#schema therapy

this is a link to my personal google drive, it has lots of dbt stuff, some random other resources that either i or my friends have found helpful incl. DID/OSDD/dissociation resources, & some handouts from a personality disorder program i did (was aimed at pplwbpd officially but the staff all refer to it as the "personality disorder clinic", fwiw)

bunch of other stuff under the cut including video content if that's more your thing

I just devoured A Well-Organized Life in 24 Hours (which is saying something, since I have two small children lol RIP my sleep schedule). It was amazing. You’re a fantastic writer, and this is one of the best Ilya POVs I’ve ever read. A million thank-yous and kudos for all the work you put into it. 🙏

Beyond being a great Hollanov fic, this story actually impacted my life in a significant way. I’m currently studying to become a clinical psychologist. In my country, that means a five-year program followed by a year-long paid internship before certification. So it’s a lot. We’re also required to complete at least 25 hours of documented individual therapy, and this month I need to submit my choice of therapist to my university for approval.

I’ve been in quite a lot of therapy before CBT, psychodynamic therapy, couples therapy, and group therapy and all of it has helped me in different ways. But choosing a therapist this time has felt surprisingly difficult. I have a lot of theoretical knowledge from my studies, and if anything, that’s made the process harder. I think I’ve been overthinking it.

When I read the parts about Maxim and schema therapy, something really clicked. I realized that this might actually be exactly what I need. I think I hadn’t seriously considered it before because I don’t quite fit the “typical” profile we often associate with schema therapy. But something about the way you wrote it just resonated deeply with me. I ended up sitting on the couch crying, completely moved.

It also led to a long conversation with my husband about fanfiction, about how powerful freedom of expression and art can be, and about how important human connection is.

I’m not sure if I really have a question, or if I just wanted to share this with you. But I am of course very curious about your thoughts while writing this fic. I don’t know your personal experience with mental health or therapy, but your portrayal of it reached me in a very visceral way…and I spend a lot of time in that world, so that really says something.

Thank you again for your work. It truly meant a lot to me ❤️❤️

I am just … flabbergasted. You wonderful, gorgeous person, taking the time to write this out and make my heart so so full 💓 💓 💓 I’m endlessly grateful to you for sharing this

My only experience with psychology (apart from a few abortive sessions five years ago) is about twelve months and counting of primarily Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I’ve been going through a major depressive episode for a Hot Minute, and while I’m not in the weeds any more, I’m still in that awkward phase of not-fine, but not-totally-paralysed.

My psychologist spent a few sessions with me talking about the basics of schema therapy, and I was initially a bit resistant because I had an absolutely wonderful childhood, I’m super close with my parents, I was like … this doesn’t sound like me? But then I did some reading on my own and I have never felt so SEEN in my entire life. Like weeping-on-the-bus-reading-about-Defectiveness kind of seen.

When it came to the writing, I went through my copy of Jeffrey E Young’s Reinventing Your Life and tried to answer the questions “as” Ilya, or my interpretation of Ilya, to identify his coping mechanisms and then used some of the guidance there to direct the path of Ilya’s homework and progress.

Apart from Schema Therapy being a fantastic narrative device (since we’re already familiar with the shape of his childhood, and don’t need tons of exposition to explain how those experiences may have impacted him), I also had a clear image in my head of another child’s maladaptive coping being the mechanism to break Ilya’s resistance to therapy, and light up his empathy and protective instincts and make him realise that this could be helpful for him too.

I was honestly pretty nervous about hitting publish on a lot of the chapters because, while it’s just fanfic not a textbook, I’m very much Not An Expert when it comes to Maxim’s side of the conversation here, about guiding Ilya towards healing (hello, Unrelenting Standards, nice to see you again). But since it’s written so boxed into Ilya’s own head, I hoped I could get away with it, just seeing glimpses of the process and showing more of the way the progress is changing him.

This is already too long, but I can’t not say again how unbelievably touched I am. I would like to buy you a coffee and give you a big hug and sit in a cafe and laugh together about abandoning sleep for reading stories where we KNOW they’ll end up together and ask you a million questions about your studies and kids and husband and the whole lot of it.

Flashcards

To deal with all the information that I find out on this journey of unmasking, I create flashcards. They help me remember what triggers I’ve got, how I get overwhelmed and what I can do to make it better. I have several structures.

Trigger flashcard

These flashcards are based on creating specific distressing behavioural plans (in advance) for certain situations, not as much for acknowledging and challenging the feelings and thoughts that accompany those triggers. Because sometimes it’s easier to acknowledge that you got triggered, than the emotions or thoughts that accompany these moments. The focus is therefore solely on calming your nervous system down. These trigger flashcards can change a bit per situation, they are really personally designed for each situation.

Right now I got triggered by (trigger / situation), which makes me feel (uncomfortable emotion).

It’s okay I got triggered by (trigger / situation) and feel (uncomfortable emotion). Because my ((list of) sensory system) gets also (overstimulated/understimulated) by the (trigger/situation).

To help me feel (comfortable emotion), I could ((list of) distressing behaviour). This has supported me in the past to feel (comfortable emotion).

Mode flashcard

They help identify the mode involved, how it was originated and how it distorted my experience or understanding of the world. When the schemata are too abstract for the moment I can use these. They test the reality and help follow the alternative behaviour through. I made two types, because sometimes I can recognise the mode more easier than the emotion that lead to the mode and one emotion is not exclusive to one mode.

Right now I feel (emotions / feelings), because (trigger / situation).

However, I know that this is my (mode). Which I learned through (origin). This leads me to exaggerate the degree to which (behaviour distortion).

So, even though I believe (negative core-believe). The reality is that (healthy view). This is supported by (life examples).

Therefore, even though I feel like (negative behaviour). Instead I could (alternative healthy behaviour).

Or

Right now I am in (mode), which makes me feel (emotion / feelings).

However, this (mode), which I learned through (origin). Got triggered by (trigger / situation) and leads me to exaggerate the degree to which (behaviour / cognitive distortion).

So, even though I believe (negative core-believe). The reality is that (healthy view). This is supported by (life examples).

Therefore, even though I feel like (negative behaviour). Instead I could (alternative healthy behaviour).

Schema Flashcards