#*lea

simvonetwork | Meet the Devereauxs: Confessionals

"I would." Lauriam nodded. "My personal feelings towards you have nothing to do with my need to make sure you are healthy."

"How do you feel towards me?"

"I don't feel anything."

"What?"

"In general. My feelings are... Muted. They've been that way since I woke here." 

Lea leaned back against the wall. “Aren’t you dating Even?” 

Lauriam sighed and looked to the floor. “I am courting Even. Ienzo thought the same... I am chasing the ghost of a feeling, Lea. If you really must know. Even knows where my emotions lie. We’ve talked extensively about our past. About Brain and Ansem. Aeleus and Elrena.” 

“Not that I care, trust me, I don’t, but isn’t that kinda, I don’t know, /wrong/?” Lea gestured a hand at him. “Sounds like you’re leading him on.” 

“It is hardly any different from Isa’s own emotional state. We all have trauma, Lea. And if I feel like dealing with mine by taking care of others and attempting to learn what it means to be in a normal relationship than I should be allowed to.” 

“Don’t you dare drag Isa into this.” Lea groaned and rubbed his face. “I know you know how he looks at Terra. So, okay, yeah, I get what you’re saying. I’m dealing with mine by having an army of /teenagers/ at my feet.” 

“Have you put more thought into my offer?” 

“...I... didn’t really think you were serious.” Lea admitted and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not really leader material, Lauriam.” 

“It would only be temporary. Isa would be preferable but there’s still much work to be done there.” Lauriam gave him a small smile. “It’s what Skuld would want.” 

“Yeah, okay. Until Isa can. But not a moment longer. I can barely be responsible for myself, let alone a bunch of kids.” 

“I’ll tell Ven the good news. Would you like something to commemorate it?” 

“Uh, besides lunch?” 

Lauriam gave a small nod. “Ienzo has a choker from me, and Ven wears a bracelet. I’m on good terms with Moogle as well as those ducklings so have access to materials as well as the ability to synthesis.” 

“Uh, I guess whatever you think would be best. I’m still getting used to my Keyblade and the whole magic shift in general from, you know, Axel.” 

Lauriam curled a hand before his lips. “I can work with that. I’ll have something for you in the next few days.” 

“Cool.” Lea swallowed. “You really don’t feel anything towards me?” 

“Should I? Whatever happened between Marluxia and Axel is in the past.” Lauriam responded and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve only ever done what you thought was right to protect your own interests. I cannot fault someone for that.” 

“I don’t know now. I guess I thought we were friends. You /act/ like we’re friends.” 

“No.” Lauriam closed his eyes. “You’ll die if we’re friends.” 

“What?” Lea pressed closer to the wall behind him before he sprung forward to grab Lauriam’s collar. “What?!” 

“If you haven’t figured that out by now I don’t know what to tell you. Do you know how many times Elrena has died? Has had her memory altered? Been /used/? Let alone Ven.” Lauriam placed his hands over Lea’s. “Brain didn’t even come to this time. Ephemer is trapped. I’m pretty sure you met Skuld. Broken. My Dandelions... You don’t want to be my friend, Lea.” 

“Huh.” The sound left Lea softly and his hands slipped back to his sides. “Yeah. You got a point there. But if /you/ haven’t realized I don’t make a habit of leaving my friends behind. So I really don’t care. If you want me to be a part of his union crap than we’re friends.”

“Always a way with words.” Lauriam sighed. “I know I cannot change your mind. So welcome to the fold, Master Lea.” 

“Yeah, okay, I need you to not call me that.” Lea mumbled as he tried to keep his knees supporting him. Now he understood why Even always had such a face when Lauriam called him lord. It meant nothing from him but boy howdy was that tone all Marluxia. 

“It is your proper title.” Lauriam frowned. “Ienzo and Ven dislike it as well. But it is what Master Ava would want. I will refrain.” 

“You really don’t get it.” Lea huffed. “Marluxia calling anyone by proper title would be a field day. It’s not the same from you, but it’s still, how do I even put this besides fuckin’ hot... Yeah, that’s it.” 

“So there’s a problem with my delivery.” 

“There’s a problem with your /face/.” Lea sighed heavily. “What happened to your /ego/? Not that I’m really complaining. Marluxia was insufferable. But he was fuckin’ hot.” 

“Are you turned on by me calling you master?” Lauriam questioned. 

“Yeah, sure, we can boil it down to that. Much easier than trying to delve into the various levels of physiological bullcrap between us.” 

“I see. So it is not so much /me/ saying it as the thought of /him/ saying it and since we share the same face... I see. And here I had hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with this with you.” 

“Yeah, basically.” Lea shrugged. “With me? Oh. /That’s/ why you’re still courting Even.” 

“Yes.” Lauriam admitted. “Ven is the only person who sees /me/. The rest of you still see /him/.” 

“Yeah, okay, guilty. That’s just kinda how it is for all of us. Some of us kinda... switched back and forth easier. Half the time the kids still call me Axel and it stings, you know? I’m trying to make this new life for all of us and it... it’s hard. And you’re trying to give me this opportunity to /do/ something to help the future and that’s terrifying. Because when I see you I see Marluxia. And I didn’t /care/ what Marluxia had to say because Saix’s orders and wants were all that mattered. Getting back to Roxas was all that mattered. I just had to make sure Marluxia /failed/. I had no clue what was actually happening at Castle Oblivion because I didn’t /care/. And now we’re here, and you’re offering to trust me again, and I... I don’t deserve that.” 

“Are we not all seeking redemption?” 

“We are.” Lea sighed. “Is that what this is? A way to prove myself?” 

“If you want to see it that way you can.” 

“I will. Can you tell me something?” 

“You know I remember little.” 

“I do. Marluxia was determined to take down Xemnas. Why?” 

“To stop Kingdom Hearts. To stop a reset of the universe. You’ve been to the Keyblade Graveyard.” 

“Yeah, place is hella creepy.” 

“That place is full of people I once knew. The people of my time. Our job as leaders was to protect those that avoided the war. To act as if it never happened.” 

“What?” 

“To accept the future and move on. That was the point of the dandelions.” 

“You’re telling me that the universe almost got /destroyed/?” 

“Reset. Yes.” 

“Same thing.” Lea huffed. 

“No. Kingdom Hearts puts light and darkness back in balance. The few Keyblade Weilders you’ve met wore born from that light. Were gifted it.” 

“So Xehanort was trying to use us to cause an apocalypse, basically.” 

“That’s accurate.” 

“Which is why Marluxia tried to control Sora?” 

“If what I have been told of myself follows, than yes. Marluxia would have had the instinctual need to stop Kingdom Hearts. Even if he could not remember why and had lost his Keyblade to Darkness.” 

“Well, damn.” Lea whistled. “Which I guess explains why Larxene was there too.” 

“The lingering feeling of bonds. Yes.” Lauriam nodded. 

“Huh.” Lea tilted his head back. “Even knowing that I still woulda done what I did.” 

“You had your priorities. I get the feeling that Saix and Marluxia had the same one without knowing it.” 

“Yeah, probably. Xemnas was crazy.” Lea laughed. “We won in the end though. No apocalypse.” 

“No apocalypse.” Lauriam hummed. “Things are finally back to how they should be.” He pressed a hand to his chest. “Just how master wanted.” 

“Don’t get all eerie on me now.”

“Are you not excited for the future?” Lauriam grinned at him. 

“Not sure excited is a word I would use, but at this point I guess I should just be happy I’m alive to see it.” 

“Exactly, Master Lea.”

Lea growled at him. “I’m going to go tell Ven myself.” 

“You have no idea where he is.”

“And you do?” 

“Of course. But if you listen to your heart you should find the way.” 

“Yeah, guiding key blah blah blah.” 

“I believe in you, Lea.” 

“That makes one of us.” Lea sighed and summoned his Keyblade. “You’re really not like Marluxia at all. I don’t get it.” 

“One needs to keep up appearances when their body is all they have. The loss of my sister broke me deeply and if not for the other leaders I would have fallen to Darkness much sooner. There is no point in growing close to people who will only leave you. Marluxia existed solely to try and get back to /me/. To try and fix the future. Is that accurate?” 

“I guess. Are you trying to tell me that Marluxia could have been nice?” 

“He got along with Roxas, am I right?” 

“Yeah. Roxas is always looking at you and junk. But even that was cause he had a Keyblade, wasn’t it? Trick the kid into liking you to use him... Which is no different than what I did.” Lea sighed. “A means to an end. I get your point.” 

“Marluxia is Marluxia and I am me. But all Marluxia was, was a fully broken version of me. The one that became a Nobody instead of a Darkling. The one found by Xigbar.” 

“Yeah. I guess not so different if you put it like that. You just wear a different mask.” 

“Correct.” Lauriam gestured his head towards Lea’s Keyblade. “Go tell Ven. He’s been very excited to know your answer.” 

“Just, follow my heart?” 

“The Keyblade will do the rest.” 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you later. Do I just message you about lunch?” 

“That’s what the children do.” 

“Okay. I can do that.” 

“Good. Goodbye, Master Lea.” 

"It is still challenging not to," Isa admitted and slowly curled his fingers around the beverage. "I gave him everything for nothing."

"/Saix/ gave him everything," Lea corrected.

Isa looked away. "You know the differentiation is minimal."

"Still." Lea poked his cheek. "What was it this time?"

"A part of me misses him at times. Physically." Isa admitted. "What we had was far from good or healthy. I recognize that now. But it was mine. And I desperately needed something that was mine."

"You really need to work on opening your heart more." Lea sighed. "You need to forget about him. He's never coming back."

"I know." Isa took a sip from his drink. "But what can I say? Even I am capable of feeling horny from time to time."

Lea choked on his straw. "Y-yeah?"

"Don't give me that." Isa laughed. "You rushed over to my house after your first time. You haven't changed at all."

"We're talking about you." Lea looked past him. Over him. "You, uh, have anyone in mind?"

"I might. But I'm unsure if they feel the same."

"No way of knowing unless you ask."

Lea threw a hand before him, his other almost dropped his smoothie. "You really think I'm offering out of pity?"

"I know you don't like me like that." Isa wouldn't meet his eye. "There's Roxas after all."

"You're impossible," Lea huffed and set his drink down. "My heart's caught up with my body. Roxas is really important to me but he's also a kid."

"My point still stands."

Lea sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "You were this dense as a teenager too."

"What?" Isa snapped.

"Why would somebody put up with /you/ if they don't like you? You were my first crush, you idiot." Lea explained. "And now we're adults and we've been through a really shitty situation and I just want to help you forgot about Him for a little bit."

"I was?" Isa whispered.

"Thank you," Isa swallowed. "For everything."

"It's nothing." Lea shrugged. "Just, uh, good luck."

"The term is 'getting lucky' isn't it," Isa hummed. "Go."

"Y- yeah."

~~~~~

Terra came here to think.

Everything else was so different.

"Terra?" Isa swallowed as he approached him. "Can we talk?"

Terra looked up at him and stood, dusting himself off. "How'd you get here?"

"Lea brought me."

"Ah, okay. What's on your mind?"

"Do you truly remember nothing of Xemnas?"

"I'm not even sure I fully understand who or what Xemnas was." Terra laughed. "Last thing I really remember was losing my body."

"I see." Isa sighed. "I'm going to talk freely then."

"Of course. Go ahead." Terra gave him a gentle smile.

"I first met him in Radiant Garden. Before he was Xemnas and I was Saix. Lea and I were curious in the experiments of the castle. Too curious. We were older than Ienzo but we were still children. We didn't truly understand."

"Experiments?"

"On the heart." Isa nodded. "I'm not sure how it all went so Dark. I wanted to protect Lea and failed. And then as Saix I let jealousy and rage govern me."

"Jealousy over what?"

"My lack of heart. And later on Roxas. I've worked past that. But it lead me down a... Easily useable path." Isa swallowed. "I got close to Xemnas to gain power. I ultimately got too close. I-" he paused and took a deep breath. "I didn't care what happened to me as long as I could protect Axel. And then when I felt I lost him I didn't care about anything."

"I'm sorry you were mistreated, Isa."

Isa shook his head a little. "Nothing was ever truly against my wishes. I was a foolish child and an even more foolish adult."

"Then?"

"I got side tracked. But I am unsure how to ask. It is... Wrong. You hardly look like him but I- I'm sorry. Forget I was ever here."

"Do you like me?"