#1dversary

The thing about 1D anniversaries is that each year they feel both easier and more complex. 2011-2014 were joyous, purely celebrating what they've achieved year after year. 2015 was more difficult. After Zayn left there were a lot of mixed feelings, and there was a purpose to it, an undercurrent of "we're celebrating. we're holding on." that carried onto the following years, after the hiatus started. Then, as time went on, it felt more nostalgic. Still fun! it's always fun to reminisce! But at least to me, it all had a tinge of melancholy. We remember, we miss it, we celebrate it, but it's all in the past.

I'm one of those fans that refused to refer to the break as anything other than a hiatus, because I trusted that it was temporary. Even when the 18 months passed, when the lads' holiday never came to be, when it was clear they had all moved on, I always trusted they'd eventually find their way back home, no matter how much time it would take. But time went on, and that trust turned into hope. Any kind of reunion probably wasn't in their plans, but One Direction was too much, too important, to never come back to, right? Then, after losing Liam, that hope had to be shelved away. After that I had to come to terms with the fact that One Direction truly was in the past, only alive in our memories, and through our love.

That notion made me feel sad at first (still kind of does), until I had the opportunity to do research on the One Direction fandom, and look into how this community holds itself together. I made a separate post about the theory and my research behind it, because it got to be too long! But the main thing I found out that relates to the anniversary is that being a fan of One Direction is a collective experience, one that engages with our understanding of ourselves and our sense of community.

Being a One Direction fan isn't just about listening to their music or paying attention to them. It's relating to them, creating shared memories, growing alongside them. There's this parasocial element that we're all aware of, right? One Direction was born out of chance and out of love, and "we" were there right from the beginning. So there's two levels of community at play: "we" as in One Direction and directioners, and "we" as in directioners. Being a directioner meant being a part of a collective, and through that collective, a bond to One Direction was built

When I asked fans what they thought the future will be like, they all said "we'll still be here". The "we" is implicit, because we are directioners, and we are One Direction.

We are One Direction fans, and we'll always have this place to come back to, this place that we built and we maintain through our memories and actions. Because what we experienced and what we felt doesn't fade away. Even when we listen to their music on our own, we aren't really alone, are we? Not to be cheesy but: "if you ever feel alone, don't - you were never on your own and the truth is in this song" </3

So when we think about One Direction and celebrate, it isn't like we're stuck in the past. Rather, we're reactivating these feelings and the love that seems to be evergreen. Our personal experience and our community. We experienced so much, whether we were actually there or, especially for newer fans, we retroactively felt it. We have a shared past, and through that we continue building on it.

I feel like that acknowledgment makes the anniversary take a different tone for me. It's all in the past, yes, but that doesn't mean it's gone. Last year we mourned, but now it's a purposeful celebration. Of course, Liam's memory will always be present. There wouldn't be a One Direction without Liam, and he will never be forgotten. I can't state enough how much I miss him, especially today. But through that struggle, we're back to "we're celebrating. we're holding on".

I'll finish this long long post with an analogy from one of the people I interviewed: each fan is like a moth. We may not always be together, but as soon as there's light we all band together and congregate as one.