#150123

Been really going through it these days. I came to certain realizations about my patterns and it breaks my heart. I wish I was better at recognizing, acknowledging and handling situations differently when they happen. It feels like life is a constant battle. With myself mostly, and the men I attract and want. I really wish to break this cycle and experience a healthy, loving relationship. I want to stop wanting things not meant for me. I deserve better. At the same time I’m on my period, and I’m also being triggered by Ginny & Georgia on Netflix. I recognize certain things of myself in both characters. Maybe it’s good that this is all happening at once. Maybe I needed this breakdown. I need to process my emotions and let it all out. It’s also part of my healing process and a form of self care. I know this sadness won’t last forever, but it really sucks at the moment. The good news is that I did manage to cook a nice meal for myself. Some Surinamese comfort food which reminded me of home (not everything was bad at home ◡̈ ) After dinner I took a nice hot shower, washed my hair and did some skincare. I need to love myself harder on days like these. I need to take extra care of myself when I feel like this. I’m the only one I have that can take care of me. There’s no one else.