#081811

9 days left with you... I cant shake this feeling off anymore. I cant hide it & pretend to be stronger.. cause all I know is that my best friend, my boyfriend, my everything is leaving me in 9 days. I wish things weren't meant this way. I wish I could be stronger for both of us, Im sorry I couldnt hold in my tears any longer but I promise I'm doing my best for you. I love you to the fullest. #love #boyfriend #jntn #081811 #always

So I wanted to surprise my boyfriend since it's our 3 months aniversay today and I was planning on asking him to tolo as well so after school, I met up with Adrian at Downtown and we worked on my poster. On the front, it said "Happy 3 Months! (:" Then on the back, it said "Tolo?" with a yes and a small no box lol. When we finished, we took the train to his school and Adrian hid me behind the wall then when he brought my boyfriend up, I stood there holding my poster and he turned and saw me then he started blushing. His smile that he had when he saw me made me happy (: Then i turned the poster over to the Tolo side and he colored in the yes box. Then after the surprise, Adrian wanted us to go to Wendy's with him so we walked there and ate. Then we walked back to the train station and Adrian went home. A lot of things have been going on this past week so I thought that I should make up for everything so i planned this surprise for him (: Being with him made everything perfect. Whenever I was with him, I had a smile on the whole time. Seeing him happy makes me happy (: Happy 3 months babe. I love you (:

Do you think I'll be able to complete project 365? I'm far behind!

Lord You still show a love that we cannot afford and grace that we do not deserve. My mind is everywhere tonight. You are Lord of all comfort who will calm my waters and bring me at ease. I know that You will help me. I may not be good with spoken words, but I just wanna thank You that You have given me the ability to write it all out. Just continue to write and write and write and write. Your compassion fail not. You won't let us stumble, for I know Your mighty right hand upholds me. You never sleep nor slumber, but You're keeping a watch over me. Billions and billions of people in this world, so many things to ponder upon but You still maintain to have time for me. You still yearn to fellowship with me. The best part is that Your fellowship is free, Lord why don't we take our precious time that You have given us with You? All Your asking is for a couple of minutes, but I can spend hours. As Your servant I will do what is needed to do even when it's inconvenient. I know that You're so much more worth my time than anyone here. Not my parents, not my family of faith, not my best friend or closest guy friend - but You. Help me to respect all of the people you set in my life, help me to be there for them, to encourage them and love them. But Lord, if I don't have You leading me, taking over, surrendering my life to You, loving You, what use is all of this? You know how I'm feeling right now. My tears are dry for now and I'm so glad to be in Your presence because there's no place I would rather be. Hearing Your soft-spoken voice, understanding that You're always listening to me, knowing that You hold my future and comforting me in whatever I'm going through right now. My thoughts will not try and control me. I won't let it. The same thoughts that keep replaying in my head, the same thoughts that are being kept over analyzed and over thought - it'll be over. I claim the victory and I can't do this without You. I'm sick and tired of it Lord. Your Spirit will lead me. I am just so grateful for what You have put in my life. I really am rich in the glory of Your kingdom. This isn't for anyone but this is for us. The beautiful people that love and care for me, the food that you set on the table for me, I may not be tall but I'm glad I have all my five senses everyday. I learned and I'm still learning how to accept myself, how You made me perfectly the way You wanted me to be. I need to stop calling myself names and keep in mind that I am Your creation, too. All that You have created is beautiful. I'm trying to accept it Lord, You know this. You know my heart Lord. I'm not perfect and I'm not tryna be but I just wanna serve You, who is perfect. Please guide every relationship I have, be in the center of it so that everything will run smoothly and perfectly according to Your will. Oh, how You love me that You gave Your Son for me. You didn't have to do that Lord. It wasn't easy Jesus to do all of that, but You claim that it was worth it. Who am I to be worthy of all this Lord, really. Jesus You didn't have a double mind when it came to me, You said You would carry that cross, suffer for me, get beaten for me, shed blood for me without even second guessing Yourself. Lord please help me to make my decisions the final decision and the right one. Now I know Lord You won't be doing all of the work, but I need to put my input as well - but I just need Your guidance. I need to have that broken spirit so You can fill me each and everyday. I need You, I'm nothing without You. I'm only dust yet You care so much about this piece of dust. I can't thank You enough Lord, so please take this offering of my life so that I can glorify You. People may look at me weird or say mean things but I know who gives me strength and I know what You have done for me. Especially these high school years. Oh how You're so awesome. Please forgive me Lord, for the wrong things I've done to a brother or sister, dishonoring my parents, and anything that has been displeasing to Your sight. Help me not to waste my time anymore. Every second is another blessing. Instead of complaining, grumbling, or being upset help me to rejoice more often in those situations. Lord I just wanna thank you that You have taught me not to dwell on my past - the good and the bad. My life is in Your hands and I'm living it all for You. Thank You, for being You. I feel so much better now. You're the greatest.

Our poor infinite babies T-T You can totally see it on their faces that they're tired... Everyone is so restless ;_; And Idk if it's just me but even their voices sound a LITTLE bit more tired and less energetic ): Gosh WooHyun especially... Their dancing is still as perfect as ever ^^ And WooHyun's dancing in the dance break seems so stiff, LOL. I hope they get #1 soon still! :D <3 INFINITE FIGHTING! 

Kapilina. Ka Pilina. "no...stop...but...that's...that's mine!!". "don't touch me!". having a super eclectic taste in music. the BOMB presents I get from my twin (seriously, she always gets me exactly what I want). my lava lamp that actually works again. obnoxious birthday balloons from Party City. going to Party City with my twin and being able to spend hours in there. that I'm going to plan my twin's wedding. David Tutera. wedding shows. gauges. making mustaches. going to dance practice with twin. texting twin all day, every day. listening to ADTR late at night while on Tumblr. "add it to the list?" "yup!". Colbie Caillat duets with my twin. trying to remember all of the variations of "twin" that we call each other. spending an hour in the Yankee Candle section of Bed Bath & Beyond. OG reunions. my froggy hoodie towel. wands. maile and pīkake lei. eating french fries with chopsticks. when Genki serves McDonald's french fries. Blue Hawaii acai bowls with extra banana and extra honey. finding new jeans shorts in the most unlikely of places. "OMG creepy old man looking at meeeee" "I saw. Don't worry, I would've punched him if he touched you". That 70s Show. Yankee Candles while showering. finding things that lead to reminiscing. Final Destination movies. being the only ones in a movie theatre. "theatre...th...theatre...terrrr...tre..." with twin. my grad party autograph poster/picture that is now hanging on my wall after having it for over a year (fail). driving. classical music during showers. having intense conversations with twin in full Hawaiian. finding websites that sell really good things for cheap. getting massive paychecks. when my dad keeps good on his new camera promises. reverse cowgirl (HAHAHA). the list of songs that I absolutely need to listen to before I start my day. Made In Hawaii exhibition. haircuts. finally uploading pictures to Facebook that I haven't done all summer long. making collages. sex hair. hot glue guns. sharpies. Grease (tell me about it, stud). 

angus mushroom and swiss burgers from mcdonald's.  light ice in my sodas.  saimin soup, even though it's terribly unhealthy for humans.  snoopy.  being clever.  not procrastinating.  shel silverstein.  poetry.  trees.  having lots of stories about high school.  looking at the adorable picture that twinny's nana showed me yesterday of 4-year old twinny and her papa.  the movie holes.  going to the beach after dance practice and "swimming" in my sweat pants and t-shirt.  side salads from mcdonald's.  letting avian steer the van.  buttered toast.  the feeling i get when i'm sitting in the sun, but there's a cool breeze blowing at the same time.  jet skiing.  disney channel original movies.  looking at old videos from when i was a mere little high schooler (or even a middle schooler!).  having a vast collection of flowers for my hair.  collecting balloons.  how my eyes have a slight sparkle when i wear eyeliner/mascara.  hearing tomani's random but very funny stories about work or whatever.  pool floaties.  noodles (like the ones for the pool and whatever).  sitting in the middle of a double hull canoe.  teaching lots of choreography in one day.  singing "motivation" super loud with avian at ala moana beach park.  when my students are super stoked about participating in certain club events.  homecoming week at farrington.  getting work done really quickly.  stickers.  planners for school.  relationships with solid foundations.  toys.  bubbles.  skip it.  playing mancala.  the sound of dropping a giant stack of paper on a table.  finally eating after being super hungry all day.  massages.  honey crack from the healthbar.  eggs benedict.  dreamer's homestyle cafe.  cheap and delicious food from the manapua truck.  how strong my legs are.  puppets.  christmas time.  clear, beautiful beach water.  the cardboard boat races in 6th grade.  keyboarding class in middle school cause i was really good at it hahaha.  laughing about how i fell into the bushes during 7th grade health when we were testing out the beer goggles.  not feeling bothersome.  butterfly shrimp and baked potatoes from sizzler.  the fact that i'm off from work tomorrow so i can sleep in and relax.  relay for life.  being efficient.  feeling special, important, loved, cherished, useful, needed (to name a few).  how i used to keep speakers in my locker so i could religiously rehearse the KDC dances.  the ninja song i made up about my doggie.  babies.