i feel aya so much in the latest chapter . . ૮ ˘･_･˘ ა
i mean — of course , I’m aware that I’m still not the best at communicating , although I’ve improved a lot especially when comparing to how i was before. There wasn’t much days during jhs - shs back in my hometown where I wouldn’t say what I was feeling , even if it was small — even if it seemed small. I made sure no one was feeling awful to whatever may have happened , even if it was only me who was feeling like that. I’m not perfect , nor will I ever be , despite how many times my brain tells me — I never will be. And I fully acknowledge that fact , so , there are times where emotions gets the best of me and I start to pull away. ( mostly happens when I can’t help but feel my feelings are invalid; and that I would choose to burden myself alone rather than sharing it to anyone since I’m not *yet* convinced it’s better to tell it. Or if I’m really not in the right headspace. ) and well , that’s okay. I have to remind myself in the end of the day that I’m still a teen who has a lot to learn on her own. It’s not like I’m already a 40 year old adult who knows how to actually communicate feelings maturely , so , it’ll be okay in my part later , sometimes I may just need time to fully calm down. Sooner , I will be able to finally stop the habit I still carry from my lingering past where I constantly isolate myself whenever I’m at my lowest.
I recall days where I would reach out though — but everyone was busy :,) nonetheless it’s okay. I can still manage to talk about it if they ever plan to ask me , and if I still find myself upset about it. While some things are just . . . . . . Better left alone ? Or perhaps I just feel like the other party would prefer not to hear from me. ( unfortunately my brain isn’t . . Honestly the best thing to exist here. I’m sorry , it’s mostly louder than my logical thoughts so I often act rash. Either it’s contradicting me , constantly against me , or supporting me. I don’t know why it’s like that , but I’ve been trying my best not to be so affected by it. ) anyhow , yeah : — ] .
Didn’t expect for this to be long , I kinda just wanted to talk about my growth regarding this too. —— going back to why I relate to aya . . . Well . . It only makes sense to me I guess . . . . . No matter how loud I can get anyways , it’ll never enough for you to hear me.
