180 Seconds

Why? Well once all the voicemails are collected and shared this blog becomes a kind of museum containing all these tiny little windows into people's lives. It is often tender and strange. So come on in. Stay a while. A peak into some windows, and if you are feeling up to it open up one into your own life and leave a message!

I’ll be picking some voicemails to make into videos like this one.

I live in a desert prairie town pretty small in Texas, but not as small as, well, It's smaller than what most people think of  when they think of a city. And I had recently noticed that it felt awful outside. It's been too cold or too hot as it almost always is. And you look out and you just see fields of miserable miserable dead trees and brown grass. And today, I was just driving home by some uh[dogs barking] some- a state park really. I noticed something like look the lake that peeks out just passed off of that brown grass looks bluer or the grass looked more like a sea. I thought this looks more like the ghost of an ocean that once was not a miserable desert. And it gave me a thought about perspective. When I wasn't miserable. The world didn't look so miserable either. And then when the world didn't look so miserable, I felt even less miserable as well. I don't know if there's advice in there. I don't know if there is a good story in there. But it's something I felt like sharing with somebody and you guys seem ad good a place as any to share that. So, thank you for listening. And have a great day.

So I  thought again about that-that- desert scene. That image of grass after grass after grass rolling in waves and I really got caught on that idea of the ghost of an ocean before. You can see birds flying through and couldn't help but think what-what if about there used to be a massive shark or just these now-now they'd be considerably huge but  back then infinitesimals  schools of just wandering roaming fish and what if there we're once- where those deer are running- crabs and sea slugs the size of a house. Or or or or bottom feeders the size of a car just roaming and roaming and roaming. And what if we we were once the site-- of way-- What if above it where the-- what if it's The Echoes of the Waves up top? Once was stood, Who knows how tall? Or what if it wasn't so-- what if it wasn't that big at all? What if it was just a watering hole in the grand scheme of things. Not the ocean level nowhere near deep enough to have once covered where we are. What if it was a- a congregation place for beings ancient and lost. And I just really kept thinking and kept thinking about that and now I kind of want to write a poem about it. but I don't know if I will. I never commit these things and I wish I would because, how epic and beautiful would it be? To know that this land we're in now mirrors a land that was lost.

So I was going to tell- call and tell you about how bad of a night I was having and how much I hated my life. And so I came out to the living room to get wifi and sat down next to my cat and she grabbed my hand with her two front paws and dragged it over to her head and I've spent the past ten minutes petting her and now things don't look so bad anymore. So I hope that whoever's listening to this. They're having this good night as I am now. I hope you feel better soon if you're not. Good night.

Yeah. I just wanted to call and say something.[can’t tell, sorry.] Until this year I never wanted to live, but it worked out this year and I do now. And so if you're listening to this it can work out for you as well. I love you. Bye.

I don't know if it's in box is still active or not. But I mean I'll guess I'll find out. These are some words that have helped me in the past year and it's been a rough year. I mean I found this at a good period of time I guess considering in less than 24 hours I am going to have to be watching my back for my ex that gets off of probation and might try and kill me, but who knows. But if anyone's curious if things get better and they’re worried that will never be able to change and they can't do anything about who they are. My favorite artist gave me my favorite words they go along the lines of, “ In your final days if you change your ways. Stop look up and remember. Choose Your Own Adventure It'll be okay in the end.” I hope you know that and with everything bad that goes on with me and others it gets better in the end. Just keep going to the adventures(?).

So I'm not really sure how to start this or whether or not I’ll stop crying during it. I saw the post. Yeah, I've just seen the thing on tumblr. And I wanted to hear about my year I guess.This year has been the hardest of my life. I fell deeply in love with an amazing girl who, In my mind, I planned a future around. I mean we we can split into two. But but obviously it was all just her dream. I kind of thought that we would still be together and she's losing. And everything surrounding heart, I don't know why should you call me bye? It was amazing, but have been surrounding before you go. Give me a call Tom. And that's cool. I guess. It's my last year high school and my friends all are doing awesome. I miss country 3 years ago. So you're welcome my friend of mine, and then. The new supervising I do a lot here. Did you so much in too much snow? Not really, it's all good person so I can sit alone. I really don't know just this one especially okay. Bye. Bye girl. But I'm feeling really. I don't want to bother 20. $10 a year and I hope things are better than ever made. That I would buy for the back and then Chicago. I look like a blog. Good luck. Okay. I'm getting through. So happy New Year. Yeah. 

And just because I don’t think I’ve ever said it officially anywhere. If you ever want a message not posted for any reason just let me know. 

It's been a while since I've called in to this number. I left a message a long time ago. Where do I even begin? About a year ago. I had to cut ties with someone that I considered a really close friend and there were a lot of contributing reasons for doing that namely it was just taking a big...I-  I'll be the first to admit that I thought I could handle their problems and I overestimated myself and I underestimated their ability to take care of themselves. I put a lot of responsibility on myself and I regret that. I wish I'd been more honest with them and I wish that I had told them when they were hurting me. I don't know if it would have done anything. There were a lot of factors that- a lot of things that added into why I didn't tell them why I wasn't honest. Namely, I was scared that they would hurt themselves. And that was shity of me to assume. And it was shity the way I cut ties. I have a lot of regrets about the way I did it in about how I made them feel. Like it was their inherent. I can't think of a good word to say it. It was like what was natural for them was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. I should have been honest that it was because I was scared and I couldn't handle it and I needed to be more firm about where I stood I shouldn't have left in the wishy-washy way that I did. But I don't regret leaving. And I really do hope that they have gotten help and found friends who are going to help them. I think about them a lot. Sometimes I'm angry and sometimes I miss them. But I know that I'm happier now and in the long run, they'll be better off.

I'm in love. I am in high school and I'm in love. I know already that I want to marry her. But I'm in high school. But at the same time and love. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. I'm a senior. I should know. I should know what's happening in my life. But the only thing that I can think of when I think of the future is her. Then I'm worried that she won't be there and I don't know what I'm going to do if she isn't. Because every time I think about the future whether it's the next 10 days or the next ten years or even the rest of my life she is there. But I'm in high school. How can this be? How can I be sure? How can I know this? How can I even want this? I don't even know what I'm going to do next year. But when I look ten years ahead she is there. I don't know where I  will be or what I will be doing but she's they're doing it with me. And that is so scary. And I can't tell anyone because that’s crazy. But I’m in love. And that's nice. That's really nice.

This voicemail has been submitted to @180seconds. To submit your own call (423) 708-5535

This voicemail has been submitted to @180seconds. To submit your own call (423) 708-5535

So I got into law school the other day and I didn't know I could be so happy that I could cry multiple times in a day because it kept hitting me and this- this is after I spent a year trying to get into law school and I was so sick last year when I was trying to apply that I don't remember it. But a year later, I got into a top-tier law school. And it's just so amazing

I’m walking down the road right now and all I can think of is how all these birds are chirping. All these flowers are blooming and how everything around me so beautiful, but I've been spending last 8 years thinking of all the bad parts of life all the destruction all the chaos all the heartbreak and I want to do that anymore. Not after today. I'm walking down the street with a broken heart looking at the world so fucking beautiful, and I don't feel so broken this time. So after today. No more letting people into my life if they don't serve my purpose. No more dwelling on things that didn't work out, Because if  it work out for a reason I just need to let it go. I should move one.  And, god, I can't. I believe I never saw this before, you know. 8 Years of just suffering and all it took we one last heartbreak to push me over the edge. To see all of this Beauty. I don't think I could ever happier.