life pro-tip: sometimes you'll do an oopsie in a public place and cause some level of mess. It'll be embarrassing, especially if you don't have the means to clean it up. You'll think "oh no the staff is gonna think I'm so awful" but here's my wisdom as The Staff:
I'm going to talk so much more shit if you just leave it and don't say anything. If you tell someone "hey I'm so sorry I spilled something over here" I will say thank you and clean it. I might even remember you as a sweetheart if you offer to help clean (you do not have to help clean and I imagine most places would prefer that you don't). One time a woman's kid broke a snowglobe at a spot I worked at and she proceeded to act as a human wet floor sign guarding the glass heap while I ran to grab an actual sign, and I think she's an icon.
But if I have to discover another Entire Cinnamon Roll (still warm) toppled on the floor with the cup left somewhere else because you wanted to hide the evidence and you don't even have the decency to apologize and let us know, I will hate you and I will talk shit to my coworkers after. If you can't clean it yourself, literally please just tell someone. It makes our lives easier, gets messes and slipping hazards off of floors faster, and makes me generally hate you less. Thank you for coming to my ted talk
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okay i promised myself i would stop posting about the current state of the hellsite however i could not rest until i created political satire of Those Fucking Ads
When I built my first altar, it looked like a sad thrift store shelf, mismatched candles, half-melted incense sticks, a chipped mug standing in for a chalice. I was so desperate for it to look witchy, like the glossy photos in books.
But it didn’t feel like mine. It felt like a stranger’s stage.
It took me years, and many messy, candle-wax-soaked attempts, to realize: your altar isn’t an Instagram post. It’s a heartbeat. It’s your magic’s nest. It should feel like home, because it is one.
Here’s how I’ve learned to build an altar that breathes with you, one that feels like warm floors, familiar shadows, and the exact right hush of your spirit.
🕯️ 1. Know What An Altar Really Is
Strip away the fancy words: an altar is just a sacred spot. It’s where you gather your power and your gratitude in one place.
It can be as humble as a windowsill or as grand as a dedicated room. A shelf, a table, a box, all that matters is intention.
Think of it as a tiny crossroads: your body, your spirit, and your magic meet there. The rest is just trimmings.
🌿 2. Start With What Calls You
Forget the shopping list that says you must have a pentacle, a wand, a chalice, this and that.
Ask: what do you reach for when you feel witchiest? A candle that smells like your grandmother’s kitchen? A stone you found at the river? A jar of salt?
Your altar is not a museum. It’s a nest of meaning. Let it be ugly at first. Let it be real.
🔮 3. Give It a Heartbeat
I always tell baby witches: your altar’s alive if it changes with you.
Maybe you set it up on the floor for a spell, then move it to a shelf when you get a cat who loves knocking things over. Maybe you swap the flowers every season. Maybe you leave offerings that rot a little, because magic is not sterile.
Mine has bits of charred candle wicks, a cracked seashell, and a scrap of cloth from my mother’s apron. I clean it, but I don’t bleach it of history.
🗝️ 4. Make It a Conversation
An altar is not a monologue. You don’t just speak at it. You speak with it.
When you light a candle, linger. When you place a new object, ask it, “What do you bring here?” Listen.
Maybe you rearrange things when they feel stale. Maybe you sleep with a stone under your pillow before giving it a spot on your altar, so it knows your dreams.
This is the bit the books forget to tell you: your altar listens back.
🌙 5. Protect It, But Don’t Police It
It’s good to cleanse your altar, blow off dust, pass smoke over it, ring a bell if it feels heavy.
But don’t let perfectionism be your deity. I once wasted hours agonizing over where to put a feather. It’s a feather, Nyra. Spirits don’t care if it’s center-left or right.
Your hands are sacred. Trust them.
🕸️ A Few Simple Ideas To Try
Place something that represents each element, but only if it feels real to you. A rock, a candle, a cup of water, a pinch of salt.
Add one thing that smells good. Scent ties your spirit to memory.
Leave an offering to your guides or ancestors, even if it’s just a whisper of thanks.
Keep a tiny cloth or broom nearby to sweep off old energy when needed.
🌒 A Final Whisper
Your altar is not a shrine to aesthetics, it’s a mirror for your spirit.
Build it slow. Let it shift. Let it hold your tears, your giggles, your burnt matches and hopeful wishes.
One day you’ll sit at that sacred little corner, a mug of tea in hand, and think: This is mine.
And it will hum back: Yes. And I am yours.
jesus, okay. bigb's fourth wild life session goes as follows:
bigb schemes with mumbo and grian to lure scott into their trap
cleo overhears. she rightfully gets mad at him
bigb tells her he was lying. cleo (RIGHTFULLY) does not believe him.
he says (TO HER FACE) that he's never done something like that.
SHE RIGHTFULLY REMINDS HIM OTHERWISE.
he goes crying to ren (wholesome box boys reunion!!!).
the way he explains the situation sounds like he deadass was going to help mumbo and grian and lied to cleo about lying. which is. hysterical.
ren ropes bigb along in his plan to kill and trap grian
while planning, bigb sees grian in the distance.
bigb lies about killing a pig for food, sneaks off and TELLS GRIAN. ABOUT THE PLAN TO KILL HIM.
bigb still ends the session allied with ren and martyn, neither of them knowing he snitched.
by the way both plots are executed about a million miles away from bigb. he doesn't even get actually involved with either scheme he's roped into. he literally misses the grian kill because he was too busy cooking.
and then he still meets with the Gs after all that, saying sorry to scott
and then he shoots pearl. which ends in him running away as she and cleo shoot after him.
all this to say: bigb is a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE. this man is not as bound to the world of roleplay and alliances which means he does whatever the fuck he wants. i stand by my theory that this man thrives best when he's a lone wolf. he does not fucking care about anyone else, the only reason he has allies is for survival!! he's just a silly guy who does what he wants!! his principles are unknowable!!! his moral compass is spinning!!! he thinks consequences don't apply to him and he's wrong but he's not going to act otherwise!!! all he knows is eat hot chip and lie. and he drives me crazy
summary: when james's girlfriend decides to fuck with you, your only other choice is to fuck with her.
warnings: eventual smut! 18+ heavy angst, cursing, wearing, jealousy
a/n: this story was an OLD draft and i kind of wanted to finish it so yeah. i hope you enjoy and as always, i apologize if you hate this!
part 1 | part 2
THE sun peeked through the curtains of your dorm room, casting a warm glow that made your bed feel like the most comfortable place in all of Hogwarts.
You groaned as you felt someone shaking your bed, a voice calling out urgently.
"Y/N!” They yelled again, the bed shaking more forcefully.
“For fuck’s sake!" you mumbled, sitting up and squinting against the bright light. "What do you want?”
"Wake up!" Dorcas stood there, clearly annoyed. “We have astronomy in two minutes!”
That definitely jolted you awake.
You practically leaped out of bed, catching sight of Dorcas rushing to button her shirt. “Fuck!” you exclaimed, quickly slipping into your tights and skirt.
“Why did nobody wake us up?” you asked, frustration bubbling as you glanced at your roommates. It was a mix of annoyance at them and yourself.
“Bloody fucking twats,” Dorcas muttered. “I’m going to stick my wand so far up their arse once I get to that tower.”
“Count me in,” you replied, hurriedly putting on your shoes—still not fully laced—and adjusting your tie.
You grabbed your book bag. “Come on!” Dorcas urged, already heading for the door.
You both practically ran to the stairs, unready for the most strenuous workout of your life. You both huffed in frustration as the stairs moved.
You looked up at the seemingly endless flights of stairs, frustration boiling over. "These stairs are a fucking safety hazard," You hissed. "Do they not care if we die?"
Dorcas crossed her arms, panting slightly. “Dumbledore is definitely getting my letter of complaints,” She ranted. “I mean, I understand we’re young wizards and witches, but Merlin, are these stairs really bloody necessary?”
You chuckled as the stairs set in place and you both rushed to the top quickly.
You both huffed, clearly out of breath as you both pressed on, each step feeling like a small victory.
With a force of urgency, you opened the door to your Astronomy class as the entire class turned their heads to you. You could hear several students snickering, specifically the Slytherins as you flipped them off.
Professor Adair turned to you both with a sigh. “Nice to see you, ladies. May I gift one of you a watch for Christmas?” He asked sarcastically, prompting a few snickers from the class.
Desperately trying to catch your breath, you replied, “Apologies, Professor. I’m afraid my alarm didn’t go off.” You quickly took your seat next to Sirius, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks.
“Mine too!" Dorcas argued, "And to be fair, I mean this class is pretty high.” She moved next to Dorcas.
Professor Adair rolled his eyes, continuing with the class with a mutter about the two of you.
“You know,” Sirius leaned into you, “If you need a proper alarm-“ He slyly said, hand almost touching your thigh.
You stomped on his leg as he groaned, touching the injured limb.
“Note taken.” He hissed.
You smirked as you started writing down a note in your notebook which you made into a paper plane, flying it over to Lily.
She looked at you hesitantly, opening it.
Why did you not wake me or Dorcas up?
She looked at you, looking confused as the angry look on your face never faded. She began writing down her response which she sent to you.
Emma told us all that she would wake you both up and when she came to Astronomy, she said she did.
A fuse blew inside of you, of course Emma was behind this. It makes sense that she would be the one to do it considering how she treated your entire friend group.
For context, Emma was all of your supposed “best friend” which would be a fine label if she didn’t sabotage anyone who she thought was a threat.
At first, she considered Lily a threat because of how much others loved her especially James Potter. So instead of asking Lily to put a good word in for her with the others and James, she started spreading horrid rumors about her.
And everyone being cruel teenagers believed her, berating her wherever she went.
It took the entire girl group and the Marauders to make people back off and debunk these rumors.
Although you and the rest of the girls knew that Emma had done this, she had gaslighted Lily into thinking that it was obviously some bitter Slytherin that were jealous instead of her and eventually, the situation turned boring and died down into nothing.
But that wasn't even the end.
Soon after, she considered Mary a threat due to how smart and confident she was and decided to get her absolutely hammered before OWL'S.
And it caused her to get a poor score which resulted in her not leaving her bed for weeks.
But again, Mary had blamed herself and told everyone that it was "her stupid decision" that led to this.
After that, it had been Marlene.
Then suddenly, it had been Dorcas.
And now you were clearly her new target for what reason? Merlin knows.
The only reason she didn't wake Dorcas up was because she knew she couldn't single you out. Emma knew you disliked her from the moment you met her and you weren't as nice about it.
Now, you may not know why she was targeting you at the present moment but the boy in front of you laughing with Remus could've been a huge clue.
James Potter.
Golden Boy, Heart-throbber, Fit, Kind, Funny, Brave, Determined, Bold.. I mean did you really have to go on?
The man that Emma had been in love with for years and had been dating for the present moment.
And not only was no girl allowed to approach James without dealing with Emma but she would pay hell for even making eyes at him.
Unfortunately for you, James had been struggling a bit for charms and enlisted your help in studying. At first, you had gave him a 'fuck no' before moving in order to not get his girlfriends wrath but when he pleaded and begged,
You forfeited.
You were hoping that he would keep it a secret but James being the dumbass he is mentioned how much of a good time it was to the entire group, Emma grew as red as a tomato.
You mentally cursed James, knowing that your life was already going to become a living hell.
Fortunately, you kept most stuff to yourself and never confided in Emma with anything.
There was nothing that Emma could do to incriminate you with but you just knew that she wouldn't back down and there was nothing you could do.
You did do your best to keep away from her but Lily couldn't stop hanging out with her which made the rest of your group completely vulnerable.
At the same time, you couldn't blame Lily for being so gullible and kind-hearted but it made her a pushover and Emma could guilt trip her way out of anything.
So if Emma was going to play this game, you were alone.
And you had to be the best player.
The bell chimed, bring you out of thought as you began packing up.
Emma came over to you, "Y/N! I'm so sorry that I didn't try harder to wake you and Dorcas." She hummed, "I thought you were fully up by time the time I left." She faked a sincere smile.
"Yeah Emma, I think it would be best if you never enlist yourself to such a task again, I'm afraid it requires a bit more of a brain hmm?" You sweetly said, leaving the conversation as she scowled towards you.
You rushed over to Remus, "Remus, please tell me you have the notes for this class." You pouted, grabbing ahold of his arm.
"Of course." He told you, beginning to grab his notebook out of his book-bag.
"Thank you so much," You gratefully said as you began walking with them.
"Wait, why didn't you ask me?" Sirius asked, pouting.
You let out a snort, "Have you seen your handwriting?" You derided as James and Peter laughed.
Sirius fake sniffled, "One day Y/N, you will appreciate my beauty and brains." Sirius dramatically hair flipped.
"You know there's nothing up there." James said, knocking on Sirius's head as Sirius swatted his hand.
You rolled your eyes as Remus handed over his notebook to which you thanked him with a kiss on his cheek.
"Hey! Wheres mine?" Peter asked, "I gave you the notes for potions."
You rolled your eyes again, giving Peter a peck on the cheek as well.
Your eyes locked onto Sirius, already knowing what he was gonna say, "Well, you just insulted me, I think you owe me one." Sirius said, tapping his cheek.
You clenched your jaw, pecking his cheek quickly as he grinned from ear to ear.
"Wait where's mine?" James asked as your eyes widened, "Don't wanna be left out," He fake sniffled.
"Your girlfriend will quite literally harvest my organs." You scarily said, putting the notebook in your bag.
"It's just a kiss on the cheek!" He argued as the whole group shook their head.
"Mate, I'm going to have to agree with her on this one," Sirius patted James on the back, "She will bloody kill Y/N and us for letting it happen." Sirius said.
There was a rumble of protest in his throat but a part of him knew that you both were right. He didn't want you to be faced with the fire on Emma based on his actions.
"Fine, guess you guys are right," He muttered as he dragged his feet.
You groaned, reaching over to James and pecking him on the cheek as he grinned.
“Everyone's been kissed now,” you sighed, your voice trailing off in frustration. “Can we just—” But before you could finish, a sharp voice sliced through the air.
“Y/N!” Emma screeched, her anger prominent as the group recoiled, hissing in surprise. She stormed toward you, her face flushed with rage.
You were begging Merlin that she hadn't seen the peck you gave to James.
“Did you just kiss my boyfriend?” She laughed harshly, her grip tightening on James's arm as he shot you an apologetic look, guilt written all over his face.
“Oh, maybe it was Sirius instead?” You quipped, trying to deflect with a joke, but Peter’s snort only deepened the tension.
“Real clever,” Emma shot back, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she stepped closer, invading your space. “A good friend wouldn’t do that, Y/N. I don’t take betrayal lightly.” Her tone was sharp, a warning laced within it.
You matched her intensity, moving closer until your breaths mingled as you spoke, “And I don’t take threats lightly.”
“Okay, let’s all just calm down!” Sirius intervened, wrapping an arm around your waist while James did the same to Emma, but the heat between you and Emma crackled like a campfire, neither of you backing down.
“It was just a peck, sweetheart,” James cooed, wrapping an arm around Emma as you rolled your eyes, arms crossed in disbelief.
Emma pouted, “You know how protective I get about you.” She nestled into his chest, and the sight made your stomach churn.
“I know, baby,” he said with a smile, holding her close, while the rest of the Marauders looked on, barely able to stomach the scene unfolding before them.
“As entertaining as this little drama is, I need to get ready for the party tonight,” you announced, desperate for an escape.
"The party isn't until tonight!" Peter said, confused.
"Mentally prepare!" You joked.
“Wait!” Emma’s voice pierced through your thoughts just as you turned to leave, and you sighed, bracing yourself for her next act.
Her expression shifted, all sweetness now. “I’m sorry for misreading things with James,” She said, feigning concern. “I know you’ve never had a boyfriend,” She added, her tone dripping with condescension. “But, you can get a bit... jealous. But we’re friends, right? So I shouldn’t act like that.”
You clicked your tongue, suppressing the urge to roll your eyes even harder.
“And as your friend,” She whispered, pulling you into a tight hug, “I just want to warn you. If you so much as talk to James at the Gryffindor party tonight, I’ll make your life a living hell.”
She released you, her smile wide and disingenuous, and before you could even muster a response, she skipped back to James, leaving you fuming.
Fury coursed through your veins as her words echoed in your mind, the unfairness of it all burning like a fire inside you.
Ever since Emma had walked into your life, she had fucked with everything around you.
Your friends, your reputations, your social life, hell even your sanity.
And if nobody else was gonna put a stop to her.
You guess it would have to be you.
-----------
Are you really ready to wage war with her?” Dorcas chimed in from the closet, her tone skeptical.
“Dorc,” You began, frustration creeping into your voice. “Emma has been terrorizing us since third year. Are you seriously going to tell me that taking her down doesn’t sound appealing?”
She sighed, contemplating. “Okay, fine, you’ve got a point. But how exactly are you planning to take her on?”
A sly smirk crept across your face as you revealed the outfit you’d picked: a black corset paired with the shortest black skirt you could find, topped off with fishnets. Dorcas’s jaw dropped sarcastically. “So, you’re going to out-dress her?” She asked, incredulous.
“No,” You replied, rolling your eyes. “I’m going to use her worst fear against her. I’m going to seduce James.”
Dorcas nearly choked. “Do you have a death wish?”
“Listen, I would never usually even consider looking at another girl’s boyfriend, but this is different. James is the one thing that will shatter her, and honestly, it sounds cruel, but so is she!” You shot back, your resolve hardening.
“And if she tells the whole school what you’re doing, you’ll look like a homewrecker and be exiled,” Dorcas countered.
“Which is why it has to look like it’s all James’s idea,” You insisted, undeterred. “He’s been my friend since childhood; it’ll look innocent.”
“I don’t think this idea is as foolproof as you think,” Dorcas muttered, slipping into her red dress with an exasperated sigh.
“Dorc, trust me, she can’t hurt me,” You reassured her, the fire in your belly fueling your confidence.
“Well, if everything goes south,” Dorcas said with a reluctant smile, “I’ve got your back.”
You beamed at her. “What would I do without you?”
Just then, a loud bang echoed on your door. “Hurry up before all the firewhiskey is gone!” Marlene called, her voice a mix of urgency and excitement.
You and Dorcas shared a laugh, gathering your belongings and heading down to the common room, adrenaline buzzing in the air as you prepared to face the chaos of the night ahead.
The lively atmosphere of the common room was a familiar backdrop for you all; it felt like there was always a party, whether an event warranted it or not. You, Marlene, and Dorcas scanned the room and spotted your usual crew gathered around the couch. With a burst of energy, you hopped right next to James.
His eyes widened in surprise as he took in your outfit, but before he could say anything, Sirius swooped in.
“Y/N, have I ever told you how much I’m attracted to you?” He drawled, causing you to snort.
“Eyes off, Black,” You shot back playfully, just as Marlene whacked him with a pillow.
“Why do I even try?” He lamented, sinking dramatically into his chair.
Marlene grinned mischievously. “You know, I’d sleep with you, Black.”
Sirius’s eyes went wide. “Really?”
“Yeah, if you pay me and wear a cloak,” She teased, sending the group into fits of laughter.
Sirius scowled at Marlene while Lily pinched his cheeks, only for him to swat her hands away with a playful glare.
“You do look good, Y/N,” James murmured, his voice sincere.
You turned to him, arching an eyebrow. “Now what did I do to deserve a compliment from James Potter?”
He chuckled softly. “Well, after what I put you through this morning, I think you deserve more than just a compliment.”
“Speaking of this morning,” you leaned in closer, lowering your voice, “Where’s your girlfriend?”
James shrugged, a hint of frustration flickering across his face. “We got into a fight after you left. I tried to talk to her about her manners,” he said, his tone casual but the weight behind his words was clear.
“But you guys were literally snuggling when I left,” You laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
“Yeah, well, that was before I realized how messed up her behavior was. Jus'... embarrassing, you know?” He gulped down his drink, and you couldn’t help but notice the guilt etched on his face.
It twisted your heart, seeing him upset. James was your best friend, and the thought of anyone hurting him made your stomach churn.
You hated seeing him like this, torn between loyalty and the flaws of the person he cared for. It felt like a heavy weight was pressing down on both of you, and all you wanted was to lift it.
"Well," You spoke as he looked at you, "If you want me to forgive you, I think a dance would do," You said, standing up and extending a hand to him.
A goofy smile plastered on his face, James said, "Anything for M’lady’s forgiveness."
You scrunched your nose at his corniness as he took your hand and led you onto the dance floor. He twirled you around, making you giggle before pulling you back in to sway together.
"You’re such a dork," You snickered.
"And how many years have I proven that to you?" He shot back, laughter in his voice as you rested your head on his shoulder.
His fingertips grazed your back while you swayed, and he whispered in your ear, "I miss us hanging out."
Outside of Charms tutoring and classes, you never got to see James and it always hurt you. You both knew why you couldn’t and voicing it would only make it worse.
But it had been hard not having a proper hangout with just the both of you since third year.
You felt warmth spread through you, flustered. "I miss hanging out with you too."
Looking at him, you noticed how beautiful he looked—his messy hair and that infectious grin. There was always a gleam in his eye, and everything about him radiated warmth. It felt like summer when you were together, and butterflies filled your stomach.
You knew he was just your best friend, nothing more. And that would always be the truth, as long as you told yourself that.
Suddenly, James twirled you again, but this time you spun out of his grip and fell onto the suddenly slippery floor.
You fell with a hiss, "Shit!" you moaned, wincing in pain as James rushed over with the rest of the group, the crowd parting to give you space.
"What the fuck happened?" Sirius asked, concern etched on his face.
"I don't know!" James replied, kneeling beside you. "She just slipped!"
You hissed as you tried to stand on your sprained ankle.
"Let me see," James muttered, inspecting your foot as you groaned.
"Maybe it's her leg," Marlene added.
"Well duh," Sirius shot back, earning a playful hit from Marlene.
"Can we just get her to Pomfrey?" Lily huffed, and the boys nodded in agreement.
Sirius tried to rush over to you, but James waved him off. "I got her," he said, lifting you bridal-style.
You winced at the jolt to your ankle, nuzzling into his neck as you caught a glimpse of Emma in the back of the room, her expression burning with rage.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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War Water (also called Iron Water) is a powerful tool in witchcraft used for protection, hexing, banishing, and warding off enemies. It originates from Hoodoo, Appalachian folk magic, and other mystical traditions.
Uses of War Water:
• Protection – Sprinkle around your home to create a spiritual barrier.
• Banishing – Throw it where unwanted people have walked to remove their influence.
• Cursing – Toss onto an enemy’s property to bring discord and bad luck.
• Warding Off Negativity – Add to floor washes or sprinkle near entrances.
• In Spellwork - Use in rituals for breaking curses, creating wards, or calling upon warrior spirits.
Needed:
• Rusty nails (or iron shavings or railroad spikes)
• Water (preferably storm or river water for extra potency)
• Salt (black salt for cursing, sea salt for protection)
• Cayenne pepper or red pepper flakes (for aggression and strength)
• Vinegar – Used to sour relationships in cursing spells.
• Mugwort or Rue – For added spiritual power.
Instructions:
Place the rusty nails or iron in a jar. If your nails aren’t rusty, leave them in water for a few weeks to oxidize. Fill the jar with water. Use stormwater for aggressive energy, river water for powerful flow, or tap water if necessary. Add salt and herbs and let it sit for at least a week. The longer it sits, the stronger it becomes. Some witches let it develop for months. Shake or stir when using, the rust, herbs, and salt should be well mixed before application.
Coyote HRT: Week 23
I knew going into this that dogs could hear more.
I knew going into this that things would hurt.
I did not foresee myself dealing with muzzle pain and misophonia at the SAME TIME.
Major thanks to AyvieArt and Lakehounds for the inspiration
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