#doctors jokes

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!"

What doctors say, and what they are really thinking:

This should be taken care of right away: I planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

Welllllll, what have we here...?: He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

Let me check your medical history: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

Why don't we make another appointment later in the week.: I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time.  or I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

We have some good news and some bad news: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

Let's see how it develops: Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

Let me schedule you for some tests : I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

I'd like to have my associate look at you : He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

I'd like to prescribe a new drug: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call : I don''t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

That's quite a nasty looking wound : I think I'm going to throw up.

This may smart a little : Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...? : I'm stalling for time.Who are you and why are you here?

This should fix you up. : The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

Everything seems to be normal. : Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

I'd like to run some more tests : I can''t figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves? : You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...

There is a lot of that going around. : My God, that's the third one this week. I''d better learn something about this.

If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment. : I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.