#03 don

"Hihi, I'm such a crazy maniac but I'm gonna ram them! I know, I'm such a lunatic for this"

What's the moral of the story? Don't ram the turtles! Not because ramming an armored vehicle while driving at high speed is dangerous. No, because Don might be behind the wheel! (and he definitely is behind the missles)

“Raph!”

Don’s voice sounded borderline frantic as soon as the communication cut off. But it was also smothered by an undertone of something Raph couldn’t identify. There were definitely at least two other people that had gotten roped into their mess via mistaken identity. Which meant something else rather obvious yet critically important. “I know genius. More mutant turtles,” Raph responded, already trying to figure out how to get all of them back, not just their brother.

“No-” Don corrected, then broke off partially to correct himself. “I mean yes, they are, but- nevermind. Raph, they’re kids.” Don’s emphasis was accompanied by raised hands as though he wanted to shake Raph, who was mildly surprised at what had actually caught his science nerd brother’s attention this time

“........... Okay normally I’m the one getting attached to kids on first sight,” Raph teased with a slight grin. “Don’t worry, I definitely noticed that too. We’ll get them back. But first let’s make sure Mikey didn’t get snatched as well. Why don’t you start tracking Augustine down while I call him?”

“Got it,” Don nodded, rushing off to half leap into his well cushioned chair by the computer.

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So this sequence of pics actually smacked me in the brain in the middle of drawing my better genes comic way back in february. And getting around to drawing Rise Mikey on Raph's lap motivated me to go back and finish this one as a sprinkle of context X'D

Well, this is actually a pretty easy one.

87 Mike or 03 Don. 87 Mikey was my first crush solely based on personality.

My IRL husband shares a lot of their traits including empathy, good listening skills and humor. Plus, they mesh well with my personality. I love their sensitivity, their unique worldview and their ability to cooperate and work well with others. Creativity thrives in both of them strongly, just in different ways.

Words: 3,144

Fandom: TMNT 2003

Relationships: Donatello & Raphael (TMNT)

Additional Tags: Post-Episode: s04e24-25 Good Genes Parts 1-2, Angst with a Happy Ending, no tcest

Summary:

There’s an itch under his skin he can’t get rid of. And there’s something bothering Raph that he can’t ignore.

Life’s been harder since Area 51, but Donnie’s doing everything he can to make things right.

Some broken things are just easier to fix than others.

 ~~~

03 Don enjoying some hot chocolate. (Hasn't had any sleep.) Decided to try lineless, a choice inspired by @zeawesomeness who made a lineless art picture in a discord server we share. Probably not good. First time trying lineless.

“Did you get hurt at all?” Don asked, coming up next to April while keeping an eye on Leon as they got Raph situated and passed him a bowl of the chicken stew Mikey had made.

“No, Raph kept me protected while we were getting flung around. I got a little nauseous from the trip, but that went away a long time ago,” April assured, thanking Mikey when he pressed a bowl of stew into her hands as well. It smelled amazing to her empty stomach influenced nose, and she eagerly stuffed a spoonful in her mouth.

“That’s good. Take it easy now, and feel free to ask if you need anything,” Don breathed a small sigh of relief, glad to hear that there weren’t going to be any more injury surprises. That just left one last patient, which caused Don to hold up a hand to refuse the bowl Mikey was pushing his way. “Not now Mikey, I need to check on Le-”

“Hey did you take Donnie’s contacts out?” Leon suddenly blurted around a mouthful of stew, his form leaning against the bed Lil Mikey and Raph were both on now, left leg crossed over the right to remove all weight from it.

Don flinched in surprise at the sudden question, but also mild annoyance at the distraction. It was like Leon knew he was going to address him now, and it looked like Leon was going to take a lot more convincing to pull him out of taking care of everyone else first. But… he did have a point. The battle shell wasn’t a good thing to wear while sleeping, but neither were contacts. “Uhh…. no. I didn’t know he had them, and didn’t think to check,” Don admitted with a semi relenting sigh.

“No problem, I got it,” Leon shrugged, setting the bowl down and teleporting over to Donnie in a flit of ninpo, ignoring Don’s eyes narrowing slightly. As Leon delicately crouched next to Donnie’s battle shell that had been left by the foot of the bed, Don watched in very mild fascination as he expertly manipulated it to open a small compartment. A small click, and shift of one of the panels. It was one of the upper compartments though, so despite being free from its latch the door still got caught on a mildly damaged part, not open enough to fit any fingers in. But it ended up being easy to remedy as Leon just gave it a good smack with his fist to get it to pop open completely. A bottle of contact solution and glasses case were removed from the device, and a smaller case for the contacts was pulled from the belt before he stood and scooted onto the bed. Leaning over Donnie, Leon lifted his brother’s eyelids with one finger and plucked the contacts out with ease that betrayed familiarity in the action. The contacts were then dropped into their case filled with cleaning solution before being put on the nightstand nearby. And then the glasses case was set next to Donnie’s head as he squirmed in his sleep to get comfortable again after getting poked at, with Leon sitting back in content.

“There we go,” Leon hummed, pushing himself back to his feet in satisfaction, ready to return to the other bed to finish his food.

Yet before he could move Don’s forearm was pushing against his chest, firmly shoving him back onto the bed and holding him there as Don’s other hand latched onto his shoulder.

“Wha- Hey!” Leon protested, reaching up to push back against Don while also bodily leaning forward. “What’s the big ide-”

“Is there anything else critically life threatening with your brothers?” Don interrupted, leaning forward slightly to use his weight to counter Leon’s and keep Leon in place.

“What? No! At least… I don’t think so,” Leon sputtered, confusion flashing across his features that quickly became uneasy. “Are you implying-”

But Don cut off that train of thought quickly as well, resorting to rude insistence to break Leon’s current mentality focusing on everyone but himself. “Then it’s your turn.”

The words caused Leon to flinch, reflexively turning his head slightly to hide the bandage on the back of it from Don’s view, his gaze shifting away. “What are you talking about? I’m fi-” he huffed, an automatic reaction spilling from his mouth before he could fully consider it.

“No. It’s. Your. Turn. Leon,” Don insisted, giving Leon a little nudge with his arm to reinforce the punctuated statement and ignoring Mikey’s snickered comment about how strange it was to see Don on the lecturing end of that situation.

Leon’s expression towards him was irritated at first, but after a moment of letting the facts sink in, and for Leon to start to accept what Don was saying, his expression started to soften. Along with it his body stopped pushing against Don’s arm, his form very slowly relaxing as the cool down part of his medic mind started to kick in. His brothers were safe. Their wounds were dressed, their needs taken care of. April was fine too. No one else needed his help. It was his turn now to have his injuries addressed. He was now at the top of the list of the ones that needed care. He knew that earlier, he just wasn’t used to someone else being there. He’d been so easily hardwired into thinking he had to wait for Donnie to wake up to help him. Normally Donnie was the backup, and the one to give a second opinion and make sure Leon didn’t ignore what was inconvenient or scary. He wasn’t used to there being a third medic.

“I-...” Leon gaped, words failing him as he tried to somehow respond. Half formed mental lectures of disappointment from his family filling his mind. Lectures that he ended up half responding to. “Sorry. I’m not… This is…” His voice trailed, unsure of how to put the situation into words since it was so far outside his expectations.

“...You’re not used to having someone look after you?” Don pointed out, chuckling slightly when Leon blinked, then gave a small nod. “It’s okay. I get it,” Don assured, familiar with the feeling. Before Leatherhead had started helping it had only been him after all. Just his own hands and the internet to try and fix whatever disasters his brothers managed to bring on themselves. He felt fairly certain Leon was in the same position. “I got you. Just take it easy now.”

It was strange to hear. Having someone tell him they would take care of him in this situation. Not asking for him to walk them through it. Expecting him to be the doctor and patient. It was strange, but also strangely nice. The words were becoming a soothing balm on Leon’s mind as they repeated in his head. He could just be taken care of this time. He’d seen what Don could do firsthand. And heard what he knew and did for his brothers. It would be okay. Leon could feel the pushed back exhaustion starting to roll into him again, and his knee and head throbbed with painful awareness as he sagged into the mattress, reluctantly relenting to his role as patient. “.... Yeah…. Okay,” he agreed, a little quietly.

Grateful that Leon was cooperating now, albeit awkwardly, Don just gave him a smile that was quickly growing in fondness as he dragged the nearby stool over to sit in front of him. He already had a small flashlight in his belt pouch, having been intending to check Leon over since they had finished with Raph, and raised it now to pass over Leon’s eyes. “Concussion?” he asked, watching Leon’s pupils as the lad blinked and squinted slightly.

“....Yeah,” Leon admitted, a little reluctantly. “Just a small one… I think.” He wasn’t sure how muddled his banged brain actually was, so just expressed what he thought the answer was. Don sounded like he’d known that for a while now, and was just asking Leon because he knew Leon had the medical knowledge to understand the symptoms. Leon was grateful Don hadn’t shoved him on bedrest immediately, and still let him help with Raph. But it also explained why Don had seemed to be keeping an eye on him as well during the procedure. The care and expressed trust was enough to motivate Leon to offer a little more about what he knew of his condition without having to be asked. “April disinfected the head scrape. But it could probably use a bandage change now. And…” he paused, pursing his lips for a moment before willing himself to admit what he’d been denying and brushing off earlier. “My knee really hurts.”

Don’s smile was quick to show his gratitude for Leon’s cooperation, appreciating the information Leon provided that confirmed his earlier suspicions. And he could only give a soft, sympathetic chuckle at Leon’s comment about his knee, moving a hand to momentarily rest on his cheek in comfort. “Old injury flaring up?” he asked quietly.

Giving a slightly hesitant nod, Leon absently rubbed the offending joint. “I have a brace at home that helps. But I… couldn’t really grab it,” Leon admitted, puffing his cheek slightly in irritability. He hated having to have a brace in the first place. It was such an annoyance. At least if he lost his glasses he could still function relatively well without them. But his stupid knee liked to throw a tantrum when it was ignored, or the weather changed, or he walked too much. He hated it.

Yet Don didn’t seem to think any less of him for needing the support. “I see. Mikey has ankle braces too for that reason. And I have a brace for my whole arm,” he admitted, giving a wide grin, reassuring Leon that he wasn’t the only one that had to deal with old joint injuries. “We usually use heat therapy with Mikey, does that work with you?” he asked, just to be sure. He wasn’t surprised Leon’s knee was hurting that much, he’d noticed it was getting worse in the middle of fixing Raph’s leg but had only filed it away in his mind to keep an eye on him. It was easy to tell Leon had been favoring not using his left leg even then, and the fact he teleported to Donnie just now made it obvious the pain had gotten bad.

The way Don talked about recurring pain from old injuries as though it were no different than brushing teeth was surprising, but it also helped Leon feel less self conscious about it. He and his brothers all had to deal with some part of their bodies having chronic pain now, but they had always kept it fairly quiet. Not really talking about it other than to ask for help getting the remedy. It was as though discussing the results of the events that caused the injuries would crack open the well of emotions none of them were ready to deal with again just yet. But there Don was, casually chatting about them as though they were common dinner table topics. It caused a small smile to return as Leon nodded, giving a small, hesitant chuckle. “Yeah… Donnie and I have a bunch of heat packs around the lair, and it kind of sucks when it snows. It feels like we never have enough, and then dad yells at us for having the heater on too high until he realizes why,” he laughed lightly, feeling like old wounds in his heart were healing somewhat with the words. It gave him a mild rush of relief that caused him to keep talking a little more. “Mikey ends up stealing all the ice packs instead, the heat just makes his arms feel worse when they’re flaring up. And Raph switches between the two.”

It was a little concerning to hear that all of these kids had some sort of chronic pain they were apparently dealing with, but Don was grateful for the openness and glad to see the subtle change in Leon’s demeanor. It was easy to sit quietly and listen to the mild ramble, and Don had to chuckle when Leon mentioned their dad complaining about the heater being on too high. He was pretty sure Master Splinter would scold them too if they tried that. Being covered in fur definitely changed someone’s heat tolerance.

It didn’t seem like there were any other injuries that Leon hadn’t noticed on himself, so Don shifted to stand up again. “We’ll collect the electric heat pads that we have to make sure you guys have access to them too then. The ice packs will have to stay in the freezer though,” he assured with a chuckle, reaching out to give Leon a small head pat and rub as he stood up fully. “I’ll get you some tylenol, one of the heat pads, a compression brace for later, and change the bandage on your head. Just stay here and take it easy now, okay?”

“Okay,” Leon chimed in response, kicking his non achy leg in content and finding it easy to comply now. When Don left to get the items, April took her chance to bring Leon’s bowl of stew back to him, passing it over with a grin as she plopped onto the bed next to him and leaned against his side. She had been there for Raph while he was getting taken care of, so she felt her role as big sister was needed once more for her other brother. And he seemed pleased with the decision too, his feet bobbing happily as they wordlessly stuffed more food in their mouths. It wasn’t like what Lil Mikey cooked at all, missing some subtle flavors. But it was still tasty, and they had to chuckle when Mikey assured Raph that he could have seconds, thirds and fourths if he wanted.

The atmosphere of the infirmary was starting to feel lighter as the teens staved off their exhaustion just a little longer. The quiet calmness was making it harder to stay awake, and Leon found that Don sounded just a little louder than expected when he came back with the items. The electric heat pad was plugged into the nearby outlet and clicked onto a medium heat before Don passed Leon the medicine and a bottle of water. “Drink the whole bottle please. I’d rather not have to stick you with an IV too,” he requested, with a slight joke. As Leon obediently popped the pill in his mouth and chugged the water, Don sat back on the stool and gently lifted his leg to rest his lap before he wrapped the heating pad around Leon’s knee. Holding it in place with his hands and pressing the heat into the joint, Don had to chuckle as Leon let out a hum of relief. Keeping still for a few minutes to let the heat soothe Leon’s knee a little more, Don eventually shifted to move Leon's leg to rest on the stool so he could stand and change the bandage on Leon’s head. It thankfully didn’t look infected at all, and was a fairly shallow scrape. So Don just put some ointment on it before he covered it with a clean bandage while Leon quietly ate the rest of the stew he had. By the time Don was done Leon was starting to lean while his eyes fluttered, the soothing heat on his leg lulling him to sleep as well. Even April gave a huge yawn as Mikey almost stealthily slipped the empty bowls away from them.

“Their Raph has already fallen asleep by mini Mikey. We should just tuck these guys in here, they seem used to sharing beds,” Mikey whispered, more to Don than the others. The comment caused Don to glance over to the other bed, happy to see Raph curled up around his youngest brother like Lil Mikey was a teddy bear. They both looked peaceful, and just having the other two sitting next to him seemed to have smoothed the furrow in Donnie’s brow completely.

Giving another chuckle, Don nodded in agreement before he gently hovered his hands towards the remaining two teens to coax them to lay down as well. It took a bit of shuffling, but luckily they didn’t protest. April’s glasses were slipped off and placed next to Donnie’s case, and Leon crawled over to the other side of him before putting his own case on that side of the bed as well. It took the last of Leon’s effort to take his own contacts out, using a portal to drop the case on the nightstand, before he gave in to his exhaustion and flopped over.

“Sleep well. Call us if you need anything,” Don hushed, pulling spare blankets over them as the three teens shifted to get comfortable around each other.

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With Mom April’s guidance through the headsets the group was able to quickly make their way through the winding halls towards the exit. Mikey had taken point, with Don in the back, and the other four in the middle. There weren’t many soldiers left to oppose them, and those who were in their route were quickly taken out by Mikey alone. He may have been the least serious of them, but they all still knew he was the most skilled out of all of them. Which was easy to see from the way he would sprint forward before the others knew an enemy was there, leaping into the soldiers and taking at least two out before they realized he was on them. “You alright?” Raphael asked, looking to Leo after Mikey bounced lightly on his feet, four more soldiers on the ground. Despite carrying someone, Raphael knew Leo was still breathing heavier than he normally would have been in that situation.

Looking over to Raphel in very mild surprise, Leo eventually just nodded. “I’ll be fine,” he assured. It wasn’t a lie, and that was enough for Raphael. For now at least.

“We should be coming up on the exit on the next turn,” Don announced, ushering them on from their momentary pause.

It was the last stretch, and while they remained tense in anticipation they could feel the bubble of relief starting to build. At least until a flicker of purple light caught Raphael’s eyes, drawing his attention to Donnie’s hand as the teen willed it over to the side to hang limply from Leo’s hold. A small cube of transparent energy dropped from his hand to the floor, crashing into a puddle that rippled energy through the structure, much like it had earlier when the EMP charge had been set off. But the lights remained on this time, which caused them to paused warily.

Looking around, Leo didn’t immediately notice anything different. “...What did you-”

[S’self des- stru- stuct seq-q-q-q- ence initiiiiiiiated. You have f-f-f-f-ive minutes to evvvvvvvacuate.]

The warning announcement blared over the intercom, accompanied by more intense red lights flashing instead of holding a consistent glow.

“SH- WHAT?” Raphael hissed, taking half a breath before shifting to nudge his shoulder into Leo’s back and start shoving him along. “MOVE IT!”

“I didn’t know blowing the place up was part of the plan!” Mikey protested, waiting just a moment to make sure the rest could keep up with him before he turned to start running.

“Not our plan!” Don confirmed, hands reaching forward to rest on Leo’s and Raphael’s backs both so they would know he was there and to help support them if they fell back. “The other Donatello apparently decided to add it.”

“WHY?” Mikey blurted, raising his hands in exasperation. “Now we have to run like crazy men.”

“That’s nothing new for you,” Raphael quipped, grinning when Mikey squawked a protesting noise in return.

“The plane is over that hill. Mikey, you pilot this time,” Don directed, keeping them on track despite the mutual bullying. He was too used to it by now, it didn’t matter.

“Righto!” Mikey chirped, rushing forward and pausing for only a moment to jog in place until the stairs Don had remotely triggered extended enough for him to reach. Swinging onto them, Mikey skipped stairs on the way to the door, leaving it open as he dashed to the pilot’s chair and began flipping switches. “Boys and Gents, this is your captain speaking. Please make sure to buckle in and store any loose items in the compartments provided. This may be a bumpy take off.”

Taking the stairs two at a time to get in and out of the way, Raphael noticed Lil Mikey had been roused from his mild daze by the commotion. Or at least enough to be semi responsive. Looking up with a slow gaze, registering where they were, Lil Mikey gave a soft giggle. “You have a plane? That’s so cool…. I’ve never been on a plane before.”

Raphael could only chuckle at the semi slurred comment from the small teen, hoping he was just exhausted and not actually in that bad of a state. “Thanks to Don,” he responded, allowing the mentioned brother to squeeze past him to start pulling the backs of seats down and snapping latches into place to create beds they could get the two teens secured into. They were all reluctant to separate them, but it would be better to have everyone belted in when the plane took off.

“It’s good to see you’re hanging in there. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll give you some first aid once we’re in the air,” Don spoke white kneeling down between the two beds, half distracted pulling the seatbelt across Lil Mikey’s hips after Raphael set him carefully on the bed. After Lil Mikey nodded, Don twisted to get Donnie secured in, shooing Leo to take his seat across from Raphael.

“Ready for take off?” Mikey called back

“Go for it, I’ll hold on,” Don called back, figuring his place wedged down between the two occupied beds was secure enough, and glaring back at Leo when he made a point to gesture to the fact both he and Raphael were buckled properly into their own seats at the head of each bed. “Not now, Leo,” Don snapped lightly, turning back to check on Donnie as the plane lurched forward to begin lift off. Donnie hadn’t responded at all to being set down and otherwise jostled around, so Don rested a hand against his cheek and checked his pulse once more. There wasn’t any perceptible change from earlier, so Don breathed a small sigh of gratitude. “Looks like he just passed out. Must be exhausted…” he commented softly, knowing that at least Leo was listening closely. There wasn’t a lot he could do for either of the brothers with what supplies he had on the plane, but he could at least get everyone’s lungs fairing better and detoxed from the poison gas. Twisting back to face Lil Mikey, who was also starting to look incredibly sleepy, Don kept his voice low while addressing him again. “Can you tell me how you feel?”

Having been carefully watching Donnie, it took Lil Mikey a moment to bring himself to answer. “I’m……….. Ow,” he responded honestly, giving a pathetic chuckle. It wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever felt, but his arm burned and throbbed horribly, and his lungs felt like a wire brush had been taken to them. “Cold,” he also admitted, realizing ‘ow’ wasn’t that helpful. “Lungs burn. I can feel my heartbeat in my arm.”

“I’ll get you a blanket,” Raphael spoke up abruptly, latching on to the part of conversation that he could do something about and reaching over his own head to the compartment above to pull out one of their blessedly soft, thick, and warm blankets. If Lil Mikey was cold, Raphael guessed it would probably be good to get Donnie covered as well, so tossed the first blanket over to Leo’s lap. “Better get the other kid covered too. I dunno if he’s supposed to be that color, but he looks pale to me,” Raphael huffed, gesturing his head towards Donnie before pulling another blanket from overhead and awkwardly trying to toss it over Lil Mikey. Thankfully Don helped pull the blanket over both of them Lil Mikey, tucking it around the small forms as best he could. When Lil Mikey gave a happy hum at the added warmth Raphael and Don grinned. After that Don was on his feet, popping open other compartments to gather supplies.

“Is there anything I can help with?” Leo asked, unbuckling his seatbelt so he could stand up and be of assistance.They were at a steady altitude now, and while they were on their way home it would still be at least two hours before they got there. He needed something to keep occupied.

“You can stay in your seat and take it easy,” Don commanded bluntly, not looking at Leo while he dug through their supplies, lightly dropping certain items onto the bed next to Lil Mikey.

“Don, you have two patients, I can-” Leo started to try again, but cut off when Don whipped around to look pointedly at him.

“I’m sorry- two patients?” Don repeated, raising a brow and tilting his head. “Just two, Leo? I’m pretty sure I actually have three patients, and two questions. I’m not dumb Leo. Question one: how many soldiers did you fight through on your way to us? And question two: did you happen to have run across your own gas mask specially customized for your turtle face, or did Augustine’s lackeys just happen to not have her favorite cellular corrosion gas on your end?” he half ranted, raising a finger for each question. “Do you want to answer those? Or should I?” They were rhetorical questions, and Leo knew that. Which effectively clamped his mouth shut as he inevitably relented and carefully lowered himself back into his seat. “That’s what I thought,” Don huffed, unimpressed, and Raphael’s shoulders shook in silent laughter for a moment. “How much?”

“..... About four minutes total, I guess,” Leo half mumbled.

Don sighed lightly, thankful Leo was cooperating now, and held a tiny plastic vial out to him. “One of these should do then. Do you remember how to use a nebulizer?” When Leo confirmed he remembered, Don passed him one of the travel sized devices before crouching next to Lil Mikey again.

“....You two argue like Donnie and Leo do sometimes,” Lil Mikey snickered, smiling sleepily at Don.

“He goes by Donnie?” Don asked, smiling softly and admiring how Lil Mikey was still able to laugh at the moment. When Lil Mikey hummed and nodded in confirmation Don made a note in his mind that they could at least have some sort of differentiation between them that wasn’t a full name. “That’s good to know. I’m going to give you an antidote for the gas you breathed in. It’ll help your lungs feel better. Have you ever had inhaled medicine before?” he explained, cracking open three of the same vials he’d given to Leo and emptying them into another nebulizer container. When Lil Mikey shook his head, brows furrowed in confusion at the device Don had, Don just smiled reassuringly. “It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt, but it might smell a little weird. This device is just going to turn the antidote into a mist, and all you have to do is keep the mask on over your nose and mouth, and breathe as normally as you can. Okay? Like Leo is doing.”

Don pointed to parts of the device while he explained, and then also pointed to Leo for an example. Leo just smiled and gave a small wave, this not being the first time any of them had had the same antidote before. Lil Mikey had to crane his head a little to see, but was content with the explanation and visual. “Okay,” he agreed, letting Don get the mask situated on him before turning on the machine. “Donnie too? Is he okay? Leo is usually the one that checks up on us. I don’t know as much as he does…”

“Yeah, Donnie will get some too. I just have to give him partial doses gradually since I don’t know exactly how much he was exposed to,” Don assured, grabbing the next item for Lil Mikey. “I can’t take care of your arm until we get back home. And it looks like you’re really sleepy too. Can I put this on your finger to keep track of your heart rate while you get some rest?”

“Oh- Yeah, I know what that is,” Lil Mikey confirmed, obediently raising his hand to sway in the air. He really was very tired. The headache he had because of the anti mystic machines hadn’t left either. But at least he would have someone watching over them for Leon. He hoped his other brothers were okay. And April. And their dads, and Casey. The soft hum of the plane engine and darkened sky outside was lulling him to sleep. And when Don turned back to work with Donnie, Lil Mikey found it hard to resist letting his eyes close and not open again.

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I had the day off from work on wednesday and ended up brain barfing like 10 pages for this fic X'DDDD and then I rewrote this section like 4 times.