#*lauriam

Strangers. The word stung more than Even expected it to.

"Chirithy is also naturally shy."

"Seems fine around Ven." Even muttered.

"Well, he is a prince of heart." Lauriam stated. "You must understand we've been hurt tremendously."

Hurt. Even stared at the cat like creature as it ducked behind Lauriam once more. What had Ienzo said? Something about a Chirithy essentially being a heart. Oh. "I can't promise I won't hurt you. But I can promise I'll do better."

"I know." Lauriam smiled. "A little more time, Even, that's all I ask. I'm sorry I keep rescheduling."

"The other worlds need you." Even did his best to not be bitter about it. He had his own work to do after all. His own World to rebuild.

"There's many kinds of need." Lauriam gave him a reserved smile. "I'll try to be back for dinner."

"Return without injuries and I won't care the time." Even replied.

"Mm, fair." Lauriam sighed and stepped closer to cup his face. "I'm a call away."

"You know I'm still not used to the gummiphone." Even laughed a little and leaned into his touch. "When did Chirithy get in your hair?"

"Oh, preference to being on my right shoulder. Chirithy, some privacy."

Chirithy promptly poofed with that.

"Better?"

"Much." Even grinned and bent down to kiss him gently. "Get to work."

"I love you." Lauriam sighed against his lips.

Even found that that was becoming easier to believe. "And I you. Now leave before I decide to keep you here."

Lauriam stepped away with a soft laughter. "I would let you. Dinner. Call if I run late."

They all have their demons. They are all working towards redemption. It is part of why Even comes to bed so late. If he has just a little more time in his lab maybe he can make things okay.

Lauriam is understanding. Disturbingly so. And the most of a why he can get out of the man is a soft laughter about maybe he has a type. He's thought to ask Elrena about it but decides against it every time. Lauriam is slowly opening up about his past, but it's tight lipped and fragile. He can't blame him.

At least he can talk about it instead of going nearly comatose like Ventus. Ventus who was kind. Ventus who was used. Ventus who he talks about with a bloodthirst that Even tries to ignore. Ventus who was somewhere between fifteen and a hundred and twenty-six.

There were others but names were not easy. Too real. But Even could be patient. He would wait until Lauriam was ready.

At least Lauriam knew names. Even knew specimen codes. Had no true idea how many lives were lost in the name of science.

So it is not abnormal for him to return to his room at 2 in the morning to Lauriam there. Lauriam has practically taken up residence in his room. They've never spoken of living together. It had been a struggle to get Lauriam to stay in Radiant Garden at all in the beginning. To convince him to keep his beloved Dandelions there. Especially when it became clear how few there were left. How greatly he had failed.

Lauriam was capable of accepting blame. And Even learned quickly that if he was not cursing Darkness than he was blaming himself.

But what was odd was the side table light was on. Lauriam was usually very good about turning it off.

"Lauriam?" He tested as he approached the bed. He'd learned it was best to use his name after the week Lauriam had avoided him after calling him Vexen.

His response was a small sound. The quietest sound of distress because even alone Lauriam had trouble letting such emotions show.

A nightmare?

Lauriam had them less frequently than Even. It was part of why Lauriam had even agreed to sharing a bed at first. To trying. Something about his touch calmed Even in ways he still didn't fully understand. He knew he loved Lauriam, but it was more than that.

Lauriam made him feel safe.

Normally.

Nightmares were tricky. If Lauriam woke truly frightened he could be dangerous. If Even touched him wrongly he could be on the wrong side of magic.

Or a Keyblade.

But he needed to help him. Needed to.

Oh.

"E-Even?"

His eyes were so dreadfully blue when glistening with tears. 

And just Lauriam going to pick up Master’s Defender because that is /Brain’s/ Keyblade and Terra and Aqua going to block it while Ven is just Staring because this kids memory is a hot mess and even with his Chirithy back there’s still a lot of amnesia happening in there. 

Lauriam just staring them down and crossing his arms over his chest “I’ll put it back. I want to see if it’ll let me touch it after this long.” 

Aqua and Terra sharing a look and stepping to the side, but also waiting for Ven to say something. Because Ven’s basically their Lauriam translator because Lauriam is mild mannered and quiet but also just constantly Doing Things. 

“Hello,” Lauriam’s voice was soft as he stood before Master’s Defender. It was odd to see it here, but it had also been odd to see with Brain. Brain was not a fighter. 

/”I’m just curious,” Brain had laughed when he asked to try and hold Divine Rose. 

“Fine, but you have to swap with me then.” Lauriam had agreed only on his terms. He let Brain hold his heart a little too much as matters were, this was even more personal./ 

Ven stepped up to his side then. “Tell me?” 

“Only a bittersweet memory.” Lauriam responded and curled his fingers around the handle. “I understand the point of this, but he would be happier with it being used.” He did not try to move it but looked to Aqua. “This was not a Keyblade meant to /die/.” 

“It’s staying here.” Terra stated. The end with Eraqus had not been pleasant but he had still been a good master for them. He deserved this. 

“Lauriam, /we/ need this.” Aqua responded and patted Terra’s arm. “But if that Keyblade chooses you that is its choice.” 

“No. It, like its original master, was never meant for my heart.” Lauriam let it go and turned away. “When the time is right it will be used again.” 

Ven frowned up at him before taking one of his hands. Lauriam had always been mature, and he was still getting used to his age, but he had figured out a few things about the adult Lauriam. Namely that he had fully accepted that Brain was not coming back. 

“I’m okay.” Lauriam smiled down at him. “What’s next on your tour?” 

/Brain had pouted at him for a moment before summing forth Master’s Defender. “Your Keyblade is way cooler.” 

“I think basic is nice.” Lauriam responded with a small smile. 

“Mmm, give me.” 

Lauriam laughed and offered over Divine Rose. 

They a touch clumsily traded Keyblades. 

And for a few seconds Master’s Defender was in his hold before it vanished. 

Brain said nothing as his hold stayed firm on Divine Rose./ 

Ven did not believe him but he was not about to push in front of Aqua and Terra. “I think, home.” 

"I cannot. I visited the World of an old friend and they were kind enough to let me take one." Lauriam explained.

Even slowly took the rose from him. "An old friend?"

"A World I saved long ago."

"Would you take me there some time?" Even questioned and brought the rose up to his face to smell it. It felt too real in his fingers.

"He's trying to get better about guests, so I should be able to manage that." Lauriam gave a small nod. "We should put it in water."

"He?" Even felt his stomach tighten. Had Lauriam given him someone else's token of affection? "I could freeze it."

"The prince of the World. Apparently Organization XIII tried to give him trouble years ago. From what Belle said it sounds like Dilan's Nobody was there." Lauriam stepped a little closer to him. "Save your magic, Even."

“Belle?” Even questioned and looked away. “/You/ told me to work on my magic, Lauriam.” 

“I do not believe they have gotten married by this point in time.” Lauriam explained and reached up a hand to place on Even’s cheek and draw his attention back to him. “A touch too honest of a memory, is all. It was an ill chosen gift.” 

“Right, the whole past future matter.” Even frowned down at Lauriam. “You want it back?” 

“Right.” Lauriam gave a small nod. “No. It is yours. But I should have thought it through better. My intention is to build foundation on who we are now. To give you a gift that is so thoroughly Marluxia was ill chosen.” Lauriam swallowed and withdrew his hand. “But I found I could not help myself.” 

Even grabbed his hand and held it awkwardly before him. “Once then. For old times sake.” 

“You’ve never been one to stop at once.” Lauriam whispered. “Perhaps I should take it back.” 

“Experiments need proper testing.” Even whispered back and leaned down. “No, you said it is mine. Perhaps we could use it as... closure.” 

“Closure?” Lauriam hummed. “We’d need to set it on fire afterwards.” 

“How did you die?” 

“Exhaustion, mostly. Desperation. Sora would have done such a lovely job if only his rage had been directed properly. But it does not matter now. Pieces are back where they are meant to be.” 

“It has been... odd, getting to actually know Riku.” 

“Seeing Ienzo socialize, you mean.” Lauriam laughed a little. 

“Yes.” Even sighed. “So. Fire.” 

“Full closure.” Lauriam nodded. “And then, we go on a date. Just us. No cloud of Vexen and Marluxia.” 

“Do you forgive yourself then?”

“Oh, never.” Lauriam shook his head a little. “But I don’t have to forgive myself to move on. So let’s set up our little experiment.” 

“Set up?” 

“Fire, Even, Fire. Unless you learned fire magic after Esuna?” 

“...Don’t make fun of your elders, Lauriam.” 

Lauriam hummed and turned away. “Only you.” And then he smirked over his shoulder. “Besides, I’ve technically existed longer than you.” 

“You’re terrible.” Even laughed. 

“You knew that already.” Lauriam laughed back. “Fire. I have no idea how to work your lab, Even. I am much more used to synthesis.” 

“Right. The Moogle like you.” Even walked past him. “I’ll teach you how to work a Bunsen Burner. Actual science.”

“There is plenty of science behind synthesis.” 

“There is more magic than science.” 

“One and the same at the core.” Lauriam held a finger up to silence Even’s next complaint. “Are you a scientist or a mage? You are both, Even.” 

Even heaved a sigh. “You are correct, but my original point still stands.” 

“Science. Yes. Show away.” 

Even lead Lauriam over to a table with said Bunsen Burner along with various flasks and test tubes. “Lauriam?” 

“Hmm?” 

“You truly want to forget?” 

“I never said forget. I want to move on. I want to feel like I am living my life. Not a shadow of Marluxia’s.” Lauriam sighed. “I recognize that the division between Vexen and Even was slim. That Vexen allowed you a moral slip that this life does not. But I am not Marluxia, and I refuse to act as if I am.” 

“Okay.” Even gave a small nod and finally coated the rose he held in ice. “A date?” 

“We can go wherever you like.” 

“Where- where would you have gone before?” 

Lauriam stared at him, eyes slightly wide. “Even you know my home world is destroyed.” 

“You can travel to other Worlds I-” Even heaved a sigh. “No. Of course you would want to stay in familiar territory. I’m sorry.” 

“Tact has never been one of your strong suits.” Lauriam gave him a small smile. “There’s a few Worlds I have not explored fully yet. I thought we could just walk around and find somewhere nice.” 

“That would be nice.” Even agreed. He set the rose to the side and turned the flame on. “Tell me about back then. Your thought process.” 

“Vexen had shown that he could not be loyal to me. Axel wanted to prove he could be. I was foolish enough to believe that Axel’s motives and mine would work together.” Lauriam explained softly. “I think about it frequently, Even. What would have happened if I had never told Axel the truth. That mission was not supposed to have causalities.” 

“You blame yourself and not Lea.” 

“The more I learn about Axel and Lea the more I understand he has always followed his heart. Axel’s loyalty, just like Vexen’s, was never Marluxia’s to hold.” Lauriam picked up the ice covered rose. “But more than anything else. I regret not doing it myself. Deep down I did not expect Axel to go through with it. I was not aware of how strong his conviction to Saix was, nor how much he wanted to see Roxas again.” 

“I forgave you.” Even stated. He had never truly cared about the politics. He had been mad with Marluxia because that castle should have been Vexen’s. But the more he heard about what happened after the more it sounded like a trap. Like they were sent to slaughter. 

“I know.” Lauriam sighed and held the icy petals over the open flame. “How did it feel? I remember the feel of death. That feel of unraveling. Of your emptiness finally being set free. Of your soul leaving.” 

“Dreadful.” Even whispered and watched as normal fire tried to melt magic ice. Their plan might have had a hole in it. But that might have been the point. They could never let go. “I remember the smell, mostly. I remember feeling betrayed. I remember Sora looking confused. And who could blame him?” Even placed a hand to his chest. “I remember being worried. And then Axel did have the Riku Replica kill Zexion...” 

“Vexen’s dying thoughts were Zexion?” 

“Even’s had been Ienzo.” Even’s voice was small. “In the end I should be thankful, but the scars make it challenging.” 

“Understandable.” Lauriam drew the flower away from the flame. “Perhaps we could put it in the freezer instead.” 

“Not working?” 

“Not in any capacity that is satisfying.” Lauriam turned the flower, a small bit of ice was gone, but the point was for their to be flames. 

Even turned the fire off. “Soak it in water and put it in the freezer it is. Do I only get that date after it is gone?” 

“It does sound like this experiment will need to be picked up tomorrow. But I think you still deserve a date today.” Lauriam hummed a little. “For talking.” 

“Good.” Even smiled and took the flower from him. “Tell me about the World you want to go to.” 

“It’s called San Fransokyo. It’s a very technologically based world. Tall buildings. Curious transit system. And apparently it’s own team of heros.” Lauriam leaned against the table while he watched Even. 

“I think some version of the Riku Replica went there. I tried to keep track of where the vessels got to.” Even waved a hand at him. “But at the same time did not truly care.” 

“Where do your loyalties lay these days?” 

“They’ve always been to Lord Ansem and Ienzo. /My/ king and prince.” Even dismissed his magic and turned the sink on. The rose only looked sad as he ran it under water. The freezer would only make it an awkward chunk of flower. Nothing of the intricate designs Vexen had practiced only to impress Marluxia. But that was for the best. 

“Right.” Lauriam looked away. “And me?” 

“What about you?” 

“Are you loyal to me, Even? Can I finally hold your loyalty?” 

Even looked at Lauriam’s fragile expression for only a second. “We’ll see after our date.” 

“Fair.” Lauriam let out a heavy breath. “My loyalty has never been to you, after all.” 

“No, you are only loyal to yourself.” 

“No, I once had many people I was loyal to. But times change. Marluxia’s loyalty was Larxene. I sent her to her death as well. You are far from the only death that is heavy on my heart, Even.” 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Even questioned as he turned off the sink and walked the dripping red rose over to the freezer. He’d put a note on it later. Ienzo would ask. 

“No. Not at all.” Lauriam shook his head. “Only stating facts and reminders.” 

“A reminder to never forgive yourself.” 

“That is correct.” 

Even sighed and closed the freezer. “I understand.” He walked back over to Lauriam and placed his hands on the table behind him, pinning him in place. “I want dinner and dessert.”

“Of course, Even.” Lauriam gave him a small smile. “Anything you want.” 

“I want you to forgive yourself.” 

“Anything but that.” Lauriam turned his head away. 

“Then I want ice cream.” 

/Can't summon my blade without my hand free/ The words rang in his mind.

He shifted carefully on the bed, frowning to himself but knowing that Lauriam would be more distressed if Even did not wake him.

Lauriam had turned onto his back sometime in the night and it made Even's plan easier. He moved under the blanket and carefully swung a leg over Lauriam. It dipped the bed and Lauriam shifted slightly but his eyes stayed closed and his hand weaponless.

Lauriam's hands were loose at his sides and Even slowly tangled his left hand with Lauriam's right. Lauriam only used his right hand with his weapon, unlike Even who was ambidextrous. It should offer him a little more safety.

He leaned over Laurium further, knees pressing into the bed as he was careful not to touch Lauriam more than necessary. It was awkward, but he often felt awkward around his beloved.

He set his elbow against the bed to support him as he bent down and kissed him. The position made him think of Lauriam being behind him horribly. They had not seen much of each other as of late. Between his work schedule and Lauriam traveling. He missed him terribly.

He pressed kisses to his lips until he felt the hand in his stiffen. "Lauriam." He whispered against his lips.

Lauriam's eyes slowly blinked at him. "Good morning?"

"Not quite." Even gave him a small smile as he leaned away. He let go of Lauriam's hand after another moment.

Lauriam rubbed at his eyes with both hands. "Need help sleeping?" He mumbled.

"Yes." Even sat down on his waist and settled his hands on Laurium's chest. "Did you miss me?"

"Always." Lauriam breathed. "Mm, do tell me you woke me for more than sex."

"Tell me about your day?" Even attempted and started to draw senseless shapes over Laurium's chest.

Lauriam laughed below him. "It was fine, Even. I am, if nothing else, efficient. You look beautiful, by the way, flushed like that. I told you to wake me if you ever need help sleeping. I merely have trouble at times grasping that you get horny when Vexen was so adamant about his denial."

"Yes, well, it was an admission that he wanted Marluxia." Even's hand stopped. "You know I want you."

"Everyone knows you want me." Lauriam smirked and reached up a hand to tug on one of Even's bangs. "Tell me about your day, properly, in the morning."

Even tilted his head downwards and swallowed slightly. "I really did miss you."

"That's fair." Lauriam whispered from Even's bed. He would never forgive himself and the scar had been too stark of a reminder. The apologies had tumbled from his mouth and no amount of Even saying he was over it had stopped them. They had only stopped when his eyes stung and his voice was hoarse.

"Maybe I should get into sexy crop tops." The words felt weird from Even's mouth but he desperately wanted to make Lauriam laugh. To fix the mood that was supposed to be electric and instead felt fragile.

"I'd only want to remove them." Lauriam's tone was plain.

Even sighed and slipped off his work uniform to pull on a plain green t-shirt. "Isn't the point of sexy clothing to leave it on and defile it?"

"Do you plan on wearing sexy matching underwear?" Lauriam's voice took on a slight tease.

Even breathed easier. "If it would help." Even undid his belt and slid his pants off. "I want you to look at me with only lust, Lauriam, is that so much to ask for?"

Lauriam looked away. "Presently? Yes." He admitted. "A part of me still thinks this is a bad idea. I can't help the feeling that I will destroy you again."

"You might." Even agreed and sat down beside him. "The future holds no certainty. We may find ourselves on different sides again. But, for now, let me make my own 'bad' decisions."

"And what would that be?"

"You. Always you."

"I suppose I can be your bad boy for a little longer." Lauriam laughed.

"Or forever."

"No." Even mumbled and nuzzled his face back into the obnoxious pink tresses that were trying to suffocate him. He didn't want to move. He had his legs tangled with Lauriam's and a hand firmly on his chest. He rarely was the big spoon even if he was the taller of the pair. Lauriam liked to hold him.

"Even." Lauriam brushed his fingers over the blond's. "/I/ have trouble with my hair."

"Comfy." Was Even's singular response.

Lauriam breathed deeply and tilted his head back to hit Even slightly. "You'll be much more comfy when you can breath."

"Will I?" Even hummed.

"Even." Lauriam huffed. "Please."

"Fiiiine." Even grumbled and shifted away. "But I'll never be comfortable again."

"You'll be out in a minute." Lauriam responded and lifted his head to move all his hair to the side and leave his shoulder bare.

"Lies." Even whispered and pressed his face into Lauriam's shoulder.

"You're so cute when you're exhausted." Lauriam hummed and patted Even's hand. "If you go to sleep right now I'll make you pancakes in the morning."

"'m not five. You can't bribe me that easily." Even sleepily grumbled.

"I think I can, honey."

"No." Even mumbled but his eyes had been heavy the whole time and Lauriam was so very warm. There was no point in fighting the urge. He'd put his pride to the side long ago.