#11 blocks

Kelley POV:

11 blocks from my door to your doorstep Three years later and it feels too close I thought I broke the last of that breakdown The morning I sold your winter coat It doesn't feel right when I'm grabbing a coffee The same old spot, but I'm on my own I feel OK in the day, but at nighttime You know how I get when I'm alone

I smiled a little when I looked at my phone. I had a few text messages from Lindsay and Sonnet telling me about a little party the thorns were having and that I should come. I quickly sent a message asking who all was going to be there and sat down waiting for a response. I was pretty tired from the game earlier in the day, but I wasn’t completely opposed to going. I groaned when the ringtone of my phone broke the silence.

“I didn’t need you to call me.” I said as Sonnett laughed into the phone.

“Yeah but I wasn’t going to type all of that.” She said as I nodded my head a little. That’s fair.

“So, who is all going to be there?”

“Well, most of the thorns and we have invited basically the whole royals team so…probably throw in some friends of those people and there you go.”

“Okay so the entire thorns team is going to be there then…?”

“Yeah…that’s what I just said. Well, except Tobin. She is having a date night with Christen. I told her to bring Christen but something about wanting time alone.”

“Oh.” I mumbled completely distracted at the mention of my teammates name. “Yeah…I’ll be there. Don’t worry.”

I didn’t wait for a response as I hung up and closed my eyes. I was trying to keep the sadness at bay as I thought about Christen. I thought being around her would be easier since we broke up, but it only seems to get harder. I think about all the things we used to do and how she isn’t really around to do those things anymore. I can usually make it through the days without having issues, but I won’t lie and say that the nights aren’t lonely without her.

I got up trying to occupy myself before I had anymore invasive thoughts. I took a quick shower and got changed before eating a quick dinner and leaving my apartment. As I headed towards where the party was going to be, my mind wandered back towards Christen. She’s always on my mind. I know that she doesn’t live too far from where the party is.

Cause my mind won't stop; it's just 11 blocks I know that you're home Cause it's Friday night; you're not that type I know that you're home

I found myself counting the steps and calculating the time it would take to get to her if I were to change directions. I’m not surprised that she is opting out of the party. Those kinds of things were never really her thing. She was more of the stay in and have a quiet night just enjoying our time with each other. We were somewhat opposites in that way. I like to go out and have fun with my friends. I don’t really say no to those types of things. Everything feels different now though because I actually find myself missing those nights with her. 14 blocks from your door to this party I caught myself counting on the way And right when I stepped in the door to the party I stepped outside to grab a smoke You know how I get when I'm alone, no

I stepped inside the building as I was immediately greeted by some of the thorn’s players. I spotted some of my teammates as I made my way towards them. I grabbed a beer before stepping outside to the backyard of the house the party was at. I had only been here for a few minutes, but I already felt like I was suffocating a little bit. These things don’t feel the same way they used to.

“Hey!” I turned and smiled when Sonnett and Lindsay came over. “You made it!”

“Yeah…happy to be here.” I joked as they both smiled at me.

“It was a good game today.” Lindsay said as I nodded.

“We kicked your ass.” I said as they both shook their heads.

“No, you didn’t.” they both said as I grinned at them. We continued talking about the game and other stuff before they said their goodbyes and walked away. They were technically the hosts of this event and so they wanted to go talk to everyone else which I understood. Cause my mind won't stop; it's just 14 blocks I know that you're home Cause it's Friday night; you're not that type I know that you're home Someone stop me, please, from hurting myself Cause I'm two blocks away and you're hurting my health And it's Friday night; you're not that type I know that you're home

My mind once again had traveled back to the forward who was missing from this event. I wondered what she was doing. I know she’s with Tobin and she is probably not even thinking about me, but I don’t care. I know I still love her, and I want her back, but I would never ruin her happiness. No one deserves to be happy more than her.

“Hey you alright?” Becky asked me as I smiled at my fellow defender. I had made my way back into the house and was heading for the door to leave. I didn’t want to be here anymore.

“Yeah, I am going to head out. I don’t feel that well.” I said as she nodded her head. She seemed like she wanted to ask me something but decided against it.

“Okay well send me a text when you get home so I know you got there safe.” She said as I nodded my head. I found sonnet and Lindsay saying goodbye to them before leaving and heading towards my apartment.

Well, I met someone And I think I'm in love

Christen POV Switch

I tried to hide my frustration as I stared at Tobin. She was sitting on the couch looking at her phone. I know she wanted to go to the party tonight that our teammates were at, but she just wasn’t saying it. I would have been fine going if she wanted to go. The fact that she won’t say it and is instead just looking at her phone texting everyone is just very….frustrating.

I’m not fully used to someone who is so passive when it comes to these things. I’m used to someone who speaks their mind before really thinking about whether or not it’s going to upset the people around them. I’m used to…Kelley.

I took a breath trying to stop my mind from going there. Things with Kelley are over, and I have Tobin now. I love Tobin. Everything with Tobin feels calmer and simpler. I know what I am getting with Tobin and that’s not a bad thing.

“If you want to go to the party, then we can go. I just want you to tell me what you want to do.” I said as Tobin glanced up at me. She shrugged her shoulders before setting her phone down.

“I want to do whatever you want to do Chris…and you want to stay here and have a night together. I don’t mind.” I rolled my eyes knowing that wasn’t completely what she wanted to do.

“Tobin…do you want to go to the party?” I asked as the midfielder gave a small nod. I sighed before heading to my room. I changed my outfit really quick before heading back out. The midfielder gave me a grin as we left my apartment. 

But my mind won't stop; it's just 11 blocks I know that you're home Cause it's Friday night; you're not that type I know that you're home And, I met someone and I swear I'm in love But I'm two blocks away and you're just like a drug My mind won't stop; it's just 11 blocks I know that you're home

It didn’t take us very long to get there as we stepped into the house. I smiled as our teammates greeted us. We made our way around saying our hellos before finding Sonnett and Becky having a conversation.

“You guys made it!” Sonnett exclaimed with a grin as I smiled at her excitement.

“We weren’t going to miss this!” Tobin said with a wide smile. I smiled at Becky who gave me a little hug. I fell into a conversation with her while Tobin went off with Sonnett to find Lindsay.

I found myself looking around the room as I searched for a certain defender. I was disappointed that I couldn’t see her anywhere.

“Looking for someone?” Becky asked looking around with me.

“Where’s Kelley?” I asked somewhat hopeful that she knew where Kelley was.

“She went home.” My head snapped towards Becky as I gave her a wide-eyed look.

“She went home?” I asked with confusion as the defender nodded.

“Yeah she didn’t seem like she was feeling that well.” I nodded my head as Desiree came over and pulled Becky away.

I bit my lip as I thought about Kelley. She had taken a few bad falls during the game, so I wondered if that was the reason she went home. I also knew that Kelley hated missing parties though. I stepped outside of the house trying to get some air.

I got somebody Waiting for me at home I got somebody Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

I know that I love Tobin, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about what a future with Kelley would look like. I think about what my life would be like if we were still together all the time. I’d be lying if I said that maybe I made a mistake by not trying harder with her. It’s not that I think a life with Tobin would be disappointing or anything. It’s the opposite actually. We get along really well. I know that we would be happy, but would I be as happy as I could be with Kelley?

I miss the way the defender and I seemed to click. I miss the way she just knew what I needed before I did. I miss the small things. I miss the spontaneous adventures we would go on. I was snapped out of my thoughts as I stared down the door in front of me. I bit my lip trying to decide if I should turn around or not. I shouldn’t be here. Before I could back out, I knocked on the door. I tried to fight off the nervousness as I waited for the door to open. I fell into my thoughts again as I waited. I jumped when the door was pulled open and my eyes connected with hers. I felt my stomach flip and my heart practically jump out of my chest.

11 blocks from my door to your doorstep Three years later and it feels too close

“Christen?” her confused gaze met my nervous one as I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Hi Kelley.”

Three years and it’s still so vivid. The day at the carousel viciously thrives in his memory, time refusing to dull it. He can’t walk into a park without his chest tightening. Every time he sees a family a scream forms in his throat. Even as he tries to sleep the faces of those he loves offer no solace. They simply stare back at him. Not moving and in shock.

As he walks along 10th Avenue he wonders if he should just do it. Fling himself into oncoming traffic. These suicidal tendencies aren’t anything new but they’d become stronger recently. Three years isn’t necessarily significant in terms of milestones. No the number 3 is usually related to deaths.

They all go in threes the saying goes.

His eyes start watering and he blinks the tears away. He wants to get back to the bunker first. Then he’ll break down. But not now, not when the 9 to 5’s are coming out of their office buildings, heading home. They don’t need to see that sight as they begin their weekends.

He recounts his day of retconning on some trust fund baby. There wasn’t anything incriminating, just some dick with a BMW and too much time to kill. Micro had passed the info along, there wasn’t much to go on aside from tabloid rumors of foul play with an adult film star. He vaguely remembers seeing her face on the news, covered in bruises.

But hey something to do, right? Micro suggested. Frank knew it was a nudge to get him out, he hadn’t left the bunker in three weeks. He left early in the morning, intel in hand. Dusk was settling now; the city phasing into its night scene.

He looks up to see where he is before he wanders too far off. Only 11 more blocks. He wants to go straight but stops cold. He recognizes the corner bodega. He’s been here before, a few times. He feels like a fucking idiot for forgetting. The first was almost three years ago. At the time his heart was racing, Reyes was dead and every cop was on his trail...

He had tracked down her address, hoping she was brought home and not caught in the crossfire. The cop car in front of her building confirmed that. The cops would be easy to take down but he was terrified of her. He didn’t know if he could convince her, all signs pointed to him for killing Reyes. But she had to know it wasn’t him and that Blacksmith was still out there. And he wouldn’t stop until they were all dead. Tower. Murdock. Nelson.

Page.

(That night also thrives, when he’s dead asleep and his family hasn’t come to remind him of all his shortcomings.)

(Her whispered, near hysterical “I believe you” haunts him as he drowns in blue. Everything is blue with her.)

He stops in front of the building. The light in her apartment is on. He shouldn’t be here. Neither should she, it was the kind of night to go on an adventure. Not with him though, it’s been a year since they last spoke to each other. After all the shit with Anvil and Kandahar they mutually agreed to minimal contact. For her safety, for his reputation. Despite this agreement there are flowers outside her window. Even from far away he can see that they’re in bad shape.

He paces the sidewalk, fully aware of the looks he’s getting from passerbys.

What would he even say? I walked here, realized where I was, and all I could think of was you? And the night when my hands were up and you almost took the shot?  

The memories come flooding in. Every moment they spent together. Her freezing cheek when he kissed it. Her silhouette against the bench at the river. The deafening. ringing sound after their bodies smacked into the tile floor. The feeling of her forehead against his, bringing on the slightest fraction of peace in him after a day of fucking hell.

He walks away, wishing more than anything he was someone else. But he can’t. He has to be... this now. He was reborn into this new life and this life requires solitude.

“Frank?”

Damn she is quick. He turns in reluctance, sees that she must’ve literally ran down the stairs to catch him. No robe and in her pajamas. At least she remembered to grab shoes.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood. I gotta go.”

“Wait.”

He stops in spite of himself.

“Are you okay? I know it’s coming up... the...”

“Karen.”

“I know you want to be alone. I respect that. But you can always reach out to me. Just... be careful.”

She is always concerned for his safety, just as he is. It shouldn’t be that way but that’s never been them. She wraps her arms around herself. She’s turning away from him and his mind can’t stop.

“What do you do?”

“What?”

“Kevin. When that day comes.”

Her eyes go wide.

“How do you...”

“Doesn’t matter. Tell me. Please.”

She’s visibly upset, wants to push on but at his please she swallows and shakes her head.

“Uh... nothing special. I know, that sounds awful but I don’t exactly have a grave to visit or my parents to... honestly I just listen to his favorite songs. He had his own playlist on my iPod. So last year when I got home from work I played it. And cried. I eventually fell asleep and then... it was over. The sun rose and I was still alive. Still here.”

He didn’t realize how much he missed her voice until right now. The broken rawness that was reserved only for him. He knew he brought that out of her and it hurt him.

He walks to her and she is staring back.

“Thank you Karen.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I should get going.”

“Yeah just uh, call me? Or let me know you’re...”

“Yeah I will.”