#*homophobia

But I can’t just stand by and watch as lesbians and gay men/boys struggle with their sexual orientation because of the pressure to not only be “inclusive” in their sexual attraction, but also the expansive label system that has been created which can easily guide sexually repressed teenagers down a path of convincing themselves they’re straight and “demisexual” instead of gay.

It’s depressing that people (particularly women and girls) are figuring out at 16, 20, 24 years old that they’ve been gay/lesbian this entire time but grew up in an environment where they were presented labels that can easily reinforce heteronormativity.

When you grow up in an environment where straight is the default and being gay/lesbian is now being called descriminatory you can easily repress your own sexual orientation with the logic that “Oh, I just haven’t connected with the right woman/man yet. I’m not gay/lesbian, I’m a straight demisexual.”

And that’s why the “how and when” of sexual orientation isn’t just unnecessary, but can also be damaging to the LGBT community.

Disguising your sexual orientation isn’t a privilege. Saying so means that gay people who haven’t come out yet are also privileged. Being in the closet or hiding your sexual orientation isn’t a privilege. And I am an actual “queer” (ew, take your slur elsewhere) person. 

No one is exempt from criticism and I sure as hell am going to call out people who help create stereotypes by falsely equating their sexual orientation with their personality or try to convince people that not being straight is somehow superior.

The Atlanta star facing multiple accusations of sexual assault also claimed that the LGBTQ community is “bullying” DaBaby and complained about “high standards of morality,” framing rap shows as safe spaces where a terrible remark shouldn’t be villainized, a sentiment echoed in a tweet by Toronto’s Tory Lanez (whose appearance at the Rolling Loud set in question was met by stern criticism — since last year Megan Thee Stallion accused him of shooting her — and is surely the reason DaBaby is under intense fire, since gross, public homophobia is more often met with a yawn): “When did rap get so politically correct that u can’t speak your mind and have an opinion?” Veteran Louisiana rapper Boosie Badazz took things a step further, using a gay slur in an Instagram Live stream, where he also threatened to “drag his ass offstage and beat his ass” if he saw Lil Nas recreate the (mock) nude dance sequence in “Industry Baby” at an awards show. “Facts,” retired NBA shooting guard Nick Young added in the comments.

There’s almost too much mess to keep up with. After posting a flimsy, passive-aggressive pair of apology messages that also hit at Dua Lipa, whose “Levitating” remix with DaBaby remains perched at No. 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and who has said she was “surprised and horrified” by the Rolling Loud incident, DaBaby released a video for a song called “Giving What It’s Supposed to Give,” borrowing Black queer slang for the title and closing with a message in rainbow colors: “Don’t fight hate with hate. My apologies for being me the same way you want the freedom to be you.” (More recently, Baby responded to criticism from Questlove by saying he has no clue who that is, a bold take since you can go to his YouTube page and watch a clip of him performing a medley of cuts from his Kirk album on The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon, backed, of course, by the Roots with Quest on drums.)

The message in the many twists this dialogue has taken is that a lot of people who claim credit for being open-minded also maintain that they deserve the right to object to some of the avenues of expression favored by the queer people they purport to have no problem with. It’s acceptance with a caveat: You can be gay, bi, trans, pan, nonbinary, what have you, so long as you don’t make too much noise about it. If you coddle hip-hop’s cisgendered, heteronormative core, you can cook. If you show too much queer attraction and self-expression, people get uncomfortable. The illusion of respect for our differences erodes. Acceptance is conditional upon giving the masses something to relate to. Young M.A is appreciated because straight male hip-hop fans see themselves in her verses about romancing women; there’s enough ambiguity and fluidity in Tyler, the Creator’s music to give a listener plausible deniability about whether the song they’re listening to is about falling in love with a man or not. (x)