#1mo

Infinite Stratos 2

——

this one’s a little bit belated considering that our one month was technically yesterday, but i still want to post this nonetheless.

i know I always say it, but i’m so lucky and so grateful to not only have met you, but to be with you on this level. having the opportunity to create a deeper bond with you, teaching you about me and learning about you, and slowly (but surely) letting myself be vulnerable around someone again, it’s all been so wonderful and refreshing and i can’t get enough of it.

you being here in my life, it’s been a blessing for me and i can’t emphasize that enough. i’ve told you before, but with the pain i’ve had in the past couple years prior to having encountered you, i told myself that i was going to be more cold and calculating, and not allow myself to be open for anyone the way i had been before. it was a defense mechanism that i was sure i had to employ— but meeting you in person for the first time, i felt something i had never felt before, and couldn’t help but feel an immediate soft spot amidst the walls around my heart.

granted, things haven’t been easy in the way of letting those walls come down; i’ve had my share of anxiety because i felt as if it was too dangerous to get close to someone again. i had to fight every urge to push you away because of that, and then again because i felt as if someone like you was too good for me. there’s a lot of that i have hid from you, and am only mentioning now, because i didn’t want to scare you away with that kind of intensity so soon.

but between the patience you’ve had for me, the sweet words you speak to leave me assured of how you felt for me, and the proof lining up in the consistency of your actions, it’s become less of a struggle to let myself show you the most vulnerable parts of me and let my heart grow closer to you. you make sure i know that it’s okay to show these aspects of myself to you. you help me feel okay in showing what my heart has to offer, and to not leave it guarded in its’ personal suit of armor. all this progress has made the fight within myself worth it and I’m happy to stand where i stand with you.

i’m sure it’ll be an ongoing process, having to deal that nagging voice in the back of my mind and damper my fight or flight, but god, if it hasn’t become infinitely easier to quiet those responses and push them away. and i know on the days that i lack, you will do what you can to help support me and remind me that this is something definitely worth making that change for.

with all of that said, here’s to the time i have been with you, and what i’m hoping will be many many more.

to more endearments and petnames and soft exchanges between the two of us.

to more pancake and late night dinner dates, gazes exchanged across the table that leave a lingering sweetness in my soul.

to more fits of deep laughter, faces scrunched and lips pulled into tight smiles as we try to contain it, but inevitably fail if for no other reason than the sight of the other like this, volleying hysterics back and forth until our sides hurt.

to more sweet nothings exchanged in bed in the dim light of your room, to more of the gentle warmth that being snuggled under a blanket with you brings + the soft touches that leave me swimming in a sea of content.