#20-something

girl in the wind

It’s really such a nice feeling to know that you can be a source of support for your younger wlw sisters - and honestly, I want more 20-something (and older) lgbtq’s to feel like they can stand in solidarity with their younger counterparts as well!!

If you gathered the small group of guys I’ve been in relationships with you’d quickly realize they don’t look anything alike, and personality-wise I’d say the only thing they have in common is being very smart, but annoying drunks. I’ve been in Facebook official relationships with a ginger who had varsity letters in five sports, a West Point grad who wanted an industrial bar piercing, and an introverted software engineer. 

Apparently the guys I’ve been attracted to the past couple of years tend to look younger than their actual ages. I realize how super fucking creepy that sounds, but before you call Benson and Stabler, picture actors in their mid to late 20′s that play like college students, that’s what I mean. Maybe that’s from years of flight seatmates asking which colleges I’m applying to, years after graduation, or how prone my fair (read: super pale) skin is to beard burn. Regardless, the “hot” guys I literally point out to my friends look like they could be running for homecoming court or proofreading their valedictorian speeches. I’m talking tall, stick figure like builds, skin so soft they must only watch Jennifer Aniston’s Aveeno commercials, topped off with a full head of boyband-esque hair and a curfew I assume is 2 a.m. Now I’m really trying to treat single life like one big opposite day.

I’m also trying to lower my standards. Not like slutty college peak where I’d sleep with guys for their air conditioning in the summer, low standards. I used to live in a third floor glorified closet that was legally not allowed to be leased as a bedroom. So it was whoever maintained eye contact with me even after they’d seen me dance, or I would sleep on the fire escape half-naked. Either way someone was seeing my boobs whether they wanted to or not. Maybe I should phrase that as expanding my standards. When I was younger (I know I’m still young, by the time I’m 80 we’ll all just be half robots anyway) I thought smoking or too many tattoos would be a deal breaker. Now I think my only deal breakers are maybe not be a devil worshipper or one of those guys that dances with glow sticks in parking lots.

In terms of physical type, I don’t think I have one. Just be taller than me and have four limbs. I don’t have a hair color or eye color preference – you know, all the stuff you decide with a custom American Girl doll. Glasses? No. Freckles? Maybe, if I can connect them with a marker. Prior to my prom king flub, I just preferred guys with what I call, “that baseball player forearm muscle thing,” where if a dude rolls his sleeves up any further the seams would bust open romance novel style. (This is where I have to remind myself to breathe.) Also if your jeans are tight on me, that’s kind of a bummer. Luckily I only wear leggings now, so if I pick up your leggings instead of mine, I think we have a bigger problem. 

Traditionally, I avoid facial hair after a bout in college where my skin would get so red it looked like I sucked face with a box of cherry popsicles. I have recently discovered a bizarre attraction to 80's-inspired police officer mustaches – not the real gun toting cops that let me out of speeding tickets when I cry, I mean the kind in porn (I’ve heard) or most Will Ferrel movies. At first I was worried that something happened in my childhood and I needed to seek professional help. After much soul searching and La Croix cut with white wine, I think I’ve just fallen asleep to so many episodes of Blue Bloods on Ion that Tom Selleck has replaced the good decision making portion of my brain. 

My parents have always thought I’ll ultimately end up with someone older. Apparently I've always erred on the side of being “a bit much” for guys my age. I had wanted to be married before 30, but change that to “just before I die” sounds like a far more realistic and obtainable timeline. When it comes to men and marriage I think it’s a lot like musical chairs. They all kind of dance around and when the music stops some random morning, whatever chair they were inside last is who gets a ring. I think I’ll backslide into my childhood dream of having a boyfriend in every country and just travel, while also being world a famous artist / professional volleyball player. Personality wise my lineup is longer than the Duggar’s grocery shopping list, so let’s leave it at asshole with a heart of gold. I need wit, I need ambition, I need passion, and I need to be able to take a guy places without feeling like I’m rushing him for a sorority or I’ve just adopted a puppy. 

Allow me a brief departure from my usual pessimistic and overall negative outlook on, well, most things, and let me voice a small starry-eyed and hopelessly romantic fantasy I cling to late at night when I’ve convinced myself I have restless leg syndrome and can’t sleep. This may sound crazy, but I do have a heart that craves more than vodka sodas and writing hilarious Yelp reviews. I want someone who finds me indescribably fascinating, who never stops asking me questions, who has the most infectious laugh, and looks at me like he’s trying to remember every thing about every moment. A mutual affinity for Taco Bell is also preferred. And now back to your regularly scheduled biting wit and sass.

Your parents only want what is best for you.

You can’t change your body type.

Meditation actually works.

You aren’t fifteen anymore.

Talking about someone behind their back isn’t going to make you look any cooler.

You aren’t going to have the same friends that you did when you were six. And that’s ok.

People grow apart.

Just because someone tells you they love you, doesn’t mean they will mean it forever.

When you find love, don’t run away.

Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

You are not as alone as you think.

Making a mistake is not the end of the world.

You’re allowed to quit a job you hate.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something.

Sex gets better.

Travel while you are young.

Heartbreak is a universal feeling. And it’s not going to kill you despite what you might think.

Trust your gut.

You have to work at what you want. It’s not going to come to you.

Don’t get back with your ex.

Crying doesn’t make you weak.

You’re allowed to feel lost at this age.

You’re allowed to not know what the heck you are doing.

Work hard in school. It will be worth it.

Don’t let people who treat you badly back into your life just out of comfort.

When you say, ‘I love you’, mean it.

Your dream career may not be what you are going to do for the rest of your life.

Your dream guy/girl may not be who you end up with.

Online dating isn’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

Love is always going to be beautiful.

Mental health isn’t something to joke about.

You’re allowed to drop everything and travel.

You are still so, so young.

You will probably have a quarter-life crisis one of these days, but I promise you, you will survive it.

Block your ex on every social media platform. Trust me.

If you are in love with someone, tell them.

Make mistakes. And then learn from them instead of beating yourself up about it.

Follow your own advice.

If you really want something, chase after it until you get it.

Being kind goes a long way.

Know your worth.

Don’t let people treat like you like a little kid.

How you see yourself is so important.

You can’t hide from your problems.

Tell the truth and come clean if you mess up. Don’t hide.

Grades don’t mean a thing in the real world.

Worrying more will not do anything to help you.

You need to surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself, not people that bring you down.

Don’t ever take anything for granted, especially the people who you love.

Say ‘I love you‘ as much as you can.