singapore and was born where I'm studying so I'd see him when he came back sometimes) and I met a group of remarkable adults from all over the world. They each changed my life. Our meetings were always seemingly lackluster but it was okay. In the end I learned so so so much. About who I am, what I want, and how to get it and to stop being so afraid of life. What are we afraid of anyways? Change? Suffering? Rejection? Mediocrity? Get up, do the thing. Even if your scared, even if it's mediocre. /make progress/ no matter how small and don't let ANYONE. EVER. Tell you you can't. You can. And you will. You will have what you want. You are powerful. You are unstoppable.
