#2-17-16

This has probably been the worst month ever! And things don’t seem to be getting any better....

Okay okay so! I had a realization. I wanna go on a second date with that guy right. But I dont know for sure and im debating it. And I mean thats normal for me. But my thoughts are usually what if I dont like him what if I feel awkward what if I get bored what if he starts to annoy me. And with this guy im like what if he doesn't like me??? What if I make him feel awkward????? What if he thinks im gross??? Or materialistic? Or annoying???? Like that never really really occurred to me too often....im always stopping myself because I dont know if I will like them. But rn with him im worried he wont like me. Meaning. I do like him. Shit. This is good yet bad?! Because I finally like someone for reals again.....and because WHAT IF HE DOESN'T LIKE ME??????? :(

the only sorta productive thing i did today was not weigh myself. but that was kinda useless bc im back to my old eating habits (bagel, carrots w hummus, coffee, water & cigs) 

i didnt have work or class today i thought i was gonna be productive w art but i feel shitty. this always happens. i feel so guilty.

Shit...today is the day...today is the day which two years ago I was falling in love for the first time. That's kind of awesome though. That I fell in love. Like thats cool. I hope to do it again because it was fun.