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For as long as you can remember, Song Eunseok has been a constant in your life.

Some of your oldest memories are from when you were around six and, by then, you already spent most of your afternoons on playdates with the boy next door and his mom.

Your mother recounts the day you’ve met when you were both five-year-olds with elaborate detail. After your dad’s sudden death scarred your lives, you moved into a far place where nobody knew you. The day you settled in your new house, your mom took you for a stroll around the neighborhood to get to know the area and you ended up in a playground packed with kids from all ages. 

According to her, you were the one who approached Eunseok. He was a shy boy playing by himself on the sand box with his toy rocket ship when you came over, hair in pigtails with pink ribbons and a gap between your teeth from losing your first baby tooth only a week prior, your face eclipsing the sunlight that hit his forehead. Your mom says that when he looked up, anyone could tell he had just found something brighter than the sun to beam over him.

Or at least that’s what she likes to say to get you both flustered now that you’re young adults.

Nevertheless, since that day you’ve been attached at the hip and it was clear that your bright outspoken personality complemented his quiet observant one. Although the contrast sometimes was a bit too much for people. Sunshine extroverted girl running around with brooding introverted boy? It made no sense for them. When you started getting older and others’ comments and side-eyes got progressively worse, you showed everyone how you could be the cross one if they pushed too far. You spent a lot of time kicking shins and pulling heads full of hair from the boys that bullied Eunseok and the girls who talked bad behind his back just because he was timid. You also talked back to any adult who dared to make a nasty comment about your friendship. By the time you reached middle school, everyone in your little town knew not to mess with you or your friend.

Finally, you were free to play and be with Eunseok to your heart’s content, without having to worry about snide remarks that could upset him. Now you could enjoy your time with your best friend from the whole wide world and not care what people think, because for once they were not announcing it to you. It made the connection between you two much stronger.

You constantly reminisce of days spent with him, learning everything there was to know about each other.

The first thing you learnt about Eunseok was how much he likes the universe. He told you everything about it — how old it is, what it is made of, what humanity knows and does not know about it. He told you scientific discoveries and theories, recited every galaxy, planet, meteorite he could remember the name of and filled your days with interesting facts and anecdotes about his passion. Every word out of his mouth would make you gawk, both because of how amazing it all sounded and because you couldn’t believe he was able to gather that much information at such a young age.

When you’d talk about your future selves, you always wished to become something plain and silly as any girl would say, like an actress or an idol, but Eunseok dreamed of greater professions. He wanted to be an astronaut, an aerospace engineer, an astrophysicist, a project manager. Sometimes you’d feel small and pathetic from how big his dreams were compared to yours. But it was your own mind’s fault, never Eunseok’s. He never viewed you as any less than him just because you had differing interests and specially never made you feel stupid for being a girl.

Eunseok took interest in your hobbies. He let you play dress up with him, loving the cute Sanrio hair pins you put on his head and complimenting you on your make up skills once you were done and he looked at himself in the mirror. He listened to you talk for hours about your favorite artists and retell him the plot of the latest drama you were watching with your mom. He became a fan of anime because of you and you started binge-watching a bunch together. He listened to your music and even made you a personal playlist of your favorite artists one day. And he was also the one who accompanied you to their concerts, buying you merch and sticking by your side, laughing whilst you screamed your lungs out for the people on stage.

Getting to know Eunseok and spending time with him was the best part of your days and when people finally stopped disturbing you about your friendship, you had more time to spend with each other. Though you were so relieved about it that you didn’t prepare yourself for the next big change — high school. 

Puberty and hormones are a funny thing. One day your best friend is the rejected loner nerd everybody seems to look down on. The next day he’s the cute sexy boy-with-thick-framed-glasses that everyone is looking at.

You and Eunseok were never ready for the kind of attention he started to receive in your second year of high school. His once perpetually empty desk nook was now filled to the brim with chocolates on Valentine’s Day and notes with declaration of love. Girls suffered when they didn’t get a gift back from him on White Day and suddenly, without your consent, everybody appointed you as Eunseok’s personal messenger, handing over confessions' letters for him during lectures or even dropping them inside your locker or backpack when you weren’t looking. You hand delivered every single one of them to him, complaining about it the whole time, just to watch him read the contents of each letter and then rip them apart, throwing them in the nearest trash can. Whenever you stared at the shreds of paper inside the bin for a second too long, Eunseok grabbed your wrist and pulled you along to walk out the school's hallways with him.

You were always wondering if he liked the attention or not, but you never asked him about it and you’re sure he would never admit it even if that was the case.

Another thing that you wondered about was what the fuck all the girls abruptly started seeing in him. Up until then, you were the only one who knew how special Eunseok was. But that was because you saw something in him on that first day at the playground nobody else did and you spent years actually growing together with him. You knew Eunseok was a kind soul, a helpful friend and an overall amazing guy, but that was because he let you in.

The girls who were flocking behind him didn’t know that he preferred a mango Melona over a watermelon one. Or that he always double knotted his shoelaces and insisted on you doing the same every time you tripped over your shoes. Or that whenever you came back home together, he waited for you to get inside your house and lock the door before going to his home right beside it. They didn’t know he used to help your mom whenever your car had a mechanical problem or that he tasted every single one of your failed baking recipes, no matter how bad they were. They didn’t know he cooked whole meals with his mother and took care of their garden with his father. Or that whenever your mother took the night shift at the hospital, he made you a lunchbox for dinner and for breakfast. They didn’t know he always grabbed you a strawberry milk at the school’s canteen when they were close to running out. Or that when your first boyfriend broke up with you barely two weeks after you started dating, he comforted and hugged you for hours while you cried in his arms. Or that when you told him you didn’t know if the few memories you have of your father were real or just fabricated from old pictures, videos and stories your mother tells you, he comforted you by saying that your heart remembers him and that was what mattered. 

They didn’t know he loved dad jokes and would hit you with them at least three times a day, making you roll your eyes and laugh with every new one out of his mouth. They didn’t know his gruff voice turned soft and airy when he sang and that, on starry nights, he laid by your side on your backyard lawn and talked about all the constellations in the night sky over your heads. They didn’t even know how athletic he actually was and about how you both went to Sungchan’s house every Wednesday after class where Eunseok proceeded to kick Sungchan’s ass at basketball while you watched and sipped on your bubble tea.

You knew Eunseok, those girls didn’t.

They only saw a hint of a stubble on his jaw and his shoulders getting broader one day and decided he was finally worth the attention when you knew of this fact since day one.

And the possibility that any of those desperate tramps could ever get to know him like you did made your stomach churn. Eunseok’s response to them just bugged you further. He never responded to any advances, but never outright rejected them either. He seemed apathetic about it, and maybe that should’ve told you something, but you couldn’t figure it out now and much less when you were sixteen.

Fortunately, after a while, those girls stopped humiliating themselves looking for the attention he never gave them and things more or less went back to normal, with them labeling him as a pretentious loser and going back to their stupid lives. And you had him all to yourself again.

The next time your relationship with Eunseok changed only happened in the winter break before your last year of school and it was provoked by you. You still don’t know why you did what you did. Maybe it was the hormones. Maybe it was the small list of guys that had already broken your heart by then. Maybe it was just the fear of going to college as a still inexperienced and never desired eighteen-year-old. Maybe it was because you were afraid of the near future, of a life without Eunseok coming just around the corner.

You knew that once you finished high school, he would probably study in Seoul or maybe even go abroad. The life in your little town would never be enough for him. He was too intelligent and dedicated to his studies to not aim high. And you would just stay behind, because you couldn’t bear the thought of leaving your mom alone in the world and because you were never a good student anyway. The thing with being extroverted is that it can land you many contacts, but they won’t mean a thing if you don’t have the qualifications to back them up. Either way, you were stuck there. Eunseok would fly and you would just watch and cheer for him from afar. So you needed something to hold on to, something to completely mark the memories you had together forever.

All you remember is that you were huddled together inside his room, on your weekly movie night, watching an anime Eunseok loved for the thousandth time and you got distracted by his eyelashes, how they softly pressed the skin under his waterline anytime he blinked, how the blue glow from the TV made they seem a tone lighter and smooth to the touch, and how desperately you needed to feel them with your fingertips. Next, you stared at his eyebrows, thick and designed and really pretty. Really really pretty. Like all of him. Then, while he was laughing about something in the movie, you raised your hand as if to mindlessly touch his brows because it was like they were calling to you, but Eunseok caught your wrist mid-movement, pulling back before you could graze his skin.

He gasped and looked at you with wide eyes and you asked him the most ridiculous question that ever came out of your mouth.

“Seok, will you be my first?” You said.

He didn’t ask what you meant, because he knew exactly what you were talking about. He didn’t ask if you were serious, because he knew you were. He didn’t ask if you were sure, because he also knew you were. Because he knew you. One look at your face and he could see the sincerity dripping from your whole being.

“Yes,” he replied a half second later. And then he pulled you in for a kiss.

You would like to say that you kept your calm through all of it, that you didn’t feel shaken or nauseated with nerves and that you did everything exactly like the magazines guided, like your friends talked about when telling their experiences, like the spicy videos you watched late at night showed, like the romantic movies made it seem. You’d like to say that you kissed Eunseok with certainty, that you took off your clothes sensually and that you grabbed his cock the right way.

But Eunseok’s bedroom would beg to differ. The laptop on his study desk saw how your lips faltered over his skin and overheard your frenzied mind wondering if you were doing everything right. His calendar snickered at you while your t-shirt got stuck on your earring on its way off your body and how you fumbled to free the fabric and almost ripped your ear off. The posters on his walls watched your trembling fingers struggling with the buckle on his belt for thirty seconds until Eunseok took pity on you and unfastened it himself. The clock beside his TV looked at your expectant eyes when he deposited kisses on the valley between your breasts and continued going down, down, down. When his fingers inside you were unexpectedly precise in driving you to your first peak and you asked him if he had done that before, the lamp on his nightstand listened to the sound of your disappointed gasp after he said “Yes”. His sheets felt the nervous tugs of your hand whilst you pumped Eunseok’s dick in an unsteady rhythm and at an awkward angle with your other hand. His bed frame picked up on your hoarse moans once he finally slid into you, sounds that only grew louder and raspier with each drive of his hips forward. His mattress could testify to how slick you got in between your legs and about the mess you left behind. His books eavesdropped on you promising to each other in between whimpers that it was only a one time thing, never to happen again, and that it wouldn’t change your friendship. And once your joint orgasm took over you both, the stars stickers on his ceiling shined bright right at your wrecked and fucked out face.

After, when your head was laying on Eunseok’s chest and he started to snore, you reached out and touched his eyebrows and lashes, brushing against them one by one while an indescribable feeling took over you.

You’d also like to say that you kept your promise or that at least you tried to keep it, but two days later you both found ourselves in the same compromising position — naked and on his bed. By the start of the school year, you were meeting up almost everyday and fucking at least for three days out of the week.

Being with Eunseok like that showed you a whole new side of him. Of course he still took care of you in every way possible, but he stopped being so nice and gentle all the time. There was no space for tenderness when he was too busy fucking you from behind, tweaking your peaked nipples, thrusting his cock into your mouth until you gagged on it, collecting your drool to use as lubricant, curling his fingers deep inside you, telling you how much he loved your cunt and begging you to cum for him. But you preferred it this way. You could take his rough fucking.

What you couldn’t handle were the soft moments in between, when he brushed your sweaty hair back and gazed deeply into your eyes, and when he asked in his softest voice if you were feeling good — if he was the reason you felt so good —, and when he told you how much he liked you and how perfect you were for him, and when he admitted he thought about you two like that for so long, and when he murmured sweet words to you like a prayer, and when he caressed your skin as if you were a goddess and he was your faithful servant.

What you really couldn’t handle was Eunseok’s confession three months later. The look on his face when you replied to his "I love you" with “You deserve someone better than me” will haunt you forever. You had never seen him put on his clothes and storm out of your room so fast before.

After that night, you didn’t hook up again and things turned awkward. But Eunseok was still a kind soul, a helpful friend and an overall amazing guy. All he gave you was three weeks of complete radio silence — no texts, no calls, no extracurricular meetings, not even a glance your way during classes. You even stopped going to and coming back from school together. And then on one sunny Tuesday, when you were on your way home in the afternoon, he trailed behind you and eventually your footsteps fell side by side. Eunseok didn’t say a thing whilst your sneakers pressed against the pavement at the same rhythm. You also didn’t dare to speak a single word, afraid any sound would scare him away.

Once you pulled up in front of your neighboring houses he picked some papers from inside his backpack and handed them to you.

“I took a copy of my notes from Calculus III. For that exam on Friday,” he explained.

You grabbed the sheets of paper and looked at his carefully crafted handwriting photocopied on them, how it was gentle and soft like almost everything he did. You looked up at him and asked, “Why are you giving me this?

He shrugged. “Thought you might need it.”

“Does this mean we are friends again?” You asked, your voice hopeful and unsure.

“You’ll always be my best friend, Y/N,” he said and his words carried a sorrow that pained your heart deeply.

Then he turned, climbed the three steps of his front porch and entered his house. He didn’t wait for you to get inside your home and lock the door like he used to. He just left you there. You felt relieved that he put himself over you at least once. Even if it was also his way of forgiving you.

It took a while for you to feel comfortable with each other again. And even still, it wasn’t the same as before. You had to find a new normal.

The new normal came with not having Eunseok doing so many nice things to you. He didn’t let you get the last pizza slice anymore or save you a seat on school’s assemblies you always got late to. Your once duo movie nights turned into something you’d do with a group of friends, at least one other person to ease the obvious tension still lingering in between you. And that’s when group gatherings, either going out with friends or meeting at someone’s house, became even more common. Because being alone with him in an enclosed space was definitely off limits. You needed to fill all the space in between you with people and things so there wouldn't be any left for thoughts and feelings.

The new normal also included saying goodbye to Eunseok at the end of the year. He ended up enrolled at Pusan National University’s science program and you stayed at your town studying tourism in a local uni. His college was still close to your town, it was only one hour and ten minutes drive from your house to his dorm, maybe one and a half if there was traffic. And he came home every other weekend, where you’d often meet and be your childhood selves together again. Still, not having him part of your everyday life hurt you more than you thought it would.

Then, two months after your second year at college started, he showed up at your house late on a Friday night, all merry and giddy. You immediately knew something was up.

“I have to tell you something,” he said under the light of your entryway while he took off his shoes.

“What is it?” You asked, taking a step back to prepare yourself for the news.

“I have a girlfriend,” he whispered, breaking your heart in a million pieces.

Her name is Sian and she is everything you aren’t — lovable, smart, caring, and with the same interests as Eunseok.

When he brought her home one weekend, she was warm and kind. She talked to you as if you were a close friend and apparently did not care a bit that you, another woman, are Eunseok’s best friend. Also, she makes Eunseok grin like no one else does and you’re grateful for that, because his smiles are hard to come by ever since that night you told him he deserves someone better. Turns out he did find someone better. And you can’t even hate her because she is a truly good person. But you do envy her.

That’s what you’re doing right now, envying Sian. It’s movie night and Eunseok is at your room, the both of you together and alone again after so many years, courtesy of Sungchan, Chaeryeong and Wonbin blowing you off to warm themselves up at a winter break party rather than hide at home under the blankets. It feels both awkward and familiar to be here with him, mostly because Eunseok is supposed to be watching the movie with you. You are supposed to be watching the movie, too, but you’re stuck observing him from the corner of your eye for fifteen minutes while he smiles and types away at his phone, texting his girlfriend. Said girlfriend who is currently traveling around France with her parents and bombing Eunseok’s phone with photos of her smiling prettily under the Eiffel Tower, in front of the Louvre, at Champs-Élysées. You don’t know why she takes so many photos. You don’t know why Eunseok has to react to every single one of them with a heart emoji and tell her how beautiful she looks. But you suppose that when you're pretty and rich and go to expensive places and have a caring boyfriend, that’s what happens. Not that you’d know any of that.

The thing is, envying Sian is not new to you. You’ve become used to it. It's quite easy to do it, actually. Because she has everything whilst you have nothing. She has money, beauty, intelligence and love. She has loyal friends and good people by her side. She has a balanced family and absolutely no childhood trauma from what you can tell. She definitely has some procedures on her face and her teeth are so perfect and bright it hurts your eyes. And she has an alive father, one that would for sure make a lovely father-in-law for Eunseok one day. Because she also has Eunseok.

And you like Sian. You really like her. But you can’t stand another minute of Eunseok not paying attention to anything that isn’t her – not paying attention to you.

“Seok, you’re not watching the movie,” you finally say after putting up with his constant texting for the last fifteen minutes.

He looks at you for a beat and puts his phone face down over his stomach, eyes shifting back to the laptop screen glowing in front of you both. “Sorry.”

He stays like that for a while, but then his phone vibrates and its screen glows and he picks it up again, spending another few minutes typing.

You shift uncomfortably on the far corner of your bed, the space between you and Eunseok as wide as the emotional distance you both created. “Eunseok, come on,” you whine, turning to him. “Are you for real right now?”

He doesn’t even glance your way this time, choosing to remain focused on whatever message he’s writing. “Sorry, I’m just texting Sian,” he says, as if you don’t know it already.

You sigh. “I know, but can’t you do it another time?”

“No. We haven’t been able to talk for a few days because of the time zones’ difference. And right now we’re both free and awake,” he explains.

His answer shoots an arrow straight through your chest. “Except you’re not free,” you remind him, your voice getting a tone higher. “You’re busy watching a movie with me!”

“Well, I need a couple minutes to talk with my girlfriend!” He counters.

“It’s been a couple minutes, alright? It’s been a few minutes, actually!”

“Y/N, I really don’t get what the problem is,” he says, finally looking at you again, seeming exasperated.

“The problem is you’re not watching the freaking movie!” You exclaim, feeling annoyed yourself.

He has the audacity to roll his eyes at you and turn back to his phone. “We watched this movie a billion times already.”

“It’s our favorite movie!” You say through gritted teeth, feeling offended.

“And we watched it a billion times before,” he repeats with a condescending tone, like he’s talking to a dumb kid. “My point still stands.”

“Well, if that’s how it’s gonna be,” you start, shutting the laptop down. You crawl down the bed and carry it with you before flicking your light back on, beyond yourself with anger. “Then movie night is over!” You finish, reaching for your study desk and putting your laptop on it with a little too much force.

Eunseok rubs at his eyes for a moment, the sudden clarity obviously affecting his vision as much as it’s affecting yours, but you’re too busy being mad to care for it. 

Once he’s done adjusting his eyes, he comes back to the argument. “Oh God, it’s just a movie. You are so dramatic!”

His words only hurt you more. “If I’m so dramatic, why don’t you go back to your home and never look at me again since that’s what you prefer anyway?”

Eunseok stares at you for a second, then blinks. “What?”

“I said if I’m so dramatic—”

“No, no, no,” he interrupts you, flinging himself from the bed and tossing his phone at your nightstand in a single move. “I heard what you said, but what the fuck do you mean about it?”

You cross your arms, still defensive and livid. “Oh, come on, Eunseok! You don’t talk with me anymore. I know nothing about your life except for when you’re speaking about Sian. And that is all you talk about — Sian, Sian, Sian, all the fucking time. You never make time for us. And when by a chance we do have the opportunity to spend some time together, again you’re talking with her? You don’t pay attention to me and you don’t fucking care anymore! So if you don’t want my friendship, just say it and go away! We can be done and over with it!”

“Where did you get the idea that I don’t care about you? If I didn’t care, why would I be here?” He says, tips of his ears and apple of his cheeks getting red.

“But you’re not here!” You yell, moving a little towards him and slamming your hand on your dresser. A few of your personal items on it shake and fall. “You haven’t been here for a while now. You’re not present in this friendship anymore. We don’t talk, we don’t go out, we don’t stay in together. We never do anything just the two of us. We’re never alone and never together, not truly. And even when we’re with other people, your mind is also elsewhere all the time. Everything just feels empty and superficial between us.”

Eunseok’s face gets redder with each word you utter and when you’re finished he spats at you, “And whose fault is that, Y/N? Who the fuck ruined everything between us?”

“Oh, so now you’re ready to talk about it?” You question, taking a step in his direction and crossing your arms. “Not gonna act like a coward and pretend nothing happened like usual?”

He also starts to walk towards you. “I’m a coward? You’re the one who walked away from us because you were too afraid of taking a chance!”

“And I regret it everyday!” You exclaim. “I get that I hurt you, Eunseok. I get that, okay? But also, I just miss us!” Your throat tightens and your voice starts to get shaky and heavy, all thanks to your upcoming tears. “I miss you! I miss you so freaking bad!”

It’s then that you start to cry, overcome with guilt and remorse, tears flowing from your eyes and cascading on your flushed face.

Eunseok’s temper tones down at your reaction and he takes a step back to assess your state. When the tears don’t stop after a few seconds, he looks at you with sorrow in his eyes. “Y/N,” he says, voice soft and understanding.

You press the heels of your hands into your eyes and turn away at him, hiding from the pity in his gaze by leaning your head against the wall. Your arm accidentally bumps against the light switch when you do it and the room darkens around you.

It’s quiet for a while. Just the sound of your sobs and hiccups and Eunseok’s ragged breath near the bed. You can hear that he’s trying to calm himself down, taking deep breaths in and out. Then you hear the noise of his sock-covered foot sliding across your floor, informing you he’s taking a hesitant step toward you. After that one, comes a new step. And another. And one more. And after a couple more, you feel his presence a hair’s breadth away from you. It’s warm and inviting and it takes everything in you not to lean back against it.

But you don’t have to, because a moment later he’s closing the distance. His arms cross over the front of your stomach, his chest meets your back and his chin rests on the crown of your head. He’s enveloping you in a hug from behind, over and under you. His scent invades your nostrils – clean softener, cedar wood and a touch of the citrus hand cream you gave him weeks prior. It feels suffocating in the best way possible. You don’t want him to ever let you go.

“Oh, Y/N,” he sighs. “I had no idea you felt like that.” He tightens his arms around you and continues. “I miss you, too. I miss you so much.”

“I didn’t know,” you stutter. “You never told me.”

“Yeah, I guess we’re both losers with a communication problem, right?” He says with a chuckle, his chest trembling against your back. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” you sob, shaking your head. “Seok, I’m so sorry. For so many things.”

“Yeah?” He asks, pulling some hair away from the side of your face and snuggling his head on your shoulder. “Can you look at me and say that to my face, though?”

“Seok,” you whine, feeling guilty and vulnerable.

“Please?” He asks in a melodic voice. You can feel his breath right at your pulse and it takes everything in you not to ask him to kiss you. “I need to see your face to know that you really mean it.”

You sigh deeply, still ashamed, but does as he says. You do it slowly though. First you back away from the wall and pull your hands from your eyes, blinking at the shift from a complete blackout to the darkness of your room, still illuminated by the soft light of the hallway infiltrating from your half open door. Then you hastily clean a few tears from your face and brush your hair down, flicking it over your shoulders and trying to look like less of a hot mess. Only then you turn around to Eunseok and he lets his hands drift from the front of your stomach to your waist, still holding you close.

Your eyes dance over his form. Looking at his arms, his chest, his stomach, his shoulders. Everywhere but his face. He just waits while you gather courage, seconds passing through you.

Once you feel ready, you take another deep breath and look up, finally meeting his brown eyes again. They don’t have that anger that was present there a few minutes ago. The grudge they carried for you for years is also not there anymore. It makes you feel like crying again.

“Seok, I’m so sorry,” you hiccup, growing agitated again, new tears welling up your eyes. “I’m so sorry for so many things. For hurting you and for not talking about it and for not apologizing earlier and for not saying how—”

“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay, pretty girl,” he coos, hands cradling your face to wipe at your tear streaked skin. “I know. I believe you, okay? I really do.”

“I was so dumb, I’m still so dumb. I never told you—”

“Hey, no, don’t talk about my best friend like that, please,” he says, pulling you in so the side of your face is pressed against his chest.

You slide your hands under his arms and around his back, wrapping your arms around him to pull him back against you, his heartbeat echoing in your ear. “I’m still your best friend?” You ask, voice small and quivering.

He snickers and you feel his nose touching the crown of your head. His chest expands behind your cheek when he takes a whiff of your hair. “Haven’t I told you that already?” He says, each word making his lips move against your scalp. “You’ll always be my best friend, Y/N. Nothing can change that.”

You continue crying, dampening his t-shirt with your tears. “I was so afraid we’d never talk again.”

“I know, sweetheart, but you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’m here with you now, right?”

“Are you? For real?” You ask, pushing off his chest to glance up at him.

Eunseok’s gaze melts at your insecurity and he lifts a hand to massage behind your head. “I am. For real.”

“You don’t hate me, then?” You ask, just to be sure.

“I could never hate you, Y/N. Where did you get that idea?”

You shrug and look down, biting on your lower lip. “I don’t know.”

But you do know. You thought he hated you because of what you did. And he’d had every right to if that was the case. You’re lucky he’s always been a kind soul, a helpful friend and an overall amazing guy.

He bends a little to catch your gaze, his thumb grazing your chin. “I’m here and I don’t hate you. I’ll be present again in this friendship from now on. Can you also do that?”

You nod quickly. “Yes, I can.”

“Great. Then we’re settled,” he says.

You smile and Eunseok smiles back at you. Then he rests his forehead on yours, sweeping back some strands of your hair and tucking them in behind your ear. You close your eyes and bask in his presence, at the certainty he's here with you now. You still have a lot to talk about, but you can do it calmly and over time. Right now what matters is that you found a middle ground. Everything else can wait a little bit longer.

You stay like that for a while, hugging tightly, feeling each other, growing confident the other won’t slip away. Until something shifts. Eunseok’s hands slide from the back of your head to your neck, his thumbs brushing on your skin. You know it’s an innocent act, that he’s just shifting his position a little. But you can’t contain the involuntary shiver that runs through your spine. You visibly shake in his embrace, opening your eyes with a gasp to find him already gazing deeply at you, his eyes darker than the last time you looked at him.

You flinch back and squeeze your eyes shut. “Sorry, I—”

“Don’t say sorry,” Eunseok commands, his voice lower than you've ever heard before. He rubs his thumbs down your clavicle and your body trembles again. “Don’t you ever say sorry about that.”

You take a shaky breath, the tension filling your nerves, and open your eyes again. He’s still looking at you and his fingers press against your nape to pull your face closer to his, his nose brushing against yours.

“Seok,” you whisper, not knowing if you’re giving him a warning or begging for something more.

He makes an appreciative sound behind his throat and presses his mouth on your skin timidly, his touch barely there. “I missed you saying my name like that so much,” he says, running his lips on your cheek. “It always sounds so airy, like just saying it gets you hot and bothered.”

You gulp down, processing his words. Eunseok just crossed a line saying that to you. And if you reply to him with what you have in mind, you’ll cross another. Then you’ll be playing a dangerous game, toying with the limits of your just recovered friendship and with the relationship he’s in. You’ve been here before and it did not go well for either of you. Chances are it won’t have a better outcome this time.

But it just feels so good… Would it really be so bad to cross just another teeny tiny line?

“You always get me hot and bothered,” you admit, feeling your chest constrict with guilt and desire.

Deep down you know this is wrong, you know Eunseok knows this is wrong. He has a girlfriend. He was talking to her barely ten minutes ago. Your friendship was just secured a few moments ago. You can’t do this. Whatever this is, you can’t go through with it. It wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be safe. It wouldn’t be wise.

The tension stretches whilst Eunseok doesn’t respond to you immediately. He remains silent for a beat, and then another one, and you’re about to retract your words, when he chuckles, blowing air on your face.

“I know, baby,” he says, the pet name and the way he says it going straight to your core.  You decide to throw all caution out the window. You can’t go back now. Not anymore. To be honest, you could never deny him again.

He slides a hand down your body, his fingers brushing your clavicle and shoulder, then going to your back to skim over your spine. It trails lower until it squeezes your waist and pulls you more into him, making your bodies impossibly closer. “I felt that shiver, too, you know? I always feel so good when I’m close to you. It’s a big problem.”

You let him feel you up, fisting the front of his t-shirt on your hands while you try to remain calm. You’re frozen in place and completely at his mercy. You’ll give him everything he wants from you. You’re his for the taking. You always were.

His mouth brushes against the corner of your lips and you tilt your head up to preen closer to the touch, trying to draw out the feeling of his lips so close to yours for as long as possible.

Eunseok presses a kiss there and his hand glides under your top to feel the warm skin of your lower back. “When I was younger, I always had a boner whenever you so much as looked my way. I jerked off so many times thinking about you,” he reveals, careful eyes watching your reaction to his words. “I still do.”

You choke at the last piece of information, mind reeling with it. He used to touch himself to the thought of you. He still does it now. You wonder how he looks while he does it — how he sounds, how much precum he lets gather at the tip of his cock before touching it, how fast he cums. Almost all air leaves your lungs whilst you think about it.

“Really?” You ask, voice faltering. “Even after everything?”

He nods. “Even after everything. Even now. I can’t get you out of my head.” His fingers start to draw figure eights on your back. “I had to occupy myself with so many things to forget you. I tried so hard, but it was no use.”

Your heartbeat is wild and you’re trembling constantly now. But Eunseok doesn’t seem to care. He just pulls you closer and touches you more, making it impossible for you to stop shivering.

“Me too,” you confess, hands sliding up to the collar of his shirt, gripping it tightly. “No matter how hard I try, I can’t get over you. Over us. I still think about it all the time.”

“Yeah? What do you think about, baby?” He asks, putting his face in the crook between your neck and shoulder.

Your desire gathers between your legs and pools on your underwear so much it starts to feel uncomfortable. You need to take it off of you. You need him to take it off of you. You need him.

“I think about when we used to have fun together,” you say, wrapping your arms over his back.

“Oh,” he utters, descending both of his hands to fit them on your back pockets, squeezing your ass and flattening you against him, his hard-on nestled inside his jeans pressing against your pants’ crotch. It feels amazing. “You think about something like this?”

“Yeah,” you whimper, shifting your hips up to feel more of him. “When I touch myself, I always think about that.”

He releases a breath and drops a kiss on your neck, squeezing you more against him. “What more do you think about?”

“Your pretty cock,” you whisper, running a hand through his hair. “I think about how I used to suck it off and bounce on it. I miss it so much.”

“Oh shit, Y/N,” he groans, pelvis pulling back just to push forwards again, creating delicious friction between you. You feel dizzy with desire and you can only hope he feels the same way.

“Thinking about you always gets me so wet. I’m dripping by the time I’m finished,” you mutter, then you move your lips to his ear, preparing yourself to deal your final blow. “I’m so fucking wet for you right now, Seok.”

It’s Eunseok that shivers this time.

“Fuck, I wanna see that,” he says, a hand snaking in between your legs, cupping your sex over your pants. “I wanna feel it. Can I, baby?”

“Please,” you beg, pulling his face down by his collar until his forehead is pressed against yours again. “I need you so bad. You have no idea.”

“You got me, baby,” he whispers. “You got me.” And then he’s diving in to kiss you.

Eunseok kisses you like he’s claiming you and you kiss him back like you can’t bear spending another moment without his lips touching yours. It’s messy and sloppy, your mouths and tongues trying to suck and lick anything you’re able to reach, your teeth clenching together and biting sensitive skin. Each time one of you pulls back, the other moves forward again to connect your lips.

Kissing like this shows you just how much you wasted time not doing what you wanted. You could’ve been doing this for ages, you could be experienced professionals about how to make each other feel good. You could’ve been loving each other this close and this deeply instead of avoiding your feelings. God, you were so stupid for the longest time.

You’re completely out of breath once Eunseok’s lips slip down to kiss your neck, making you moan and shiver. Then he’s pushing you up until you land on the top of the dresser and you’re glad you have something to support yourself because your legs were about to give out at any moment.

He puts his body in between your thighs and pulls you to the edge of the dresser until he can roll his hips against yours again. You moan in unison and his hands squeeze your thighs whilst he resumes attacking your neck with his mouth.

“I thought about this so much,” you say, grinding on him. “Wishing we could do this all the time.” You pull on his hair until he’s looking at you again. “I always wanted you, Eunseok. Always.”

“I did, too,” he replies, hands slipping under your top to feel your bare skin, thumbs pressing on your sides.

You slide a hand down his stomach to find his belt, pulling on the buckle to unfasten it. Once you’re done, you pull it from his jeans quickly and throw it on the floor. “That’s not the only thing. What I’m trying to say is—”

The air is pulled from your lungs when Eunseok picks you up again and tosses you on your bed, crawling right up to your body until he’s hovering above you. The manhandling gets you light-headed and his hands coming up to cup your breasts empties your brain completely. 

You can’t remember what you were saying. Your focus just zeros in on the way he’s ravishing you.

“Y/N,” he whispers while kissing your jaw.

“Yes?” You say, still dazed.

He moves his hand down to the button of your jeans, toying with it for a moment before pulling it out of its loop and drawing your zipper down. His hands skim on the waistband of your panties and you groan, feeling the heat of his fingertips so close to where you most want him.

“What you’re trying to say is?” He asks, tone light and fun, clearly teasing you for your dazed state for the past minute.

Your brain awakes again and you squeeze his arms, remembering what you were about to confess. “Right. What I’m trying to say is—”

Eunseok sucks on your pulse point and you groan, turned on and frustrated. You know he’ll just keep fogging your mind further until you are a blabbering mess. And although you’re not opposed to that, you really need a moment to catch your breath so you can communicate with him properly. After that, you can do what you both are clearly desperate to do.

“Wait,” you whisper, pushing on his shoulders. “I need a second.”

He pulls back slightly and looks at you, watching your chest heave with each breath you take. “You want to stop?”

You shake your head immediately and press your elbows to the mattress, supporting your head up to look at him. “No. I just need to tell you something.”

His fingers dig on your waist. “Sure, baby. What is it?”

You sigh, moving a hand to his chest and trying to make the words in your brain get out of your mouth. “What I’m trying to say is—” The words get stuck in your throat, a new wave of sudden sensibility hitting you right in the chest, impending them from coming out. You feel you’re about to sob again. “Fuck, I’m saying that I—”

The letters are right there, resting on the tip of your tongue, but they just refuse to get out. I love you, you wanna say. I love you, you wanna scream. I love you, I love you, I love you. That’s all you think about. Three little words that have been swimming inside you for as long as you remember. You waited your whole life to say that to him and now that you’re desperate to say it, your voice fails you, your fear taking over your mind, new tears welling up on your throat.

Eunseok watches you expectantly, just waiting. He’s patient with you, like he is most of the time. His eyes show that he knows what you’re going to say, but also that he badly needs to hear it, probably just as much as you need to tell him. It gives you the strength to push through your last restraints.

You take another shuddering breath and lock your eyes with his. “Seok, I lo—”

Then a sudden sound makes you both jump and he pulls back from you as you sit up on the bed. It takes a second to identify what it is, but the realization downs you both at the same time, your heads tilting together to look at the origin of the noise. It’s Eunseok’s ringtone accompanied by his phone vibrating on your bedside table. He’s receiving a call. And you don’t have to look at his screen to see who the caller is. You know it’s Sian. The woman he just cheated on with you.

Eunseok scurries down the bed to pick up his phone, turning his volume all the way down until the only sign of his girlfriend calling him is the picture glowing under her name on his screen. Then he puts the device into his pants’s pocket and stares at the wall in front of him. His back is turned to you and his shoulders are stiff whilst his phone screen still lights up inside his back pocket until it stills. But barely two seconds later it starts flashing again and you know Sian won’t stop calling until he picks up.

You just fucked up. Majorly so. 

Hurting each other in the midst of your confusing feelings was all you’ve ever done in your life. The sting burned like hell, but it was your way, your uncomfortable comfort zone, something you’ve gotten used to. Upsetting and harmful, but still familiar, still you two. But hurting another person because of it — someone who has nothing to do with your shit, who is a good person above and all? That was a whole new level of dark and twisted.

You sigh, extremely disappointed with yourself, and run your hands through your hair. You knew you were a bad person, but apparently you never thought it would get to this extent. And now here you are.

What pulls you from the bed and puts you on your feet is Eunseok complete stillness. He’s quiet until his phone stops ringing for the third time, probably taking his girlfriend to voicemail. And he remains quiet when it starts to ring again. You get up to comfort him, to put a hand on his shoulder, because you can’t take seeing him hurt by something that is obviously your fault.

You were the one who held back your feelings. You were the one who made him confused. You were the one that confronted him, screamed and cried. You let him hug you, leaned into his arms, shivered and whispered his name like a prayer. You teased him, tempted him, made him cheat. Eunseok isn’t guilty of any of this, you are. It’s your responsibility to take.

You get off the bed and walk towards him. “Seok,” you say, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder.

However, Eunseok flinches away from you, instantly springing back to life and starting to zip up his pants again. You pull your hand back to rest it against your chest, clenching it into a fist and holding your wrist with your other hand.

“I think I should go,” he says to the wall.

You take a step back and sigh. Guilt, shame, fear and rejection pull on your heartstrings, making your chest tight. You don’t have the energy nor the audacity to ask him to stay. Not after what you’ve just done.

“Okay,” you say in a small voice.

Eunseok turns to you, but his eyes look at a distant point at your bedroom wall. “I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”

You gulp down the tears swelling on your throat and nod. “Okay.”

He finally looks at you, eyes heavy with remorse. “I just need some time and space, Y/N.”

“Sure, I’ll give them to you,” you say, plastering a fake smile on your face, trying to comfort him despite falling apart inside. ”Whatever you need, Seok.”

“Thank you,” he sighs.

Then he’s back to recomposing himself and collecting some of his things left on the floor and you just stay there, watching him until he’s done. On his way out of your room, he brushes past you and stops. You hold your breath as he gets close and presses his lips to your temple.

“Bye, Y/N-ie,” he whispers over your skin.

You close your eyes and whisper back, “Bye, Seokie.”

Then he exits, hurried steps following down your house hallway. You hear him quickly put on his shoes at the hall and a small beat of silence just before he opens the door. Then the lock clicks open, a gust of wind whistles through it and you know he’s out, the automatic alarm of the door locking it closed, leaving you all alone again.

You fall to the floor, legs too weak to hold the heavy weight on your heart, and look up to the pegboard over your dresser, filled with trinkets and many pictures — pictures of you and Eunseok together.

There’s one of you as five-year-olds at the playground you met and one of you behind Eunseok’s solar system mock up he did for a science fair when you were eight. There’s one of you at twelve playing a shooting game at an arcade and another of you when you skipped class to spend a day at the beach at fourteen. There’s another one of you working together at a part-time job in a cafe when you were sixteen and even a selfie from one of your many movie nights at seventeen. There’s one of you at a burger place when you were eighteen, looking at each other and laughing.

And the last one is just of Eunseok, taken a year back, when things were already too messy in between you. In the image, he’s as handsome as ever, looking down to write something on a notepad, his hair swept back and his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. You remember the distance between his frames and his eyes made you focus on his eyelashes, just like that other time, and that a stirring on your chest made you snap the photo silently and keep it to yourself.

Looking at all of your sacred memories with him, you can’t stop the tears from falling down your face, afraid you just lost the one constant in your life forever.

“It’s cute,” Maya chimes in.

You groan and toss in your deodorant. “Fine. Just pack it for me.”

Harvey fist-pumps and folds the bikini with way too much care before tossing it into the duffel. “You’ll thank me later.”

Maya smiles a little through the screen, “Anton’s gonna love seeing you in that.”

Harvey freezes halfway through applying lip gloss and whips around. “Huh? Anton? As in Anton Anton?”

You let out a long sigh. “Maya…”

“Don’t look at me like that, you were gonna tell her eventually!” She defends.

Harvey blinks. “Wait, wait, wait. What’s going on with you and Anton?”

You drag a hand over your face. “Nothing…I just….”

Harvey’s eyes widen and she flops dramatically onto your bed. “Oh my Gosh! You like him.”

You nod and Maya cuts in. “She thinks she’s in love with him.”

Harvey gasps and stares at you in shock “Okay, well damn. That’s kind of huge.”

“I know.”

“Does he know?” Harvey asks.

Maya and you answer at the same time, Maya with a “Not yet,” and you with a “Absolutely not.”

“Okay. So what’s the plan? Are we confessing under the fireworks or..?” Harvey asks.

“I don’t know, I just…I don’t want things to change if he doesn’t feel the same.” You admit.

“They’ve already changed, babe,” Maya says gently.

Harvey nods. “For real. You can’t un-feel that.” She reaches for your hand and squeezes it. “Even on the off chance he doesn’t say it back, which I don’t think is the case, by the way. I don’t think he’d ever let that be the end of you two.”

You nod slowly, trying to believe it.

Maya checks the time. “Okay I gotta go, my aunt just called me down for dinner but text me the second anything happens.”

You nod and wave before ending the call. Harvey loops her arm through yours as you head for the door, the July heat already peeking through the windows.

The drive to Sungchan’s is a nice and much needed pick-me-up with Harvey hanging her arm out the window and drumming on the car door in time with the beat. You’ve got your sunglasses on, the cool air hitting your face and your favorite throwback playlist humming through the speakers. There’s glitter on Harvey’s collarbone and a watermelon lollipop sticking out of her mouth as she scrolls for the next song.

When she lands on Fergalicious, you both scream.

The chorus is still blasting when you turn the corner into Sungchan’s neighborhood. Cars are already lined up along the curb, a few people milling around their front yards, red solo cups in hand. You spot Sohee’s beat-up Civic in front of Sungchan’s mailbox and Anton’s Jeep parked a few houses down.

Harvey grins. “Ready?”

You nod as she kills the engine and toss your sunglasses into the glove compartment and grab your overnight bag from the back seat. You and Harvey walk up the pavement to Sungchan’s home and knock once before the door swings open immediately like Sungchan was already standing there. He’s in swim trunks and an open button-down that doesn’t even try to cover the tank top tan line across his chest.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite losers,” He grins.

Sungchan steps aside with a dramatic bow. “Bathroom’s to the right if you wanna change. Everyone else is already out back. Guest room’s down the hall—leave your bags, I’ll toss ‘em in there.”

You hand over your duffel and raise a brow. “You sure?”

He waves you off. “Yeah. It’s clean-ish. My mom made me vacuum before they left.”

“Wait where are they?” Harvey asks.

“Family trip to Cabo,” he says, already heading down the hall with your stuff. “I bailed. Went for spring break, already met my yearly quota for family time.”

You nod slowly. “Fair enough.”

“Founding fathers would’ve wanted it this way,” he calls over his shoulder.

You and Harvey exchange a look then dart into separate bathrooms to change. You wiggle into the cherry bikini still regretting letting them convince you and smooth your sarong into place. The tile’s cool under your feet and you swipe on a little lip balm before heading out.

Harvey emerges a second later in her green bikini and white bucket hat. “We look hot.”

You adjust your sunglasses and smile. “Extremely.”

The two of you walk to the kitchen and push open the sliding door and step into the backyard. Music’s blasting, the smell of charcoal hangs in the air and the pool shimmers.

Sohee’s already floating on an inflatable donut sunglasses crooked on his face sipping something bright pink out of a mason jar.

Sungchan’s by the grill flipping burgers while Anton’s off to the side, lounging in a deck chair with a popsicle in hand and a baseball cap pulled low over his hair.

He looks up when you walk out and does a double-take but it’s fast. A blink and then he’s glancing away chewing the tip of his popsicle.

Sungchan turns and spots you both whistling low and smirking. “Mind doing a little turn for me princess?”

You laugh and flip him off without missing a beat.

Sohee salutes from the pool. “Happy red white and blue day, motherf—”

“Language!” Sungchan calls half-heartedly.

Sohee smirks and goes back to sipping his little pink drink without a care in the world. You make your way over to the deck chairs, dropping your towel on the one next to Anton’s and settling in with a stretch.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a moment, the sun warming your skin and the music spilling softly from the speakers behind you.

You scroll for a bit on your phone and respond to some texts, thumbs tapping out a lazy reply to Maya before locking your screen. You turn to face Anton’s who’s reclined back with his popsicle watching the clouds.

You smile to yourself and nudge his leg with your foot. “I’m gonna take a dip, join me?”

Anton turns his head toward you, eyes squinting just slightly from the sun. “In a bit.” he says waving his popsicle.

You nod and stand, stretching briefly before untying your sarong and draping it over the back of the chair. You don’t catch the way his gaze lingers on your body before flicking back up to the sky as he finishes the last bite of his popsicle.

You step down into the pool slowly letting the water hit your ankles then your knees then your waist before finally ducking under and coming back up and wiping away the water from your face.

A few minutes later you hear a splash and glance over to see Anton finally joining, shaking the water from his hair like a golden retriever. Harvey joins soon too, taking up space on Sohee’s floatie, he groans but shares anyway.

You’re floating nearby, content in the moment until a familiar voice cuts through the air.

“Cannonball!”

You barely have time to register the warning before Sungchan cannonballs directly into the deep end sending a wall of water in every direction.

You yelp as the splash hits you full-force. Sohee screams, Anton instinctively shields his face and ducks under the water while Harvey shrieks and is forced off the floatie and sent under.

Sungchan resurfaces with a triumphant grin only to be splashed in the face by Sohee, “you suck.” he says before swimming back in the direction of his floatie.

The next few minutes are loud and ridiculous. Everyone’s splashing each other, Sohee’s floatie somehow ends up out of the pool and Anton drifts over to your side just in time to pull you back from Harvey’s water bending.

You shriek, arms instinctively flying around his neck as he draws you close. Your legs wrap around his waist without thinking.

Before your heart can catch up Harvey’s yelling again. “Chicken! We’re playing chicken!”

You blink, startled and quickly loosen your arms from Anton’s neck, legs slipping free as you paddle back, suddenly hyper-aware of the way your skin had been pressed to his.

Sohee jumps out of the water and says’s he wants to ref, not trusting any of you to play fair. You half-heartedly laugh at that and push some water out of your face. You see both Anton and Sungchan start to swim in your direction and your heart stutters wondering if they both want to partner up.

Before Anton even gets the chance to ask you, Sungchan takes a hold of your arm and tugs you in his direction. “Partners?’ He asks with a small smile, you turn your head slightly to look at Anton who has stopped in his tracks, he purses his lips before turning to face Harvey and partners up with her.

You place your focus back on Sungchan and shrug. “Why not?”

He grins and dips lower in the water so you can climb onto his shoulders. You steady yourself with your hands on his head, adjusting your balance as he straightens up beneath you.

Across the pool, Harvey’s already settling on Anton’s shoulders tossing you a competitive look. “Hope you’re ready to eat chlorine.”

You snort. “Big talk from someone who just got bodied off a floatie five minutes ago.”

“Okay, okay!” Sohee calls from the edge of the pool, now sitting cross-legged with a new mason jar and a towel draped across his shoulders. “Enough trash talk, keep it civil.”

Sungchan shifts under you, trying to find his footing and nearly topples both of you before catching himself.

“Steady,” you hiss, holding tighter to his hair.

“Watch the hair! I don’t like it rough.” He says with a smirk. You roll your eyes but your grip softens.

Anton wades closer to the center of the pool with Harvey perched confidently above him, one hand already raised like she’s waiting for a bell to ring.

Sohee raises a pool noodle in the air dramatically. “Three…two…one—fight!”

You and Harvey each go for the other’s hands, water sloshing around you. Sungchan’s stance is unpredictable, trying his best to throw Harvey off but you’re the one wobbling.

“Focus,” he says under his breath, palms locked around your shins.

“I’m trying!”

Anton moves more smoothly. He doesn’t rush, his hands steady on Harvey’s legs, guiding without jerking, almost careful.

You catch it without really registering it, how gentle he’s being. How he’s not pushing as hard, not jostling or throwing Harvey into any aggressive lunges like Sungchan. He’s holding back. Just enough for you to notice but not enough to question it.

A second later, Sungchan pivots hard to the right and you knock into Harvey’s shoulder at just the right angle. She shrieks as she falls backward, arms flailing as she crashes into the water.

“Victory!” Sungchan yells, pumping a fist in the air and splashing wildly.

You cheer still clinging to his head, your heart pounding more from adrenaline than victory.

“Okay, okay,” you laugh, tapping his shoulder. “Let me down.”

He ducks beneath the surface and you slip off his back, landing in the water with a small splash.

“I’m gonna grab some food, want anything?”

“I’ll come with,” Sungchan offers casually, swimming over to the pool edge. You nod without thinking much of it, still catching your breath as you both climb out.

He throws an arm around your shoulder like it’s second nature and you let him, the sun warm on your skin as the two of you head toward the sliding door. You don’t see the way Anton watches, how his jaw ticks slightly and his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek. You don’t see him sigh and sink deeper into the pool, eyes lingering on the empty spot beside him.

The second your feet hit the kitchen tile Sungchan’s arm drops from your shoulder as he crosses to the counter and gets to work on stacking a burger “I’m starving,” he mutters, grabbing a paper plate.

You don’t say much at first, just drift toward the spread and grab a fruit cup and a paper towel. The counter’s cool beneath your fingertips as you lean against it, using the plastic fork to stab a piece of pineapple.

You glance over at Sungchan as he assembles his burger. He’s focused and humming something under his breath. For a second, you wonder if it’s worth bringing up. If maybe you’re reading too much into things but your mind drifts to moments you’ve shared with Sungchan and how much he’s come to mean to you these past few months, you don’t want to lose that. If there’s even the slightest chance Sungchan might feel something for you, you’d rather be honest now than risk hurting him later.

You clear your throat gently. “Hey…can I talk to you about something real quick?”

Sungchan doesn’t look up right away, just makes a noncommittal noise, still chewing as he moves on to squeezing ketchup onto his plate.

You pick at the fruit cup, shifting your weight. “I just wanna say…I really value our friendship. Like, a lot.”

That gets his attention. He finally looks over, curiosity and caution swimming in his eyes now.

“I know you’re kind of flirty with everyone and it’s not that I think you’re being serious or anything, but…just in case. I wanted to be clear that I don’t… feel that way. About you.”

He blinks once, then twice and then finally lets out a laugh. “Yeah. I know.”

You blink back. “You do?”

He nods, grabbing a pickle and takes a bite. “You’re not that hard to read, you know. I knew what this was from the start.”

You pause. “Okay, but if I ever gave you the wrong idea—”

“You didn’t. You’ve been real with me since day one. We’re cool.” He says genuinely.

You exhale slowly, your shoulders dropping a bit in relief. “Okay. Good. I just didn’t want there to be any confusion.”

“Nah,” he says with a grin, popping a chip in his mouth. “You’re not my type anyway. I like my women obsessed with me and not their best friend.”

You freeze, your fork pausing mid-air.

You don’t confirm it but you don’t deny it either. You just blink, lips parting slightly, caught off guard by how casually he says it. Like it’s obvious, like it’s always been obvious.

Instead, you ask, “Then why do you always flirt with me?”

Sungchan glances at you a little amused and reaches over to steal a grape from your cup. “Anton always gets so pouty, it’s quite cute honestly. Also made a bet with Sohee that he would crack first and confess before summer’s over…just trying to make sure I win.”

You scoff and swat his chest. “Okay first of all, you’re an ass and second, that’s a losing bet. Anton doesn’t feel that way.”

Sungchan just looks at you. He doesn’t roll his eyes or laugh it off. He just lifts his eyebrows slightly giving you a long stare. One that clearly says, “Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

You shift in place and glance down at your fruit cup, your appetite all but gone. With a quiet sigh you lean against the counter beside him, your arm brushing his as you rest your head on his shoulder.

“…Do you think we’d ever actually have a chance? Me and him?” You ask, barely above a whisper.

He doesn’t answer right away, just wipes a bit of mustard from his hand and tosses the napkin on the counter then, gently, “Yeah. I do.”

His arm comes around your waist, not in a flirtatious way but in the way someone hugs a friend who’s thinking too hard. You stay like that, tucked into his side appreciating the gesture and his warmth.

“Honestly? I knew there was something between you two during the first shift.”

You furrow your brows, he shrugs. “I don’t know. It was the way he’d stand closer than he needed to. Or how he always checked in with you, the attitude he caught with me for just talking to you during break.”

You stay quiet, chewing the inside of your cheek.

“But what really sealed it for me was the night we shared the edible at Sohee’s.” He continues.

You frown. “I barely remember anything. Just laughing and then waking up with marshmallows stuck to me.”

“Yeah that’s because you were super out of it. You were fine at first, all giggly laughing at Sohee’s dumb freestyles while trying to stack our phones on your head but then…I don’t know. Something shifted.”

You look up at him. “Shifted how?”

“You got quiet and curled up in the corner then outta nowhere you started crying. We all kinda froze. You kept mumbling something about missing Antoinette.”

You frown, confused for a second then groan. “Oh my gosh. Antoinette is my weighted dinosaur. He got it for me on my birthday…it helps with my anxiety.”

He nods like it makes perfect sense now. “Anyway you were starting to really spiral so Anton sat next to you and fed you snacks and made you sip water even though you kept saying it tasted like TV static. The marshmallows are because he handed you them and told you they were Antoinette’s cousins sent to keep you company.”

Your laugh slips out before you can stop it. “That is so humbling.”

Sungchan laughs with you. “You calmed down right after that. Fell asleep with the bag still in your arms. He didn’t even move until he was sure you were okay, I think he stayed up the rest of the night just watching you making sure you were warm and okay.”

You don’t say anything, just stare at the counter like maybe it’ll absorb your spiraling thoughts. You remembered that night as chaotic and blurry like one long confusing fever dream. You thought you’d just passed out. Thought the hoodie and marshmallows were some weird aftereffect of being too high but hearing it now how Anton stayed up with you and made sure you were okay…it just makes sense.

It was always going to be him, you were just too blind to see it before. You press your lips together, throat thick. Sungchan breaks the quiet, voice softer now. “We didn’t bring it up after because he asked us not to.”

Your head lifts slightly. “What? Why?”

He pulls you in closer. “He didn’t want you to be embarrassed, said if you didn’t remember it wasn’t worth making a big deal over.”

You groan, pressing your forehead to Sungchan’s shoulder. “He’s such a—” You don’t even have the words. “Why is he like this?”

Sungchan huffs a small laugh and shrugs, before anything else is said the sliding door opens. You glance up, eyes meeting Anton’s across the room. His expression freezes just slightly when he sees how close you and Sungchan are but he doesn’t say anything, just walks in, grabs a slice of pizza and heads back outside without a word.

Sungchan lets out a low whistle. “Yeah, that boy’s not subtle.”

You don’t respond, you just stare at the door he walked out of. You sigh and pull away. “We should probably head back out before anyone gets the wrong idea.”

“True, Anton’s probably already imagining our wedding.” He says with a grin, giving your shoulder a gentle nudge.

You roll your eyes but laugh anyway, swatting at his arm. “Shut up.”

He tosses his empty plate into the trash and you grab your half-finished fruit cup, the plastic lid tucked underneath. As you push the sliding door open, the warm air rushes in again, thick with chlorine and the low thrum of music still playing from the speaker.

Sohee’s back in the pool on a new floatie, drifting lazily across the surface like he’s a human raft. Harvey’s on a towel laid out across two lounge chairs, sunglasses on and enjoying a popsicle. Anton’s in the shallow end now, arms folded on the ledge watching something on his phone or pretending to at least.

You set your cup down on the patio table and sit back on your towel. Sungchan joins Sohee in the water. You look at Anton but he doesn’t look up once and even though you try not to care, something about that makes your chest feel a little too tight.

You try to push it down and join Sohee and Sungchan in the water to distract yourself. Harvey eventually gets up and cannonballs back into the pool, sending a wave splashing over Sohee’s floatie.

Sungchan swims over and splashes her in retaliation and before long, you’re back to a full blown splash-off with water flying, floaties being stolen and someone yelling about not getting their hair wet?

Anton stays near the edge, mostly quiet, half-heartedly flicking water at Sungchan when provoked but never really diving in. You catch him smiling once when Sohee imitates Katara from avatar but it fades quickly, his expression returning to something more neutral.

At one point Sungchan splashes you and you yelp, flicking water back at him with a grin. You look toward Anton instinctively, like maybe he’ll join in too but he’s already glanced away.

It feels off and you hate that you keep noticing.

Eventually, Sohee flops onto the ledge next to Anton and pushes his wet hair back. “Okay, I’m pruney as hell. Let’s move inside.”

Harvey cheers and climbs out of the pool wringing out her hair with a towel. Sungchan hoists himself out after her, grabbing a few cups and the now-empty chip bowl as he heads toward the door.

Anton pulls himself out last, not looking in your direction even once. You wrap your towel around your waist, heart heavy for reasons you don’t want to name and follow the others inside.

Once inside everyone splits off for a few minutes to change. You change quickly, pulling on a pair of shorts and a loose tank top over your swimsuit, towel-drying your hair before padding back into the living room barefoot.

When you return, Sohee’s already rearranged the space. The coffee table’s been pushed back and a makeshift beer pong setup is in the center of the room.

“Alright, listen up, we’re playing truth or dare beer pong. You miss your shot, you either answer a truth or do a dare. You make it? You pick someone else to drink.” Sohee says, clearly proud of himself as everyone starts to file back in.

Harvey frowns. “That’s evil.”

“Exactly. Ladies first.” Sohee grins and tosses her a ping pong ball.

Sungchan reemerges, flopping onto the carpet with his legs crossed and a towel still draped around his neck. You sit beside him and Anton takes the floor spot near Harvey without a word, fiddling with the edge of his sleeve.

Sohee claps his hands once. “Start!”

Harvey narrows her eyes in mock concentration, gripping the ball with both hands before dramatically exhaling. She throws and misses by a mile.

“Tragic,” Sohee mutters.

She groans and leans back on her hands. “Fine. Truth.”

Sohee grins. “Who in this room do you think would be the worst kisser?”

Harvey raises her brows. “Bold of you to assume I haven’t already sampled the selection.” You raise a brow at that, what else happened the night you guys took edibles?

Next up is Sohee. He lines up his shot and lands it, he points at Harvey. “Drink.” She narrows her eyes but takes it like a champ, tipping the cup back dramatically.

Sungchan’s next, he takes his time tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he aims then flicks the ball. It arcs, hits the rim and plops in the center. He sits back smugly and turns to look at you. “Drink up.” He says. You sigh but reach for the cup anyway and knock back the beer.

You try to focus as your turn comes up. You toss and miss, Sungchan grins. “Truth or dare?” he asks, bouncing the next ball in his palm.

“Truth.” You say simply, hoping to play it safe.

“What’s your biggest regret from this summer so far?” Sungchan asks from beside you.

Your mouth grows dry as you think of what to say. If you’re being honest, your biggest regret is that you realized it too late.

You regret how long it took you to see Anton clearly. Not just as the boy you grew up with or the friend who always kept your secrets but the person. The one who always waits for you to catch up, who buys your favorite snacks without being asked, who lets you borrow his hoodies and pretends not to notice when you keep them for weeks. The one who knows you and you regret not letting yourself feel what that could mean.

You regret not letting yourself explore it when you had the time. Before things got complicated, before the days started ticking down faster than you could hold onto them because if one things for sure, it’s that summer ends.

Soon you’ll pack up your things and return to campus. You’ll go back to walking the same halls you’ve walked a hundred times trying not to look for him in every room, you’ll go back to pretending you don’t want to marry him someday, pretending you could ever see anyone else fitting into your life the way he does.

Summer will end and it’ll end like this; Anton as still your childhood best friend, nothing more.

You could say all of that, could lay it bare in the middle of this beer pong game with half-wet hair and warm beer in plastic cups. You could finally say what’s been sitting heavy in your heart all summer but you don’t. You take the second route, the safe one. You lie.

You clear your throat and lean back on your palms, plastering on a smile. “Maybe that I didn’t finish my TVD rewatch. Was really hoping to make it to the Delena era.”

They laugh, Sohee calls you out on a cop out answer and Harvey tells him to shut up and just like that, the moment passes.

Anton goes next, he rolls the ping pong ball between his fingers for a second before tossing but it bounces off the rim and lands in Sohee’s lap. Sohee snorts and picks up the ping pong ball and tauntingly says, “miss!”

“Truth or dare?” You ask softly.

Anton leans back, resting on one hand. “Truth.”

You think for a moment, you don’t want to ask something meaningless, not with him. “If you could relive any moment from this summer, what would it be?”

Anton’s lips part like he might answer. He looks down at the cup in front of him, fingers tapping lightly against his knee but then wordlessly he reaches for the beer and drinks.

The group laughs or groans but your stomach drops. He didn’t answer. He didn’t even try to answer.

You try not to read into it but your thoughts race ahead anyway. What memory was too private to say out loud? What moment does he want to relive that badly and why didn’t he want anyone else to hear it? He’s hiding…just like you.

You shake your head as a new round starts, trying to remind yourself it’s just a game. Maybe he’s too sober and too aware.

The game continues with more laughs and jabs. Harvey’s dared to text her ex, Sohee’s forced to freestyle using random words everyone shouts at him, you somehow manage to land a shot on your next turn, making Sungchan drink and despite the rocky start, Anton proves to be an ace at the game, landing almost all of his shots and remaining the most sober out of all of you.

Eventually, it circles back to Sungchan. He misses not by much and flops dramatically onto his side.

“Truth or dare?” Harvey asks slyly.

“Truth,” Sungchan says without hesitation, sitting back up.

Harvey smirks, twirling the ping pong ball between her fingers. “If ____ gave you a chance, would you go for it?”

You look at her wide eyed and Sungchan’s eyes slide to you with a crooked smile tugging at his lips. “Why not?”

You laugh, more out of nerves than anything and wave him off. You know he doesn’t mean it, especially after that conversation in the kitchen. You just hope he doesn’t do or say anything stupid. “Okay, relax.”

Harvey, ever the instigator though, starts chanting. “Kiss, kiss, kiss—!”

Sohee joins in and suddenly all eyes are on you and Sungchan.

You roll your eyes. “What are we five?” You lean towards Harvey to collect the ball but then Sungchan leans forward and kisses you.

It’s quick, not deep, not showy just long enough to draw a reaction and short enough to leave you reeling. Out of sheer instinct you kiss back.

You hear Sohee and Harvey cheer and you quickly pull away. Sungchan just winks at you when you glare at him, clearly unbothered. You barely register his smirk, barely hear Harvey joking about a round two because your attention is solely on Anton.

Except Anton’s not looking at you. He’s looking straight ahead, jaw clenched so tight it looks painful, fingers wrapped around his water bottle like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded.

You open your mouth to say something but you don’t get the chance. He stands, not abruptly, not dramatically, just quiet and decisive like he’s made up his mind. He sets the bottle down gently and walks out of the room. No one says anything.

You’re on your feet before you realize you’ve moved, ignoring Sohee’s voice behind you cussing Sungchan out as you slip through the hallway and out the front door.

Anton’s already halfway down the front lawn, hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, moving like he has somewhere to be. Somewhere that isn’t here.

“Anton,” you call, heart thudding but he doesn’t stop.

You jog to catch up. “Anton, wait.”

He slows just enough for you to fall into step beside him but he doesn’t look at you.

“What was that?” you ask, breath catching. “You just…left.”

He exhales a shaky breath through his nose. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to talk to me! You’ve barely looked at me all night and then you just storm off without saying anything.” You say, your voice cracking.

He finally meets your eyes and the look he gives you is nothing like the Anton you know. It’s tight and guarded, like he’s trying not to fall apart right there on the lawn.

“You kissed him, you didn’t even hesitate.” He says quietly.

You feel your breath catch, like your lungs have forgotten how to work.

He shakes his head once, as if he’s trying to process it all over again. “Why was it so easy? Why him?” He asks, voice rising now.

“Anton—”

“No, seriously, Why him and not me?” He snaps, voice raw. Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. You’ve never seen him like this.

“I’ve been here,” he says, stepping closer, eyes burning. “I’ve always been here. You’ve known him for what? Two months and—”

He cuts himself off with a humorless laugh, brushing his fingers through his hair. “You kissed Sungchan. Like it was nothing. Like it didn’t mean anything, like I haven’t spent this whole summer trying not to fall apart every time you look at me like I’m just your friend!”

Your chest tightens.

“I thought maybe this would finally be the summer where it made sense. Where I could say something. Where you’d maybe look at me and see it.”

He looks at you glaring. “Do you want to know why I realy wanted to come back to the country club?”

You don’t answer. You can’t. Your throat’s too tight.

“I came back because I thought this summer was our last chance.”

Your stomach drops.

“Not because of the pay or the stupid slushies! This was it, the last time things could be the way they were. Before I’m knee-deep in med school applications and you’re halfway across the world…before everything changes.” He says quietly. He’s not yelling anymore but his words land heavier this way.

“I thought maybe we’d finally get it right. That if we went back to the place it all started…if we gave ourselves space to just be like we were when we were fourteen…maybe we wouldn’t miss it this time.”

He steps closer and it’s like the air shifts around you. “I’ve loved you for years, ____. Since before college, before Wonbin, before that stupid pinky promise you made me swear to keep.” He says, voice cracking now. 

Your breath stutters. Your eyes are already stinging.

“And tonight,” he says, shaking his head, “you kissed him. You didn’t even hesitate.” He swipes a hand down his face like he’s trying to scrub the image from his memory.

You open your mouth but close it soon after. What could you possibly say? How could you tell him you feel the same?

That Sungchan is just a friend, that the kiss meant nothing. That your heart didn’t flutter or race or ache the way it does when Anton so much as says your name. How could you be selfish and tell him you want him just as badly as he wants you?

You can’t.

Summer is ending. He said it himself, this was your last chance. The last moment to get it right and you missed it. You blink hard, trying to keep the tears at bay but it’s too late. They burn down your cheeks as your chest tightens around everything you won’t say.

It would be beyond selfish to ask for anything now. Not when your fall semester is stacked with back-to-back labs and your passport is already tucked into your nightstand waiting for your gap year to begin. Not when Anton has med school deadlines and a thousand things to focus on besides you.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you but Anton, we can’t—” you start but he cuts you off, not even giving you the chance to invalidate this.

“Don’t say that like this wasn’t real, like this wasn’t something,” he pleads.

You shake your head, overwhelmed. “Anton, we can’t—”

“When I think of my future,” he cuts in, voice trembling now, “you’re in every version of it.”

His tears finally fall but he doesn’t bother to wipe his own.

“I see us traveling. I see us moving in together after grad school, decorating some tiny overpriced apartment with too many plants. I see us getting married, buying a forever home. I see you…as the mother of my kids.” He chokes out.

Your legs actually give out on you and you have to take hold of Sungchan’s mailbox to not fall flat on your face.

“I don’t know how to unsee that,” he whispers. “I don’t know how to stop loving you. If it’s not you, it doesn’t make sense.”

Anton steps closer, eyes glossy and searching. “Just say it. Tell me you feel it too.”

You freeze, your breath caught in your throat.

“Please,” he whispers.

You want to. You want to because you do feel it. Every piece of what he’s described you see it too.

You see the cluttered apartment filled with love and memories. You see the holidays spent arguing over where to put the Christmas lights. You see a wedding and a life with him where everything makes sense. You see kids with his eyes and your laugh and family vacations in the summer. You see it all but not in this lifetime.

Not with the clock winding down on the only summer you’ve ever wanted to last forever.

So you say nothing. Not because it isn’t real but because it’s too real. Too big. Too late.

He takes your silence like a punch to the gut nodding slowly, jaw clenched. “Okay, that’s my answer.” He says hollowly, stepping back.

You shake your head, a sob caught somewhere behind your teeth. “Anton, wait—” You call for him but he’s already walking away and this time, he doesn’t look back.

July 11th, 2025

You haven’t gone back to work.

The thought of clocking in and possibly seeing Anton makes your stomach twist in ways you don’t know how to untangle so you’ve stayed home. Ignored the group chat and let your shifts get quietly reassigned. No one’s said anything at least not directly but you’ve seen the unread messages pile up.

The sun’s starting to dip when your phone buzzes with an incoming call. You don’t even check the screen. You already know who it is.

You answer on the third ring, pressing the phone to your ear as you curl deeper into your sheets.

“Hey,” you murmur.

There’s silence for a beat then Maya’s voice cuts through the line. “You’re really not gonna tell me what happened?”

Your throat tightens. You stare up at the ceiling watching shadows shift across the plaster.

“Maya, I can’t—” you start but she cuts you off.

“—Yes, you can. I’ve let you spiral for a week. I’ve kept quiet but babe I’m running out of patience and you’re running out of time. Talk to me.”

You suck in a breath and finally let it out slowly. “He told me he loved me.”

You can hear the shift in her tone immediately. “And?”

You close your eyes. “And I didn’t say anything.”

A beat of silence.

“Maya…I froze. I just stood there like an idiot and said nothing. What was I supposed to say?”

“Literally anything?” she says, incredulously.

You sit up, heart pounding. “I didn’t want to be selfish.”

Maya’s quiet for a second then she says, “____, not saying anything was the selfish part.”

Your breath catches.

“You took away his choice. You decided for both of you that it wasn’t possible. You didn’t even give him the chance.”

The line goes quiet again, the weight of her words sinking in.

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” you whisper.

“I know you did but you hurt him and now you’re hurting too.” She replies.

You lie back down, phone still pressed to your ear and let the silence stretch long between you. Outside, a plane flies low overhead. You close your eyes and wish it were enough to drown out the ache.

July 18th, 2025

You’ve been in the same spot on the couch for hours.

A movie plays on the TV but you’ve barely absorbed any of it. Your mom sits at the other end, folding laundry with half her attention on the screen and the other half on you. She hasn’t said anything yet, just glances over every so often like she’s trying to find the right words. You haven’t given her much to work with.

You sip from a cup of lukewarm tea, the one she made without asking and tuck your feet under the blanket stretched over your lap.

She finally breaks the silence. “So…are we gonna talk about it? Or are we still pretending it’s just PMS?”

You blink, turning slowly to look at her. “What?”

She raises an eyebrow. “You’ve been home for almost two weeks and you haven’t once mentioned work…or Anton.”

You freeze.

“I don’t want to push but it’s starting to feel like you’re hiding out.” She continues, gentler now.

You don’t respond, not directly. Just look down at your tea and pretend to be really interested in the ceramic pattern of the mug.

She sighs. “Okay. Just know I’m here when you’re ready.”

You nod, still quiet. She reaches for the remote and turns up the volume slightly. The sound of canned laughter fills the room. That’s when your phone buzzes against your thigh.

You check it without much thought and see Sungchan’s name.

1:00 pm | sungchan 🐸: hey. 1:10 pm | sungchan 🐸: i know i probably should’ve said something sooner but 1:10 pm | sungchan 🐸: i’m sorry for the kiss. 1:11 pm | sungchan 🐸: i got caught up in the moment and was thinking about the bet…it was stupid and selfish, i’m sorry 1:11 pm | sungchan 🐸: just wanted to clear the air 1:12 pm | sungchan 🐸: also update you probably don’t want but 1:12 pm | sungchan 🐸: he’s still coming in for shifts. won’t talk to me though. checks in with harvey about you sometimes. 1:13 pm | sungchan 🐸: misses you, even if he won’t say it. 1:13 pm | sungchan 🐸: just thought you should know.

You reread the messages three times. Your throat tightens even more after each read. Your mom glances over again and sees the shift in your expression but doesn’t ask. Your fingers hover over your phone as you type out a reply.

1:30 pm | you: thanks for saying that. 1:30 pm | you: and it’s okay. i know it wasn’t meant to be a thing 1:31 pm | you: i’m not mad at you. 1:31 pm | you: i just wish things were different

You turn your phone face down and lean back against the couch, eyes stinging. You don’t cry. Not today but you let the discomfort stay.

July 20th, 2025

The door bursts open before you can even pretend to be asleep.

“____.”

You flinch slightly at the sharpness in your mom’s voice. She stands in the doorway with one hand on her hip, eyes scanning the state of your room, dim and cluttered. You’re curled on your side, blanket halfway pulled over your head, a movie paused on your laptop and your untouched water bottle sweating on the nightstand.

“You’ve barely left this room in days. What’s going on?”

You try to brush it off. “I’m just tired.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Tired? Or avoiding something?”

You swallow hard and look down. It’s been over two weeks. Two weeks of silence, of dodging the group chat, of skipping shifts at the country club. Two weeks of not speaking to Anton.

Your mom steps further in and sits at the edge of your bed like she used to when you were little. “Did something happen?”

The tears come faster than expected.

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “I think I ruined everything.”

You tell her the whole story. As much as you can manage between shaky exhales and thumb-picking. The dance, the kiss, the fight. The way Anton looked so heartbroken.

When you finish, she’s quiet for a beat. Then, carefully, “Do you love him?”

You don’t hesitate. “Yeah. I do.”

She sighs, reaching out to squeeze your hand. “Then tell him.”

“I can’t.” You shake your head. “I hurt him and the timing is all wrong. We’re leaving soon.”

She softly caresses your cheek. “Baby love was never meant to fit into a timeline. It’s not something that’s meant to be perfect.”

You blink back fresh tears.

“I’m not saying call him right this second but don’t let silence be your answer. You don’t want to live with ‘what ifs.’”

You nod slowly. “I’ll think about it.”

She kisses your forehead “Thinking’s a start.”

When she leaves the room you stay seated on your bed staring at the spot where your phone charges. You’re not ready yet but maybe soon.

August 3rd, 2025

​​You’re lying on your floor with a pillow tucked under your stomach and your phone playing an old K-drama you’ve seen a dozen times while you munch away on some veggie chips. You haven’t done much today, you finally got around to putting your laundry away but that’s about it.

When the doorbell rings, you don’t move at first. You wait to see if someone else will answer it but no one does.

You pause the show, drag yourself to your feet and shuffle downstairs in the same hoodie you’ve been wearing for two days, Anton’s. You open the door, expecting maybe a package or a neighbor only to be met with the man of the hour himself, Anton.

He looks just as surprised to see you as you are to see him.

His posture shifts immediately, his hand flexes around a plain brown paper bag and his jaw tightens as his eyes flicker up to meet yours.

“Oh. I thought…I figured your mom would answer.” He says, voice stiff.

You don’t say anything. You can’t.

He clears his throat, eyes darting somewhere over your shoulder. “I just came to drop these off.” He lifts the bag slightly like it’s proof.

Still, you can’t move. Can’t look away. You thought you were prepared for this for seeing him again but you’re not.

He shifts his weight. “That’s all.”

He doesn’t wait for you to respond. Just gently places the bag on the doormat and takes a step back.

“Bye, ____” he says softly.

You whisper his name, barely audible but he doesn’t stop. He’s already retreating down the steps and toward his car. You stay there, frozen in the doorway as he pulls out, not once looking back.

You eventually pick up the bag and close the door just to sink to the floor with the bag in your lap.

You open it and find that inside are the photo booth strips.

You smooth out the top strip. It’s the one with all of you: Sohee making a face, Sungchan mid-blink, Harvey grinning wide, Anton reaching over to squeeze your cheek as you pretend to scowl.

But the second strip makes your breath catch. Just you and him. You’re laughing in every frame and Anton is watching you in almost all of them.

There’s a sticky note tucked in the corner. His handwriting is careful, slanted just slightly like it always is.

this summer still meant something.

You press the strips against your chest and shut your eyes tight.

August 10th, 2025

You hesitate outside the staff entrance longer than you mean to, fingers twisting the hem of your shirt like it might give you courage. It’s been over a month since your last shift and just standing here makes your chest ache. The door squeaks when you push it open.

Inside, it smells the same; chlorine and sunscreen. You walk in slowly, heart hammering, unsure of what you’ll find but the moment Sohee spots you from his seat he lets out a dramatic gasp.

“No way. Look who’s alive.”

You roll your eyes but there’s a small smile tugging at your lips. Harvey practically tackles you in a hug before you can respond.

“We missed you,” she says. “I missed you. Work’s been so boring.”

Sungchan peeks over from the microwave. “You’re late but I'll allow it. Welcome back.” He teases.

You thank him quietly, the warmth of their welcome easing some of the tension in your shoulders until your eyes meet Anton’s.

He’s sitting off to the side by himself tapping aimlessly on his phone. His expression doesn’t shift. He gives you a nod politely but nothing more and looks away just as fast.

Your throat tightens but you say nothing. Just walk past him and clock in like you’re not silently crumbling inside.

The day passes quietly. Anton barely speaks to you, he only speaks to you unless it’s absolutely necessary. No jokes. No lingering glances only offering the occasional “you’re on towel duty” or “cover me for break?” You keep your distance, folding towels beside Harvey and watching Sungchan argue with a kid about the height requirement for the pool.

It’s almost worse than if he’d ignored you completely.

By the time your shift ends everyone’s lingering outside by the staff parking lot, too tired to rush home but not ready to say goodbye.

Sohee’s the first to speak, tossing his half-empty water bottle in the air. “Okay, I’m calling it. We need one last hangout before the summer ends.”

Harvey perks up from where she’s crouched, re-tying her shoelace. “Bonfire at my place? The lakehouse is free next weekend.”

Sungchan nods. “I’m in.”

Sohee smiles. “I’m so down.”

Harvey looks over at you, hopeful. “You’re coming, right?”

You pause. You struggled to make it through your shift, the idea of spending a whole night with everyone again…especially Anton, makes your stomach turn.

“I don’t know…” you murmur.

Harvey doesn’t back down. “Come on. This is it. Sohee leaves for Cali in two weeks, Sungchan’s off to Rutgers, you and Anton are back at Northeastern and I’ve got to go back to Brown. It’s now or never.”

You hesitate not sure but just then Anton who’s been silent this whole time, fidgeting with his car keys says quietly, “I’ll go.”

You glance at him startled. He doesn’t look at you though, doesn’t look at anyone really. Just pockets his keys and walks to his car.

Sohee blinks. “Well…okay. Didn’t expect that.”

You exhale, heart thudding. “I’ll go too.”

Harvey grins, satisfied. “Saturday the 17th. No flaking!”

Everyone agrees, tossing out snack ideas and playlist demands as you all trickle toward your cars.

This is it you think to yourself. One last night, one last chance. The countdown begins.

August 17th, 2025

A week has come and gone and just like that it’s the day of the lakehouse hang out. You’re currently in your room packing the last of your things: sunscreen, a half-full bottle of body spray, the polaroid Anton gave you last Christmas that you almost forgot about.

The bag’s a little overstuffed, the zipper stubborn but you manage to wrangle it shut. You pause for a second staring down at it, heart beating a little too fast.

You’ve been turning this day over in your head since the second the plans were finalized. At first the idea of being in the same house as Anton for a whole three days felt unbearable. You’d even called Maya asking if maybe it would be better to stay home.

“Stay home and you’re not allowed to move back into the dorms.” She said before going on to give you advice on how to approach Anton, she told you to corner him and just confess.

Your mom had different advice though. She told you to show him. “That boy has been pouring himself into you for years. Maybe it’s time you return the favor.”

You’re not sure how it’ll go. You don’t know if you’ll get the timing right or if you’ll stumble over your words. You don’t even know if he still wants this but you do know you can’t walk away without trying. Not again.

You grab your phone, charger and the pack of sour patch kids you were instructed to buy and chuck them into your tote and sling your bag over your shoulder just as Harvey honks from outside.

“Bye, Mom! Bye Dad!” you call as you race down the stairs.

Your mom pokes her head out from the kitchen. “Have fun! Be safe! And don’t forget, acts of service!”

You smile at her words then head out the door. Harvey honks again just as you step out onto the porch, duffel slung over your shoulder and your tote bag digging slightly into your arm. She waves when she spots you, sunglasses perched on her head and an open Red Bull in the cupholder.

You toss your bag in the backseat and climb in beside Harvey, the leather warm from the sun. She’s already queuing up the playlist you made together last night, twizzlers clamped between her teeth.

“Ready?” she asks, pulling out of your driveway.

You nod, tugging your seatbelt across your chest. “Let’s do this.” The car rumbles to life as she shifts the gear stick into drive.

A few minutes pass in a comfortable silence with the windows cracked before Harvey speaks. “Oh, by the way I gave Sungchan the lakehouse keys yesterday. Figured the guys could leave early to set up.”

You hum and scroll on your phone, “makes sense. Are they there now?”

She nods as she takes a turn. “Yup!”

You lean your head back against the seat and glance out the window as familiar streets pass by. Harvey hums along to the music, one hand on the wheel the other tapping her knee in rhythm.

“So…is it still weird with Anton?”

You blink slowly, still watching the trees blur past your window. “Yeah…I mean, we don’t really talk anymore. Not really.”

Harvey glances at you briefly then back at the road. “You think it’ll stay like that?”

You shrug, pulling your knees up slightly onto the seat. “I don’t know. I don’t want it to. I keep thinking if I just say the right thing or make the right move, maybe it’ll fix something, but…I don’t even know where to start.”

Harvey doesn’t respond right away. She taps her fingers on the steering wheel, waiting until she’s merged back onto the main road before glancing at you again. “It’s Anton, he’ll appreciate anything as long as it comes from you.”

You glance over at her skeptical. “You think?”

She nods, eyes fixed on the road. “He still asks about you, you know? Not all the time but he asks about the little things. If you’re eating, sleeping. If you’re okay. Things like that.”

Your throat tightens. “He does?”

“Yeah,” she says, quieter now. “He’s not gonna stay mad forever. He’s just…waiting. Waiting to know if you want this too.”

You stare down at your hands, fingers fiddling with the hem of your baby tee. “I do,” you whisper.

Harvey smiles softly. “Then tell him. Or show him. I dunno, either way, you’ve got this.”

The car rolls to a stop at a flashing yellow light, the lake shimmering just ahead in the distance. “Plus Sungchan and I are playing wingman this trip to make up for the kiss…” She continues.

You snort, adjusting your seat belt. “There’s no need. Seriously, all is forgiven.”

Harvey gives you a look. “It’s the least we can do, we practically started this.”

You crack a small smile. “Yeah, well you’re both forgiven. I swear.”

She hums but doesn’t drop it. “Even so, I can’t let the summer end with you and Anton not being together. That just feels wrong.”

You raise a brow. “It’s not that simple, Harv.”

“It kinda is. From the first shift I knew you guys were more than friends. You two just make sense.” She says with a shrug.

You feel the smile creep back up your face but say nothing in response. Harvey nudges your arm lightly as she turns into the long gravel driveway. “You’ve got all of tonight, we gotta make something shake.”

The gravel crunches under Harvey’s tires as she pulls into the driveway, tall trees casting long shadows over the lakehouse. It’s quiet except for the gentle chirp of cicadas and the base of the three men leaking from inside the house. Sungchan’s SUV is already parked off to the side, Anton’s jeep right next to it with both back doors flung open like they’d been in a rush.

Harvey shifts into park. “Home sweet lakehouse.”

You push your door open and hop out, grabbing your tote bag while Harvey takes your duffel from the backseat.

“You ready?” she asks, already halfway up the porch steps.

You nod. “As I’ll ever be.”

She shoots you a quick smile. “That’s the spirit.” Your sneakers crunch softly on the gravel as you and Harvey head toward the porch.

Sohee’s the first to greet you, tossing an empty can into the recycling bin. “Welcome ladies.”

Sungchan appears behind him, tucking his phone into his back pocket. “Perfect timing, we just finished with groceries.”

Anton rounds the corner a second later, sleeves pushed to his elbows and an empty reusable bag slung over one arm. His steps slow when he sees you but he doesn’t stop. Just gives you a small nod.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” you echo, your grip tightening slightly on the strap of your tote.

There’s a pause, not uncomfortable but not quite normal either. Sungchan claps his hands together and steps into the center of the porch breaking the silent staredwon. “Alright, housekeeping! There are four rooms and five of us. One of them has bunk beds which means someone’s doubling up.”

Harvey raises a brow. “Don’t I get first pick? My parents’ house, my rules.”

Sungchan nods. “Of course. Harv gets the queen suite which means the rest of us are playing rock paper scissors for the good ones.”

You glance at Anton who’s already stepping into the circle near the porch railing with his shoulders slouched like a man heading into battle he knows he won’t win. His hands are stuffed into the pocket of his shorts, thumb tapping absently against the seam.

Anton is historically almost comically bad at rock-paper-scissors.

Freshman year, he lost a bet and had to eat wasabi straight up from the Japanese resturant Maya took you guys to. Sophomore year, he lost his turn to control the aux cord for an entire month. Even at work, when someone calls for a quick round to decide who covers bathroom cleanup, Anton’s basically guaranteed to lose.

It’s not even bad luck. He’s just predictable, he always starts with rock.

You fall into step beside the others, heart thudding. Sungchan’s grinning like he’s entering a boxing match, Sohee’s already trash-talking no one in particular and Anton…Anton just looks resigned.

Acts of service, your mom said. He’s always done them for you. Maybe it’s time you return the favor.

It’s a small thing, a stupid game but if you can win this you can hand over the best room without making it a big deal. It’ll be a start, something that says I’m trying. I remember too.

You stretch your fingers out slowly, roll your shoulders once and take your spot in the circle. Sungchan claps his hands together. “Alright. Bunk beds go to the two losers. Everyone ready?” You nod, eyes trained on Anton as he exhales a slow breath.

“Rock…paper…scissors…shoot!”

You throw scissors, Anton throws rock, Sungchan and Sohee both throw paper. You blink.

You won.

Anton looks mildly confused for a second, already stepping back like he expects to be sent to the bunk bed but you clear your throat and speak before he can say anything. “You can have my pick.”

He stops mid-step and turns to face you. “What?”

“You hate bunk beds, take the good room.” You say, tone light but sure.

He watches you for a second too long, like he’s waiting for the catch. You don’t give him one though.

A quiet snort comes from Sohee as he mumbles “simp” and Harvey throws you a glance but says nothing, just lifts a brow slightly before heading for the stairs.

Anton blinks then slowly he smiles. It’s small but real, familiar. “Thanks,” he says softly.

You nod and he disappears down the hall with his duffel, falling into step behind Harvey.

Sohee whistles low. “Okay, rock-paper-scissors for the other one then?” He turns to Sungchan who doesn’t even respond—just claps a hand on his shoulder and steers him away towards the room with the bunk beds.

You let out a small breath and glance at the empty hallway, your fingers still curled around your bag strap. Anton smiled at you.

It felt good, doing something for him. Just a small thing but maybe your mom was right. Maybe this is how you start to show him he’s always been worth it.

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding and finally start walking in the direction of the bedrooms. When you step into your room you note that it’s smaller than you expected, just a twin bed, a dresser and a window cracked open to let in the breeze from the lake. You drop your bag on the mattress and sit beside it, running a hand over the comforter.

You take a deep breath and unzip your bag pulling out your items. You line up your toiletries in the corner of the dresser and place your polaroid on the windowsill. 

You take a moment to examine the camera, you had complained for ages about wanting one your freshman year of college but your parents thought it would be a waste and that you wouldn’t really use it. You remember complaining to Anton in passing about how annoyed you were about not having one he didn’t say much in response (he was busy studying for his a&p final) but that Christmas you guys had done secret Santa with his friend Shotaro and Maya’s then boyfriend Seunghan. Anton didn’t pull your name, in fact he got Maya but he still gifted you the camera along with his gift for Maya.

It wasn’t weird to gift each other things during the holidays but that year you had blown through all your cash on rave tickets and uber eats, you had to dip into your savings to cover the Basketball tickets you got Seunghan so you and Anton agreed on no gifts that year. He of course didn’t listen. The camera feels like something sacred, like it’s proof that he’s always been paying attention.

The thing is so have you. Maybe not in the ways that count, maybe not when it mattered most but you’ve always been watching too. ​​You know he reads the last page of a book before he decides to commit, that he hums when he’s focused and that he can’t fall asleep unless the room is cold, even in winter.

Words have failed you before, choked in your throat when he needed them most so this time you’ll show him instead. With the small things. The way he always shows you.

Before your thoughts can stray further, a burst of laughter carries through the window. You stand and move towards it. Through the trees you spot the others outside, Sohee is running barefoot with a towel over his shoulders, Sungchan’s hauling out a cooler and Anton’s stretching out on the grass near one of the patio chairs with Harvey, heads tilted back squinting up at the sky.

You smooth out your baby tee and slip on your sandals before heading outback to join them. You cross the grass slowly, squinting against the sun and take a seat beside Harvey and Anton brushing grass off your shorts as you sit. Anton shifts slightly to make space but doesn’t say anything.

You glance at Harvey unsure of how to read the silence but she only shrugs. “I’m gonna grab my sunscreen, be back in a sec.” She says as she pushes up to her feet and dusts her hands on her thighs. 

You nod, watching her go and then glance up at the sky as if it’ll give you something to say. It doesn’t. You try anyway.

“That one looks like a rabbit. With, like…cowboy boots on.”

Anton hums beside you, noncommittal. His sunglasses hide most of his expression but you can see the corner of his mouth twitch so you decide to try again.

“Do you see it?”

He exhales slowly. “Kind of.”

It’s quiet again.

You sigh and glance toward Sohee who’s crouched at the cooler pulling out a few drinks. Anton notices too and calls out casually, “Toss me one?”

Sohee hums, grabs one at random and chucks it toward him. Anton catches it without looking, already popping the tab with his thumb.

Your eyes flick to the label. Passionfruit. Your stomach twists.

It only happened once years ago. The two of you were ten sitting poolside at Anton’s cousin’s graduation cookout when Anton reached for a popsicle from the cooler without checking the flavor. Twenty minutes later he was doubled over on the grass, his lips swelling and throat tightening barely able to breathe while everyone around you panicked.

It was the first time you saw fear on his face.

You remember his mom’s shaking hands as she stabbed the Epipen into his thigh, the ride to the ER, the way Anton tried to crack a joke through the oxygen mask like it wasn’t that big a deal but it was, it was terrifying.

You never forgot.

After that, you started keeping mental notes. Not just passionfruit but dog-hair, pollen, random tree nuts. Even the specific brand of protein powder that gave him a rash once during sophomore year.

Your body moves before your brain finishes processing and you swat the can from his hand, the aluminum clattering to the grass.

Anton jolts. “What the hell?”

Sohee blinks. “Dude?”

You’re already reaching down to pick up the bottle to take it far far away from Anton. “Sorry! Sorry! it’s just it’s passionfruit.”

Anton furrows his brow.

“You’re allergic,” you say softly, smoothing your palm nervously over your leg.

Anton stares at you for a second, then down at the can like it burned him. “Oh.”

Sohee mumbles, “Sorry man I didn’t know,” and goes back to rummaging through the cooler like nothing happened.

You push up to your feet. “I’ll get you something else.”

You walk over to the cooler and hand Sohee the can ignoring how your cheeks burn as you dig out a can of coke. When you return Anton’s still sitting there, slightly stiff but not as tense.

You hold the can out. “Here. You like coke, right?”

His lips part like he might say something but he just takes it with a quiet, “Yeah. Thanks.”

You nod and start to sit back down but before you do, he’s already standing. He calls out to Sohee and says something about filling up the water guns and jogs off.

You let yourself sink into the grass again, alone this time. You purse your lips, at least he took the coke.

You stay there in the grass for a while, legs stretched out and fingers absently tugging at a stray thread on your shorts. You watch Anton and Sohee fill up water balloons while Sungchan works on grilling the meat for later. You’re just starting to space out again when the back door swings open with a bang. You look up in time to see Harvey ginning like a maniac holding one of the water guns Anton had filled.

“Don’t scream,” she says and then immediately blasts you in the chest with freezing cold water.

You shriek, instinctively curling in on yourself. “What the hell!?”

She's already halfway across the lawn, cackling as she aims at Sohee next, catching him right in the back. He screams loud enough to startle birds out of the tree.

“You’re so dead,” you shout, pushing up from the grass and chasing after her only to get hit again mid-run but by Sohee this time.

Sungchan groans and throws the grill lid over the skewers. “So immature!” but he’s already jogging toward the cooler, yanking it open and grabbing two of the bigger water guns plus a few half-filled balloons.

“Come on,” he calls while tossing one of the guns your way.

You catch it without thinking and duck behind the patio chair again for cover. Water drips from your shirt sticking to your skin but you’re grinning now.

Across the yard, Sohee’s yelling something about revenge while Harvey darts behind a tree laughing so hard she almost drops her gun.

You wait until Sohee’s distracted reloading then pop up and blast him in the side. He yelps and whirls around, slipping a little in the grass “Really? You wanna start this?” He shouts already aiming his gun right at you but before he can spray you back a water balloon nails him square in the chest courtesy of Sungchan.

Sohee lets out a choked scream. “Oh, you’re both dead.”

You don’t wait to see what happens next. You break into a sprint bolting across the lawn until you catch Harvey still hiding behind the tree. She shrieks when she sees you coming but you’ve already got the shot.

“Ah! Okay! Okay!” She yells.

You whip around just in time to see Anton sneaking up behind Sungchan with the water hose. You catch his eye and toss him a nod, circling wide while he creeps closer.

“Now!” You shout, Anton raises the hose and sprays down Sungchan while you pump the last of your water gun. Sungchan doesn’t stand a chance.

He stands there dripping, head low as he takes the beating. “The irony,” He says dryly. You snort at that, Anton’s laughing too, shaking water from his curls. It’s the first time in weeks it feels like you’re all just…okay. Like it’s June again and you’re all still figuring each other out.

You look over at Anton just as the thought crosses your mind but get snapped out of it when Sohee throws a balloon directly at your face.

You gasp, stumbling back as water drips down your chin.

“Jimmy Lee!” You shout.

He’s already sprinting across the lawn. You charge after him soaked and grinning, shouting his name while the others cheer you on.

The water balloon fight doesn’t last for much longer after that, soon everyone collapses across the lawn in soaked heaps.

Sohee’s sprawled on the grass groaning dramatically while thumbing at his ear. “I can hear my heartbeat,” he mutters.

Harvey’s lying next to him cackling and kicking her legs like a kid. Sungchan and Anton are off to the side, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the deck steps both still dripping as they laugh at something you can’t hear. It’s nice seeing them like that again.

Your gaze flicks to the folded stack of towels near the cooler. You grab one without thinking. You shake it out as you walk towards the pair, still damp yourself with the ends of your shorts clinging to your thighs. The grass squishes under your feet, warm and wet.

Anton notices you first, his laughter fades just slightly as his eyes catch on the towel in your hands. You don’t say anything, just offer it out to him.

He blinks once then just stares at the towel. He doesn’t move to take it, just looks at it then up at you like he’s trying to figure out if this means something.

It’s quiet for a beat too long so you clear your throat and say softly, “I didn’t want you to catch a cold.” That seems to pull him back. His fingers curl around the towel and he finally takes it.

You give a quick nod and turn before he can say anything. 

You grab another towel from the pile and press it to your arms drying off slowly as you stand on the deck.

Harvey’s the first to break the silence. “I’m starving. Did you ever finish grilling, Sungchan?”

Sungchan stretches “Yeah. Should still be warm but we should probably rinse off and clean up before dinner, though.”

That sets everyone in motion. Sohee groans as he rolls onto his stomach, mumbling something about needing a nap then slowly starts pushing himself up.

You fall into step with them as you all head inside, breaking off one by one to your rooms to shower and change.

You take your time rinsing off in your bathroom. When you’re done you wrap your hair in a towel and change into the sundress you packed, it’s light yellow with little white flowers lining the hem. You even do your makeup, soft and simple with a little mascara, blush and a bit of gloss.

You head downstairs and find Sungchan and Sohee curled up on opposite ends of the couch shouting at a soccer match like they’re coaching from the sidelines. Sungchan’s yelling something about offside; Sohee throws a pillow at him and yells louder. You don’t even try to follow what’s happening.

Harvey’s in the kitchen, humming to herself as she stacks food on her plate. She’s wearing a bubble skirt and a sleeveless hot pink top with her hair clipped up and gold hoops. When you enter the kitchen she lights up instantly.

“You look so cute!” she says, handing you a plate.

You glance down at your dress and offer a small smile. “Thanks. Have you seen Anton?”

Harvey shakes her head. “Mm-mm. Probably still getting ready.”

You nod, eyes flicking toward the hallway. Harvey leans her hip against the counter and eyes you for a beat. “How’s it going?”

You shift the plate in your hands. “Not much progress but it seems better than before. Kind of.” You admit.

She bites into a piece of steak then bumps your shoulder gently with hers. “You two will work it out, he just needs a minute.” She says.

Then she pushes off the counter and walks off toward the living room, calling out something to Sohee as she flops onto the armchair with her food. You’re left standing there in the kitchen, your stomach suddenly tight even though you haven’t eaten all day.

You glance down at your plate and start building it with steak, rice, two sausages, some salad, a slice of sourdough and some sauces. You’re just about to grab a fork when you hear footsteps.

Anton rounds the corner, hair dry and the sleeves of his oversized white pullover pushed up to his elbows.

He walks over slowly, gaze flicking from you to the counter then back. Before he can grab a plate though, you hold out the one in your hands.

“I made you one, didn’t want it to get cold.” You say, trying not to sound too eager.

He looks at the plate then at you. His brows draw together. “I can make my own,” he says flatly. 

You keep your hand out. “I know but I already put your favorites on it,” you say, voice soft. “Don’t want it to go to waste, right?”

There’s a beat of silence where you think he might reject you but instead, he takes the plate with a short huff of breath and a quiet, “Thanks.”

He doesn’t meet your eyes as he turns and walks toward the others.

You exhale slowly and grab another plate for yourself. You move on autopilot, stacking a bit of everything. Once your plate’s done you carry it into the living room and settle into the open end of the couch.

Sungchan has switched the TV to a Marvel movie now, one of the older ones and the opening scene is already playing. Harvey tosses a comment over her shoulder about being bored already and Sohee launches into a whole rant as he balances his plate on his knees.

Anton doesn’t say much. He’s sitting at the far end of the couch, eyes on the screen and plate resting in his lap. He eats slowly, mechanically, like his mind’s somewhere else.

You say nothing and pick at your food, maybe acts aren’t enough.

___

The movie ends before you even realize it, the screen fading to black as the credits roll and Sohee groans something about it being mid. Dinner’s long been finished with plates cleared and drinks watered down.

Sungchan stretches with a dramatic yawn and claps his hands once. “Alright bonfire time.”

Harvey perks up immediately. “Finally! Help me bring out the s’mores stuff.” She says, already on her feet grabbing your wrists.

Sohee mumbles something about needing to piss and disappears down the hall. Sungchan nods toward the patio. “I’ll get the wood ready with Anton.”

You follow Harvey into the kitchen and grab all the items needed before heading out back with arms full of marshmallows and graham crackers.

You walk with her toward the firepit but your eyes keep drifting toward the edge of the yard where Anton and Sungchan are dragging over logs.

It stings. Anton’s barely spoken to you and yet somehow he’s fine talking to Sungchan. He kissed you, not the other way around and yet it’s you Anton can’t even look at.

You blink hard and keep moving.

You were supposed to spend this summer side by side. One last stretch of borrowed time before everything changed—before grad school and a gap year. It was meant to be late nights and dumb inside jokes and off guard point fives. Not this. Not silence and walking on eggshells around the person who used to know you best.

You’d promised yourself you’d fix it. That today would be the start, that maybe if you showed him it would be enough.

So you made sure he got the best room. Switched out the soda he’s allergic to while no one else seemed to care. Made sure he got the first towel because you knew he wouldn’t grab it himself. You made him a plate before Sungchan went back for seconds and his favorites were gone and still he’s looked through you all day. Like none of it mattered, like you don’t matter to him anymore.

You glance over again and catch him mid-laugh at something Sungchan says. His shoulders shake and it hits you in the gut. You haven’t made him laugh like that in weeks. You don’t even know if you still can.

Is this how your last summer ends? With you loving him in silence and him pretending not to see?

The ache turns into something heavier. You blink again, faster this time like that’ll make it all go away. Like you can still fix it if you just try harder.

Then you see him heading towards you with arms full of firewood and something in you snaps. One last act. Just one more. Maybe this will do it. Maybe this time, he’ll see.

You move before you can think.

“Here—let me help,” you say meeting him halfway, reaching out before he’s even settled the stack in his arms.

He shifts slightly, confused. “I’ve got it.”

“I know,” you say, breath tight. “But just…let me.”

“____.” His tone sharpens. “It’s fine. I said I’ve got it.”

You shake your head, hands already at the edge of the stack. “Please. I want to help.”

“Stop,” he says again. “Seriously. Stop.”

But you can’t. You can’t stop. Not now. Not when this feels like the only thing left you can do.

You reach for the top log, trying to ease it from his arms but it catches rough against your palm. A sharp sting rips through your hand and you cry out, instinctively letting go. The log hits the ground with a loud thud.

Your hand jerks back and you don’t need to look to know it’s bleeding. Anton drops everything.

“Shit!” He’s in front of you in a second, crouched down, brows pulled tight as his eyes find your hand. “Let me see it.”

He doesn’t wait for you to say anything. Just grabs your wrist gently and pulls you inside. Leaving behind a stunned Harvey and Sungchan.

“It’s not bad,” you say, trying to wave it off even though it kind of is. Blood wells up from the cut and slides toward your wrist.

He exhales through his nose. “____.” He says in warning.

He grabs a dish towel and presses it into your hand then ducks into the half-bath down the hall, coming back with the first-aid kit. He doesn’t look at you as he turns on the tap and reaches for your hand again. The water runs cold over your skin, stinging slightly as it washes away the blood. You flinch but Anton doesn’t loosen his grip. 

He presses the gauze to your cut and you hiss softly but he doesn’t stop. He grabs a bandage and gingerly wraps your hand.

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly.

He doesn’t answer.

“I wasn’t trying to—I just thought maybe if I helped—”

“Why are you doing this?” He asks suddenly, not harsh but exhausted. You look up at him to meet his gaze but words fail you yet again.

“You’ve barely said two words to me for weeks,” he says, eyes glassy, expression pulled tight with something akin to pain. “And now you’re out there hurting yourself trying to carry firewood?”

Your throat tightens. “I didn’t know how else to show you I still care.” Anton blinks, like the words physically hit him. He steps back like he needs the space. Like being too close to you right now might split him open.

“D-don’t say that.” He takes a step back, his head shaking like he’s trying to make sense of it, of you.

You open your mouth to speak, to explain but he cuts you off.

“You say you care now but when I stood in front of you and told you I was in love with you, you just…stood there.” His voice cracks like he still can’t believe it happened.

“You didn’t say it back. You didn’t call. You didn’t text. You didn’t do anything.” He laughs, but it’s dry. Hollow. “You disappeared.”

“Anton, I didn’t mean to—”

He swallows hard, breath hitching as he cuts you off yet again. “I waited! Every day, I waited! I thought maybe you just needed time. That you’d come back when you were ready but weeks went by and you—” He cuts himself off, blinking fast, like it’s too much to say out loud.

“I had to be the one to reach out first. After all that, I had to make the first move. You’re the one who kissed Sungchan and yet I was somehow the one on your front porch!”

You start to speak again, heart racing. “That wasn’t fair, it wasn’t—”

“But this is!?” he asks, voice booming.

You deflate. He’s right, none of this is fair to him. You told yourself you were being careful, thoughtful, realistic even but the truth is, you were scared. You let him give you everything and gave him nothing back and now he’s standing here, hurt and angry and still waiting for you to say something.

You chose silence once, you’re not doing it again.

“You’re right.”

Anton freezes, caught off guard. His chest rises and falls but he doesn’t speak. He doesn’t believe it yet.

“I haven’t been fair and I know sorry isn’t enough but I am. I’m sorry.” You say louder now. You’re shaking but you don’t even care.

“The reason I didn’t say it back—” Your voice catches but you push through it. “The reason I stood there like an idiot when you poured your heart out is because I thought we missed our chance. Not because I didn’t feel the same but because this is our last summer.” You’re crying now. Full-on.

“We have two weeks before fall sem starts. Everything is changing and I told myself we couldn’t make it work because if I believed we could then I’d have to admit how badly I wanted it.”

He’s staring at you, blinking back tears of his own.

“I didn’t say it because if I said it,then I’d have to live with knowing I could lose it.”

You step forward, hands curled into fists like your body doesn’t know what to do with the truth anymore.

“I’m in love with you, Anton.”

He exhales sharply, like the air’s been knocked out of him but you feel like a weight has been lifted off of your chest and you can finally breathe again.

“I felt it that night during the storm and I knew it when we had dinner with your parents.” You swallow hard. This is way outside of your comfort zone but Anton is worth it, a future with him is worth anything.

“I was selfish. I know I was. I didn’t give you the chance to choose, I decided for both of us that it couldn’t work. I’m sorry.”

Anton’s lips part like he’s going to say something but no words come out. His eyes are red. His shoulders are trembling.

Then, hoarse and low he says, “Say it again.”

You blink at him, chest pounding.

“What?”

“Say it again.”

You take a breath. Then another. “I’m in love with you,” you say, steady now. “I’m so in love with you it physically hurts to keep it in.”

For a split second, neither of you moves, just stare at each other until Anton makes the first move. He’s across the space in two steps, cupping your face in his hands like he’s afraid you’ll vanish.

His mouth crashes into yours, all teeth and desperation and shaking hands. It’s not gentle. It’s not careful. It’s everything he’s been holding back, everything you’ve been too afraid to say, poured into the space between your lips.

You kiss him back with equal force. His hands slide into your hair, tugging you even closer like the space between your bodies is suddenly too much. You grip the front of his shirt, curling your fingers into the fabric, holding him like you’re scared the second you let go this will all disappear.

There’s nothing pretty or practiced about it. It’s uncoordinated and messy. Your teeth clash once, your noses bump and still neither of you pulls away. You’re both breathing hard, tears still drying on your cheeks.

When he finally slows it’s only because he needs to catch his breath but even then he doesn’t let go. His forehead presses against yours, both of you panting.

His voice comes out low. “You don’t get to leave again.”

You shake your head, lips brushing his as you whisper, “I won’t.” And then he kisses you again.

You move your hands to the back of his neck and thread your fingers through his hair. He places his hands on your lower back and rubs soothing circles onto your back.

“I love you,” he whispers against your lips, sending butterflies into your stomach. He leans back in and kisses you again, this time with a bit more force. He slides his tongue across your bottom lip asking for entrance. When you don’t open up, he slides his hands down your back and grabs your ass and pulls you into him, making your core grind against him, causing you both to gasp. His tongue slips into your mouth, curling around yours.

You don’t say anything as he grabs your hand and pulls you with him, not even giving you time to breathe.

You stumble through the hallway, half-dizzy from the way he kisses you between steps; quick, breathless kisses against your jaw, your cheek, your mouth almost like he can’t wait until you’re alone. You make it to the stairs and he doesn’t let go of you even then. One arm stays wrapped around your waist, his fingers splayed tight against your hip as you climb together, lips brushing, breaths colliding, neither of you willing to part for longer than a second.

By the time you reach his bedroom door, your hands are in his hair, his lips hot against your throat and you’re laughing. He fumbles with the knob, pushes the door open and then slams it shut behind you with more force than necessary.

You don’t care what anyone else hears.

He lifts you slightly as he walks you backward, mouths still pressed together and you let him guide you until the back of your knees hit the edge of his bed. He lays you down with all of the care in the world and then he’s hovering over you, hands braced on either side of your head, staring at you like you’re something he never thought he’d be allowed to touch.

His hands fall down to your hips, pushing your dress up to feel the softness of your stomach beneath his palms with battered breaths. You gasp at the feeling of his soft hands and the pressure he slightly applies, his body pinning you deeper back as he continues exploring your mouth with his own.

You pull back slightly, breathing heavily and your lips red and plump with saliva. Anton smirks at the sight, his thumb coming up to pull down your bottom lip with the tip of his finger before moving his mouth to the sensitive skin of your neck.

The strands of his hair are silky beneath your fingertips as you gasp and tug at the roots as he bites down on a certain area of your neck that makes your core clench.

“Ton,” you whisper, whimpering at the feeling of his palm applying pressure lightly against your navel. “Are we-?”

Anton opens his eyes, his hands stilling immediately as he moves his face in front of yours. “Do you want to?”

You look at him through your lashes and stare at his face for a minute trying to decipher what he’s thinking. He’s always been a person who wears their emotions on their face and now, as you look up into his eyes searching for any hesitation- you find none. You find Nothing but pure love and admiration.

“I do.” You nod

Then he kisses you again. Slower now, deeper too. His mouth moves from yours to your neck, trailing warm, open-mouthed kisses down your skin and you gasp when he finds that one spot that makes you arch into him.

Your fingers fumble with the hem of his pullover and he doesn’t hesitate. He helps pull it off in one motion, tossing it aside without ever taking his eyes off you. You sit up just enough to do the same with your dress and his hands are on your skin before it even hits the floor.

Clothes come off slowly, one piece at a time. Between kisses. His fingers trail along your sides like he’s trying to commit every inch of you to memory. You’re breathless, skin hot, pulse pounding beneath his touch.

One of your hands fumbles against the sheets, clutching the fabric tight in your fist as his hands slide lower, slipping beneath what little clothing you have left between you.

You gasp as his hips press into yours, as he kisses the softest part of your shoulder and breathes your name.

August 18th, 2025

You wake to the sound of cicadas and the sun peeking through the linen curtains. The world outside is just beginning to stir but inside this room everything feels still.

The sheets are warm and tangled around your legs and Anton’s arm is draped heavy across your waist, your bodies pressed close beneath the comforter. He’s still asleep, chest rising and falling, lashes resting against his cheeks. You blink up at him as you recall last night.

The words whispered, the way his hands trembled when they touched you, the kisses, the confessions and the sex. Anton was slow and careful at first, then deeper and rougher going round after round.

You shift just slightly, burying your face against his shoulder. He doesn’t stir, just exhales softly.

For so long, the thought of summer ending felt like a countdown you couldn’t stop. A slow, creeping ache would overcome you every time you remembered what was coming. You were so scared that you’d missed your chance but here you are in his bed, in his arms. You press a soft kiss to his shoulder and tuck yourself even closer.

You’re not clinging to August anymore. You’re not holding your breath for one more weekend or one more night or one more moment.

"did you hear about the bank robbery?" your roommate, ningning, spoke as she walked into the shared dorm room. ningning was a foreign exchange student from china, although you couldn't tell when you first met her due to how fluent she was in korean and english. the two of you had quickly become close due to the shared experience of being new to korea. "no? which bank?" you watched as she dropped her book bag on her bed and rummaged through it. "the one down the street. they put the uni on lockdown because the men escaped the police," there was a ping from her phone and she let out a squeal. "what happened?" you sat up, staring at her as she jumped around the room. "spiderman was spotted nearby looking for the robbers." you groaned dramatically as you fell back on your bed.

you didn't understand the hype of the spiderman craze. you just saw him as some weird vigilante, more crime occurring now with his presence. a lot of people loved to theorize who spiderman was. the red suited hero being theorized of being a high ranked government official to being a random college student coincidently at your uni. you didn't care though. all you knew is more crime had started to slowly creep closer and closer to your university now with his existence.

anton was not known to be punctual. in your whole time of being friends with him, you think he was on time for a hang out once. you clicked on your phone to check the time. the study session that was supposed to be at 7pm had now run into 8:30 pm and the brown haired boy was still no where to be seen. you had sent him text after text asking where he was and if he was okay but there was no response, not even a notification that he saw it. the people in the library on campus were beginning to leave. the only people left behind being some people who fell asleep as they were studying for exams and the late night crammers. you sent anton another strongly worded text about his absence before you stood up, stretching your arms over your head. an iced coffee sounded really nice to you right now.

the walk to the cafe wasn't very far. 7dream was the cafe occupied by you and anton every saturday to get breakfast. it had also been the cafe you two ran to during late nights to grab some coffee quickly. the night sky had already fallen over, street lights and led store signs being the only thing to light up your path. you were about to round the corner until you felt someone grab your waist and throw a hand over your mouth. you felt your feel lift off the ground as you tried to kick and scream whoever was holding onto you. you tried to bite at the black gloved hand but as you sunk your teeth in you heard a gruff voice say, "do that again and ill drop you right down."

you looked down at your feet and the street lights looked like tiny ants, making you let out a muffled scream. you were practically being dangled at the ledge of a building. you could hear the man behind you laughing as you cried and pleaded with him. "and your beloved spidey isnt even around to save you," his laughter only picked up. of fucking course this was related to spiderman. the hate for the masked hero only grew as he pushed you closer to being off the ledge and more tears fell from your eyes. before you knew it, your feet slipped and you were watching the top of the building get farther and father away.

"gotcha," an oddly familiar voice spoke as you landed in someones arms with a small huff. you kept your eyes squeezed shut as you felt the air glide by you and someones arms wrapped firmly around you. your eyes only opened when your feet finally landed on a solid surface. you opened your eyes and you were once again on top of a building. you groaned as you looked around. a flash of red swung away form the building you had been placed upon and towards another one. on the building you saw a small man with what looked like metal arms coming from his back. "what the fuck," you mumbled to yourself as quickly started looking around the roof for any staircase that went down.

your search resulted in nothing. you decided to sit and watch as the superhero in front of you fought who you guessed was the guy who grabbed you. the fight wasnt very long as you watched the villian get tangled in the webs spiderman shot out.

"idiot i cant get down," you screamed as loud as you could. you saw as the masked hero turned around to you. "shit sorry," he yelled back, coming back in your direction.

"can you believe that asshole," you screamed, making the people around you in the library shh you.

"maybe he was just preoccupied trying to save the city," anton mumbled. you tilted your head, "huh? sorry i didnt hear you."

"nothing i just said that's a really horrible thing to do. he should have put you down on the ground first."

"i knew you would get it. ningning said i was overdramatic," you smiled at anton and he gave you a shaky smile and nod. "anyways. the first statistics test is next week; how are you feeling about it?" anton let out a groan, head falling to land on the table. you laughed at the over dramatic boy, "get up. that only means we have more studying to do.

the roof of your dorm was not something easily accessible. it had took befriending the maintenance man in your building and a low cut top to swindle the keys from him. it had been the perfect place to clear your head after. along day. no one had known about your small getaway place, even anton. you were sat up there, sketch book in hand and doodling the night skyline when you heard someone yell 'watch out'.

before you got the chance to look up, a heavy body knocked into you at a quick speed. the force of the impact leaving you with a burning on your left cheek and pain in your back. "shit are you okay?" you opened your eyes, only to be met with the stupid mask you wish you could never see again.

you groaned, trying to push yourself up. “what the hell?” you exclaimed, rubbing your cheek where he’d knocked into you. “im so sorry! i didn’t see you there!” he said, his voice laced with concern. “are you hurt?”

“what do you think,” you shot back, glaring up at him. you looked down at your hand that had been pressed to your cheek. the small splotches of blood made you cringe. “are you always this careless?”

he took a step back, hands raised defensively. “no! I mean, not usually. I was —” “spare me the details. i dont care,” you interrupted, looking around for your sketch pad and pencil. he let out a nervous laugh, “i really didn’t mean to ruin your night. i was trying to —”

“is it always about saving the day for you?” you asked, trying to keep your voice steady. “can’t you just let people have a moment of peace?” he sighed, frustration flickering across his masked face. “but i didn’t mean to—”

you cut him off again. “yeah, well, your ‘heroics’ aren’t exactly appreciated here. especially when you leave me stranded on a roof and then knock into me. what kind of superhero are you?” “im really sorry,” he said, his voice softer than it already was. “maybe I can make it up to you?”

“are you going to almost knock me off a roof again?” you shot back, crossing your arms. “thanks, but no thanks.”

“i really didn’t want to ruin your night.” you sighed, “just… be more careful next time. im already not your biggest fan."

“i'm sorry again," the masked hero muttered. "goodnight yn." you paused for a minute, watching as he ran and swung from building to building.

"wait how do you know my name?"

"how was the test?" you nudged anton lightly as the two of you shuffled through the crowded hallway. his shoulders slumped, and he let out a frustrated sigh. "don't ask," he muttered, eyes fixed on the ground. your frown deepened as you caught the defeated look on his face. "but you studied so hard," you said softly. "i'm sure you did fine."

anton shook his head, his expression a mix of frustration and embarrassment. "i think i knew, like, three questions on that whole test," he admitted. "i'm sorry. i feel like i just wasted all the time you spent tutoring me." without missing a beat, you lightly punched his shoulder. "shut up. it wasn't a waste of time," you said firmly. "learning takes time, anton. you’re not gonna become a statistics genius after one test."

you caught his eyes for a brief second, hoping he could see the sincerity in yours. "we’ll get through it," you added with a small smile, making him blush. anton glanced away, scratching the back of his neck. "thanks," he mumbled, the corner of his mouth twitching upward for a moment before falling back into a shy expression.

as you both stepped out of the building, the crisp air brushing past you, you nudged him again. "wanna come back to my dorm? we can watch a movie or something," you offered. he nodded, a soft smile breaking through his earlier gloom. "that sounds good," he said, his voice lighter than before.

"we're out of popcorn," you muttered, shaking the empty bag for emphasis. anton stood up, stretching his arms above his head. "i can go grab some more snacks," he offered, stifling a small yawn. "no, i'll go," you said, already sliding off the bed and slipping your feet into your worn slippers. "i need to grab some stuff from the convenience store anyway." without a second thought, you reached for the hoodie he had tossed aside earlier and pulled it over your head, the fabric soft and faintly smelling like him.

anton’s gaze lingered as you moved to grab your keys from the desk. "it's dark out," he said, his voice steady but with a hint of concern. "let me go with you." you shook your head, a small smile tugging at your lips. "i’ll be quick. promise." he frowned, clearly not convinced. "text me the second you get there," he called as you headed for the door.

"i will," you replied with a wave, slipping out into the cool night.

the plastic bag swung gently at your side as you walked back from the convenience store, the quiet of the night interrupted only by the faint hum of streetlights and the distant sound of traffic. the air was crisp, nipping at your cheeks, and you pulled anton’s hoodie tighter around you.

you turned a corner onto a quieter street, the kind that always made you quicken your pace, and that’s when you heard it; something above you, a faint whoosh. you stopped in your tracks, glancing up instinctively, but the sky was empty save for the faint glow of the stars.

shaking your head, you mumbled to yourself, "get a grip," and started walking again. but before you could take another step, a figure dropped down in front of you, landing with a soft thud.

"you’ve got to stop wandering around alone at night. it's dangerous," came the familiar, slightly teasing voice. "you again?" you blurted, taking a cautious step back, though a smile tugged at your lips. he tilted his head, the white eyes of his mask narrowing slightly. "we meet again," he said, his tone lighter now. "what’s in the bag?"

"snacks," you replied, holding it up as if to prove your point. "what are you doing here? shouldn't you be, i don’t know, stopping a bank robbery or something? why are you stalking me?" he chuckled softly, the sound muffled through the mask. "just doing my rounds. and making sure people like you don’t get into trouble."

you rolled your eyes. "i'm fine. i can take care of myself." he stepped closer, close enough that you could see the faint shine of the fabric on his suit. "still," he said, his voice dropping slightly, "you shouldn't have to."

for a moment, you were acutely aware of how close he was, all past hate for the superhero somehow disapearing. "i don't need saving," you muttered, your voice barely above a whisper. he reached out, a gloved hand brushing a strand of hair from your face, the gesture so gentle it made your breath hitch. "i should really get going," he said, though he made no move to step back.

your eyes locked on where his would be beneath the mask, and for a fleeting moment, it felt like the world had stopped. you leaned in slightly, almost instinctively, and he mirrored the motion. just as your lips were about to meet, a distant siren shattered the quiet, pulling you both back to reality.

spiderman straightened, his head turning toward the sound. "duty calls," he said, almost apologetically. before you could respond, he shot a web to the nearest building, looking back at you one last time. "be careful, okay?"

and then he was gone, leaving you standing there, black bag of microwave popcorn in hand.

the soft glow of the laptop illuminated the room as the movie played in the background. you sat cross-legged on your bed, the snacks from the convenience store scattered between you and anton. but your mind was somewhere else.

"you’re quiet," anton said, his voice cutting through the haze of your thoughts. he leaned back against the pillows, his eyes flicking from the screen to you. "something happen at the store?" you hesitated, biting your lip. "uh, no, not really," you lied, grabbing a handful of popcorn to avoid meeting his gaze.

he didn’t look convinced, but he let it go, turning back to the movie. his shoulder brushed yours as he shifted closer, and the simple touch sent a wave of warmth through you. as the movie reached a particularly quiet moment, you found yourself glancing at him. his profile was soft in the dim light, his lashes casting faint shadows on his cheeks. the little furrow in his brow told you he was actually paying attention to the plot, but you couldn’t focus on anything except how close he was.

"anton," you said softly, your voice barely above the whisper of the movie. he turned his head, his eyes meeting yours, faces closer than expected. "yeah?" the air between you grew heavy, the movie long forgotten. his gaze flickered to your lips for the briefest moment, and your breath caught. you could feel the lingering tension from the meeting prior bubbling to the surface.

"you’ve got…" he trailed off, reaching up to gently brush a crumb from the corner of your mouth. his fingers lingered, his touch warm against your skin. you froze, your heart pounding as his hand slowly dropped. neither of you moved, the tension crackling like static electricity.

"anton," you whispered, leaning in slightly, your eyes locked on his. he mirrored your movement. "yeah?" he murmured, his voice barely audible. you were so close you could feel the heat radiating from him, his lips just a breath away from yours.

and then the laptop let out a sudden, jarring burst of sound as the credits rolled, breaking the moment. you both flinched, pulling back slightly. anton cleared his throat, a faint blush creeping up his neck. "uh, looks like the movie’s over," he said, avoiding your gaze. "yeah," you replied, your voice a little shaky. "guess it is."

the next day, you and anton sat across from each other in the campus library, the table between you cluttered with notebooks, a textbook, and a growing pile of scratch paper filled with half-finished equations.

"okay," you said, tapping your pen against your notebook, trying to focus. "so, if the mean is 45 and the standard deviation is 3, what’s the z-score for 50?" anton stared at the problem, but his expression looked more distracted than confused. "uh… let me think," he muttered, fidgeting with the cap of his pen. you sighed, resting your chin in your hand. "anton, are you even listening?"

"what? yeah, yeah, i am," he said quickly, sitting up straighter. he scribbled something on the page, then frowned at it. "is it … 1.67?" "close," you said, glancing at his work. "but you forgot to divide by the standard deviation. it’s actually 1.67 when rounded."

"oh, right," he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. an uncomfortable silence stretched between you. every time your eyes met, one of you would look away, pretending to focus on the notes. you tried to break the tension, forcing a small smile. "everything good?"

his ears turned pink, and he avoided your gaze. "for the most part. couldn’t sleep." you nodded, unsure what to say. your mind drifted back to last night, and your cheeks warmed. "well, uh… let’s just try another problem," you said, flipping to a new page in your notebook. "yeah, sure," anton replied, his voice unusually stiff.

you both worked quietly for a few minutes, but the silence felt suffocating. finally, anton spoke up, his voice hesitant. "about… last night," he began, not looking up. your heart skipped a beat. "what about it?" he fiddled with his pen, still not meeting your eyes. "i just… i didn’t mean to make things weird. if i did." "you didn’t," you said quickly.

he glanced at you then, his expression a mix of relief, "okay. good." you both went back to your notes, but the air between you still felt heavy. the numbers and formulas blurred together for both of you.

the campus was quiet, the only sounds being the distant hum of traffic and the soft rustle of leaves in the breeze. you walked aimlessly, your thoughts a tangled mess of confusion and frustration. the encounter with spiderman the previous night lingered in your mind, intertwining with the weird tension between you and anton.

"you really shouldn't be out here alone," a familiar voice called out, pulling you from your thoughts. you turned to see spiderman perched on a low wall, his silhouette illuminated by the soft glow of a nearby streetlamp.

"and you should mind your own business," you retorted, the day's frustrations bubbling to the surface. he sighed, dropping down to stand a few feet away from you. "i'm just trying to keep you safe."

"why do you care?" you snapped, crossing your arms defensively. "you don't even know me." he hesitated, the white eyes of his mask narrowing slightly. "what if i do?"

"what's that supposed to mean?" you demanded, taking a step closer. spiderman remained silent for a moment, then reached up, fingers trembling slightly, and slowly pulled off his mask. your breath caught in your throat as anton's familiar face was revealed.

"anton?" you whispered, disbelief coloring your tone. "i wanted to tell you," he began, his voice barely above a whisper. "but i didn't know how. especially after ... everything." anger, confusion, and relief surged through you all at once. "you've been lying to me this whole time?"

"i was trying to protect you," he said, stepping closer, his eyes pleading. "i never wanted to hurt you." "protect me?" you echoed, tears welling up despite your efforts to hold them back. "i'm sorry," anton whispered, his own eyes glistening.

the weight of his confession hung between you, the night air thick with unspoken words. finally, unable to hold back any longer, you closed the distance between you, your lips meeting his in a kiss filled with all the emotions you'd been holding back.

when you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, tears mingling with relieved laughter.

"we have a lot to talk about," you said softly, resting your forehead against his.

Sparks flitted from Sixue’s fingers, her gift flickering due to her fatigue and hunger. Still, with a bit of effort and concentration, she succeeded in turning the lights off. Sicheng stood at the door, staring resolutely into space while he hovered the key to his sister’s cell across the floor.

Slumped on the floor, Sixue moved her fingers towards the crack between the door and the floor and picked the key up. Pretending to fumble with the lock, she felt her heart pounding in her chest as she slipped the key into the lock and jiggled it. The door clicked open and she winced, hoping no one had heard.

Sixue leaned carefully against the door, peering through the crack between the door and the door frame. Convinced that the coast was clear, she stumbled to her feet and tried to make her way to where her brother was standing, shrouded in shadows.

A flash of light blinded her before she could do anything.

There, in front of the siblings, stood someone who shouldn’t have been there. They’d checked, they were sure, that there hadn’t been anyone in the vicinity before they attempted the escape plan.

Sicheng swallowed, hard, unmoving. He could tell from his spot, even without turning his head to look at his sister, that the plan had failed. From the sudden silence to the lights turning back on, it was pretty obvious that their plan had been foiled.

But how? There was only one explanation that made sense in his mind, and just considering it made the blood drain from his face.

Your brother stood in front of Sicheng, and yet he stood beside Sixue at the same moment. His appearance made everything that had seemed possible before impossible, throwing a wrench into more than just the escape plan.

It took all of Sicheng’s concentration not to clench his fist in frustration and fall to his knees, to cry aloud to the heavens and see who was listening.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?”

SIcheng met your brother’s gaze with a steely determination. If he wanted to leave that forsaken prison and take his sister out of there alive, he would have to survive this encounter with the man who might as well be the devil himself.

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to, Your Highness.”

Your brother arched one of his perfect eyebrows, impressed by Sicheng’s boldness. “Why don’t you turn around and take a look?”

Sicheng felt his limbs turning towards the cell his sister was supposed to be in, and instantly sent the tiniest of breezes towards the edges of the walls, feeling around for your presence.

The air caressed cloth in a crevice where cloth should not have been, and both Sicheng and you knew that everyone in that dungeon was playing a dangerous game of limbo, with the devil in the room.

Each of you, if unmasked at that instant, would be in danger. Treason to the crown, or in your case, a traitor to your kingdom. How that would work, considering you were the sole ruler, Sicheng wasn’t quite sure. But he was certain your mind control could do nothing against the manipulation of evidence he knew your brother was capable of.

He took one invisible step in the layered game of limbo, and forced himself to greet the sight of Sixue lying against spikes sticking up from the ground. Dangerously close to her was another layer of spikes, threatening to impale her if she tried to move.

Pinpricks of blood pooled at her fingertips as she dug her fingers into the spikes, casting a desperate, frenzied glance at Sicheng. Help me, her gaze screamed.

Sicheng felt as if he was going to puke. He dug his fingernails into his palms until he was sure they were going to draw blood, biting his lip and swallowing the bile rising in his throat.

Acid burned down his esophagus, and his eyes briefly fluttered shut before he forced them apart again. He forced himself to watch as the two beds of spikes closed in, metal flush against Sixue’s skin, still not digging into her, but giving her no room to breathe.

It’s not real, he told himself. It’s not real it’s not real it’s not–

“Can’t bear to lose your precious sister, now can you?”

Swallow, it’s not real, Sicheng repeated in his mind. Sixue is safe. For now.

“She won’t be safe much longer,” your brother said, as if hearing his thoughts. Sicheng would never understand how he achieved the skill of hiding menace behind innocent smiles, but it didn’t matter. He knew that everything your brother said was a lie.

He couldn’t read thoughts, but it was easy to predict what people would be thinking in the face of danger. People were predictable, after all, and at the end of the day they all wanted almost the same thing.

That was what your brother preyed on. The tense energy of fear, the desperation and confusion in their eyes. It was the reason your brother rarely appeared at court hearings, despite being so power-hungry. His gift being a secret was his only advantage when it came to his shady dealings, and he almost always succeeded in driving people so insane they confessed to crimes they hadn’t committed, or they committed suicide first.

After all, dead men tell no tales. That was a principle your brother was all too familiar with.

Uncertain if anything he was seeing then was real, Sicheng tried to lift your brother’s shirt slightly, to test if it was tangible.

In his head, he felt the familiar headache that meant that you were preventing him from using his telekinetic abilities. Why? he wanted to ask. He wanted to scream at you until you loosened your hold on him and allowed him to tear his hands into your brother’s flesh, to scream over his poor, mistreated sister without your unfeeling gaze against his back.

But deep within his mind, beneath all the hatred simmering at the surface, he knew better. He knew that keeping his gift a secret gave him an advantage over your brother, a man who had never cared to learn about his people.

Your brother thought that he could hide in the dark with his illusionist tricks, but Sicheng was aware of them. On the other hand, your brother knew nothing of Sicheng’s telekinesis, and didn’t know that Sicheng could easily see through all the illusions if he tried to move an object.

Sicheng knew he couldn’t trust his eyes, but your brother didn’t know he couldn’t trust himself.

And that, in itself, might just save one of them.

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