#180seconds

Hey, it's me. I just wanted to call and tell you just how proud of you I am. I know some days can be hard and some days you beat yourself up for not doing things that you knew you should do, but I am proud of you because no one else in the world exists the same way that you do.

 I know existing in an of itself can be hard some days, but you're doing it and you're doing it  the the way that only you can. You're doing it at the pace that you are comfortable going. Sure it may not be at the pace you think you should go,but baby steps, my friend. You'll get there eventually. Don't rush your own grow some progress. I promise that the end result is worth it. Just stick around to see it, okay. I'm here with you, and I here for you through all this shit you have to put up with just to be in this world. You have my word.

This voicemail has been submitted to @180seconds.

 I don't really ever like people, not like like-like  them. You know the  way middle schoolers like each other. Whatever. And I like-like this guy. And it's weird cuz I don't even like guys. I mostly girls.

 And he is funny and handsome and really smart, and I don't even know what to do. And I just feel so overwhelmed.  And I know there's absolutely no way that he will ever think of me like that. And I don't want to do anything because like obviously that would fuck up everything. 

Hi, I don't really know what to say. I didn't think about it before calling. Let's see. I heres something funny. I am Jewish and at our most recent holiday, Purim, which passed a week or so ago I was invited into the kitchen to have a drink to celebrate. And I-shoot. wait. 

 I thought it was going to be wine because that's usually what your drink in religious settings, but it ended up. I was surprised because I drink the whole thing really fast and it was actually whiskey and I choked on it. It was really embarrassing but also kind of funny. So yeah, that's the story for you.

I’m starting to  realize people like me we freak out over the littlest of things. We think this is going to affect me later on in life.] ( I think) I should be freaking out about everything then. But when I have friends and family who are there to back me up or willing to tell me, “Hey you are over thinking this. You're starting to make it worse than you think. I mean true, It's important but there is  always a second chance. Right?”

 It’’s very interesting how, people around me, they seem to understand my anxiety better than I do. I don't know what to do with it. I tried to meditate. I tried punching a pillow. I tried doing everything I can and I can't seem to get it out.

 Yet talking to my friends, my family members, they seem to know what to do and they don’t have it. So makes me wonder. Is it sometimes my anxiety blurs my logic and my emotions and makes it difficult for me to understand myself? Or is it that they saw me panic so many times before they know what to do. but either way. I'm scared for the future but excited. Nervous for it, but as long as I have my friends family here for me. How bad can it be?

Love you like flower petals brushing skin

 pigment curling through water

 orchestral crescendo breaking sun beams over mountaintops

 Love you like a pause before the drums kick in

You are the gentlest and inferno ( I think)  my hands have ever held.

This voicemail has been submitted to @180seconds.