#06172015

June 17, 2015

I don’t even know.

I haven’t spoken to Eric since last week.  All my infatuation with him has turned into disgust.

Jeremy ended things with me. Which is fine. I didn’t see a future with him anyways. I just wanted him to eat me out. And I liked how much he showed affection towards me. But there was no spark. We were drunk that first night. And I just liked his attention the second night. So it’s fine. I’m fine.

Went on a random date last night. I was trying so hard to like this dude. But again, no spark.  And we both got too preoccupied with the basketball game. And I ate too much before hand, so I was too full to drink beer.

I’ve been talking to Chris Boone. We have a date on Friday.  I’m not excited to meet him.

Yet I still flirt/text with Grant Matlby and A.Savatti.

But it’s fucked, because I don’t want to be with someone right now. I’m super boy crazy in general, but right now, I don’t know. I don’t want to make the effort with someone, even if it is casual. I think I’ve been heart broken too much. And I’m self conscious with my weight. I regret not keeping the weight off. I regret not having the motivation.

It’s like I know I keep gaining weight. And I hate it. But I’m in this depressive loop where I don’t care. I’d rather eat my stress than look good in a crop top. But then I get upset that I can’t wear clothes like I did before.

And work is stressing me out. It’s been busy, at both hospitals.