#2016goals

I’m just completely blown away by all this. What started as a New Year’s Resolution has completely changed my life. I don’t even know where to start! This is probably going to be some kind of long, rambling, disorganized post, so please bear with me.

I had like 20 goals that I started with, and looking at them now http://azjumper.tumblr.com/post/136862483917/ways-i-want-to-improve-myself-in-2016 ) I did such a damn good job of keeping them. I got fit, ate healthier, ate less sugar. I got to my goal of drinking water! 2000ml a day now! I hardly ever pick my face! I almost never add to the scars on my arms and legs. Even little things like floss and moisturize more, I’ve been more consistent about it. I can ride my unicycle! And play my guitar!!! I’m learning Through the Valley now! I exercise so often, its a part of my life. I don’t binge eat nearly as much as I did before I started this journey. Even shit like cut and dye my hair- I DID THAT! I HAVE RED HAIR RIGHT NOW! 

I have come so far on all of my goals. And I know I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t commit to these Goals.

I just looked through my #2016goals tag and wow was that a rollercoaster of emotion. I had such a year. Up and down. Hot damn it was a rough time. I wanted to give up, to say Fuck it, to die. But I didn’t. I pressed on, and look where I am today. So much better than I was a year ago. 

Lookin back on the year, I can tell my peak was in summer, when I was active and working out like 6 hours a day. I know I can’t be that way during the school year and thats okay. What matters is that I’m trying and I’m taking care of myself.

I eat so much healthier than I did a year ago. I’m now vegetarian, and working towards a plant-based diet. I want to do this well. I want to be healthy while doing this. And I will be. This year was the healthiest I’ve ever been, even if sometimes it didn’t feel like it. 

I am so strong. I am physically so much better than I’ve ever been. Again, my peak was over summer, but I’m glad I had that. I plan on getting it again, for good. I can kick ass now and I’m proud of it. I love my body, even if I don’t feel like it sometimes. 

On the other hand, 2016 was a bit rough, mentally. Kylie was right. 2016 was the year of realizing stuff. I realized I am not just upset sometimes, I am dealing with depression and anxiety. I’ve kinda accepted that. I also understand now that I deal with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I’ve always always always been extremely self-critical. To a point of obsession. I think this is where the idea for my Goals came from. My aspiration to be perfect. But I know it is unattainable. It is impossible for everyone. But I can never stop trying, and I will always push myself to that. Even if I’m never truly satisfied with who I am, I can recognize that it is the BDD talking, not logic. I hope to be able to work with that in 2017. I realized that I am not perfect mentally, and that’s okay. I will improve, in spite of that.

2016 has challenged me so much. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. But I made it. I made it goddammit. And I’m so proud of that. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come, and how hard I’ve tried. I’m so fuckin proud of the progress I have made. So I am so excited to see what 2017 has in store for me.

Finally.