Exploring

when i’m lonenly, which is translated to most of the time, i make them; green, yellow, pink, blue, white, purple.

and, believe me, it’s kind of a relief to make them. not only for the colors and cute shape, but also for the fact that the time i spend makin them i am entertained and don’t have to think about my loneliness anymore.

i learnt how to make them like two months ago, by the way. and i have made over 300. 

This is for everyone. Guys, girls, both, neither, and more.

When you’re upset, make a star. When you’re stressed, make a star. I make them in school when the teacher yells at our class for being lazy or dumb. I make them at home when I’m in my room, wishing someone would notice my feelings and give me comfort. I’ve always made them with whatever I had around, and write a number on each and every one because its therapeutic. I can see how far I’ve come and how many times I haven’t given up.

Right now I’m at around four-hundred and seventy, and it really puts everything into a perspective.

Thats four hundred and seventy times that I could’ve given up. I’ve gotten pretty close on some of them - scarily close, but every one of those stars is a reminder to keep pushing forward, because I wake up every day and on my dresser is a box full of stars, and when I’m happy I think of how far I’ve come.

I think this idea should be passed around as much as possible. Its calming and distracting from and panic I feel. It gives me something methodical to do: Fold here. Fold there. Crease that line. There you go, Create. Produce. Make something solid and focus on it. Make another if you need to. Write a number. Fill up the jar, box, drawer.

And when you’re breaking and feel everything crashing down, you can look at your stars and think:

• *someone says something* “what?” *repeats themselves* “sorry?” *repeats themselves again* “pardon?”

•"hey, y'see the red thing at the top of the shelf, will you get it?“ “Sorry, what?” “On the sh-” “oh yeah sure, I’ll get it.”

•*doesn’t hear teacher because someone’s pen is making a scratchy sound at the back of the room*

•*replays video 10 ten times to figure out what they’re saying*

•teachers asking, “why do you always stop writing in the middle of a sentence, just write down whatever I’m saying,” followed by the response, “I’m just processing it,” rebuked by, “we’ll stop processing it and just write.”

wanting to chime in on other people’s conversations all the time, but don’t, because you’re not suppose to be “listening” to them.

being the only person in the house that can hear that awful buzzing sound certain electronics make

hiding in your room because everything is too loud. 

motorcycles were invented by satan

being told that you have dog-like hearing by friends and family

Forgetting how to think because ambient noise is drowning out your internal monologue. 

“No, I don’t need the volume up, I’d just really like to put on subtitles. No, I don’t need to move closer, I just…”

Leaving the room whenever someone starts talking on the phone. 

Pausing your video whenever someone starts talking but trying really really hard not to seem passive aggressive about it. 

not being able to handle the little keyboard sounds as your mom types a text from across the room, but when you ask your mom (who is a quadruple texter) to put her phone on silent you get a murderous look, like you’ve asked her to kill her cat.

turning on ambient noises and trying to relax, only to end up turning it off because it’s not actually helping you fall asleep.

“the speakers are making this high pitched noise”

“what the hell are you talking about?”

“THE SPEAKERS ARE PRACTICALLY SCREAMING HOW DO YOU NOT HEAR THAT??”

carry earplugs everywhere. i got a bottle of like 40 pairs on amazon for $6. i have a pair in my wallet, my bags, my pocket, etc

they come in different degrees of softness–softer ones let you dull sharp sounds while also letting you listen to lectures/carry on conversations. 

heavy pairs ones can block out most sounds when you really need silence

don’t underestimate the usefulness of wearing just one. sometimes i’ll wear only one earplug when i’m sleeping and worried about missing my alarm

spend time alone in silence when you can get it. i’ve noticed my ability to function in public goes hand in hand with being able to have regular ‘recovery’ time. 

find a handful of songs you can listen to on repeat without really noticing. 

asmr videos as ambient noise. find what works for you. i like crinkling.

honestly, choosing the right background noise is so useful

along that note, cheap wireless earbuds are easy to hide in your hair/under a hoodie/scarf. i’ve worn them in class. 

i’m on medication for my sensory issues. certain medications commonly used to treat anxiety can also help w/ sensory processing issues! if you can, talk to your doctor.

i don’t hear people talking about this much, which surprises me. my medication is used ‘as needed’ and has saved me several times from public shutdowns/meltdowns. equally importantly, it’s improved my ability to function day-to-day

unrelated but hilarious: i just got a new thing of earplugs and they’re literally ‘sealed for freshness’

oh SHOOT well i cant swing 100 but how bout

The title screen, which is around a minute long, is constantly flashing

The end scene, which is around 10 minutes, is also filled with flashing, almost without a pause

There are several instances of flashing during the movie as well, either because of the animation style or because the of the plot (sometimes both)

But just like in incredibles 2, the plot relies heavily on flashing and there’s a LOT more than in incredibles

PLEASE be careful because there is a LOT of flashing lights in this movie (and no warning)

Don’t kill yourself today

Because your Netflix trial still has a week left

Don’t kill yourself today

Because no one else will finish off the chicken in the fridge

Don’t kill yourself today

Because I know for a fact that Starbucks is releasing a new Frappuccino sometime next month

Yes, your mother will miss you

Yes your bully will make a sappy Facebook post about how what a a wonderful person you were

And yes

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

You know that

You’ve known that

Everyone and anyone has been shoving that down your throat since they first learned what the word suicide meant

So don’t kill yourself

Until you finish your shampoo and conditioner at the same time

Don’t kill yourself

Until Doctor Who is finally cancelled

Don’t kill yourself

Until you tell someone your best pasta recipe 

Don’t kill yourself 

Because I will keep coming up with reasons for you not to

And I need you

To hear all of them

Don’t kill yourself

I love you

You’re important

It’s a bad day

Not a bad life

There is more to this

The world will keep spinning on its axis without you

But

Think of all the sunrises you’d miss

I know this sounds pointless

But when you’re sitting in front of everything deadly you own

Revising your goodbyes

There will be too much darkness 

To see anything else

But this is not about seeing anything else

This is about turning off the lights

This is about finding the bed instead of the noose

This is about giving yourself one more day

Even if it takes ten thousand of those

One more morning’s

Until

“I can’t wait for tomorrow”

This is about staying alive

Because there’s gonna be a new Marvel movie

No one should miss that

This is about staying alive

Because the future is coming 

And it’s ready for you

I don’ t need you to see it

I just need you to believe you can make it 

Until then

I had a sudden strike of inspiration again for making a generator! Hope someone finds it useful :) Drag or screenshot!

“More of these? Yeesh. Get a life.