tomorrow’s my 28th birthday. when i was a teenager, i thought by now i’d be...not where i am now lol. last year i thought i’d be more ahead than i am now. i thought i would have had my acceptance letter to medical school. i thought L and i would still be together. i thought i would have hit my goal weight by now. it’s scary..being this close to 30 with not much to show for it and not for lack of trying. it’s so hard for me to trust God nowadays. because i’ve been let down so many times. and i genuinely can’t take anymore.
but i’ve got to keep going. even if it’s foolish, i need to keep pressing on.
lately i’ve been utilizing the law of attraction. it helps me be more positive, so that’s a good sign. everyday for the last week and a half or so, i’ve written out what type of life i want; the man i want, my education, my body, etc. there are so many things that i want that i’ve been too afraid to reach for in hopes of getting heartbroken again. but that’s over.
28 is going to be the re-birth year. whether it’s by surgery or another route, i will lose this excess weight. podiatry school is not an option for me because i genuinely hate the entire field. i will get accepted to medical school and i will matriculate. i’ll settle down with the kind of man that i deserve: an ambitious, kind hearted, successful and respectful man. i’ll live the life that i’ve been yearning for since i realized how grey and lackluster my life was.
the trauma is over. the rejection is over. the heartache is over. i’m leaving it all behind. instead of being in the backseat of my own life, i’m hopping up front. i’m taking control. i refuse to live in lack anymore, working a dead end job stuck with my shitty body...i’ve paid my dues and it’s time to roll.
celebrating with my family and best friend tomorrow. praying i don’t get too emotional about my lack of accomplishments but if it happens, it happens. hitting everything hard on monday. i’m not taking any prisoners for 28.