what would i do if i wasn't afraid?

L is not the one. That’s like...glaringly obvious at this point. He blocked me on Whatsapp and Fetlife, which really hurt my feelings. Also, he’s dating some white girl a few years younger than him, which really isn’t his MO. Even though he’s in a relationship, he’s also still active on Fetlife. I was distraught when I saw that they were together, he’d introduced her to his college friends and they’d all gone skiing together. I was heart broken, actually. She made her IG public for a little while and posted a live of them at a basketball game. Seeing them together, it broke my heart. Everything I’d thought and fantasized about L just never came to pass.

BUT. I’m over it now lol. I just deserve so much better. I’m in medical school, I’ve lost 70 pounds (with more to come), I’m funny and caring and amazing and feminine. L not seeing that is his own problem. And that’s what the reader yesterday told me. That he’d eventually come back with a possibly tempting offer but I shouldn’t take it because it’s bullshit. L has been a liar since literally before we even met in person. But I allowed myself to be blindsided by everything “good” he had going on. Why waste my time and emotions on that when I can just have better?

The reader discussed my future man. Whether or not it’s actually true, that will be determined but it did lift my spirits. He’s well-educated, with caramel skin (thank God he’s not white lol), a really nice guy, taller than me with some meat on him, funny, etc. Just everything that I deserve and should have TBH. And I’m looking forward to meeting him or whoever my soulmate is meant to be.