#-death

I made an art but I haven't seen undertale and I have an anime style. Runs away.

It's like that bc I didn't like the other half. Hides.

Bestie. This is AI. We dont support this stuff. Respectfully, don't come around here with that.

Things have been extremely hard on us recently. To keep things short, we lost a lot of people we thought good friends, and our stress levels have been super high ever sence. We made some new friends but they have their own dramas we are trying to stay out of.

I, Death, have been frontstuck for a few days now and its begining to take a toll on me. I understand why nobody wants to be front for long now. We were switching a lot more before I got stuck. We're worried that the stress of these events are going to cause us to have a new host, or for our host to split. We really dont want that, mostly for our non-system friends.

We can deal with it, we have before im sure, but the pain it could cause our friends, who dont fully understand, would be too intense. We risk loosing them too. Not out of being upset, but out of not having that same bond.

We try to make a bond with them whenever someone else is front, but i worry its not enough. I'm very afraid of that. What would we do if we lost them? I dont even know.

We dont want a new host. We dont want to split, we dont want people to go dormant. We just want to feel better.

Our friend, ill call them 1, was talking to me, and out of nowhere they said they missed our host. I felt dread. I didnt know how to react, knowing that theres a possibility that they could never see him again. It would hurt them too much. I dont want them to hurt.

Its simalar with our other friend, 2. She seems distant from us whenever its not our host fronting. I understand, but it hurts... we care for her too. Most of us have a good memory of our friends, so to feel like we're being distanced hurts, especially after everything that just happened.

As I mentioned prior, ive been frontstuck for a while. I think today is day 4. Imnnit holding up as well as i thought i would. Im usually a very happy person, but stress finally caught up to me last night. I had been able to distract myself from how much i missed my family in the inner world, as i found myself enamored with another person from another system. They had to switch out and i feel as though i did something wrong, despite knowing i havent. When another person fronted, he and i talked, the way he spoke about my friend hurt to hear, but i didn't fight anything. He was the one who made me feel i was doing something wrong, despite again. Doing nothing wrong. It wasn't intentional on his part and inhold no ill will against him, i would actually like to know him better, but still. My friend is curently on what is esentially time out from fronting for a little while, for what i feel to be a ridiculous reason. Regardless, its not my choice to make.

It doesn't help that i have a hard time with social interactions. We are autistic, and some people have it worse than others. I personally struggle heavily with social cues, tone indicaton, intense emotions, and i have an awful time articulating my emotions, even to myself. We also have severe social anxiety, which just makes it worse. I want to get to know people better, i want to be social, i just struggle a lot with it.

I lost rhe point of this, then again, was rhere wver really a point? The point is that im stressed and anxious and depressed. The point is i dont want to be front anymore. The point is that i want my family.

Thank you if you've read this far, for whatever reason. I wish you a good day.

really sad to hear about MF DOOM’s passing today. i was reminded of this video, which deconstructs how rappers build their lyrics and rhymes; DOOM bookends the video (That’s That, Meat Grinder, and Great Day are all looked at briefly) and watching it really gave me an appreciation for the complexity of his rapping.

[The charcoal feathered bird squawked in reply.. ]

ℍ𝕖𝕣 𝕠𝕨𝕟 𝕤𝕠𝕟 𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤.. 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕠𝕠.. 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕒 𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕕𝕓𝕒𝕥𝕙. ℕ𝕠𝕥 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟 𝕤𝕠𝕦𝕝 𝕣𝕖𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕤...

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕪. ℂ𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕔𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕣𝕖𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞.

personal soundtrack | Colter Wall, When the Work’s All Done This Fall