Tábitha

There's a tendency of action media to lean into the fight scenes, to let us glorify in the violence. Look what they can do, look what they can be. And Arcane had those moments, of course, but it never let us dwell on them. Even in the first episode, every single time a blow was struck it told us that was inherently a tragedy. The first fight takes place and we cheer for our heroes until we take a look from Jinx's eyes and see she's horrified by the violence. That's why all the blood and bruises and broken teeth in the show mean so much, because the camera stops and makes us look.

The only fight that managed to stay calm and smooth all the way through was the Firelight's first attack on the blimp, before Jinx came out with guns blazing. And they were, notably, not there to fight. They came in fast, immobilized the hostiles without trying to harm them, and focused on the Shimmer. That wasn't a fight, it was a prevention. And it was the only one that managed not to carry that taint of tragedy.

The Jinx and Ekko fight was a battle between two champions with amazing abilities and an upbeat soundtrack. We were hyped for it, we adored it. And then it shows us the two of them as children, different shots juxtaposing the man and woman each of them became with the round-faced child that they used to be. When Ekko has Jinx on the ground at his mercy, face bleeding and eyes panicked, we can't glory in it. Because he stops to realize that this used to be his friend, and so do we. There was no triumph in that fight. He won, he faltered, and she blew them both up.

Jayce and Vi's fight was what we'd always been waiting for: the final use of Hextech in a battle. And it broke his heart. He killed a child there. When Vi announced she was keeping the gauntlets any lesser show would have had them fight, just to have the demonstration. Look at them, they're powerful, look at what they can do against each other. Instead Arcane had him walk away.

Even in the final moments of the episode, we never got the Vi vs. Jinx fight. Because that was her sister and there was no violence there, only grief. It was about love and family and being able to heal something that was broken and finding out that no, she couldn't fix it. Violence wasn't what either of them wanted and of course it's not what we got.

When I first encountered this series I confess I had zero intention of reading because how clear the abuse was on the synopsis. However my timeline here was full of people talking of the books and I decided to give it a go since everyone was loving it.

And I have to say, I have zero regrets, as I loved the books!

Why? Because Raven Kennedy managed to make a really interesting take on how much an abuser can manipulate the victim into their trap.

It is clear from the beginning that Auren is a victim of Midas. Due to her fear and her awful childhood stripped of choices, Auren had a very black and white view of the world.

She would either be in constant pain or she would be safe. There were not other options for her.

And Midas realized that, and being the cunning asshole he was, took advantage of Auren completely. He created, as many abusers do, a sense of protection around Auren so she would 100% depend on him.

Not only depend as to a safety sense, but as love. 

Midas convinced Auren that she could only be loved by him. Because he was the only one that truly cared for her, only he could be her protector. And then her lover.

It is, of course, a very triggering read. Because the way Auren’s thoughts work you can see just how blind she is to his acts. How she doesn’t understand how manipulative and just how cruel he is to put her on a cage and use her as he might.

And Raven Kennedy doesn’t hold back on the disturbing scenes. The book literally starts with an orgy where Auren has to watch for Midas’ own disgusting pleasure.

Even when Midas and Auren have sex, you can see him pulling the strings for Auren to feel she is loved. When in truth he is just an asshole who never cared about her feelings at all. He only cared about what she could give him.

I don’t know this author well enough to say this was intentional for this particularly series or if this is her writing style, however, the choice of words for their sex scene is very well done to give the reader a sense of this abuse. 

Even the construction of the scene: Midas takes no time to have sex with her, to prove he is her hero, and not the villain, and he takes his pleasure and leaves Auren as it is. He doesn’t make her feel good (and cum), he doesn’t make her feel loved. He takes what he wants at the same time he fools her into believing he loves her.

And Auren’s arc is so beautifully done.

This is what marked me in this series. We have, thus far, three books out.

The first one it shows Auren stuck on Midas’ web and how she truly believe he loves her. The reader get the sense that maybe he did loved her in the past, but his greed changed him. (Later we find out the truth that he never really did).

The second book it shoves Auren into another world. One she thinks she has no control over, only to find freedom and choices - at a sense. It shakes her core. You as a reader can see the reluctance of her understanding the situation as it is as she had never had any of that in her life - not even with Midas, Auren needed to do as he said, because he knew best.

Just at the end of the second book, when Auren is going back to Midas - and you as a reader is so heartbroken she is making that choice - does she realized that the image she had painted in her mind about her lover is a truly a lie. And Auren can’t live as she once did with him. Not when she finally had a taste of what the world could be when no one is trying to use her.

And finally, on the the third book, you see Auren stepping in and taking control (as best she can) of the situation. She defies Midas left and right. She ignores his commands, and only complies to them when he uses Digby’s wellbeing against her.

But the most important part of her journey happens. Auren sees Midas for who he is: a manipulative abuser who kept her on a cage so he could use her power at his will and claim the world to himself while he left her stuck on time, living only to please him.

The way this story happens may sound too slow and yet it struck true. Auren’s denial of the abuse she lived takes time to sink into her mind, because she knows that when it does, it would hurt. And as a reader, her thought process is so genuine that you can’t put the book down.

You want Auren to realize who Midas really is. You want her to take the reins of her life and say a big fuck you to his face. You want her to deny his wishes and free herself from the situation.

And she does just that.

It is a character driven series so well written you can’t help but fall in love with Auren and her growth.

And one of the best part is Rip/Slade. Because he could have been the hero of her story. He could have been the one pointing Midas’ every power move to Auren and try to make her see the situation as it was.

And he doesn’t do that. Instead he shows her kindness and what truly protection look like. And gives her choices and freedom, even when she is a “prisoner” of his army. And he talks to her, and shows her that her world is not so black and white as she was thinking.

Auren on the other hand can’t trust him at first, because her whole life she had to be eerie of people taking advantage of her, except for Midas. Until his masks starts to fall and Auren can’t be hold back anymore.

She is her own hero, and Rip/Slade is her support. And later on, he is her lover - as love should be, and should feel. 

I mean, how great was the end of the third book? With Auren turning Midas into gold? Satisfactory and poetic!

It’s a super casual thing, probably not to be published any time soon, who knows where I’m going with it, but it’s so much fun.

Ketterdam’s sunrises weren’t special. The sky was too gray and overcast to see anything. Instead of bright colors, there was just suddenly the creeping presence of light to replace the dark.

What was beautiful was what came with sunrise.

Remus was crouched on the slanted rooftop of one of Ketterdam’s many churches, letting himself bask in the rising light for as long as the day would allow. The cafes and marketplaces were unfolding in the square, vendors already squabbling with each other for space. But Remus was only waiting for one—just a glimpse, and he’d be off again.

Pascal Dumais would be down there. That’s what Sirius had said. Under the flower canopy, surrounded by the scents of a hundred different buds. Remus hated that smell, overwhelming and lingering as it was. He was thankful to be up on the roof—he was always thankful up here, happier, away from the chaos of Ketterdam’s streets.

He could see better, and he’d found that seeing was worth more than listening more often than not. Take Pascal Dumais, for example. Remus didn’t need to hear what his meeting was about, only to see that Pascal had showed up at all. The merchants were always whispering, as though their presence somewhere couldn’t give just as much away as their words. Remus settled into the weight of his bow, slung across his back, and waited.

Pascal arrived with the tourists at what was almost high noon. His black merchant’s coat was like ink in water among the duller dyes of the working classes, and, sure enough, he made straight for the flowers.

“There you are,” Remus said softly, and then slipped soundlessly from the tile’s edge, leaping back towards Grimmauld Place from roof to roof.

Remus’ mother used to call him Bird for his love of climbing, of jumping.

Little bird, she’d smile, petting his head. You’ll take off for good one of these days.

Remus wasn’t sure he’d call his departure from his home taking off. How could he, trapped in the belly of a ship as he had been?

Bird, anyway, wasn’t what Ketterdam’s streets called him. Wolf. There goes Black’s Wolf.

Fear, in Ketterdam, was a rich man’s earning. It was too bad Remus didn’t have the funds to go with it.

Grimmauld’s familiar tilting build came into view over some of the stouter townhouses. Ketterdam’s streets were more water than pavement, and Remus leapt over the final canal—the narrowest in Ketterdam—and right onto his own window. He fiddled with the lock, and slid inside, landing beside his wash basin. He didn’t bother sliding off his bow, or his worn, brown leathers as he opened his door. He checked the hallway first, out of habit, but this was Grimmauld. If he couldn’t feel at least a little safe here, he couldn’t feel safe anywhere.

Sirius’ office was one floor above, looking out onto Hogsmede Square. Remus climbed the stairs soundlessly and paused at Sirius’ office door. He could hear the rustle of papers inside beneath James’ loud talking. Remus couldn’t help but smile a little. Sirius was probably half up the wall by now. Remus opened the door without knocking.

Sirius was standing behind his desk. It was a wide and dark-wooded, framed by ornate carvings of the four winds of the sea. He looked very young standing behind it, and very old, his dark hair curling into his eyes, somehow a deeper black than the merchant’s coat he’d had made for himself.

“Well?” Sirius asked instead of a greeting.

“He’s there,” Remus said. “Dumais. Beneath the flower canopy. Just as you said.”

“Good,” was all Sirius replied with.

“Let’s not be stupid,” James said, studying his guns. “Pascal Dumais doesn’t know how to betray. And hello, Wolf.”

“No,” Sirius replied, not looking up from his papers. “Just how to get what he wants.”

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

Then a few months later, I went in for severe abdominal pain. It had been going on for about 3 days and I hate hospitals so I was stubborn about going. Got to the point that I couldn’t take the pain anymore. My mom took me in and after like 2 hours they brought me in for the doctor to walk up to my bed and say it’s my mentrual cramps. I insisted that it wasn’t. There was no way it was my cramps. I know what my cramps feel like. This was 1000% worse and was constantly increasing. The doctor tried to lecture me saying that sometimes they’re irregular and vary in pain and that there was nothing wrong with me. He did this for 30 minutes, refusing to listen to me.

My mom was fed up by that point. She was letting me do the talking because she knows I’m responsible enough to handle this and I was the one feeling the pain and could describe it better than she could but she could tell that the doctor saw me as a dumb 17 year old girl who needed to be taught a lesson or something. She could see the doctor didn’t respect me so spoke up and said “If my daughter says it’s not her cramps then it’s not her cramps. You haven’t done any tests on her. All that’s happened was she listed her symptoms at reception where she was made to wait for 2 hours in extreme pain while there was only 3 other people in the waiting room with mild concerns who were seen before her. You walked in a minute after she was brought back here and decided it was her cramps based off of nothing. You haven’t even examined her yet.” The doctor insisted there wasn’t a need to because it was just my cramps. I was in so much pain that I threatened to stab him with my moms knitting needle if he didn’t do something to help me. Still nothing. So then my mom said “You have 30 seconds to order some tests, examine her, and give her something for the pain or else I’m going to call our lawyer.”

That made him do something. He ordered testing and bloodwork and gave me something for my pain. When the nurse showed up to take me to my first test this doctor had the nerve to say “Take her in for a CT. It’s just her menstrual cramps but they’re insisting.” After all the tests were done I was waiting for another hour simply because the doctor didn’t want to face me. We could him just standing at the nursing station. He hadn’t moved from there the whole time after receiving the results. Not even to see other patients. So my mom complained to a nurse. The head ER doctor had to drag him over to me where he then sheepishly explained that it was indeed not my cramps and that I had a large growth on my ovary that needed to be removed within two weeks or I might not survive.

He then denied me surgery. I didn’t have insurance and the gyno had left for the night already. I told him to bring in the on call so we could get this done. He refused. I reminded him that in cases of emergency, lack of insurance is required to be overlook and surgery has to be performed regardless. He still refused saying it wasn’t an emergency. “You said I have two weeks to live. How is that not an emergency?” He ultimately refused me life saving surgery and sent me home to die just because his pride was hurt. My mom had to take me to the children’s hospital a few hours after we got home.

They immediately saw me and did a test. After which they came in and said that I require emergency surgery and that I was to be taken to my own room upstairs and that I had the first surgery spot in the morning at 9am. My mom mentioned my lack of insurance. The doctor said that wasn’t a problem. This was an emergency situation, therefore they had to perform the surgery by law. And the doctor had submitted my case to administration where I was immediately granted to receive help from the children’s foundation at the hospital so the operation was paid for. My left ovary and left Fallopian tube both had to be removed. We only got a bill from the children’s hospital for $1000 which was all that was left to pay out of the $65,000 for the surgery because the foundation paid for most of it. The nurse had helped my mom set me up for Obamacare while we were there so I was given insurance which paid another large portion of it. $1000 was all that was left for us to take care of.