What a beautiful freaking week of weather. We’ve been spending it mostly outside and while I’m exhausted, I’m loving it.
Ups & downs, ups & downs. When I post rarely, I usually mostly include the ups, I guess, because they feel more notable and important and worth highlighting. But man, Mother’s Day is just kinda bumming me out this year.
I still am blessed to have my mom and my mother-in-law here; it’s not that. I think I’ve distilled it down to this, in my mind:
Every year for Mother’s Day, but also for all family birthdays, Father’s Day, holidays, Christmas, important occasions, you name it.. I take it upon myself to make sure that everyone else in my life is made to feel special. For Mother’s Day, you better believe I’ve got my mom and MIL covered with thoughtful gifts, cards, flower deliveries, etc.
The person in my life who I feel like on Mother’s Day should be doing that for me, isn’t. And hasn’t. And it’s not malicious and it’s not really even purposeful. It’s just a personality thing. But a few days before every holiday, Mother’s Day, birthday, whatever, I usually (always) hear “umm, what do you want/what do you wanna do? cuz I haven’t gotten or planned anything.”
Compounding it for me this year, I think, is that what I’m currently doing — being pregnant with what is actually my fourth pregnancy, after having lost an infant last year — feels impossibly, insurmountably, awfully difficult and frankly fucking unfair, and it’s largely just business as usual day to day. Like it’s nbd.
I guess it’d just be nice to feel like my person was willing to go out of their way to plan something to make me feel special, and it sucks that it doesn’t happen while I’m busy doing it for the other moms in our lives. 🤷🏻♀️ I can’t really say anything without feeling like I’m just being petty and selfish, because he refuses to celebrate Father’s Day.
GRANTED - he’s spent the past two weeks working very diligently on renovating part of our unfinished basement into a new room where I’ll move my office and where we will make a nice guest room. Once that space is finished, we can move the guest room out of our third bedroom and make it into the nursery for baby 3. It’s largely “for me”, because it’s going to be my office. So, ladies, am I just being ungrateful? Should I just be grateful he’s doing that with the renovations and get over myself about everything else? I know these renovations would have happened regardless, but. Who knows. My brain is fried.
Oh. And my MIL is coming for a visit tomorrow and she’s going to be taking my cats home with her. She’s adopting them from me (us) because she’s wanted cats and I can’t handle having them here anymore. That’s a whole other can of worms. Boiled down very simply: I’ve always loved them dearly and now, and for quite some time, I can’t stand them being around me and need them to go to another happy home. Can’t do it anymore. Now that will be interesting to pick apart in therapy, eh?
Win some, lose some, right? Such is life.
