#14.13

1.16

JOHN: Listen, Sammy, last time we were together, we had one hell of a fight. SAM: Yes, sir. JOHN: It’s good to see you again. It’s been a long time. SAM: Too long.

1.20

JOHN: I don't think I ever told you this but ... the day you were born, you know what I did? SAM: No. JOHN: I put a hundred bucks into a savings account for you. I did the same thing for your brother. It was a college fund. And every month I'd put in another hundred dollars, until... Anyway my point is, Sam, this is never the life that I wanted for you. SAM: Then why'd you get so mad when I left? JOHN: You gotta understand something. After your mother passed all I saw was evil, everywhere. And all I cared about was keeping you boys alive. I wanted you...prepared. Ready. Except somewhere along the line I ... uh ... I stopped being your father and I ... I became your, your drill sergeant. So when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about, my only thought was, that you were gonna be alone. Vulnerable. Sammy, it just... it never occurred to me what you wanted. I just couldn't accept the fact that you and me -- We're just different... What? SAM: We're not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Jess... (laughs) Well we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone. JOHN: I guess you're right, son.

14.13

JOHN: Oh, she’s, uh, gettin’ your brother a shopping list. She’s gonna make that casserole of hers. SAM: Yeah, Dean and I tried to make that once. JOHN: I, um… I remember. I screwed up with you a lot, didn’t I? SAM: No, that’s okay. JOHN: No, it’s not. Sammy, tell me the truth. SAM: I don’t want to talk about that. JOHN: You didn’t have a problem talking about it before you left. SAM Dad… for me? That fight… that was a lifetime ago. I don’t even remember what I said, and – I mean… yeah. You know what? You did some messed-up things. But I don’t… I mean, when I think about you… [voice breaks] and I think about you a lot… I don’t think about our – our fights. I think about you… I think about you on the floor of that hospital. And I think about how I never got to say goodbye. JOHN: Sam. Son. I am so sorry. SAM: I’m sorry, too. But you did your best, dad. You – you fought for us, and you loved us, and… that’s enough.

but, with the exception of him apologizing to dean and then immediately reinforcing every pattern of behavior the apology meant to amend, he never acts like he needs to repair his relationship with dean. not even a simple apology for going no contact at the beginning of season 1.... not even for the fact that the reason dean doesn't have a peaceful life (14.13) is directly a result of his actions....

and keep in mind in 14.13, what john is apologizing to sam for is literally throwing away a meal that DEAN had tried to cook.....

but there's no part of john's relationship with dean he really tries to repair except as a the aforementioned deathbed confession (famously something you don't actually have to enact)...

Supernatural’s deep-cut references to other queer media and icons continued (multimedia mlm meta madness edition)