#11142020

Lots of good stuff happening on this Saturday! Working from home means I’m really craving fresh air lately, so after a quick stop at the marina this morning, B and I did a mini-hike around a local park. So much yellow! We also found a tree which had dropped a bunch of fruit, which based on a little googling, seems to be osage oranges. Pretty cool. And very, very sticky.

I ran over to the local bakery to pick up some bagels this morning & had to take a photo of this amazing looking pastry selection. I mean. One of everything, please and thank you. Right?

After bagels and the mini-hike, we made one more stop to pick out an area rug for the nursery, which is still a work in progress. We landed on this blue/grey/white rug which I really love. The more I look at it, the more I like it. It’s coming together! Casper also is very obsessed. So soft & squishy.

Okay, I still can't get over this dream I had a day ago. So, remember when we were kinda staying up a bit late getting all confused abt what to do with PE and Media Writing and I said I drank some coffee and was getting really fucking drunk on my sleepiness mixing in with caffeine? I ended up passing out at around 12:50 or some shit. Anw, my body felt super tired and nothing was making sense at all anymore and maybe drinking coffee while being physically fatigued wasn't such a good idea.

The part of the dream I remembered vividly started off with me going near our front door. Like most Filipino houses, we had a front porch with chairs and shit that you would call a terrace. Usually it gets super dark outside bc we lived far away from the main road highway so there was no street lights at all. At around 6 or 7, one of us would open lights we installed on the porch and the little walkway outside so at least we could still see if anyone goes nearby or if there's something going on at the front of the house.

I got up from where I was at the time and tried opening the lights bc it was getting real dark outside. I flicked open the switch, and nothing happened. I tried again and again and again. Nothing. Like the lights were broken.

I looked at the screen door and realized that the outside was basically a black void as if it was super duper late already. That's when I started realizing that things didn't made sense since usually the lights would have been opened by twilight. It wasn't fully clicking yet, but I felt something was off.

I suddenly felt a strange and ominous feeling crawl up my body and I felt pain all over. I had a sudden anxiety spike told me that someone was approaching from the dark void outside and was about to murder me.

My brain came to the conclusion that it was none other than Jim Pickens, outside, about to stab me in the guts. This is when it really clicked in my head that nothing made sense.

"Jim Pickens? That's a sim from CallMeKevin's series. He isn't real. Why am I scared? Oh wait. This is a dream fuck." I honestly thought.

I don't like dreams. I don't like dreams at all. I've said multiple times that I hate having dreams where I'm aware of what's happening. This was no exception.

I ran off to my bedroom and laid down in bed to try to go awake, all the while my brain created dark shadows to follow me as I tried to. This is where the most frustrating nightmare started.

I couldn't wake up. I just couldn't stand up. I felt my body tense up so bad that it was painful. I felt a strange shadow near me but things were blurry as I struggled to open my eyes.

I felt a sort of restraint chaining down my entire body as I tried to move my limbs. It felt awful. I couldn't move my ass for shit.

I eventually felt some light coming to my eyes that wasn't a dream but I still couldn't move my limbs that well. I swung around one arm trying to get my sister's attention as I struggled to get any part of my body moving. The whole place was blurry as fuck and I couldn't open my eyes no matter how hard I tried. I screamed, but I couldn't open my mouth. I was trying to scream so hard, but I couldn't and no one could hear me.

I finally saw a blurry shadow approach me that looked familiar. It was my sister. I tried to reach out my hands to get up and to have her help me up, but my body couldn't do it. My sister tried to pull me up but I couldn't.

Then a horrible realization came to me. I wasn't struggling waking up at all. I was still asleep. My sister trying to help me up was a dream. Me struggling to open my eyes was part of the dream.

After this sudden realization, comes part two of sleep paralysis setting in. I finally got to reality, and I still couldn't move my limbs properly. My eyes couldn't open and it was pretty black.

Suddenly, in a shorter time than the nightmarish struggle, my eyes opened awake. I could move my limbs again, but they were painful as fuck as if the shoulder pain I've been experiencing the whole day the day before spread throughout my body. In the most anticlimactic way, I thought, "should I scream now?" And just went with moaning out "eeeeeeeeh" for a while until my sister took off her headphones.

The whole thing was over and was honestly the most frustrating dream I had in a while.

What boundaries still attach themselves to me?

Let me know when I've crossed your finish line