#4.17

4x17 | RED HAVEN'S ON FIRE

it's always such a gut punch to get no resolution after dean's emotional breakdown at the end of 4.16. instead we (and dean) get thrown into zachariah's twisted little game.

it's zachariah's favorite tactic: plop people into a world that's designed at every turn to force them to act like he wants them to. gosh, i wonder who he learned that from... anyway...

and i'm sure as hell not the first person to point out dean's actual ken doll outfit; the way he's so resistant to the narrative zach is trying to force; that he doesn't believe in destiny; "all right, look, man, i don't know you, okay? but i'm gonna do a public service and, uh, let you know that—that you overshare"; project runway; "my father's name is bob, my mother's name is ellen, and my sister's name is jo."

but that last point leaves me thinking... who was sam's dad in zach's universe? cause all signs point to john. dean and sam aren't supposed to be siblings in this world so bobby can't be sam's dad. and why would bobby have to be dean's dad here, unless...

cause okay, dean and sam get the last names smith and wesson - which together are a different famous gun manufacturer. but separated out, sam get's wesson - still recognizable as a reference on it's own. but dean gets the famous anonymizer "smith."

in this story, it's sam who believes in destiny, sam who carries the weapon last name, sam who's john's kid, sam who chafes desperately at the monotony of office life.

but dean is.. happy... or at least content to the point of outright rejecting sam's push toward quitting their jobs and hunt full time. dean's reasoning is so revealing:

DEAN: You gotta be kidding me. How would we get by? With stolen credit cards? Huh? Eating diner food drenched in saturated fats? Sharing a crap motel room every night? SAM: That's all just details.

as is sam shrugging off the details (he's never really had to worry about that). dean, on the other hand, has been juggling this shit since he was a kid. this dynamic reminds me of how casual sam is with dean's money in season 1.

DEAN: Details are everything. You don't wanna go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.

some other things that are sweet and worth noting are the way dean is so worried about how stressed out ian is by what he presumes was the feedback dean gave him. dean tries to calm ian down and even follows him to try to make sure he's okay.

and the way dean is nervously rubbing his palms together waiting to tell sam his theory about where sandover's remains are

in general dean is so soft and beautiful in this episode. which is particularly gutting because his arc in season 4 has been awful revelation on top of awful revelation until he's a full of jagged pain and shattering at the end of 4.16.

so this moment of incongruous peace for him feels so fragile. and it's what makes zachariah's speech at the end so cruel.

ZACHARIAH: To prove to you that the path you're on is truly in your blood. You're a hunter. Not because your dad made you, not because God called you back from hell, but because it is what you are. And you love it. You'll find your way to it in the dark every single time and you're miserable without it. Dean, let's be real here. You're good at this. You'll be successful. You will stop it. DEAN: Stop what? The apocalypse, huh? Lucifer? What? Be specific, man. ZACHARIAH: You'll do everything you're destined to do. All of it. But I know, I know. You're not strong enough. You're scared. You got daddy issues. You can't do it. Right? DEAN: Angel or not, I will stab you in your face. ZACHARIAH: All I'm saying is it's how you look at it. Most folks live and die without moving anything more than the dirt it takes to bury them. You get to change things. Save people, maybe even the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women. This isn't a curse. It's a gift. So for God's sakes, Dean, quit whining about it. Look around. There are plenty of fates worse than yours. So are you with me? You wanna go steam yourself another latte? Or are you ready to stand up and be who you really are?

cause okay not to dig too deeply into the dean and john of it all. but... dean very much is a hunter because his dad made him. in this world, where john is not his father, he isn't a hunter; he is free to say all of the reasons he doesn't want to do that and it takes a lot of specific manipulation on zachariah's part to get him to reluctantly even consider changing that.

it's also implied by this speech that either cas told zachariah what dean's feelings were at the end of 4.16 or zach is able to watch and find out on his own... either of which... is upsetting. i love that dean's response is to say he'll stab him. and i love that later on, he gets to.

anyway, zachariah says dean's not in some narrative where god is forcing him to hunt and stop the apocalypse; it's just who he was born to be. and in the next episode, they meet chuck.

supernatural is the best show ever made. we should have gotten one million more seasons.

(and not to be too gay-dean-pilled but the thing about zach's speech is that every part of it is wrong (a common theme of enemies narrating dean). dean is not a hunter in his blood; he was forced by god and his father; he's not miserable without it; it is a curse; and that's not who he is.