#2017 jokes

Do you know what I think?

Fred and Mary get married but can’t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, “No”. Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?” His mom replies, “Never mind what you think! Just go to school.” Johnny comes home…

Oh God,I’m coming!

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, “When you die and go to Heaven… which part of your body goes first?” Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it’s your hands.” Why do you think it’s your hands, Suzy?” Suzy replied, “Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.” “What a…

Hold on, let me get my hat

A guy is walking down the street with some chicken wire under his arm. His neighbor sees him and asks what he has. The guy replies, “It’s chicken wire and I’m going to catch some chickens.” His neighbor says, “You fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.” Later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 chickens. The next day he sees him walking down the street with…

Because you got an F

A Mom is driving a little girl to her friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?” The mother looks over at the little girl, “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, it isn’t polite.” the mother warns. “Ok,” the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?” “Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions and are really none of your…