#06082022

He’s here! ♥️

Little pip made his arrival on Wednesday afternoon and we are both doing great. We were discharged a mere 27 hours after this beautiful boy was born, which is in line with how speedy this whole process has been. Wednesday morning started with me being pretty sure, but not entirely sure, I was in labor. Thank goodness we called my parents when we did, because they arrived to take care of pep with an hour to spare. My water broke on the way to the hospital. We were admitted to the hospital at 2:20 and pip was born at 4:06. Talk about a different experience from when pep was born.

Myslím, že bych si raději už nepřál snad nic. Nevím, co chci.

Mám takové neblahé tušení, že budu navždy sám, protože se nikdy nic nezdá jako to pravé. Být s tebou se mi nezdálo správné, ale být bez tebe se mi teď také nějak úplně nelíbí. Měl-li bych být zcela upřímný, nedávno se do mého života vrátil někdo, na kom mi záleželo (záleží?) takovým způsobem, jako nikdy na nikom jiném. Jenže teď, kdybych měl šanci... Přijal bych ji?

Nedokážu být v něčem, co se mi nezdá správné, ale začínám pochybovat, zda vůbec někdy bude něco, co se mi bude zdát správné. Budu stále znovu a znovu odmítat všechny své šance, až nakonec už nepřijde žádná další? Až zůstanu sám s lítostí a s myšlenkou na všechny ty promarněné příležitosti, které jsem zahodil?

For a change of pace I think I shall look at nudity.

I'm like, what!?

I am quite a distance away and I was unsure of what was screamed at me. She is now seat belting the children and facing away, obviously the wrinkles in her face would keep them from flying out of the vehicle in an accident, so I don't know why she is bothering.

I get up to the vehicle and because I'm this person, I say "excuse me ma'am, did you say something to me? I couldn't hear you."

She starts bitching at me about how I shouldn't be littering in the flowers because there are children there.

!!???!!???!!?

I am taken aback, but my focus is entirely on not apologizing, since that is the error baked into my DNA, and AAAAALSOO because not only was I not littering, I was like seven or eight cars away from her, looking away from her and these flowers, adjusting my podcast and putting it in my pocket and putting my headphones in my ears because I had just arrived ready to do my hour+ walking.

So I informed her what I was doing and I was focusing entirely on not knee-jerk saying "oh, I'm sorry" (you're so stupid) or "I apologize" (for your misunderstanding, because your face is Queen Elizabeth's taint.)

While I was explaining that I was doing no such thing, I had nothing to litter with, that I was fiddling with my podcast and headphones, she turned away from me as all brave ugly fucking bitches do who yell at me when they have absolutely no leg to stand on, and continued belting in the child who obviously will have some kind of degenerate disease if it shares any face biology with her.

And of course while my head is yelling at me "DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOU'RE SORRY" , this is where I am uncertain because with headphones or not, I can't hear for shit half the time, she's either telling the young children "he's just walking, he's just walking" OR MORE LIKELY AND MORE INFURIATING, she's fucking muttering to me "keep walking! Keep walking!"

Now as I said, it is my fatal flaw that I will apologize just as a knee-jerk vocal reaction, and I was SO focused on not doing that and disgusted by the witch, that I just turned around and walked away.

I didn't apologize! I didn't say I'm sorry! I had a little victory.

......FOR THREE NANOSECONDS as I soon realized holy shit, I could have let a good 10 years of rage out on this bitch totally legally, no moral quandary about it I would swear in front of the children I wouldn't care.

BUT BY THAT POINT I WAS ALREADY WELL IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION, and she was in the car moving away.

As I said, this park was BUSY, and knowing how SUVs are I'm sure my voice wouldn't carry through the glass anyway, she was beginning to move.

I -DID- flip her off as she drove away, but fuck God damn, that wasn't satisfaction, and nobody was close enough to have heard the conversation and I would just appear to have been a crazy loon.

GAH. ALWAYS.