#2831

First time i experienced the death of a pet and it sucked ( aside from the time my snails died when i was 10 and that still sucked but it didn't hit as hard I'll be honest )

he was only 13 and renal failure kinda hit him out of nowhere. by then i already knew there was no realistic chance he was going to get better, i was already aware that my parents were taking him to the vet to put him down, but augh. actually being told that it was done made me cry for hours. sucked.

here's a pic & a vid from when he was first brought home :

tiniest ball of fluff who was named Boule de Neige because i already sucked at giving names and didn't realized it'd be too long to pronounce and we'd just constantly call him Bouboule instead

After high school i was around less and less but he stayed at my parents place since he was used to it. big & grumpy majestic idiot who just became a constant part of the household that you don't really expect will actually be gone, yknow

( i liked this one a lot and it's still my phone's background but i'm very pissed because i used to have another one snapped mere seconds earlier, where he was still sleeping. it was set as my lock screen and it was perfect. then i lost my phone and i guess i should be glad that at least one of the two was transferred through cloud saves or whatever )

this was like...weeks before he started dying. he never got along too well with Treize because she wanted to play with him and he just wanted to be left alone, but near the end they'd sleep together like that sometimes. maybe he was just too tired at this point.

ANYWAY.

iwas away from home when he started feeling unwell and was only going to come back for like christmas but he just couldn't wait that long. in a way i'm "lucky" i didn't have to witness him getting weak and in pain but it sucks that i couldn't see him again. it sucks that he died alone because my mom couldn't bear being there at the end. i hope he was ok, i hope it didn't hurt. i hope he had a good life i'm feeling better now because that was almost literally a year ago but i'm kinda crying again now ngl. thinking about Sleep in the Heat by Pup.

i don't know how to give a smart conclusion to this