#*sad

I was going to write this on 31 Dec, but whatever. I doubt any will happen more than the Foreigner chapter.

I became an FGOer in April 2018, when I realized all about the game after seeing the CM and getting hooked. Come for the design when my ass still thought Gao Changgong was a woman. My first SSR is Anastasia (I love my daughter). My favorite event is Summer 2020, where they gave us Yu summer. It's evident that this game has been influencing a major part of my stupid ass life. Without it, I would not even draw as I am now.

Come to think. This game always has something for me to get back. The community, the fandom, friends. I thank it to inspire me with many things. But that isn't what the game actually delivers, and I doubt I can stay for long if the source material is shit. So I think.

Maybe it's the way this game is written? Fate series and Nasu himself are always praised for their writing. I thought it was because the game gave you food, used your brain for it, and delivered what the food actually serves later on. LB6 shows it clearly as Oberon is the major culprit but act as ally until the mask is blown off in part 3. ngl it's still my favorite moment. Summer 2020 did it too with the whole "Hourai Mountain actually has two sides and there are two Yu" thing. The problem is that FGO writing is not consistent because it is combined with many people's work with only bare minimum supervision. The Requiem collab showed us how supervision can't save everything. This shouldn't be what attached me to it.

Then the last chapter hit, revealing all of Chaldea's purpose and Marisbilly's plan of human domination. Then it finally hit me. Marisbilly only loves one thing: the beauty of humans. He doesn't like the nonsense humans have, their failure, their emotion. He doesn't like Charles Darwin, either, because that man accepts that humans evolved from it. Calling it the ugliness. That's when something hit me. Because clearly that isn't love. Or maybe at least a healthy love.

FGO is, you know, the messiest experience in the Gacha industry a human has ever come through. It comes from this cheap 2D turn-based cash grab, and for some reason hit the popularity so much that this fuckass game still has the highest revenue of all games in Appstore in 2025. This game is 10 years old as I am writing this. But this thing is evolving. Delight Works used to not have a Game Department at all, and now we have Lasengle. 2D animation becomes prettier. No-name artist participated as the official artist and now gets many jobs. What I like about FGO is that they always tend to pull the most obscure thing and present it in the spotlight. The artist, the voice actor. Hell, even history and literature. LOOK AT MANDRICARDO. HE HAS A WIKI PAGE NOW. LOOK AT MY BOY. This messy thing has now grown; it is still ugly, but you can't ignore how beautiful it is.

You cannot love something and discard a part of it. Yes the humanity is ugly and full of shit. But this is the shit you're bearing with. So it is natural to love it. Yes, this is the shitty ass gacha game, but this is my game. And when it comes to the last boss, your account, your friends, everyone is helping you. Anastasia and Kadoc show up. Yu and her horse husband and Gao Changgong. wait where the hell is Henry Jekyll? Jason can't bid you a farewell, and he's lying about him not remembering shit, being a coward like he always is. Xu Fu said you're at least as bearable as her first love, so she said a last goodbye. The animation of everyone helping you. That fuck ass insect Oberon. Those are character you've grown up with. You have leveled them, increasing their bond. You study the background of these characters and why they're designed that way. Who is Mandricardo? The guy from Matter of France. What does he do? Finding the sacred sword. You know all of these. The community has been restore his history bit by bit. You admire all of them, the process, the people working for it.

And in the end. Everything ends. It is just a clear sky, and no one remembers it. Just like that. Someday, FGO will go to EOS, and your account will be lost forever. The character you love will be gone. And at some time, you will move on and forget them. The only thing left will be a fragment of it. Even if the game is archived, it will not replay the experiences you got from this 10-year-old ass game. That's just how everything works. History will be forgotten and written by someone. Humans will move on. Everyone will.

But it's undeniable that it makes you grow. You learn something from it. That's the beauty of it. Your experiences will shape what you are. Even if it is forgotten, it is not completely gone. And what you should do moving forward. Evolve.

It was like this is what Nasu intended to write FGO ending as is to speak to us how it felt. It was the same feeling when I watched every Nier Gestalt's route walkthrough. It is meant to be displeasing. You're fighting for something that will perish no matter what. But you do it for your own sake of yourself because it means something to you. You cannot love something and discard its ugliness. The coin has two sides. You should be aware of both of them.