Au where Nami and Zoro pretend to date because Nami is sick of men hitting on her and saying she's "too pretty to be a lesbian" and Zoro owns her too much money to say no, plus it's a low effort way to pay her off. Most of the time he's just "scary dog privilege", but on the occasion he has to fight someone off, it's nice training. He also cares about her as a friend but wouldn't be caught dead admitting it.
They meet Sanji and he's extremely jealous that dumb buffoons like Zoro get all the beautiful and witty ladies. He hates Zoro and keeps throwing sarcastic remarks towards him, which translates to him flirting with the man.
One day he tells Nami that he's so jealous that it makes him angry. Following it up with "I'm not saying I want you to break-up, please forgive me for suggesting I'd ever wish anything but happiness for you, Nami dear!" Not specifying who he was jealous of made Nami think that Sanji was one of those snappy gays with no filter. I mean... how could he not be? He's discussed his twenty step skincare routine with her, he's always dresst to the t, he smells of expensive perfume all the time - naming brands and gossip about the company owners like it's his full time job, he speaks french in cursive and moves like a ribbon in the wind. And all her doubts that he didn't like men flew out the window the moment Zoro was in the room. Not only was he sizing him up, not only did he use any excuse to poke his biceps or chest or forehead, not only did she catch the two talking out back, Sanji blowing smoke in Zoro's face (out of spite but they both thought it was flirting), but as the cherry on top, Sanji would always, ALWAYS draw a little heart on Zoro's coffee.
Nami never got coffee for herself, she preferred tea, or most of the time she'd just get a protein shake. But Sanji always assumed the muscle head would want the protein shake.
Of course, Nami manages to force Zoro into bribing her, making his debt bigger as she told him that after this she'd be left without a guard dog so it needed to be extra expensive. She told him Sanji liked him back and that he told her himself. So the next time Zoro met Sanji, he kissed him. Granted, it was without a warning so the slap wasn't unexpected, but then Sanji got angry at him because "HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON NAMI-SAN LIKE THAT!" And he went on a tangent, fighting him (one of the best sparring sessions Zoro had in a while) and it all just made Zoro like Sanji even more. He cared so much, he was so strong and loyal... Finally, he managed to explain the situation, to which Sanji sighed "yeah, she's too good to be with a man... I should have guessed..." and then confusedly asking why the kiss.
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