#3.14.15

Christopher Kane Gray Ruffled Cashmere Sweater

— SOLDOUT

Rag & Bone Mid-Rise Skinny Leg Jeans

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Stuart Weitzman Lowland Boots

— £770 / $950

Saint Laurent 2014 Calfskin Classic Duffle 6 Bag

— SOLDOUT

I had it all planned out.  We would get engaged after about a year and get married on Super-Pi Day.  Because Super-Pi Day was on a Saturday and it would only happen once in our lifetime.  And I am a super-nerd, and so I had to be married on Super-Pi Day.

It was important to Steve to see his building finished, and he would not be able to move in March.  He would not be able to move until October, probably.

“Then let’s get married on Super-Pi Day anyway,” I insisted.

We were not even engaged.

And we did not get engaged on our anniversary.

And he did not want to be married and live apart.

So, we decided to elope toward the end of summer instead.  On a trip that was already planned with my son.  It would be just the three of us and it would be perfect.  I did not care about a wedding, nor a honeymoon.  I just wanted to be married to this man.

Steve proposed on Christmas morning, 2014.

And his mother made it clear that eloping would not be okay with her.

So, I was back to wishing for Super-Pi Day Wedding.

And then his brother had a stroke and threw the family into turmoil.

I watched my dream of a super-pi day wedding slip away...

But then...  With about five weeks to go, Steve agreed.  

We quickie sent out a Facebook invitation and our Super-Pi Day Flash Wedding was born.

And by Flash, we meant “do it, get ourselves married, then go back to work on Monday”.

WE GOT MARRIED!!! <3 A personal update.

I have been looking so much forward to writing this life update! :) We got married!!! Yay! <3 (more…)

I. PRE-SHOW

so we got in line around 5 and started painting our faces and stuff and i was halfway through what i was doing before i realized that i’d accidentally painted the pansexual flag on my face so i was just like TRU! and left it that way

 and then we started eating our sandwiches for dinner and drawing on ourselves and stuff. and also the security there were so nice??? they were just like “make sure you guys are drinking water!! stay hydrated!!” and they came around with a trash bag for us. like i don’t think ive ever seen security do that in my life so god bless

 the only thing that sucked was that the street we lined up on was basically a giant hill and we weren’t allowed to sit down bc it would block the sidewalk and was a safety hazard and blah blah blah okay SFPD we get it. so we basically just had to stand there with our feet at a 45 degree angle for an hour which was pretty painful.

the reason i only say an hour was because even though we got there 2 hours before doors at like 6:15 they opened up the lobby and the line started moving into it AND I WAS STILL FUCKIN EATING MY SUBWAY so we were like running to keep up with the line with me eating my sandwich and dropping olives everywhere

and ALSO when we were going into the venue we saw chris from the griswolds unloading stuff from the van so i was just like “hey" and i dont think he heard but that was cool anyways

most of the stuff in the lobby was just me being confused about the lines and the ppl who’d been in line since morning and got special wristbands and VIP going in and anxiously texting my mom bc i had her ticket even though they hadnt checked them yet. but that was all okay in the end so who cares. oh and we also met this other girl named vanessa in front of us and we agreed to stand together in the concert and we basically became concert friends if u know how that works

sooo when we went inside i was actually pretty surprised at how close we were able to get considering we hadn’t been standing in line for that long compared to the amount of people that seemed to be there??? nICE

more people we met:

these 2 girls to the side who sat down on the floor with me because we didnt want to stand for like an hour

these other 2 girls behind us who sang along to my body by young the giant with me when they played it over the PA which made me tell them about how i saw them at not so silent night which made us start discussing all the concerts we’d gone to. also one of them had her arm in a cast and i told her that was hardcore and the other one said “i’m your sister and i didn’t even sign it yet!!” so i let her use the sharpie i had in my bag to sign it lmao

and okay i guess that was pretty much it before the show started

II. THE SHOW

the griswolds were actually really good yo!! i’d listened to them on spotify a bit before so i knew like half the songs they played. although we only made it like a song and a half into their set before someone broke out the weed and started smoking. stay classy san francisco. also a couple songs into their set someone started throwing flower crowns at them so they put them on. and they said it was the drummer’s birthday so we all sang happy birthday to him even though we didn’t really catch his name. it was like “HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ...drummer... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU” and chris also said that they’d be hanging out at merch after the show so when they finished emi was like “should we try and meet them?” and i was like “sure!!”

we’d moved a little during the set so i was next to another girl now (afterwards she told me her name was madeleine) and we basically bonded over how gorgeous kevin ray was. i mean im still mostly gay but COME ON he is just too much. we also realized that we were on the same side of the pit solely because we wanted to be closer to kevin so that was funny. oh and i ended up painting her face really fast bc she said she’d wanted to do it but didn’t have any and i just offered to so yee

AND THEN FINALLY walk the moon came on with their little circle of life intro that everyone sang along to and that was just super cute. okay the rest of their set is gonna be in highlights bc i cant say everything:

different colors (and shut up and dance) had some of the best lightings i’d ever seen because it was all flowy and colorful and cute and yEAH

also a couple songs in the flower crown person started again and nick wore his but kevin put his on sean’s drum kit lmao

also speaking of sean he was the only one who i got no good pictures of because of the angle and the lighting and it was very sad

but anyways i still love the “shall we get intimate again” part of shiver shiver because everyone claps and all

at one point eli and nick did the back-to-back playing/singing thing except eli started like leaning all the way over nick and both of them were laughing and it was so cute

i think during avalanche i’d made it a little closer to the front and the middle which sounds good BUT there was some REALLY TALL guy and his girlfriend like dancing and making out RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. and like okay i get it but some of us want to actually watch the band (which they weren’t even doing) and so after tolerating them and mouthing “what the fuck??” to the people around me who kept looking at them i very politely pushed in front of them. OKAY maybe i lied and i wasnt that nice but madeleine (who was somehow still next to me) asked to go in front of them and they said yes so we were happy with that

and SOOO right before up 2 u nick said something like “it’s okay for you to take videos but i think you’d have a hell of a lot more fun if you didn’t watch the concert through your phones” and i was like “...........guilty” and can i just mention that up 2 u has like the most intense beat drop ever? i dunno is that even considered a beat drop? guitar drop? whatever its awesome

portugal was amazing and i was emo through the whole thing but then aquaman right after that was so pretty

aND THEN when we heard the intro to sidekick emi and i looked across the pit to each other like “!!!!!!!!!!!!” bECAUSE WE DIDNT THINK THEY WERE GONNA PLAY IT BC IT WASNT ON ANY SETLIST I SAW BUT THEY DID AND WE LOVE THAT SONG AND AHHH

at another point some really tall dude next to me asked between the songs “who’s the sexiest one up there” and i said “KEVIN” with no hesitation whatsoever and im proud of that

and then of course after shut up and dance where everyone was singing along and actually dancing was i can lift a car!!! in nicks speech before it he was like “who’s never been to a walk the moon show before??” and most of the people cheered but i was like nOPE and then he said “well it’s time for the rest of you who have to initiate them” and then gave this speech about getting rid of “all the bullshit, all the shit that’s weighing you down” and pushing it out of your body and into the air and of course i loved it

and he also did a crowd stand towards the left during the last chorus and everyone was moving towards him but i knew i had no chance so i just took that opportunity to push as far forwards as i possibly could and it worked

during jenny nick took out his monitors to hear us sing the first part and i noticed that and was like hell yeah and then of course there was the jumping bit

and then after they went offstage everyone started chanting “ANNA SUN ANNA SUN ANNA SUN” even though we KNEW they were gonna play it in the encore but whatever. and then for the encore they came out and told us how great we all were and covered all these things that i’ve done by the killers and anna sun had the flashlight part which i’d pretty much forgotten about and it lit up the whole venue and it was SOOO MAGICAL and that was pretty much the end. HAHA SIKE THERE’S STILL LIKE 2 MORE HOURS WORTH OF SHIT TO WRITE ABOUT

III. POST-SHOW

so first when we got out of the main dancefloor and into the hallway the griswolds were already there next to merch and taking pictures with people so we just kinda waited in the organized blob for a couple minutes and got pictures with them and they were so nice yea!! and then we finally found my mom and drank water and went to the bathroom and stuff. 

and then we went outside the venue to the front near the tour bus but after a few minutes the security told us we had to go to the street where we lined up so we did. and that hour mostly just involved me tweeting and us being really thirsty and was pretty much uneventful except for these slightly shady guys trying to sell us t-shirts. emi actually bought one but wanted to exchange it for a different color (hA) so he just threw us this other one and when we tried to give the original back he told us to keep it so we each got one and were like...... okay weird. we also heard this girl behind talking to her friends about waiting in line before and saying “i wanted to say hi to kevin when he was going in the venue but i got too nervous bc he was too hot” and i was like trU. but otherwise that’s p much it

and then all of a sudden we hear this strangled cheering behind us and everyone’s standing up and nICK IS THERE OH MY GOD and just like before everyone makes a blob and stands on their tiptoes to try and see him. it tooka while before we were actually able to meet him but that was because he was so sweet and actually taking the time to talk to everyone and hear their stories and stuff. one thing i remember from the line is this one guy g=behind us saying “my parents are gonna make me go to church tomorrow and i’m gonna be like [dying animal noise]” so i said “well there’s one right over there” and pointed at grace cathedral across the street and the girl with him said “no this is the only religious experience you need” and we all cracked up. and aLSO while we were in line for that we thought it was only gonna be nick..... BUT THEN KEVIN CAME OUT TOO AND I WAS LIKE.... THIS IS IT. I AM DONE FOR. I WILL NOT SURVIVE THIS..... GOD

when we were just about to meet nick he was telling the group in front of us about all his bracelets (holy shit he has so many they go like halfway up his forearm) and how people give them to him and he just waits for them to fall off but sometimes they don’t. BUT THEN THERE WE WERE OH MY GOD and first we both hugged him (HE WAS SUCH A GOOD HUGGER AND HE SMELLED SO GOOD OH MY GOD) and then emi gave her shoe to nick for him to sign and then i gave him my ticket and was like “thank you so much you’re amazing” (emi was crying for happiness so i think i did most of the talking) and he was like “thank you for coming out do you guys want a picture?” and we were like “YES!!” so then we took the picture and he said “and your names are....?” and emi said “emily” and then he looked at me and i said “sonia, and i also wanted to thank you guys for everything you’ve done to support the LGBTQ community, that really means a lot to me” (and i guess id just outed myself in front of my mom but i dont think she was listening) and he said something like “thank you, we do what we can” and then emi and i hugged him again and we said “thank you so much, have a great night” and he said “you too, i love you” (HE ACTUALLY SAID THOSE WORDS????? TO US???? IM CRYING I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME) and then we went to kevins line in an even greater state of emotional distress

okay SO when we got over to kevin he was talking to someone about french or something but then he started telling the whole group around him “wait you guys know dallon from panic right?” and we were all like “yes of course!!” and he said “well we ran into him in anaheim yesterday and he actually based his new bass off of mine” and that was pretty cool. fun piece of unique trivia right there. but then he noticed that emi and this one other girl were freaking out so he put his hands on their shoulders and was like “young lady... breathe.” which definitely didnt help at all. and then when he was done talking to them emi went up to him and had him sign her shoe and for the picture he like pretended to eat her head and it was SO CUTE and she was definitely more composed than she was for nick. damn wish the same could be said for me tho... i think like my whole process of rational thought disappeared in like 2 seconds. but anyways i said hi and went up to him and hugged him and just noticed how nice he smelled...... wtf...... it was something like sharp and herbal like rosemary and pine trees or something...... i hope that doesnt sound creepy. and then i gave him my ticket and was like “yeah i dont have anything cool like a shoe to sign” and he said “that’s okay i’ve signed some pretty weird stuff, i signed someone’s inhaler once” and i said “oh yeah i heard about that” because i did in like their pupfresh interview bUT THEN EMI AND MY MOM START ACCUSING ME OF BEING A STALKER RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM AND I START LAUGHING AND GETTING REALLY FLUSTERED LIKE PLEASE.... I AM TRYING TO MEET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE HERE..... and thats why in the picture i looked so giggly because i was. and then i was like “wait one last thing, is that shirt (the red one he was wearing) like your official bay area shirt or something? because i swear you wore it when i saw you guys at not so silent night” and i think he thought i was referring to the tank top he was wearing under it because he said “i dont even think i owned this back then” but then emi and my mom were like SONIA YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING and i started laughing again and saying “NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT I PROMISE IM NOT MEAN... OR A STALKER” and at this point we were all laughing so we just said bye to him and started heading back. and i guess that experience was tantamount to your friends teasing you in front of your crush so i suppose i know what thats like now. we said bye to nick one last time and then went back towards the car.

and the car was like at this hotel valet thing and at the point while my mom was talking to the guy who had her keys it finally hit us that we met them and we were WHIMPERING. like collapsing on the sidewalk hugging each other and sobbing. and my mom is still talking to the hotel/valet guy and he was like “are they okay?” and my mom said “yeah they met the band” and he goes “ah i see” and while my mom gets her keys she asks to use the bathroom and he just invites us all in the hotel to do that??? at like 1 am with 2 emotional wrecked girls?? and emi asks him “also could we possibly have some water” and he says “yeah sure i’ll have some ready for you when you come back from the bathroom” and he was SO NICE OH MY GOD he was our hero.

 so once we’re done with that we start getting back in the car AND LITERALLY JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT TO LEAVE FOR GOOD emi says “oh hey it’s the singer from the griswolds!!” and he was just walking down the street drinking a beer so we went up to him and said hi and thanks for a great show and we got better individual pictures with him and we were like holy shit.

Last night was great. It did not exceed nor fall short of my expectations. It was simply exactly what I wanted it to be...a simple night of prayer and worship.

I understand that I don’t really express how I feel, anymore. I try my best to refrain from venting out my anger on tumblr/social media or going to someone when I need someone to talk to. I have been keeping to myself a little more than usual compared to the past years, and it’s unhealthy for me. I’ve been cultivating anger in my heart and I know that it doesn’t make my stressful life any easier. There are so many things that can really get the best of my patience, and I tend to dwell on those exasperating thoughts. Despite how goofy, happy, and funny I’ll be on the outside,  I’ll admit it right here...I am low-key angry all the time about something. 

I won’t say that I needed last night because I understand fully that I didn’t need it to begin with. I am a 21 year old guy who should understand what is needed and what is needed to be done in his life. The worship was great, the fellowship was amazing, and the fact that my hands are in pain from banging on the cajon makes last night even more worth it. Seeing teenagers come together as one big group to praise the Holy Spirit brings joy to my heart. But...I didn’t need last night. 

We should stop treating prayer as if we were talking to a teddy bear. Let’s grow up a bit and realize that teddy bear isn’t going to do anything for you. Stop talking to God, and start talking with Him. Pour out your heart. Confess your sin. Cry to Him in your times of despair. Thank Him for the times of joy and blessing. That’s what we need to do more of...treating prayer as a real conversation with our Father, rather than some emergency hotline. 

I caught a glimpse of the future As the sunset It was much more beautiful Than I had any right to expect

She stood with a ukulele on her back Hair pulled into a loose pony tail Ready to travel across the world She isn’t me, but she could be

She stood pretending to surf On a piece of driftwood we found She looked so carefree She isn’t me, but she could be

He had a deck of cards And an easy laugh He could be anyone’s friend He isn’t me, but he could be

Her hair was red, her dress floral She balanced between Calm and chaotic She isn’t me, but she could be

They stood in a loose circle Murmuring about the groups To the left and to our right Both smoking pot

“Sketchy” they labeled them With sneers they disregarded them Do they realize how many of my friends would fit right in I’m not them. I hope I’ll never be